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  05x14 - A Christmas Special
 Posted: 05/11/13 21:31
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(Near a planet with a thick cloudy atmosphere and a lovely view of the Horse Head Nebula.)

TANNOY: Would all passengers please return to their seats and fasten their safety belts? We are experiencing slight turbulence.

(Things are going Bang! on the bridge, which is strongly modelled on the Starship Enterprise.)

CAPTAIN: Both engines failed, and the storm-gate's critical. The ship is going down. Christmas is cancelled.

PILOT: Entering atmosphere now. Level. Keep her level.

CO-PILOT: Level with what? I can't see. What is that stuff?

CAPTAIN: Clouds?

PILOT: What kind of clouds?

(Distress signal activated.)

CAPTAIN: Are you sending a distress signal?

PILOT: It's not me.

(Location: Honeymoon suite.)

CAPTAIN: Who's in the honeymoon suite?

(Amy enters, wearing her stripper policewoman outfit.)

AMY: I've sent for help.

CAPTAIN: Who the hell are you?

AMY: Look, there's a friend of mine, okay? And he can help us. He'll come.

CAPTAIN: And what are you wearing?

AMY: That doesn't matter.

CAPTAIN: Are you from the honeymoon suite?

AMY: Oh, shut up.

(Enter a Roman Centurion.)

RORY: Amy, the light's stopped flashing Does that mean he's coming?

PILOT: Honeymoon suite?

RORY: Oh. Oh, the clothes. Er. It is just a bit of fun.

AMY: Really, shut up.

CO-PILOT: Sensor loss on eighty percent of the hull.

RORY: So, does this mean he's coming, or does it mean I need to change the bulb?

AMY: He'll come. He always comes.

RORY: Right. Well, he is cutting it kind of fine.

CAPTAIN: If we can't stabilise the orbit, we're finished.

CO-PILOT: There's nothing to lock onto. I am flying blind.

AMY: Come on, Doctor, come on.

CO-PILOT: There's something coming alongside us. Something small, like a shuttle.

AMY: Just this once, don't be late.

PILOT: Ma'am. Incoming message. It's from the other ship.

CAPTAIN: On screen.

(Message reads - Come along Pond.)

CAPTAIN: What does that mean?

AMY: It's Christmas.

[Main room]

(Down below the thick cloud layer is a bustling metropolis, dominated by a domed building sending an energy beam into the sky. A scruffy boy runs through a market area, slightly alien Dickensian.)

SARDICK: [OC]: On every world, wherever people are, in the deepest part of the winter, at the exact mid-point, everybody stops and turns and hugs, as if to say, well done. Well done, everyone. We're halfway out of the dark. Back on Earth, we called this Christmas, or the Winter Solstice. On this world, the first settlers called it the Crystal Feast.

SARDICK: You know what I call it? I call it expecting something for nothing.

(Hello, Ebenezer Scrooge. He turns from the little window and walks into a massive room with just a pieces of furniture around a large but empty fireplace. A poor family are waiting for him, a man, an old woman and a young boy.)

BENJAMIN: Sir. Mister Sardick. We're only asking for one day. Just let her out for Christmas. She loves Christmas.

(A cryochamber is wheeled in, containing a young woman.)

SARDICK: Does she? Oh, does she? I see. Hello. Wakey, wakey. It's Christmas. Do you know what? I think she's a bit cool about the whole thing. Ha, ha! That was funny.

(The servants chuckle obediently.)

BOY: She's frozen.

SARDICK: She's what, sorry?

BOY: She's in the ice. She can't hear you.

SARDICK: Oh, what a clever little boy. You must be so irritated. How much?

(A servant brings an account.)

SERVANT: Er, it's four thousand five hundred Gideons, sir.

SARDICK: You took a loan of four thousand five hundred Gideons, and Little Miss Christmas is my security.

(How very Monty Python Merchant Banker. Another servant brings in a ringing candlestick telephone.)

BENJAMIN: We're not asking for her back. Just let her have one day. Let her have Christmas with us.

SERVANT: Sir, it's the President.

SARDICK: Tell him I'm busy. Now, where were we? Oh, yes. She's pretty, though, your daughter. Maybe I should keep her.

BENJAMIN: She's not my daughter, sir.

ISABELLA: She's my sister. She volunteered for the ice when the family were in difficulties many years ago.

SERVANT: Sorry, sir. The President says there's a galaxy class ship trapped in the cloud layer and, well, we have to let it land.


SERVANT: Well, or it'll crash, sir.

SARDICK: Oh. Well, it's a kind of landing, isn't it?

SERVANT: It's from Earth, sir, registering over four thousand lifeforms on board.

SARDICK: Not if we wait a bit.

SERVANT: You can't just let it crash, sir.

(The sound of the Tardis arriving nearby.)

SARDICK: Says who? Oh, give it here.

(Sardick takes the telephone.)

SARDICK: Look, petal, we already have a surplus population. No more people allowed on this planet. I don't make the rules.

(Soot falls down the chimney.)

SARDICK: Oh no, hang on, I do.

(Sardick hangs up the receiver.)

SARDICK: Right, you lot. Poor, begging people. Off home and pray for a miracle.

(The Doctor tumbles out of the fireplace in a shower of soot.)

DOCTOR: Ah. Yes. Blimey. Sorry. Christmas Eve on a rooftop. Saw a chimney, my whole brain just went, what the hell.

(He goes to the family.)

DOCTOR: Don't worry, fat fellow will be doing the rounds later. I'm just scoping out the general chimney-ness. Yes. Nice size, good traction. Big tick.

BENJAMIN: Fat fellow?

DOCTOR: Father Christmas, Santa Claus or, as I've always known him, Jeff.

BOY: There's no such person as Father Christmas.

DOCTOR: Oh, yeah?

(The Doctor produces an old photograph.)

DOCTOR: Me and Father Christmas, Frank Sinatra's hunting lodge, 1952. See him at the back with the blonde? Albert Einstein. The three of us together. Brrm. Watch out. Okay? Keep the faith. Stay off the naughty list.

(The Doctor spots what looks like a big cinema organ.)

