Title: Live again
Author: StormyBear30
Author E-mail:
StormyBear29@cox.netAuthor Website:
http://abeautifullie.yuku.com/http://theshomouniverse.proboards81.com/index.cgiPairing: Tomo/Tim (Implied), Shannon/Tomo, Matt/Original Character, Matt/Jared
Rating: Slight R
Summary: A senseless accident changes lives forever.
Author’s Note: All mistakes are mine and this is un-beta’d. It’s a late night rambling before bed.
WARNING: Slash fiction…so that means two men.
Disclaimer: I don’t know them. I have no idea of their sexual orientation. These are just stories that the muses in my head forced me to write.
Feedback: I live and breathe for it.
Posting: Anywhere…Just ask!
Shannon was exhausted. No, he felt past the point of exhaustion. He was so tired that his body felt as if it was made of jelly and his mind made of Swiss cheese. He could barely remember his name; much less remember how many hours it had been since he had slept. All he could remember was that his shift at the hospital was ending in less then two hours and then he was off for three glorious days. He had each day planned out meticulously and there was nothing, come hell or high water that was going to change this plans. Sitting down on an empty plastic chair in the lobby, he enjoyed the sounds of silence that surrounded him. It wasn’t something that happened often in the three years that he had been working at Mercy General Hospital as their head emergency room surgeon. “You look like a zombie” He heard someone speak as he opened his eyes that he hadn’t even known he closed and found his friend and associate staring down at him.
“Don’t sleep for four days and then you tell me how you are expected to look” He took the cup of coffee that man handed to him. “Bless you” He grinned, downing the hot liquid within seconds, ignoring the fact that it burned like hell going down.
“It’s kinda hard to feel sorry for you Leto when you weren’t even scheduled to work this weekend” Dr. Matt Wachter teased his friend as he fell into an empty seat next to him.
“It’s Christmas. I had no reason to be off. Nunez has a family and so does Greene…they should be with their families over the holidays…not working their ass off here” He replied, taking the half of a sandwich the other man offered him.
“You could have went home Shannon. Jared and your mother were really upset that you didn’t”
“You know I really hate the fact that you still talk to my brother”
“Hey…we may have broken up…but I still love Jared and love having him in my life. Even if it’s only as his friend” Shannon could hear the sadness in Matt’s voice and it made him sad, because he knew how much Matt still loved his brother and how much his brother still loved Matt.
“Matt…” He tried to speak, shutting up at the look of annoyance he found staring back at him.
“Look…your brother decided that moving to Hollywood was more important then staying here and being with me” He ground out, hating that they were having the same conversation over again. “I’ve accepted his decision and I am ok with it” Matt got up, turning to face his best friend. “I’m happy with Frank now and I am sure that your brother is happy with whoever he might be with at the moment. You however…it’s been years Shannon. It’s time to find something or someone to occupy your time other then this hospital. You practically live here and…” He didn’t get a chance to finish his words at the sounding of an alarm.
“Guess you’ll have to hold your lecture for later” He called out over his shoulder as the two of them ran towards the emergency bay area.
“What do we have?” Shannon called out to the Paramedic as he jumped out of the cab of the ambulance, racing towards the back doors.
“Multiple vehicle accident. Suspected alcohol involved. We have on fatality and three wounded. This is the driver of the car that was hit. He is suffering severe cranial damage to the left side of his head from the impact of the other vehicle. Shannon watched as they pulled the gurney out of the back of the ambulance, his breath catching in his throat once he realized he might know who the victim was, his suspicions confirmed when a second man emerged from the truck as well.
“Shannon…you ok?” He heard Matt call out as he rushed up towards him.
“I know them…or I know of them” He replied, still watching them wheeling in the injured man. “They are my neighbors”
“You want me to take it?” Matt asked as they ran after the gurneys filled with carnage.
“No…I got it” Each man disappeared into separate Emergency rooms, setting to the tasks that they had been taught to do.
Shannon felt exhausted once again as he thanked his team for all their hard work, leaving them to clean up the mess and prepare the body for transport to the morgue. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath, playing over and over in his mind everything he had done to try and save the man, satisfied that he had done all that he could. “Just doesn’t seem fair does it?” He heard Matt’s voice. “The son of a bitch that was driving drunk survived…but the poor bastard that was sober didn’t”
Shannon had no response to Matt’s words as he leaned against the counter, watching as his other neighbor sat alone in the lobby, rocking back and forth, blood smeared across his face and arms. He couldn’t believe that no one had told the poor man yet that his lover had passed away, despite his best efforts to revive him. He knew that one of the residents would come out eventually and give him the bad news, but before he knew what he was doing, he found himself walking towards the lobby. “Tim…how’s Tim?” He heard him ask, his mouth dry and unable to move as he found himself lost in deep and fear filled brown eyes. “I know you. You’re my neighbor” He went on, a look of relief filling his face, that caused Shannon’s heart to stop beating right there in his chest. “NO…” His neighbor cried out, stepping back as Shannon took and deep breath and began to speak. “NO…NO…it’s not true. He’s not dead. He’s not dead” He was totally hysterical, Shannon waving away the night security guard as he started walking towards them.
“I’m so sorry” Shannon said, clutching his hands together almost painfully. “I tried to save him…but he had lost too much blood” He wanted to say more, but a loud outburst of voices stopped him as he was pushed aside by several bodies. He watched as a gaggle of people surrounded the young man, watched as he fell into an elderly woman’s arms and completely fell apart. Tears glistened within his eyes as he watched what he could only assume to be his mother, continue to hold him, speaking softly in a language he had never heard before.
“Are you the Doctor that saw Tim?” He heard a man speak as he looked to his left and found an elderly man standing before him.
“I am” Shannon replied, looking down at the floor for a moment as he tried to clear his mind before speaking again. “I’m sorry for you loss. I tried everything that I could to save him…but he had severe internal injuries and lost too much blood” He hated that he sounded so technical, wishing that he had more sympathy when it came to giving bad news like this.
