Zook -
I was wnating to ask for general trends as well sonce we're still not clear on the best quote ever...
But, I have a new favorite episode. I just rewatched Viva Las Vegas and plain LMAO! Check these out:
KYLE: Put a quarter on red for me.
TEACHER: (To Kyle) Pepe ¿qué pasa?
[She confiscates the gambling book]
TEACHER: Hmmm, detención. Los huevos son buenos.
CLASS: Los comemos con salsa.
KYLE: (to Michael) Triple it, or die.
MARIA: Okay, you're up to about $37. What else? (Michael is quiet) Come on. Nobody can spend money like I can spend money. You need me on this trip, Michael.
MICHAEL: All right, tag along. But you are coming in a completely professional capacity only. This isn't some kissy-kissy romantic retreat. I have stuff to do.
ALEX: Ohh, I love the smell of formaldehyde in the morning.
MARIA: Alex, pop quiz. If you were given the chance would you rather a) Dissect pig babies.
LIZ: Embryos.
MARIA: Or b) get an all-expense-paid trip to Vegas.
ALEX: When do we leave?
MAX: (walking up behind Michael, and speaking in the principal's voice) Going somewhere, Mr. Guerin? (regular voice) Pretty good Principal Forrester, huh?
[He's so cute in this scene!
]
MICHAEL: No lecturing, no moralizing, no whining about spending money on the homeless. This weekend it's about fun and debauchery. You got it?
LIZ: Yeah. I know how to have fun.
MICHAEL: Right.
MICHAEL: And I'm your host, Dr. Love.
[YOU WISH!
]
MICHAEL: Hey Shirley. Didn't you hear the Dr's orders?
LIZ: Yeah, I'm sorry. We were just ...
MICHAEL: Good, yeah, cool, good. Bye.
LIZ: Okay. Bye.
MICHAEL: Oh, she's exhausting.
ISABEL: Show me how it works.
KYLE: All right. You put your bet here. And the point is to get to 21. Kings are worth 10, so you get another card, now you've got 16, so another card, now you go to 25, and he takes your money away.
Alex has just lost all his money in an All-or-Nothing-strategy:
MARIA: You will never believe what I've found in the spa locker room.
ALEX: Oh God. My heart hurts.
MARIA: A booking agent is holding auditions. Alex, Alex I need the hugest favor from you. I need an accompanist.
ALEX: I play the bass guitar.
MARIA: No, no. You could fake it in the piano. It's just some simple chorus change. It first starts off with an E and then in the bridge it goes...
ALEX: Maria -- I just lost $3000, all right!
MARIA: Alex, I'll, I'll give you $3000, if you help me get this gig. Please.
ALEX: The key was E, right?
MARIA: Amazing news. I have an audition.
MICHAEL: Now, keep with me here folks I'm here to win (to Maria) and I don't see you.
[He can be so sweet sometimes.
]
MARIA: Honeymoon suite, Margarita speaking.
MICHAEL: Maria, it's me.
MARIA: Me who? [Go, girl!
]
MICHAEL: Yeah funny.
MARIA: Do you know were I was tonight? I was auditioning to be a stripper. Little innocent me.
MICHAEL: Did you get the job?
MARIA: You don't even care. This wouldn't have happened if you have been with me.
MICHAEL: Is there someone else I can talk to?
MARIA: We are talking.
MICHAEL: No, I can't, I'm in jail with Maxwell. What you need to do is shut your trap and get down here and bail us out.
MARIA: Wait a minute. If you're in jail that means that this is your only phone call.
MICHAEL: Exactly.
[Maria hangs up the phone]
[HAHAAA! *Evil snicker* Definitely the right way to treat the bad boy!
]
ALEX: Doesn't Buddhism disapprove of gambling?
KYLE: Actually Buddha himself first coined the phrase "know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run"
ALEX: And yours is obviously a deep and abiding spiritual faith.
MARIA: I gotta bail Max and -- if there's enough money -- Michael, out of jail.
[Love the "if there's enough money" part]
[Max and Michael are talking in jail:]
MAX: Whatever. You're talking to yourself now, Michael, I'm done.
MICHAEL: And I'm talking to myself. Gee, Michael, why would you want to go to Vegas with Max in the first place? Sounds like a really stupid idea.
Michael: No, no. See you don't get it. Max and I, we're guys, and sometimes guys just like to go out and tear it up for no good reason.
MICHAEL: But Michael, Max is no fun, he's a straight arrow, he's a responsible guy.
MAX: I'm here, aren't I.
MICHAEL: (To Max) This is a private conversation.
The Word of Truth in this episode surprisingly enough comes from Michael:
MICHAEL: You put your hand over my shoulder and you did your little trick like a robot. You're a machine, Max. You wouldn't know the first thing about what it takes to heal me. To really heal me.
[Valenti has ordered Kyle home immediately]
MICHAEL: I'm glad I'm adopted.
TESS: Yeah, me too.
VALENTI: Tess! Don't make me come back in there.