DOCTOR: Ooo. Now, what's this then? I love this. A big flashy lighty thing. That's what brought me here. Big flashy lighty things have got me written all over them. Not actually, but give me time, and a crayon. Now, this big flashy lighty thing is connected to the spire in your dome, yeah? And it controls the sky. Well, technically it controls the clouds, which technically aren't clouds at all. Well, they're clouds of tiny particles of ice. Ice clouds. Love that. Who's she?

SARDICK: Nobody important.

DOCTOR: Nobody important. Blimey, that's amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space, I've never met anyone who wasn't important before. Now, this console is the key to saving that ship, or I'll eat my hat. If I had a hat. I'll eat someone's hat. Not someone who's using their hat. I don't want to shock a nun, or something. Sorry, rambling, because, because this isn't working!

SARDICK: The controls are isomorphic. One to one. They respond only to me.

DOCTOR: Oh, you fibber. Isomorphic. There's no such thing.

(Sardick reaches over and switches it off then on again. All the Doctor gets are annoyed beeps, even with the screwdriver.)

DOCTOR: These controls are isomorphic.

SARDICK: The skies of this entire world are mine. My family tamed them, and now I own them.

DOCTOR: Tamed the sky? What does that mean?

SARDICK: It means I'm Kazran Sardick. How can you possibly not know who I am?

DOCTOR: Well, just easily bored, I suppose. So, I need your help, then.

SARDICK: Make an appointment.

DOCTOR: There are four thousand and three people in a spaceship trapped in your cloud belt. Without your help, they're going to die.


DOCTOR: You don't have to let that happen.

SARDICK: I know, but I'm going to. Bye, bye. Bored now. Chuck.

(The Doctor wriggles out of the clutches of a servant and goes to Sardick, who is settling into a tall leather armchair by the fireplace.)

SARDICK: Ooo, look at you, looking all tough now.

DOCTOR: There are four thousand and three people I won't allow to die tonight. Do you know where that puts you?


DOCTOR: Four thousand and four.

SARDICK: Was that a sort of threat-y thing?

DOCTOR: Whatever happens tonight, remember you brought it on yourself.

SARDICK: Yeah, yeah, right. Get him out of here. And next time, try and find me some funny poor people.

(The boy throws a stray piece of coal at Sardick as he, his family and the Doctor are hustled out. Sardick runs over to hit the child.)

DOCTOR: No, stop, don't.

BENJAMIN: Don't you dare. You leave him.

SARDICK: Get him out of here. Get that foul-smelling family out of here. Out!

BOY: We're going!

(The Doctor remains behind.)

SARDICK: What? What do you want?

DOCTOR: A simple life. But you didn't hit the boy.

SARDICK: Well, I will next time.

DOCTOR: You see, you won't. Now why? What am I missing?

SARDICK: Get out. Get out of this house.

DOCTOR: The chairs. Of course, the chairs. Stupid me, the chairs.

SARDICK: The chairs?

DOCTOR: There's a portrait on the wall behind me. Looks like you, but it's too old, so it's your father. All the chairs are angled away from it. Daddy's been dead for twenty years, but you still can't get comfortable where he can see you. There's a Christmas tree in the painting, but none in this house, on Christmas Eve. You're scared of him, and you're scared of being like him, and good for you, you're not like him, not really. Do you know why?


DOCTOR: Because you didn't hit the boy. Merry Christmas, Mister Sardick.

SARDICK: I despise Christmas.

DOCTOR: You shouldn't. It's very you.

SARDICK: It's what? What do you mean?

DOCTOR: Halfway out of the dark.

(The servants return and the Doctor leaves.)

SARDICK: Get her downstairs with the others. And clean up this mess.


CO-PILOT: Everything's offline. Secondary furnace just vented.

(Amy is on the phone to the Doctor.)

AMY: Have you got a plan yet?


DOCTOR: Yes, I do.


AMY: Are you lying?


DOCTOR: Yes, I am.


AMY: Don't treat me like an idiot.

RORY: Was he lying?

AMY: No, no.



DOCTOR: The good news. I've tracked the machine that unlocks the cloud belt. I could use it to clear you a flight corridor and you could land easily.


AMY: Oh, hey. Hey, that's great news.


DOCTOR: But I can't control the machine.


AMY: Less great.


DOCTOR: But I've met a man who can.

AMY: Ah, well


AMY: There you go.


DOCTOR: And he hates me.

AMY [OC]: Were you being


AMY: Extra charming and clever?


DOCTOR: Yeah. How did you know?


AMY: Lucky guess.



DOCTOR: Hang on.

BENJAMIN: I've never seen anybody stand up to Mister Sardick like that. Bless you, sir, and merry Christmas.

DOCTOR: Merry Christmas. Lovely. Sorry, bit busy.

BENJAMIN: You'd better get inside, sir. The fog's thick tonight, and there's a fish warning.

DOCTOR: All right, yeah. Sorry, fish?

BENJAMIN: Yeah. You know what they're like when they get a bit hungry.

DOCTOR: Yeah, fish, I know fish. Fish?

BENJAMIN: It's all Mister Sardick's fault, I reckon. He always lets a few fish through the cloud layer when he's in a bad mood. Thank you. Bless you once again, sir.



AMY: Doctor, the Captain says we've got less than an hour.


AMY [OC]: What should we be doing?

(There is a shoal of tiddlers swimming around a street light.)


AMY [OC]: Sorry, what?

DOCTOR: Fish that can swim in fog. I love new planets.

AMY [OC]: Doctor.


AMY: Doctor, please don't get distracted.


(The little fish nibble at the Doctor's outstretched fingers while a big shadow passes some way behind him.)

DOCTOR: Now, why would people be frightened of you tiny little fellows? Look at you, sweet little fishy-wishies. Mind you, fish in the fog, so the cloud cover. Ooo. Careful up there.


AMY: Oh great, thanks, Doctor, because there was a real danger we were all going to nod off. We've got less than an hour!


(The town clock shows 11 o'clock.)

DOCTOR: I know.

TANNOY: Ding dong merrily on high

AMY [OC]: Doctor?


AMY: How are you getting us off here?