“Thank you Doctor for all that you did” The man replied, reaching out and shaking Shannon’s hand. “Is there any paperwork that needs to be filled out? I don’t think that my son is capable of doing it at the moment”
“Follow me” Shannon laid his hand upon the shorter mans shoulder, leading him towards the desk. “Is there anything that I can do?” He found himself asking much later after the paper work had all been taken care of. “Tomo and Tim are my neighbors…but sadly I had never really spoken to either of them until today” He wasn’t sure why he was sharing so much information, or why he was so fucking frustrated that he wanted to scream.
“Would you just check on him from time to time” Tomo’s father asked, fighting his own battle with his tears and upset. “Sadly…his mother and I pretty much work constantly and it would make me feel better to know that you are near if he needs someone”
“Of course” Shannon spoke quickly, again not knowing why.
“Thank you again Doctor” He watched as Tomo’s father walked away, hugging his son close.
“Drink?” He heard Matt say as he pulled his eyes away from the scene before him.
“Several” He replied as the two walked into the Doctor’s lounge and changed.
Sitting on his balcony with a beer in his hand, Shannon watched as several people traipsed in and out of his neighbor’s home several days after the accident. He was amazed at the amount of people going to pay their respects to the man who had lost his lover. He wondered briefly how many people would come to his wake if he were to die, deciding that he didn’t like the answer as he finished his beer sand stood up. He knew that he had to go and pay his respects as well, but the thought alone terrified him as he sat down once again. He watched more people come and go, realizing that the hour was getting late and that he had to get over his stupidity and go. He replayed the surgery over and over in his head as he made his way down to Tomo’s apartment, trying to make sure that he had truly done everything that he could have. “Fuck it” He mumbled under his breath as he knocked on the door, nodding slightly at the person who answered it.
The tiny apartment was over flowing with people and Shannon felt immediately uneasy as he searched for at least one face that he knew from the crowd. “Doctor…” He heard someone cry out, smiling sadly as Tomo’s father walked up to him and gave him a huge hug. “Thank you so much for coming” There was no doubt that the man was a little drunk as he hugged Shannon again before leading him towards a group of people. For the next half hour he was hugged, kissed and cried upon by the ones known as Tomo and Tim’s family. He was thanked profusely for trying to save the young man that meant the world to all of them, listening to story upon story until he felt as if he knew Tim personally.
He excused himself a bit later, wondering where Tomo was since he hadn’t seen him since his arrival. He was almost about to leave when something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. Turning, he found the person he was looking for sitting on the floor in the hallway, looking so lost and alone that it broke what he thought was an unbreakable heart. “I’m sorry to bother you” He spoke softly as he walked slowly down the hallway, wondering why it was that he was sitting there alone when he should have been surrounded by the love of his family. “My name is Shannon. I’m your neighbor and the Doctor that…” He didn’t get to finish his sentence as he was knocked backwards into the wall, his tearful neighbor clinging to him for dear life.
“Thank you” He heard the man sob. “Thank you so much for trying to save him” Shannon was at a loss for words as he held onto Tomo, somewhat uncomfortable with the closeness that he was willing to share and the nagging feeling that he still hadn’t done everything that he could have for his dying lover. “Can we sit?” Tomo asked him, releasing him from the hug before grabbing onto his arm and pulling his down to the carpet. Shannon still didn’t know what to say as Tomo sat beside him, hands gripping onto his arm, head lying on his shoulder.
“Tomo…I…”
“I know you did everything that you could to save him” His neighbor spoke up, looking up at him through tear filled eyes. “I knew he was pretty much gone before we got to the hospital. I begged him to hold on until we got there and he tried…but I could see that he was suffering and we both knew that his time was coming to an end. You have no idea what it means to me that you at least tried to save him for as long as you did. I owe you for that” He loosened his grip, pulling his knees into his chest as they sat in silence, taking in the drinking and the remembering going on down the hall from them. “Shannon…” Tomo broke the silence much later.
“Yeah?” Shannon whispered, unable to speak any louder for some reason.
“Could you make them all leave?” He asked, bringing his line of sight away from the many people still crowding around his living room. “I just want to be alone right now”
“Ok…” He replied, standing up before he made his way into the room. It took him nearly thirty minutes before he had finally gotten them all to leave, Tomo and Tim’s parents not very happy about his request, but leaving just the same. “Their all gone” Shannon said to Tomo as he walked back down the hallway, standing in front of him.
“Thanks…” Tomo smiled sadly, reaching out to the hand Shannon offered as the two of them walked in silence down the hall.
“I’ll go as well. I live upstairs in apartment 2B if you need anything”
“Shannon wait” He heard Tomo cry out to him. “Please don’t leave. I don’t want to be alone”
“But you said…”
“I just didn’t want to be around a room full of people feeling sorry for me” He explained, sitting down on a ratty looking leather couch, patting the seat next to him. “Please” The begging tone hurt Shannon to hear as he sat down, the silence surrounding them once again. “You don’t speak much do you?” Tomo asked out of the blue, not waiting for a response as he curled into Shannon’s chest and fell apart.
Shannon felt uncomfortable once again with the closeness the man seemed to need, not sure how to handle it or what to do or say to comfort him. “Just hold me” He heard Tomo’s broken voice answer his unanswered question as he wrapped his arms around him and held him as tight as he dared without hurting him.
“What do you mean he fell asleep in your arms?” Matt asked in shock the next day as he and Shannon sat in the cafeteria eating lunch.
“Just that…he asked me to make everyone leave and then he fell asleep in my arms” There was an edge to Shannon’s voice because Matt’s questioning was starting to piss him off.
“Shannon…I know that I told you to go out and find yourself a man…but I never meant to go after a man that just lost his lover” Matt teased, regretting his words as soon as they left his mouth at the look of anger he saw on his friends face.
“You know what Matt…fuck you” Shannon bit out, picking up his coffee and storming out of the room. He didn’t know why he was so mad, but it didn’t do anything to calm his already frazzled nerves anyway. The more that he thought about it, he figured that it had to do with the way that he had just left Tomo after he fell asleep in his arms. He wasn’t used to comforting anyone and the fact of that matter was that he wasn’t really comfortable with any sort of closeness that anyone had to offer. He supposed that it was part of the reason that he hadn’t been in a relationship in many years and the few attempts at one had ended badly.
