First one.

TESS: The sexual dysfunction unit's that way.
MICHAEL: Funny.

-or-

MARIA: She's not actually going to plug that thing in, is she?
MICHAEL: Go, baby, go! Yeah!
MARIA: Sick, man, this town is sick.

First one.

MARIA: Yes, yes. You're trying to figure out how to be a leader. All right. Here's a little insight. JFK. He's not so great. Cheated on his wife with tramps. Ohhhh...now there's something you and Jack have in common. You're both involved with tramps. How is Tess, by the way?
MAX: I'm not involved with Tess.
MARIA: Just taking midnight strolls with her?
MAX: You saw us?
MARIA: Yeah. WE saw you...as in, Liz and I saw you together. Looked like a pretty romantic evening to me. Maybe a little patty-cake on the front porch before you said good night?

-OR-

MARIA: Girlfriend. Like, I know that we bonded over the summer, but I'm not quite ready to show you the bod just yet.
MAX: No. I was just wondering if you'd heard from Liz yet.
MARIA: Not since you asked me an hour ago. No.
MAX: I heard you on the phone with her.
MARIA: Max, little advice. The girl goes off to some aunt in Florida for the entire summer and barely says good-bye to you. In layman's terms, she blew you off big time. I mean, and look at you. Look, you're like a groveling dog. Have you heard from Liz today? Did Liz call? No. That's no good. Look, you've gotta play it cool, all right? Let her come to you.
MAX: Let her come to me.
MARIA: That's what I'd do.
MAX: Wait. Didn't you just tell me that you left like 5 messages for Michael in the past 2 days?
MARIA: What's your point?

Um...

All right, second one...

Maria: God, you act like I've never tailed someone before.
Isabel: Subtle. They'll never notice us going backwards.

OR

Max: Look at me.
Michael: Sorry, I only have eyes for Maria. But apparently she's handing her butt out to total strangers. What's that about?

Second

MAX: I'm glowing everywhere...my toes, my heart. You can't see it. It's on the inside.

or

LIZ: Ok. Fine. If you know so much, then tell me, Max...what's my destiny?
MAX: I only know the part I'm hoping for.

MAX: This isn't about Tess. It's about you and me. You think I'm gonna forget about you or get over it or something, but...but I'm not. I don't...I don't care about my destiny or my planet or anything else. All I care about is you. So just know this...I'm coming for you, Liz.

or

MAX: I felt that...and I know you did, too, and I know you think that...that I need to let you go...for the sake of Michael, and Isabel, and my race...so you went to Tess. But she can't be you. Tess can never be you.

Crap. Yeah, I forgot to choose one.

Anyway, second.

Isabel: Maam? Look you're not going to get anywhere calling me maam.

or

Isabel: Are you two flirting? God, could my life get any worse?

Second one.

Maria: Oh, My God, you're kidnapping me, oh wait, you're abducting me!

or

Maria: Relax guys, you act as if I never tail anyone before.

1st

Michael: Interesting. Bye, Liz.

Michael: Gandhi feeling frustrated?
Max: Shut up.

Second one. *sigh*

LIZ: Excuse me? Are you apologizing to me?
KYLE: I guess.
LIZ: Wow. You know, I wasn't aware that this was part of your repertoire.
KYLE: I didn't either.

-OR-

MICHAEL: I gotta be a stone wall and when I'm with you sometimes I don't feel like a stone wall anymore.
MARIA: What do you feel like?
MICHAEL: I don't know...like, confused.
MARIA: Human?
MICHAEL: Yeah, and I don't want to feel that way.