DOCTOR: Oh, just give me a minute. Can't use the Tardis, because it can't lock on. So, that ship needs to land. But it can't land unless a very bad man suddenly decides to turn nice just in time for Christmas Day.


AMY: Doctor, I can't hear you. What is that? Is that singing?


DOCTOR: A Christmas carol.


AMY: A what?


DOCTOR: A Christmas carol.


AMY: A what?


DOCTOR: A Christmas Carol!

TANNOY: Hosanna in excelsis.

AMY [OC]: Doctor?

TANNOY: Gloria

DOCTOR: Kazran Sardick.

AMY [OC]: Doctor!

DOCTOR: Merry Christmas, Kazran Sardick.

TANNOY: Hosanna in excelsis.

[Kazran's bedroom]

(The old Kazran Sardick is sleeping in his big leather chair, when we are shown a video recording of a young boy in his pajamas. The lad is making a video diary on his computer.)

KAZRAN: Hello, my name is Kazran Sardick. I'm twelve and a half, and this is my bedroom.

[Main room]

SARDICK: Top secret special project.

[Kazran's bedroom]

KAZRAN: This is my top secret special project. For my eyes only. Merry Christmas.

ELLIOT [OC]: Kazran!

[Main room]

(Old Sardick wakes at the shout from his father. The scene with his young self is being projected on the far wall where the main door is. Elliot Sardick is played as a caricature of Lord Alan Sugar.)

ELLIOT [on screen]: Kazran! Kazran, what are you doing? What are you doing? I've warned you before about this, you stupid, ignorant, ridiculous child.

KAZRAN [on screen]: I was just going to make a film of the fish.

ELLIOT [on screen]: The fish are dangerous.

KAZRAN [on screen]: I just want to see them.

ELLIOT [on screen]: Don't be stupid. You're far too young.

KAZRAN [on screen]: Everyone at school's seen the fish.

ELLIOT [on screen]: That's enough. You'll be singing to them next, like gypsies.

KAZRAN [on screen]: The singing works. I've seen it. The fish like the singing.

ELLIOT [on screen]: What does it matter what fish like?

KAZRAN [on screen]: People say we don't have to be afraid of the fish. They're not really interested in us.

ELLIOT [on screen]: You don't listen to people. You listen to me.

(Elliot, the Sardick father, hits Kazran, the boy, who is now an old man. Sardick flinches as if he had been hit.)

KAZRAN [on screen]: Ow! I'm sorry, Father.

ELLIOT [on screen]: This is my house. While you're under my roof, you'll obey my instructions. I don't care what you

(The Doctor touches Sardick on the shoulder.)

DOCTOR: It's okay, it's okay.

SARDICK: What have you done? What is this?

DOCTOR: Found it on an old drive. Sorry about the picture quality. Had to recover the data using quantum enfolding and a paperclip. Oh, I wouldn't bother calling your servants. They quit. Apparently they won the lottery at exactly the same time, which is a bit lucky when you think about it.

SARDICK: There isn't a lottery.

DOCTOR: Yeah, as I say, lucky.

ELLIOT [on screen]: There's a fog warning tonight. You keep these windows closed, understand? Closed.

SARDICK: Who are you?

DOCTOR: Tonight, I'm a Ghost Of Christmas Past.

ELLIOT [on screen]: Mrs Mantovani will be looking after you tonight. You stay here till she comes. Do you understand? Do you understand?

DOCTOR: Did you ever get to see a fish, back then, when you were a kid?

SARDICK: What does that matter to you?

DOCTOR: Look how it mattered to you.

SARDICK: I cried all night, and I learned life's most invaluable lesson.

DOCTOR: Ah. Which is?

SARDICK: Nobody comes. Get out! Get out of my house!

DOCTOR: Okay. Okay, but I'll be back. Way back. Way, way back.

(The Doctor goes through the door and into the Tardis, which dematerialises in the now and rematerialises outside Kazran's window.)

DOCTOR [on screen]: See? Back.

KAZRAN [on screen]: Who are you?

DOCTOR [on screen]: Hi. I'm the Doctor. I'm your new babysitter.

KAZRAN [on screen]: Where's Mrs Mantovani?

DOCTOR [on screen]: Oh, you'll never guess. Clever old Mrs Manters, she only went and won the lottery.

SARDICK: There isn't any lottery.

KAZRAN [on screen]: There isn't any lottery.

DOCTOR [on screen]: I know. What a woman.

KAZRAN [on screen]: If you're my babysitter, why are you climbing in the window?

DOCTOR: Because if I was climbing out of the window, I'd be going in the wrong direction. Pay attention.

KAZRAN [on screen]: But Mrs Mantovani's always my babysitter.

DOCTOR [on screen]: Times change. Wouldn't you say? You see? Christmas Past.

KAZRAN [on screen]: Who are you talking to?

DOCTOR [on screen]: You. Now, your past is going to change. That means your memories will too. Bit scary, but you'll get the hang of it.

KAZRAN [on screen]: I don't understand.

DOCTOR [on screen]: I'll bet you don't. I wish I could see your face.

SARDICK: But that never happened. But it did.

[Kazran's bedroom]

DOCTOR: Right then, your bedroom. Great. Let's see. You're twelve years old, so we'll stay away from under the bed. Cupboard! Big cupboard. I love a cupboard. Do you know, there's a thing called a face spider. It's just like a tiny baby's head with spider legs, and it's specifically evolved to scuttle up the backs of bedroom cupboards which, yeah, I probably shouldn't have mentioned. Right. So. What are we going to do? Eat crisps and talk about girls? I've never actually done that, but I bet it's easy. Girls? Yeah?

KAZRAN: Are you really a babysitter?

DOCTOR: I think you'll find I'm universally recognised as a mature and responsible adult.

(He shows Kazran the psychic paper.)

KAZRAN: It's just a lot of wavy lines.

DOCTOR: Yeah, it's shorted out. Finally, a lie too big. Okay, no, not really a babysitter, but it's Christmas Eve. You don't want a real one. You want me.

KAZRAN: Why? What's so special about you?

DOCTOR: Have you ever seen Mary Poppins?