He felt exhausted once again as he made his way into the foyer of his apartment, checking his mail and wanting to go and check on Tomo so bad that he couldn’t stand it. Taking a step towards the younger mans apartment, he changed his mind quickly and rushed up the stairs to his own apartment. He was halfway through his first of many beers for that evening, when there was a knock at the door. He decided to ignore it, figuring it was Matt and not wanting to deal with his lectures yet again. “Shannon…” He heard another voice call out his name. Immediately his heart sped up, cursing himself for being so stupid before getting up and opening the door. “Hey…” He heard Tomo speak softly, holding several items in his hand. “A little help” He smiled, handing one of the bowls to him before breezing right past him. “Hungry?” He heard from the kitchen. Shannon didn’t know what was going on, but at the opening and closing of drawers and cabinets he figured that he would soon find out.
“You don’t speak much do you?” Tomo asked as he and Shannon sat at the dining room table.
“My life’s not that exciting that I have anything to talk about” Shannon replied, feeling about as uncomfortable as a fish out of water.
“Now I find that hard to believe” Tomo smiled softly, dishing out some of the lasagna he had brought over with him. “My fridge is over flowing with food that people brought” He explained, handing the plate to Shannon. “I don’t know why but whenever someone dies in my family…they think food is what is going to make the pain all go away” He paused for a moment in order to collect himself.
“I’m sure that they mean well Tomo” Shannon replied.
“I know they do” He smiled back, serving himself. “It’s just that…nothing” He changed his mind, taking a bite of his dinner. “Tim and I always meant to come over here and introduce ourselves” He said instead. “We had gotten to know pretty much the whole complex…but we could never seem to catch you. You work some pretty strange hours…but now I know why” Tears once again glistened within his eyes, but he fought them back. “Did I ever thank you for trying to save him?”
“Yes” Shannon replied, feeling very uncomfortable once again.
“I just wanted to make sure since I don’t really remember much from the day of the funeral”
“Do you want another beer?” Shannon asked, not waiting for an answer as he got up and retrieved two more from the refrigerator.
“Thanks” Tomo smiled at him as the two ate is silence. “So how long have you lived here?” He asked a bit later.
“Ten years” He said, helping himself to another serving of lasagna.
“Really?” Tomo looked astonished as he looked around the room. “If I didn’t know you had lived here for at least one…I’d say that you’d just moved in”
“I just never found the time to decorate” Shannon felt a bit defensive as he picked up his plate and brought it into the kitchen.
“I didn’t mean anything by it” Tomo explained when he returned. “I’m sorry. I should just learn to keep my big mouth shut” Together they cleared the table, washing the dishes in silence. “Do you mind if I hang out here for a while longer?” Tomo asked with such longing in his eyes that Shannon found him self saying yes when he really just wanted to say no. “So what do you do for fun?” Tomo asked as he walked around his neighbor’s living room. “I see you like movies” He went on, pointing at the large collection of movies surrounding his entertainment center.
“I buy them…don’t really have time to watch them” Shannon murmured from the couch,
“Mind if we watch a couple?” Tomo asked, not waiting for a reply as he picked out two of his favorite movies and popped them into the DVD player. “This is one of my favorite movies ever” He chatted on, sitting on the couch next to Shannon. “Jared Leto is one of my favorite actors of all time and lets not forget the fact that he’s hoooot” He emphasized the word with a laugh, pulling his knees into his chest at the sudden onset of tears. “Your last name is Leto right? Any chance that you’re related?” He forced a laugh, watching Shannon’s face. “Are you?” He asked again.
“He’s my brother” Shannon replied, not wanting to continue with the conversation any longer as he got up and walked into the bathroom.
“Funny dude” Tomo laughed out loud. “You and Jared Leto brother’s…right. You almost had me going there” He said to Shannon once he emerged from the bathroom, lying his head on his shoulder once he sat down again. “You’re not very touchy feely are you?” He moved away at how rigid his body went the moment he touched him, looking straight into his eyes.
“No…” Shannon replied rudely.
“Well if you and I are going to be friends then you better get used to it” Tomo ignored the rudeness. “I’m a touchy feely type of guy man…it’s just how I am. I’m like this with my friends and my family…always have been…always will be” He beamed at the stranger, his new project, the one he was determined to break out of his shell.
Shannon didn’t say anything as he moved as far away as he could from the strange man, determined that after that night he wasn’t going to see him anymore.
“He came over last night?” Matt asked the next day as the two sat outside enjoying the fresh air. It had been a slow night, which pissed Shannon off because it allowed him time to think about Tomo and thinking about Tomo was not something that he wanted to be doing. “Shannon…don’t get too involved with him. I’m not trying to be an asshole” He held up his hands at the evil look he received from Shannon. “I’m just worried that this could get…complicated”
“I’ve already decided to stay away from him” Shannon yelled, regretting it immediately at the hurt look his friend shot him. “I’m sorry. He just won’t leave me alone and I can’t help but think that maybe he just needs a friend and…”
“And your attracted to him” Matt finished for him. “That’s where the trouble starts Shannon. I know that it’s been a long time since you’ve been with someone…but I don’t think that Tomo is the one you should be falling for” Shannon knew that Matt was right, but he couldn’t help the way that he felt for the dark haired man. Tomo brought out a side in Shannon that he hadn’t seen in a long time. He brought feelings and emotions out that had lain dormant for so long and as wrong as he knew it was, he found that he couldn’t help himself.
Hours later, exhausted and ready for a beer and then bed, Shannon made his way into his empty apartment. Dropping his key on the breakfast nook in the kitchen, walked into the living room and looked around. What he found actually shocked him. The walls were bare and void of anything, not a picture or splash of color anywhere. The fireplace mantle held nothing, not a knick knack or personal item to show that he had lived there for the previous ten years. Falling heavily onto the couch, he realized for the first time since he had moved in that it looked as new and empty as it had the day he had signed the lease. He didn’t know why, but it made him sad, made him feel lonely and even more confused because it was all because of Tomo. He wondered what the other man was doing, wondered if he was as lonely and alone as he was or if he was surrounded by the love of his friends and family as he had seen the day of the funeral. A pang of jealously hit him as he recalled how full the house had been with Tomo’s friends and family and it once again made him realize that he had no one but his brother, who lived a million miles away and Matt.
“Hey Shan…what’s up?” He heard his Brother’s voice as he held his cell phone to his ear. “Up kind of late aren’t you?” Shannon looked at the clock, not even realizing that it was quite early in the morning.
“Just got off” He replied, stretching out across the couch. “There’s a lot of noise in the background...what are you up too?” He asked, sure that he already knew because his younger brother was famous for throwing wild parties.
“Got bored and decided to throw a party” Jared laughed, his voice sounding muffled as he talked to someone else before coming back to Shannon.
“Well I can call you back later” Shannon said, preparing to hang up, but stopping at Jared’s annoyed voice.
“You sound upset and you are more important then any of these fucks. Let me go into my room and we can talk” Shannon wanted to fight him, but was grateful that Jared could sense that he needed his brother. “Ok…now shoot” Shannon told him everything about the accident and the strange friendship that had started between him and Tomo. He even told him about the feelings he had developed for the man, knowing that he could trust his brother to be honest with him. “I think that you are playing with fire Shan” Jared concurred Matt’s thoughts, causing Shannon to sigh loudly.
“I know…Matt feels the same way too” He regretted those words the moment they came out of his mouth, knowing that Jared was still head over heels in love with the blonde man and that talking about him was pretty much off limits. “I’m sorry Jared…I shouldn’t have mentioned his name”
“No…it’s ok. I mean fuck…it’s been a lot of years since we broke up and…”
“Love just doesn’t go away like that” Shannon said, not knowing where his words of wisdom were coming from, but feeling that it had something to do with Tomo. “You two belong together Jared. He still loves you and I know you love him and…”
“I don’t want to talk about Matt right now Shannon. This is about you. I have to say that I’m happy to see that you are finally showing interest in someone…but I’m afraid that it will only end in heartbreak. He just lost his lover and from what you described they were deeply in love. That isn’t something you rebound from so easily. I know this from experience” Shannon felt bad for his brother as a comfortable silence washed over them. “Are you going to pursue him?” Jared broke the silence a few moments later.
“No…you’re right…nothing good will come of it” I better let you go Jared. I’m sure your party guest are wondering where you are and I have to get up in three hours and head back to the hospital.
“You work to fucking much Shannon. You should come out here. I’m between movies right now and it will be good for us to reenergize ourselves. I miss not having you around”
“I miss you too” Shannon smiled, amazed at how close they had remained despite Jared’s moving across the country.
“Then you’ll come?” Shannon could hear the hope in his brother’s voice and it made him smile even larger.
“I’ve got to tie up a few loose ends and then I can fly over for a week”
“Fuck that…you come and you are here for a month. I’ve got an ever better idea. We could travel…maybe go overseas. You’ve always wanted to go to France. We could hit all the countries…do some skiing…back packing…anything as long as I get to spend some time with my brother.
“It sounds amazing Jared. I’ll get back to you…promise. Love you Jared”
“Love you too Shannon”
Shannon didn’t even remember falling asleep, but the ringing of his cell phone jerked him from his dreams of a dark haired man who he knew had to be Tomo. “Fuck…” He cried out when he saw the hospital number flashing at him. “I’m on my way” He barked into the phone, racing into his bedroom for a quick shower and change of clothes. “Jesus fuck…” He cried out fifteen minutes later as he jerked open the door to his apartment, colliding with something hard before he hit the floor.
“Shit…sorry…didn’t mean to startle you” Tomo cried out, falling into a fit of laughter as he looked around and found the two of them covered in eggs. “I saw you car and thought I might bring you some breakfast before you head off to work”
Shannon tried not to laugh, but couldn’t help himself at the mess surrounding them and the joy of seeing Tomo again. “I’m really fucking late” He laughed deeply, getting up, helping Tomo up as well. “Shit…really really fucking late” He cried out as he looked at his watch. “Just leave this and I will clean it up when I come back” He hollered over his shoulder as he raced down the stairs. “Bye Tomo”
“Bye…” Tomo called after him, noticing the front door was still open. Looking from the door to the stairwell and then back again, he decided to let himself in, telling himself that it was only for cleaning purposes. Four hours later, he found himself near exhaustion as he fell onto Shannon’s couch and closed his eyes for a moment, happy with what all he had accomplished.
Shannon had to take a double take when he walked into his apartment. Walking back to the door, he opened it and checked the number outside again, before walking back in and taking everything in. “What the fuck?” He spoke aloud, as he walked deeper into his apartment.
“Do you like the changes?” Tomo asked quietly from the couch, not so sure that he had done the right thing at the look on Shannon’s face.
“Jesus Christ…you scared the shit out of me” Shannon yelped, holding his hand over his rapidly beating heart as he looked down and found Tomo lying on his couch with a sheepish look upon his face. “What the hell is all of this?” He asked as he once again took in the colorful and vibrant living room he was standing in.
“Shit…you hate it. I knew you were going to hate it” He cried out, jumping off of the couch, picking up a colorful throw off the back of it, before trying to walk past Shannon, but unable to at a hand upon his arm.
“I didn’t say that I hated it” Shannon said with a small smile. “It just shocked me is all. What’s this all about?”
“I just thought that you could use some color in your life. Your door was still open after you left this morning and I thought that…”
“I love it” Shannon smiled widely, taking the throw from Tomo and placing it on the back of the couch.
“Really?” Tomo asked with a look of absolute giddiness upon his face.
“Really. It gives the place a homey look. It actually looks like someone lives here now. Thank you” Shannon meant those words as he walked up to a large panting hanging over the mantel. “This is great…I love it”
“You do?” Tomo asked, his smile fading, a shy look upon his face. “I wasn’t sure about it. It’s something that I painted a long time ago…but it’s always been one of my favorites and I thought that it would look nice in here”
“You painted this?” Shannon asked in awe because it truly was a beautiful painting.
“Yes…about five years ago. It’s been hiding in my closet for so long and I knew the first time that I came in here that it would look amazing above the fireplace”
“Wow…it’s beautiful. You should take it back…hang it in your place”
“No…I want you to have it. Besides…I’ll be able to see it whenever I come over here and hang out with you” Shannon knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t help it as he stepped forward and pulled Tomo into an awkward hug. “Rubbing off on you already huh?” He heard Tomo smile against his neck, a shudder running through his body despite his best efforts to stop it
“You hungry?” He pushed him away a bit too quickly, playing it off as he walked into the kitchen. “How about we go out?” He yelled over his shoulder when he opened his refrigerator and found nothing but stale milk, half a case of beer and week old pizza”
“You really don’t stay here much do you?” Tomo giggled from the hallway.