DOCTOR: Good. Because that comparison would've been rubbish. Fish in the fog. Fish in the clouds. How do people ever get bored? How did boredom even get invented?

KAZRAN: My dad's invented a machine to control the cloud belt. Tame the sky, he says. The fish'll be able to come down, but only when we let them. We can charge whatever we like.

DOCTOR: Yeah. I've seen your dad's machine.

(A shark glides past behind the Doctor's back. The window is still open.)

KAZRAN: What? You can't have.

DOCTOR: Tame the sky. Human beings. You always manage to find the boring alternative, don't you? You want to see one? A fish. We can do that. We can see a fish.

KAZRAN: Aren't you going to tell me it's dangerous?

DOCTOR: Dangerous? Come on, we're boys. And you know what boys say in the face of danger.


DOCTOR: Mummy.

(Later, the sonic screwdriver is dangling from a string passed through a lamp fitting in the ceiling and leading into -)


(Where the other end is tied to the Doctor's finger.)

KAZRAN: Are there any face spiders in here?

DOCTOR: Nah, not at this time of night. They'll all be sleeping in your mattress. So, why are you so interested in fish?

KAZRAN: Because they're scary.

DOCTOR; Good answer.

KAZRAN: What kind of tie is that?

DOCTOR: A cool one.

KAZRAN: Why is it cool?

DOCTOR: Why are you really interested in fish?

KAZRAN: My school. During the last fog belt, the nets broke and there was an attack. Loads of them. A whole shoal. No one was hurt, but it was the most fish ever seen below the mountains.

DOCTOR: Were you scared?

KAZRAN: I wasn't there. I was off sick.

DOCTOR: Ooo, lucky you. Not lucky.

KAZRAN: It's all anyone ever talks about now. The day the fish came. Everyone's got a story.

DOCTOR: But you don't.

[Main room]

DOCTOR [on screen]: I see.

KAZRAN [on screen]: Why are you recording this?

DOCTOR [on screen]: Do you pay attention at school, Kazran?


KAZRAN: Sorry, what?

DOCTOR: Because you're not paying attention now.

(Something is tugging at the string.)

DOCTOR: Shush.

[Main room]

SARDICK: Now I remember. No, Doctor, you mustn't!

KAZRAN [on screen]: Doctor, are you sure?


DOCTOR: Trust me.


DOCTOR: Oi. Eyes on the tie. Look at me. I wear it and I don't care. Trust me.

[Main room]




DOCTOR: That's why it's cool.

[Kazran's bedroom]

(A fish is investigating the flashing sonic screwdriver.)

DOCTOR: Hello, fishy. Let's see. Interesting. Crystalline fog, eh? Maybe carrying a tiny electrical charge. Is that how you fly, little fishy?

KAZRAN [OC]: What is it?


KAZRAN: What kind? Can I see?

DOCTOR [OC]: Just stay there a moment.

[Kazran's bedroom]

KAZRAN [OC]: Is it big?

DOCTOR: Nah, just a little one. So, little fellow, what do you eat?

(Then a shark swoops in and devours the little fish and the sonic screwdriver in one big toothy bite.)


KAZRAN: How little?

[Kazran's bedroom]


KAZRAN [OC]: Can I come out?

DOCTOR: No, no. Maybe just wait there for a moment.

KAZRAN [OC]: What colour is it?

DOCTOR: Big. Big colour.


KAZRAN: What's happening?

DOCTOR: Well, concentrating on the plusses, you've definitely got a story of your own now. Also, I got a good look at the fish, and I think I understand how the fog works, which is going to help me land a spaceship in the future and save a lot of lives. And I bet I get some very interesting readings off my sonic screwdriver when I get it back from the shark in your bedroom.

KAZRAN: There's a shark in my bedroom?

DOCTOR: Oh fine, focus on that part.

(Bang! against the door, then quiet.)

KAZRAN: Has it gone? What's it doing?

DOCTOR: What do you call it if you don't have any feet, and you're taking a run-up?

[Main room]

(The screen image dissolves into static.)

SARDICK: No! It's going to eat us.


KAZRAN: It's going to eat us. It's going to eat us. It's going to eat us. Is it going to eat us?

(The shark is stuck in the cupboard door.)

DOCTOR: Well, maybe we're going to eat it, but I don't like the odds. It's stuck, though. Let's see. Tiny shark brain. If I had my screwdriver, I could probably send a pulse and stun it.

KAZRAN: Well, where's your screwdriver?

DOCTOR: Well, concentrating on the plusses, within reach. You know, there's a real chance the way it's wedged in the doorway is keeping its mouth open.

KAZRAN: There is?

DOCTOR: Just agree with me, because I've only got two goes, and then it's your turn.

KAZRAN: Two goes?

DOCTOR: Two arms. Right, then. Okay. Geronimo. Open wide.


(Outside Kazran's bedroom window, the shark is lying stunned at the Doctor's feet. The dome is still under construction behind them.)

DOCTOR: What's the big fishy done to you? Swallowed half of you, that's what. Half a screwdriver, what use is that? Bad, big fishy.

KAZRAN: Doctor? I think she's dying.

DOCTOR: Half my screwdriver's still inside, but yeah, I think so. I doubt they can survive long outside the cloud belt. Just quick raiding trips on a foggy night.

KAZRAN: Can't we get it back up there? We were just going to stun it. I didn't want to kill it.

DOCTOR: She was trying to eat you.

KAZRAN: She was hungry.

[Main room]

DOCTOR [OC]: I'm sorry, Kazran. I can't save her.


DOCTOR: I could take her back up there, but she'd never survive the trip. We need a fully functioning life-support.

[Main room]

KAZRAN [OC]: You mean like an icebox?



[Main room]

(Kazran and the Doctor run down the stairs. There is a decorated Christmas tree in the room.)

DOCTOR: Ooo, a tree.

(Kazran gets a lamp and they go downstairs.)

[Outside the Cryovault]

DOCTOR: What is this?

KAZRAN: The surplus population. That's what my Dad calls it.

(They try to open the door.)

KAZRAN: Oh, it's not turning. Oh, why won't it turn?

(There is a keypad nearby.)

DOCTOR: Ah, what's the number?