“No” Shannon smiled. “Come on…I know this great place just down the street from here” They walked in silence the two blocks to the restaurant, just enjoying the warm afternoon and each others company.
“Shannon…hello” He heard his name called out the moment they entered the small Italian restaurant.
“Hello Bella” He returned the greeting, blushing at the hug he received from the elder woman and the smile Tomo shared with him as she did.
“Come…sit” The woman waved her hand, the two of them following her. “So…who is your friend?” She questioned, looking Tomo up and down before turning her attention back to Shannon.
“Bella…Tomo…Tomo…Bella” He introduced them, blushing again at the way she seemed to look between the two of them a smirk upon her face.
“It’s very nice to meet you” Tomo smiled at Bella, shaking her hand.
“You as well” She returned, placing a menu in front of Tomo. She took their drink orders before walking away with the same smirk upon her face.
“You come here enough to already know the menu?” Tomo asked as he peeked over his menu.
“Something like that” He blushed even more, taking a roll out of the basket in front of them. “I’ve been coming here for years. They already know what I want without me having to say it” The dinner turned out to be a pleasant affair as the two chatted about their lives and interest. That all changed half way through dessert when Matt and his boyfriend walked in and the evening went downhill from there.
“Mind if we join you?” Shannon heard a voice speak as he and Tomo continued to get to know each other. ***Fuck*** He cursed under his breath because he knew that the next day he was going to get shit from Matt for being with Tomo.
“We were actually just about to leave” Shannon spoke up, trying to get out of his chair, but unable to as Matt placed a hand on his shoulder and forced him to sit back down.
“I don’t think that we’ve officially met. I’m…”
“I know who you are” Tomo shot back, jerking back from Matt’s out stretched hand. “You’re the doctor who saved that bastard that killed Tim” The table went completely silent as Tomo jumped from his chair, knocking it to the ground before racing for the door.
“What the fuck Matt?” Shannon screamed at his friend, tossing several bills on the table before racing after Tomo. “Tomo…” He cried out towards the retreating figure, but the man was younger and faster and had vanished before Shannon even had a chance to catch up to him. “Just great” He said to the empty air as he slowed down his pace and walked slowly the rest of the way back to his apartment. Stopped before Tomo’s apartment a few minutes later, he debated knocking on the door and checking on his friend, but thought better of it as he walked back to his own empty apartment.
“I shouldn’t have said that to your friend” He heard Tomo’s voice say before he turned the corner and found the man sitting in front of his door. “I’m sorry. I just saw him and…I just lost it” Tears ran down his face as he stood up, wiping at them once Shannon walked up to him. “I’m really sorry”
“Come inside” Shannon said softly, taking his arm and leading him into the apartment. “Have a seat. I’ll get us a couple of beers” His heart bled as Tomo nodded at him, shuffling slowly into the living area. “Are you ok?” He asked dumbly, knowing the Tomo was anything but fine as he placed the bottles on the coffee table before sitting down beside him.
“Can you just hold me Shannon” Tomo sobbed, not waiting for an answer before falling into his strong arms. Shannon felt absolutely helpless as he continued to hold the broken man, hoping and praying that he was at least bringing him some comfort. “Can I stay here tonight?” He heard Tomo asked, pulling back from his embrace as he locked his teary brown eyes upon his.
“Sure…you can sleep in my room if you want and I can sleep here on the couch”
“No…can we just sleep together. Please Shannon…I don’t want to be alone tonight” Tomo cried even harder, hating that he was putting his new best friend out, but needing to just be held for at least one night. He couldn’t help but hold his breath as he watched Shannon’s face change from one emotion to another, letting it go when he got up, took his hand and led the two of them into his bedroom. They both undressed quietly, each climbing into the large bed once they were down to their t-shirts and underwear. Tomo wrapped himself around Shannon’s broader body the moment their heads hit the pillow and thankfully fell asleep right away. Shannon on the other hand laid there for hours, afraid to move, much less breath with the strange and complicated man he held within his arms. When he woke up the next morning, Tomo was gone.
Matt hardly spoke to Shannon at work that morning, seeming distant and even mad at his long time friend. “He told me that he was sorry” He spoke up as they walked down the hallway together towards the nurse’s station.
“I’m not mad about that. Hell…I can even understand it. What I don’t understand is why you were looking all cozy and date like last night?” Matt spoke under his breath, looking around to make sure that no one heard him.
“We were not fucking date like. I mean…we were not on a date. He came over and we were hungry and we decided to go and eat…that’s all” Shannon left out the part about Tomo redecorating his apartment and spending the night in his arms. “Matt…I’m going to tell you this one more time…Tomo and I are only friends. Yes….I have a slight attraction to him…but its nothing. Shit…I’d think you’d be happy that I have someone getting me out of my rut. I have to say that it’s nice to actually have someone to talk to…to hang out with” He saw the hurt flicker across Matt’s face at his words. “Because since you’ve hooked up with Frank…I never get to hang out with my best friend anymore and I miss you” He added quickly, total truth to what he said.
“I miss you too you fucker” Matt smiled happily, hugging his friend before planting a wet kiss upon his cheek.
“Hi…” They heard a timid voice speak as they both turned and found Tomo standing before them with a basket in his hands.
“Hey…” Matt replied, his smile disappearing.
“Hey…what are you doing here?’ Shannon asked, eyeing the basket. “You’re not going to feed me again…because you are really starting to spoil me?” He grinned, trying to hide it from Matt, but unsuccessful.
“Nope…actually this is for Matt” He said, holding the basket out towards the stunned looking man. “It’s sort of a peace offering after last night” He went on slowly. “I shouldn’t have said that to you and I am so sorry that I did. I know that you were only doing your job and I had no right to say those things. I hope that you can forgive me”
“Are those roast beef sandwiches?” Matt asked, digging through the basket. “Oh my god…home made potato salad…cheese cake” He shoved the basket into Shannon’s arms, grabbing Tomo and hugging him quickly before planting a kiss on his cheek as well. “You have nothing to forgive me for” He smiled at the shorter man. “I know that seeing me must have been rough after everything that happened…and trust me I really wished that the tables had been turned and he…”
“Matt…” Shannon laid a hand on his friends arm so he wouldn’t finish his sentence. “So…any chance that there is a sandwich in there for me?” He asked shyly, growing spoiled on Tomo’s cooking and company
“There is also one in there for me if you don’t mind my joining you” Tomo blushed, hoping that he wasn’t intruding on the two obvious close friends.
“There’s a park outside with benches…lets eat. I’m starved” Matt grabbed onto Tomo’s arm and led him towards the doors. Shannon wasn’t sure why, but the sight of them together, Matt talking animatedly, made him smile.
“Oh Jesus…if I eat another bite I am going to explode” Matt sighed happily as he licked the remaining cheesecake off of his fork. “Did you make all of this?” He asked Tomo, eyeing the last piece of the delicious dessert, knowing he was going to regret it later if he ate it, but unable to stop himself as he reached for it anyway.
“Yeah….I’m a chef” Tomo responded with a smile, happy that there seemed to be no lingering anger or tension between him and Shannon’s friend. “My parents own a restaurant not to far from here and I am the head chef there”
“Well my compliments to the chef” Matt moaned near orgasmicly as he swallowed the last bite of cheese cake. “Everything was amazing. Thank you so much for doing this. I don’t think that I’ve ever eaten so well”
“Bullshit…Jared used to cook like this for you all the time” Shannon laughed, closing his mouth at the hurt look that crossed his friends face. “Sorry Mattie”
“Nothing to be sorry about and you’re right he did spoil me rotten with his cooking. Now…I bet someone else is cooking for him” Matt got up, dusting the crumbs off of his shirt before turning to Tomo. “Thank you so much for this. Everything was amazing”
“You’re welcome” Tomo stood up, hugging Matt tightly before placing a big wet kiss on his cheek. “Payback” He laughed as Matt wiped the saliva off of his face.
“Yeah…” Matt laughed, punching Tomo in the arm playfully before taking his leave. “See you later fucker” He pointed as Shannon before heading off once again.
“You weren’t joking when you told me that Jared Leto was your brother” Tomo exclaimed, falling onto the bench in semi shock.
“Nope…the little shit really is my brother” He chuckled at the star struck look in Tomo’s eyes. “Oh shit…fuck” He cried out, jumping off of the table as he reached for his blackberry, having forgotten to get back to him about their trip. “Hey Jared…I wanted to let you know that I didn’t forget. I worked my schedule around and I got three weeks at the end of next month. Does that work for you? Call me back when you get a chance. Love you Bro”
“You’re going to California?” Tomo asked with a frown. The idea of not seeing Shannon for that length of time bothering him more then he wanted to admit.
“Yeah…bonding time with my brother” He ignored the dark look upon Tomo’s face. “He’s always off filming somewhere and I’m always working. We both need a break from our lives to reenergize ourselves”
“That’s great Shannon” Tomo lied, hating himself for the way he was feeling since Tim had only been dead such a short time.
“I miss him you know” Shannon went on, clueless to Tomo’s plight. “Growing up we used to be so close and then he got this idea in his head to move to California and become a huge star…and the fucker actually did it” Shannon smiled proudly.
“He and Matt were lovers?” He asked, putting two and two together.
“Yeah…they met through me actually” His smile turned to a frown. “I met Matt in college and brought him home one weekend…it was love at first sight. They were so great together. I really thought that they were going to make it…but Jared had his plan and Matt wasn’t willing to go along”
“Why not? If they loved each other so much then why wouldn’t he want to be with his lover?” Tomo asked.
“Matt has a daughter here and he couldn’t see leaving her. He doesn’t want to be a long distance father and I have to say that I can’t blame him. Jodi is amazing and sweet and just a bundle of energy” Shannon smiled again as he thought of his god daughter “Matt got his college girlfriend pregnant and they had the kid…despite the fact that they had broken up and Matt was already in a relationship with my brother” He explained at the confused look on the other mans face. “Matt liked to pretend that he’s over Jared…but I know that he’s not. Jared’s just as bad. He sleeps his way through all the beautiful men in California…but I know that deep down he’s still head over heels in love with Matt”
“That’s so sad” Tomo felt his eyes mist, his mind wandering to the man that he had just lost and still loved with his whole heart.
“Yeah…well…let me help you clean this up and then I have to get back to work”
“You go ahead…I’ll clean up. I’ve got to stop by my parent’s restaurant later. They want me to come back to work tomorrow…so I need to prepare what the menu will be”
“Are you sure that you’re ready to go back to work so soon?” Shannon asked in concern.
“I’m ready. I can’t just sit around and mope about how horrible my life is. I need to get back into the swing of things and try and move on” He sighed, taking a deep breath as he willed away the tears once again. “Besides…it will be good for me to keep busy. It keeps my mind off of my empty apartment…my empty life” Shaking his head, he shoved the last of the items in his basket and stood up. “I’ll talk to you later Shannon” He called out over his shoulder, practically running for his car.
Tomo didn’t go over later that night and as Shannon laid in his empty bed, for the first time in such a long time he felt truly alone. He knew that he was being silly, knew that he shouldn’t feel the way that he was, but he missed Tomo. He missed the way that he talked all the time, missed the deepness of his laugh, but most of all he missed just being touched in any way by the younger man.
“Hello…” He jumped for his phone as it rang throughout the empty feeling room. “Hey bro…” He smiled when he heard his brother’s voice.
“Those dates work for me” Jared said, excited beyond belief that he was going to see his brother again after such a long time apart. He had a plan and as far as he was concerned, Shannon was going to be living in California with him by the end of his vacation.
They talked for hours before Shannon couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer, his speech becoming slurred and sleepy.
“I’ll see you soon Jared. Love you” Shannon yawned into the phone before he fell into a deep sleep.
Tomo showed up the next morning, loaded down with lots of breakfast goodies, causing Shannon’s heart to beat a bit faster. He chatted on endlessly while they ate, seeming excited to be going back to work and even more excited over the fact that Shannon was related to his favorite actor. “I still can’t believe that you are related to Jared Leto” He gushed, pouring another cup of coffee for the both of them. “I mean…what was it like growing up with him?”