[Main room]

SARDICK: Seven two five eight.

[Outside the Cryovault]

KAZRAN: I don't know.

DOCTOR: This place is full of alarms. It's not just the door. I need the number.

[Main room]

SARDICK: Seven two five eight.

[Outside the Cryovault]

DOCTOR: I need the number.

KAZRAN: I'm not allowed to know until I'm older.

[Main room]

SARDICK: Seven two five eight.

DOCTOR: Just what I was after. Thank you.

[Outside the Cryovault]

DOCTOR: Seven two five eight. Seven two five eight.


DOCTOR: Ah, there's fish down here, too.

KAZRAN: Yeah, but only tiny ones. The house is built on a fog lake, that's how Dad freezes the people. They're all full, but we could borrow one. Yeah, this one.

(The young woman, Isabella's sister.)

DOCTOR: Hello again.

KAZRAN: You know her?

DOCTOR: Why her? Important, is she?

KAZRAN: She won't mind. She loves the fish.

(Kazran starts a recording.)

ABIGAIL: My name is Abigail Pettigrew, and I'm very grateful for Mister Sardick's kindness. My father

KAZRAN: She starts to talk about the fish in a minute.

ABIGAIL: But I would not allow it. I could not have chosen this path were it not for the compassion and generosity of the great philanthropist and patron of the poor, Mister Elliot Sardick. But I'm also surrounded by the fish, the beautiful, iridescent, magical fish.

DOCTOR: Why are these people here?

ABIGAIL: they dash beneath the light as they dart through the fog.

DOCTOR: What's all this for?

KAZRAN: My dad lends money. He always takes a family member as, he calls it security.

(And there are hundreds of them.)

DOCTOR: Hard man to love, your dad. But I suppose you know that.

ABIGAIL: Nature. I am not alone, and I am at peace.

(The recording ends.)

KAZRAN: What's wrong?

DOCTOR: Just my half a screwdriver trying to repair itself. It's signalling the other half.

KAZRAN: The other half's inside the shark.

DOCTOR: Yeah? Sounds like she's woken up. Okay, so it's homing on the screwdriver.

(And there is the shark again.)

[Main room]

SARDICK: Run! Run!

(Kazran finds a place to hide, and Jaws cruises behind him. Then the guest opera singer does her thing with Christina Rosetti's poem.)

ABIGAIL: (sings) In the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan. Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone. Snow had fallen, snow on snow, snow on snow. In the bleak midwinter long ago.

(Abigail is out of her cryochamber and the shark is calm beneath her hand.)

DOCTOR: It's not really the singing, of course.

KAZRAN: Yes, it is.


KAZRAN: The fish love the singing. It's true.

DOCTOR: Nah. The notes resonate in the ice crystals, causing a delta wave pattern in the fog. Ow. A fish bit me.

KAZRAN: Shut up, then.

ABIGAIL: Heaven and earth shall flee away

DOCTOR: Of course. That's how the machine controls the cloud belt. The clouds are ice crystals. If you vibrate the crystals at exactly the right frequency, you could align them into ow! Why do they keep biting me?

KAZRAN: Look, the fish like the singing, okay? Now shut up.


ABIGAIL: In the bleak midwinter, falling down before, the ox and ass and camel which adore.

[Main room]

(The portrait behind Sardick's chair is now of Abigail, not his father.)

SARDICK: It's bigger on


(Abigail and Kazran are looking inside the Tardis.)

KAZRAN: The inside.

DOCTOR: Yeah, it's the colour. Really knocks the walls back.

(The shark is in Abigail's cryochamber.)

DOCTOR: Shark in a box, to go.

[Main room]

SARDICK: Abigail.


ABIGAIL: This is amazing.

DOCTOR: Nah, this is transport. I keep amazing out here.

(The Doctor opens the doors. They are in the clouds, amongst the fish.)

DOCTOR: Come on, then. Let's get this shark out.

(Young Kazran takes a photograph which old Sardick digs out of his memory box. The shark is released.)

KAZRAN: Hey, look at her go.

(The Doctor closes Abigail's cryochamber and sees a set of dials on the front - 000 008.)

DOCTOR: Abigail, this number. What does it mean?

ABIGAIL: It pertains to me, sir, not the fish.

DOCTOR: Yeah, but how?

ABIGAIL: You are a doctor, you say? Are you one of mine?

DOCTOR: Do you need a doctor?

(The microwave goes ding!)

DOCTOR: Ah. Sorry. Time's up, kids.


DOCTOR: It's nearly Christmas Day.


(They put Abigail back in her cryochamber.)

ABIGAIL: If you should ever wish to visit again.

DOCTOR: Well, you know, if I'm ever in the neighbourhood.

KAZRAN: He comes every Christmas Eve.


KAZRAN: Yeah, he does. Every time. He promises.

DOCTOR: No, I don't.

(Kazran shuts Abigail's cryochamber. Then it opens again, with the Doctor and Kazran wearing red fur-trimmed hats.)

DOCTOR + KAZRAN: Merry Christmas!

ABIGAIL: Doctor! What are we going to do?

KAZRAN: The Doctor's got a great plan. Wait till you hear.

(They run out of the vault. The dials on Abigail's chamber click down to 000 007.)


ABIGAIL: You are out of your mind. This will never work.

(They have a carriage with nothing to pull it. The Doctor points his half a sonic screwdriver into the sky.)

DOCTOR: Oh, don't think shark, think dolphin.

ABIGAIL: A shark isn't a dolphin.

DOCTOR: It's nearly a dolphin.

ABIGAIL: No, it isn't.

DOCTOR: That's where you're wrong, because. Shut up.

KAZRAN: It could be anywhere. Will it really come?

DOCTOR: No chance. Completely impossible. Except at Christmas.

(So the three go on a shark powered sleigh ride through the skies.)

KAZRAN: How are we going to get back?

DOCTOR: I don't know.

ABIGAIL: Do you have a plan?

DOCTOR: I don't know.

(They buzz the roof tops, causing delight to the viewers.)


ABIGAIL: Best Christmas Eve ever.

KAZRAN: Till the next one.

[Main room]

(Sardick has an array of photographs spread before him.)