Shannon had to laugh at Tomo’s excitement as he devoured another yummy pastry. “I don’t know” He laughed again at the frown he received. “We grew up like normal kids. We traveled a lot because my mother for some reason just couldn’t stay in one place for very long. It was an interesting life and I think that it’s the reason that Jared and I are so close because even though we had to start over with each move, we always had each other. I knew that he was going to make a name for himself though” Shannon beamed, ever so proud of his younger sibling. “He always had this inner strength that everyone could see. He could charm the pants off of anyone…male or female and he did. He got involved in acting and singing in high school and starred in several of their productions. He’s amazing to watch. If you think he’s great on the big screen…you should see him on a stage. We even started a band in high school…but it broke apart after I decided to go to college. Jared never wanted that…so he worked off jobs and bummed around for years before he decided to move to California and pursue his dream”
“Wow…” Was all Tomo could say, star struck yet again over his favorite actor.
Shannon couldn’t help the jealously bug that over took him, hating that it was happening, but unable to stop it just the same. “Ok…well I need to get to work” He spoke very briskly, jumping back from the table before racing for the door. “Just leave that there and I will clean it up when I get home” He opened the door, alerting Tomo that he was expected to leave as well. With a frown Tomo got up, not saying a word as he walked into the hallway.
“Will I see you later?” He asked, trying to figure out why Shannon seemed so angry all of a sudden.
“Probably not…I expect tonight to be a long night at the hospital” Shannon lied, locking the door quickly before rushing down the stairs. “Good bye Tomo” He hollered over his shoulder before disappearing into his car.
Shannon was exhausted as he made his way up the stairs to his apartment. It had been a crazy busy day, but that alone wasn’t the reason he felt so exhausted and he knew it. The image of Tomo invaded his mind as he unlocked the door, shuffling inside as he recalled how rude he had been to him that morning. He felt horrible and had fought the urge the entire day to call him and apologize for the way he had acted. Falling backwards onto the couch, he closed his eyes and allowed his mind to once again focus on the man and the night that they had slept together. He knew that he shouldn’t, but he thought back to the way that his skin felt against his own, the feel of his warm breath as it ghosted over his open mouth as he slept. He could still remember the unique smell that always seemed to surround him, a smell that he had to admit to himself that he craved unlike anything he had ever craved before. Tears misted his eyes as an unsettling emptiness surrounded him, forcing him to see just how truly alone he was yet again.
“Hello…” He spoke groggily into his cell phone, trying to recall when he had actually fallen asleep. “Jared?” He asked when he looked at the clock and found the hour of three in the morning staring back at him.
“No…it’s Tomo” He heard the man he had been thinking about uneasy sounding voice. “Shit…I’m sorry Shannon. I shouldn’t have called you. Go back to sleep” The line went dead, causing Shannon to sit up because he knew that something wasn’t right. He had tried to call Tomo several times, but the line continued to go unanswered. Getting up, he raced for the door with only one destination in mind.
“Tomo…its Shannon…let me in” He spoke as loudly as he dared, trying not to wake the other tenets in the building. “Are you ok?” He rushed out when the door was finally open, finding that he was anything but ok as he fell forward, wrapping his arms tightly around his neck. Shannon didn’t hesitate as he coiled his own arms around Tomo’s waist and held him tightly.
“I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have called you” The younger man hiccupped against his ear. “It’s just that the nightmare seemed so real and then I woke up and I was alone and…”
“Lets go to bed” Shannon cut him off before he could finish, keeping his arm tightly around Tomo’s waist as he led them into the apartment.
“Shannon you don’t have to” Tomo whispered, hoping and praying that Shannon wouldn’t leave because he hated being alone.
“Show me” He indicated with a nod of his head, kicking himself mentally for what he was about to do because he knew it was only going to make him want Tomo all the more, but unable to stop himself nonetheless.
“It felt so real” Tomo sniffled as he clung to Shannon tightly as they lie on his bed. “It was like I was reliving that day all over again. One minute Tim and I were in the car laughing about something and then the next minute there was a huge jar to the car and then madness. Tim was just sitting there eyes open…but I could tell that he didn’t have any idea about what had just happened. There was blood everywhere and then he turned to look at me” He couldn’t finish his words as he recalled the look of horror on his lovers face. “He had blood coming from everywhere…his nose…his head and his mouth. I knew he was dying…he didn’t have to say a word because I already know. I could see that he wanted to speak…but he couldn’t and so I begged him to stay with me until the paramedics arrived. I still can’t believe he’s gone” Tomo wailed, holding onto Shannon even tighter.
Shannon didn’t say a word as he continued to hold Tomo, praying that he was bringing the man some peace as his own guilt level grew more and more.
When Tomo woke up the next morning he was alone and feeling bad for once again calling on Shannon to curb his loneliness. He knew he wasn’t being fair, knew that he was pushing the boundaries of their new friendship and yet he didn’t know why he found that he couldn’t stop. There was something about Shannon that he was drawn to, something that scared him and yet made him feel whole again. He knew that it wasn’t love because he knew that he would never love anyone as much as he had loved Tim, but there was something there and it scared him to no end. “Hey…I was going to make us some coffee but I can’t figure out how to use that huge contraption of yours” He heard Shannon speak from the doorway of his room, jerking him out of his thoughts. “I don’t cook either so I brought you some toast and juice”
“Um…thanks” Tomo replied, trying to hide the unease in his voice, but failing at the look on Shannon’s face.
“Sure…well I better get back to my place” He smiled quickly before turning and leaving.
“Shannon wait” Tomo cried out, placing the juice and toast on the dresser before running after him. “Don’t leave…I’m sorry” He stopped him by taking his hand and leading him into the living room. “I’m sorry about last night” He went on, falling into a nearby chair as Shannon sat alone on the couch. “I mean…I keep calling on you and truth be told you must be sick and tired of me by now”
Shannon wanted to deny those words, but he held them in, afraid that he might alert Tomo to his true feelings. “You needed someone and I was there. It’s ok” He spoke instead. “I just don’t understand why you keep coming to me when I know that you have tons and tons of friends and family that would be there for you in a second if you needed them” He wanted to take the words back the moment they came out of his mouth, but again he held back.
Tomo felt as if Shannon had slapped him in the face with his words, but he felt as if he deserved them because he now had proof that the older man was tired of seeing him. “I guess I was just trying to hang onto what little I had left of Tim since you were the one that tried to saved him” He blurted out, watching as Shannon’s head jerked back as if he had been slapped mentally as well.
“That makes sense” Shannon replied with a half smile as he got up off of the couch and once again headed for the door. “I’ll see you later Tomo” He said sadly, closing the door quickly behind him before running for his own apartment.
“You look as if you’ve lost your best friend” Matt said several days later as he and Shannon sat in the hospital cafeteria eating lunch. “But that can’t be since I am sitting right here…so talk to me”
“Nothing to talk about” Shannon lied, taking a bite of his sandwich.
“Shan…I’ve known you for years and I know when something is bothering you…now spill” Matt demanded softly, lying his hand upon his friends hand in show of support.
“He only wanted to hang out with me because he felt it was his last link to Tim” Shannon said, blinking back tears that had been haunting him for the previous few days. “I mean…I thought that he wanted to be friends because of me and…”
“And you were starting to fall for him” Matt finished his sentence as he had always been able to do since they had become friends so many years before. He wanted to tell Shannon that he had told him this would happen, but he kept his mouth shut because he knew he was hurting and he hated when Shannon was hurting.
“I knew it was stupid to allow myself to think about him that way…but I couldn’t help myself. He’s the first guy that I’ve found myself interested in since you know who and…”
“You hoped that eventually he would feel the same about you” He did it again, closing his mouth at the nasty look shot across the table. “Sorry…” He murmured.
“It’s not just that…” Shannon hesitated, knowing that he was going to hurt Matt’s feelings once again. “It was nice to have someone to hang out with…to talk to outside of work” He pulled Matt’s hand back into his own when he tried to pull it away. “Mattie…you know that I love you and you’re my best friend. You’ve been there for me through just about everything in my life and I can’t thank you enough for it. When you were dating Jared nothing ever changed because we were always still together…but since you started dating Frank…it’s not the same” He squeezed his hand. “But that’s a good thing. I don’t want things to stay the same. I want you to be happy and in love…I was just hoping that I could get that with Tomo”
“Shannon…he just lost his long time lover. You can’t expect him to just get over that and fall in love with another man so quickly” Matt reminded softly, his feelings still hurt, but trying not to take it personally because he knew with what Shannon had said that there was a lot of truth.
“I know…but I was hopeful. I’m just so tired of being alone you know” Shannon pulled his hand back, lying it in his lap as he blinked back the tears once again. “I have no life and for the longest time I was ok with it…but now because of Tomo I want more. I want to start living again…because it feels as if for the last ten years or so I haven’t”
“What are we talking about here?” Matt was afraid to ask at the look on Shannon’s face. “You’re thinking about not coming back when you go and visit Jared in California” He knew he was right by the look of avoidance he received from his friend.
“I’ve been thinking about it” Shannon finally looked at Matt. “It would be the start of a new beginning of sorts. Jared’s been hounding me for years to move out there and to tell you the truth Matt…I’m ready for the change. There are several hospitals out there and I’ve already set up several interviews for when I go. I think that moving to California will be exactly what I need to live again”
“What about me?” Matt blurted out, trying to keep his emotions in check at the news that he not only had lost his former lover to the great state of California, but possibly his best friend as well.
“You know you could always come with me” Shannon replied hopefully.
:”You know that I can’t” Matt roared, pushing himself away from the table. “You want to run off to California to live with Jared…then just fucking go. Don’t even worry about what you might be fucking leaving behind” Matt had never been so angry in his life as he ran out of the cafeteria, knowing that he was being hateful to Shannon, but unable to stop himself or the tears that were streaming down his face as he left.
Shannon didn’t know what to make of Matt’s departure, but as he cleaned up their mess, he found himself more confused about his life then ever before.
Nearly a week later Shannon still hadn’t spoken to Tomo or Matt after his incidents with both men and he found himself still confused and unsure about what his next options should be in any aspect of his life. He had talked to Jared who had been more then ecstatic about the idea of his big brother moving close to him. He gushed on and on about all the fun they could have once he had. Shannon listened to his brother half heartedly, his mind still reeling from the conversation that he had with Matt and the uncomfortable situation with Tomo. He wanted to go and talk to both, but his pride and his un-sureness got the best of him as he said good bye to his brother and headed off to bed.
The next morning he got an unexpected surprise at his door. “Hi…” He heard Tomo speak cautiously as he opened the door and found the man standing there with a tray in his hands.
“Hi…” Shannon couldn’t help but grin because no matter how much he wanted to deny it, he had missed seeing the younger man.
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry” He held out the tray towards him.
“Sorry for what?” Shannon asked, pretending like he didn’t know what Tomo was talking about as he took the tray and ogled the goodies.
“For what I said the last time I talked to you. I didn’t mean it Shannon”
“It’s not big deal. I get it…really” He smiled to help hide the hurt his heart was feeling once again.
“It is a big deal because I don’t want to hang out with you because of what I said” Tomo cried out, nearly knocking the tray to the floor as he rushed forward and hugged Shannon tightly. “I don’t know what it is about you. I mean…yes you tried to save Tim and you have no idea how much that means to me…but there’s just something about you. It’s like I’m drawn to you” Taking a deep breath, he took the tray from Shannon, lying it on the table before pulling him into his arms again. “I know that none of this makes sense and I’m sorry for making a scene. I love spending time with you Shannon” He stood back, tears blazing down his face and yet he didn’t know why. “I know that with you I can just be myself and if that means I want to have you hold me and cry…then I can do that. I know that if I just want to sit here and be silent…I can do that. I do have lots of friends and family just like you said…but I don’t feel as comfortable with them as I do with you. I just want to be your friend Shannon. I enjoy spending time with you and I hope that you enjoy spending time with me as well”
Shannon could see such hope in Tomo’s eyes that he couldn’t say no even if he wanted too, and he knew deep inside that he didn’t want to. “I enjoy spending time with you as well…but you’ve got to stop with all the food” He laughed as he wiped the tears off of Tomo’s face. “I’ve gained almost ten pounds since you’ve come into my life” He laughed again, digging into what appeared to be a pastry tray loaded down with all sorts of yummy treats.