SARDICK: New memories. How can I have new memories?


DOCTOR + KAZRAN: Merry Christmas!

ABIGAIL: Doctor. Where to this time?

DOCTOR: Did I mention, at any point, all of time and space?

(And the next time.)

DOCTOR + KAZRAN: Merry Christmas!

ABIGAIL: Doctor.

(According to the photographs, Egypt.)

DOCTOR: Merry Christmas!

(Kazran is a shy teenager. They are both wearing very long, striped scarves.)

ABIGAIL: Doctor.

(Her counter clicks down to 4. They visit somewhere mountainous.)

DOCTOR + KAZRAN: Merry Christmas!

(Kazran is now a strapping young man.)

ABIGAIL: Kazran.



ABIGAIL: You've grown.


ABIGAIL: And now you're blushing.

KAZRAN: I'm sorry.

ABIGAIL: That's okay.

KAZRAN: So, Doctor, where this time?

DOCTOR: Pick a Christmas Eve. I've got them all right here.

ABIGAIL: Might I make a request?

DOCTOR: Of course.

ABIGAIL: This one.

[Outside Eric's home]

(Inside, the family are preparing for Christmas. Abigail stands outside the door, whilst the Doctor and Kazran are a little way off.)

ERIC [OC]: Thank you, darling.

KAZRAN: Who are they?

DOCTOR: Her family. The lady's her sister. I met her once, when she was older.

KAZRAN: Abigail's crying.


KAZRAN: When girls are crying, are you supposed to talk to them?

DOCTOR: I have absolutely no idea.

(Kazran goes over to Abigail.)

ABIGAIL: My sister's family. They're so happy.

KAZRAN: They look very poor.

ABIGAIL: They are very poor. Doesn't mean you can't be happy.

ERIC [OC]: Close the curtains.

(Their view is shut off.)

KAZRAN: And then why aren't you?

ABIGAIL: Because this is the life I can never have.

KAZRAN: Why not?

(Abigail squeezes his hand.)

ABIGAIL: I think you're blushing again.

(The Doctor opens the curtains from the inside.)

DOCTOR: Come in.

[Eric's home]

(The Doctor tries a card trick on the youngest boy, who I think grows up into the Benjamin at the top of the show.)

DOCTOR: Pick a card. Any card at all.

ISABELLA: Every Christmas Eve? I don't understand.

ABIGAIL: I'm not sure I do.

DOCTOR: You memorise the card, you put it back in the deck. Don't let me see it.

ERIC: Is this what it looked like last year?

ISABELLA: It doesn't have to be exactly the same.

ERIC: I'm starting again. Come on, Kazran, we're starting again.

ISABELLA: That's Sardick's boy, isn't it?

ABIGAIL: He's not like his father.

ISABELLA: His father treats everyone like cattle. One day that boy will do the same.

ABIGAIL: No. He's different.

DOCTOR: The three of clubs.

BEN: No.

DOCTOR: You sure? Because I'm very good at card tricks.

BEN: It wasn't the three of clubs.

DOCTOR: Well, of course it wasn't, because it was the seven of diamonds.

BEN: No.

DOCTOR: Oi, stop it, you're doing it wrong.

ISABELLA: I see him around the town sometimes. Never any friends.

ABIGAIL: He's got me.

ISABELLA: All those Christmas Eves, you never once came to see us.

ABIGAIL: I'm here now.

ISABELLA: Then stay. Stay for tomorrow. Have Christmas dinner with us.

ABIGAIL: I can't.

ISABELLA: Well, then. Tomorrow's Christmas dinner is cancelled, as my sister refuses to attend.

ABIGAIL: Isabella

ISABELLA: Instead, we'll have it tonight.

(Around the dinner table, crackers are pulled.)

DOCTOR: Three, two, one, pull!

(Ben's has a playing card in it.)

BEN: How did you do that?

DOCTOR: Your card, I believe.

(The eight of hearts.)

BEN: No.

DOCTOR: Oh, shut up.

(Kazran proposes a toast.)

KAZRAN: Er, Merry Christmas.

ALL: Merry Christmas.

(Under the table, Abigail and Kazran are holding hands.)


ABIGAIL: Best Christmas Eve ever.

DOCTOR: Ah. Till the next one.

ABIGAIL: I look forward to it. Now I'd like to say good night to Kazran.

DOCTOR: Of course, yes. Well, on you go. Oh. Oh. Yes. Right. Sorry. I'll, er, I'll go, then. Good night. (to Kazran) Good luck. Night. Good night.

(He backs into another cryochamber.)

DOCTOR: Sorry.

(Kazran goes after him.)

KAZRAN: Doctor. I, er, I think she's going to kiss me.

DOCTOR: Yeah, I think you're right.

KAZRAN: I've never kissed anyone before. What do I do?

DOCTOR: Well, try and be all nervous and rubbish and a bit shaky.


DOCTOR: Because you're going to be like that anyway. Might as well make it part of the plan, then it'll feel on purpose. Off you go, then.

KAZRAN: What, now? I kiss her now?

DOCTOR: Kazran, trust me. It's this or go to your room and design a new kind of screwdriver. Don't make my mistakes. Now, go.

(Kazran returns to Abigail, who pulls him to her and kisses him.

In the future, Sardick looks at pictures of them both in front of the Statue of Liberty, Uluru - or Eyres Rock if you prefer - Sydney Opera House, Empire State Building, Eiffel Tower. One says California 1952 on the back. The three are in front of the Hollywood sign.)

[Hollywood 1952]

(A party is going on out of sight. Kazran comes to find his love, who is alone by the swimming pool.)

KAZRAN: Abigail, are you coming back? The Doctor is going to do a duet with Frank. Abigail? What's wrong?

ABIGAIL: I have something to tell you.

KAZRAN: A bad thing?

ABIGAIL: A very bad thing.

KAZRAN: What is it?

ABIGAIL: The truth.

(The Doctor appears from behind a tree as Abigail and Kazran are kissing. His has lipstick on his face.)

DOCTOR: Guys, we've really got to go quite quickly. I just accidentally got engaged to Marilyn Monroe. How do you keep going like that? Do you breathe out your ears? Hello? Sorry. Hello? Guys, she's phoned a chapel. There's a car outside. This is happening now.

MARILYN: Yoo-hoo!

DOCTOR: Yoo-hoo. Right. Fine. Thank you. I'll just go and get married then, shall I? See how you like that. Marilyn? Get your coat!

(The Doctor leaves. Kazran and Abigail end their kiss.)

KAZRAN: What are we going to do?

ABIGAIL: There is nothing to be done.


KAZRAN: Good night, Abigail.

ABIGAIL: Good night, Kazran.

(Kazran seals Abigail in her cryochamber.)

DOCTOR: There we go. Another day, another Christmas Eve. I'll see you in a minute, eh? I mean, a year.

KAZRAN: Doctor? Listen, why don't we leave it?

DOCTOR: Sorry, leave what?

KAZRAN: Oh, you know, this. Every Christmas Eve. It's getting a bit old.


KAZRAN: Well, Christmas is for kids, isn't it? I've got some work with my dad now. I'm going to focus on that. Get that cloud belt under control.

DOCTOR: Sorry, I didn't realise I was boring you.

KAZRAN: Not your fault. Times change.

DOCTOR: Not as much as I'd hoped. Kazran. I'll be needing a new one, anyway. What the hell.

(The Doctor gives Kazran his half a screwdriver.)

DOCTOR: Merry Christmas. And if you ever need me, just activate it. I'll hear you.

KAZRAN: I won't need you.

DOCTOR: What's happened? What are you not telling me? What about Abigail?

KAZRAN: I know where to find her.


(The counter on the cryochamber is down to 000 001.)

[Main room]

(Sardick looks around. His father's portrait is back. Meanwhile, in the past, the Wurlitzer is ready.)

ELLIOT: Another Christmas Eve, Kazran. But a very special one. It's complete. Look at it. Sound waves. As simple as that. We can control the clouds, the fog, the fish.

KAZRAN: Why do we want to control the fish?

ELLIOT: People are cattle. If you want to control cattle, you need to control their predators. What's the face for? Look what I'm giving you. The sky, and everything beneath it. Only you and I can control this. This planet is ours.

KAZRAN: Excuse me, Father.

(Kazran returns to his room and takes the screwdriver from his desk drawer. The Doctor is standing outside the window. Kazran draws the curtains on him and puts the screwdriver back. Time passes and old Sardick takes it out again. Shortly after, the telephone rings. Sardick answers it.)

SARDICK: Yes, what? Oh, Mister President, we've been through this. It's not going to crash on my house, so what's it got to do with me? Yes, I know. four thousand and three. As a very old friend of mine once took a very long time to explain, life isn't fair.

(A hologram of Amy appears.)

AMY: Hello.

SARDICK: Who are you? What are you doing here?

AMY: You didn't think this was over, did you? I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present.

SARDICK: A ghost? Dressed like that?

(Amy is replaced by Rory.)

RORY: Eyes off the skirt.

(Amy pushes him out of the way.)

SARDICK: You turned into a Roman.

AMY: Yeah. Yeah, I do that. I also do this.

SARDICK: Do what? What are you talking about?

VOICES [OC]: Silent night, holy night.


PEOPLE: (sing) All is calm, all is bright, round yon virgin mother and child, Holy infant so tender and mild. Christ the Saviour is born. Christ the Saviour is born.

AMY: They're holograms. Projections, like me.

SARDICK: Who are they?

AMY: The people on the ship up there. The ones that you're going to let die tonight.

SARDICK: Why are they singing?

AMY: For their lives. Which one's Abigail? The Doctor told me.

SARDICK: Did he now?

AMY: AH, he doesn't hold back. You know the Doctor.

SARDICK: How do I? I never met him before tonight. Now I seem to have known him all my life. How? Why?

AMY: You're the only person who can let that ship land. He was trying to turn you into a nicer person. And he was trying to do it nicely.

SARDICK: He's changed my past, my whole life.

AMY: Time can be rewritten.

SARDICK: You tell the Doctor. Tell him from me, people can't.

(Sardick walks through the holograms, which vanish, to a particular cryochamber.)

AMY: That's Abigail?

SARDICK: I would never have known her if the Doctor hadn't changed the course of my whole life to suit himself.

AMY: Well, that's good, isn't it?


AMY: Why is she still in there? You could let her out any time.

SARDICK: Oh, yes. Any time at all. Any time I choose.

AMY: Then why don't you?

SARDICK: This is what the Doctor did to me. Abigail was ill when she went into the ice. On the point of death. I suppose the rest in the ice helped her. But she's used up her time. All those Christmas Eves with me. I could release her any time I want, and she would live a single day. So tell me, Ghost of Christmas Present, how do I choose which day?

AMY: I'm sorry. I really am. I'm very, very sorry. But you know what? She's got more time left than I have. More than anyone on this ship.


AMY: Rory, widen the beam.


CAPTAIN: Status update on engine one.

SARDICK: How did I get here?

AMY: You didn't. It's your turn to be the hologram. Since you're going to let a lot of people die, I thought you might like to see where it's all going to happen.

SARDICK: The singing. What is it? I don't understand.

RORY: It's the Doctor's idea. The harmonies resonate in the ice crystals, that's why thee fish like it. He thought maybe it would stabilise the ship. But it isn't working. It's not powerful enough.

SARDICK: Why are they still singing, then?

CAPTAIN: Because we haven't told them. Sir, I understand you have a machine that controls this cloud layer. If you can release us from it, we still have time to make a landing. Nobody has to die.

SARDICK: Everybody has to die.

AMY: Not tonight.

SARDICK: Tonight's as good as any other. How do you choose?

AMY: Doctor?

DOCTOR [OC]: Yeah?

AMY: Are you hearing this?

DOCTOR [OC]: I can hear.

SARDICK: He's here? Where is he? Doctor?


SARDICK: Doctor!

DOCTOR: I'm sorry. I didn't realise.

SARDICK: All my life, I've been called heartless. My other life, my real life, the one you rewrote. Now look at me.

DOCTOR: Better a broken heart than no heart at all.

SARDICK: Oh, try it. You try it. Why are you here?

DOCTOR: Because I'm not finished with you yet. You've seen the past, the present, and now you need to see the future.

SARDICK: Fine. Do it. Show me. I'll die cold, alone and afraid. Of course I will. We all do. What difference does showing me make? Do you know why I'm going to let those people die? It's not a plan. I don't get anything from it. It's just that I don't care. I'm not like you. I don't even want to be like you. I don't and never, ever will care.

DOCTOR: And I don't believe that.

SARDICK: Then show me the future. Prove me wrong.

DOCTOR: I am showing it to you. I'm showing it to you right now. So what do you think? Is this who you want to become, Kazran?

(Sardick turns around to see little boy Kazran standing there in his dressing gown.)


(Sardick is about to hit his younger self when he remembers -)

ELLIOT [memory]: This planet is ours.

(And the time he nearly hit Benjamin's son, and kissed Abigail and put her back to live for ever. He cries. Kazran cries. They hug each other.)

SARDICK: I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. It's okay, don't be frightened. I'm, I'm so, so, so

DOCTOR: Kazran. We don't have much time.


CO-PILOT: Structural integrity at thirty percent.

CAPTAIN: We have five minutes max. We need to land.

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: Hello? Hello? Ah, hello, everyone. Prepare to lock on to my signal.

AMY: Doctor, what's happening?

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: I just saved Christmas. Don't go away.

AMY: Doctor? Doctor!

[Main room]

(Sardick is at the controls of his father's mighty Wurlitzer.)

DOCTOR: We good to go, then?

SARDICK: The controls, they won't respond.

DOCTOR: Of course they will. They're isomorphic. They're tuned to your brainwaves. They'll only respond to you.

SARDICK: They won't respond.

DOCTOR: That doesn't make sense. That's ridiculous. Why wouldn't? Oh. Oh, of course. Stupid, stupid Doctor.

SARDICK: What's wrong? Tell me, what is it?

DOCTOR: It's you. It's you. I've changed you too much. The machine doesn't recognise you.

SARDICK: But my father programmed it.

DOCTOR: No, your father would never have programmed it for the man you are now.

SARDICK: Then what do we do?

DOCTOR: Er, er, I don't know. I don't know.

KAZRAN: There must be something.

SARDICK: This. You can use this. I kept it, see?

DOCTOR: What, half a screwdriver? With the other half up in the sky in a big old shark, right in the heart of the cloud layer. If we use your aerial to boost the signal, set up a resonation pattern between the two halves. Ooo, come on, that would work. My screwdriver, coolest bit of kit on this planet. Coolest two bits. It could do it.

SARDICK: Do what?

DOCTOR: Well, my screwdriver is still trying to repair. It's signalling itself. We use the signal, but we send something else.

KAZRAN: Send what?

SARDICK: Well, what? What?

DOCTOR: I'm sorry, Kazran. I truly am.

SARDICK: I don't understand.

We need to transmit something into the cloud belt. Something we know works. We need her to sing.


DOCTOR: Her voice resonates perfectly with the ice crystals. It calmed the shark. It will calm the sky, too.

SARDICK: Could you do it? Could you do this? Think about it, Doctor. One last day with your beloved. Which day would you choose?

ABIGAIL: Christmas. Christmas Day. Look at you. You're so old now. I think you waited a bit too long, didn't you?

SARDICK: I'm sorry.

ABIGAIL: Hoarding my days, like an old miser.

SARDICK: But if you leave the ice now

ABIGAIL: We've had so many Christmas Eves, Kazran. I think it's time for Christmas Day.



AMY: Doctor!

CAPTAIN: We can't hold this. Time's up. We're going down.

AMY: Doctor!

CO-PILOT: Captain, I've got. I don't know what I've got.

(Singing coming over the speakers.)

CAPTAIN: What is that? What are you listening to?

CO-PILOT: This is coming from outside. This is coming from the actual clouds.

(The turbulence stops as the new Murray Gold song starts.)


(The Doctor has hooked up the screwdriver to the beam transmitter in the dome, and Abigail is using it as a microphone.)

ABIGAIL: (sings) When you're alone, silence is all you know.

SARDICK: Well? Well?

DOCTOR: Well, the singing resonates in the crystals. It's feeding back and forth between the two halves of the screwdriver. Now, one song, filling the sky. The crystals will align and I'll feed in a controlled phase loop, and the clouds will unlock.

KAZRAN: What does that mean, unlock? What happens when a cloud unlocks?

DOCTOR: Something that hasn't happened in this town for a very long time now.

ABIGAIL: (sings) When you're alone, silence is all you see. When you're alone, silence is all you'll be.


ABIGAIL [OC]: Give me your hand and come to me.

PILOT: We're flying normally.

CAPTAIN: Can you land?

PILOT: I can even land well.

AMY: Oh, he did it. The Doctor did it.

RORY: Yeah, he gets all the credit. Which is actually fair enough, if you think about it.


(It is snowing.)

ABIGAIL: (sings) When you are here, music is all around. When you are near, music is all around. Open your eyes, don't make a sound.

(The shark glides overhead.)

SARDICK: Hello, my old friend.

ABIGAIL: (sings) Let in the shadow.

DOCTOR: Let's go.

(Young Kazran goes into the Tardis.)

ABIGAIL: (sings) Let in the shadow, let in the light of your bright shadow. Let in the shadow, let in the shadow.

(The Doctor goes into the Tardis and it dematerialises, leaving a clear square in inch or so of fresh snow.)

ABIGAIL: (sings) Let in the light of your bright shadow.

(Later, the Doctor is rubbing noses with a snowman.)

AMY: You know, that could almost be mistaken for a real person. The snowman isn't bad, either.

DOCTOR: Ah, yes, you two. About time. Why are you dressed like that?

RORY: Er, kind of lost our luggage. Kind of crash landed?

DOCTOR: Yeah, but why are you dressed like that at all?

AMY: Yeah, they really love their snowmen around here, don't they? I've counted about twenty.

DOCTOR: Yeah, I've been busy.

AMY: Yeah. Yeah, you have. Thank you.

DOCTOR: Pleasure. Right, come on then, let's go.

RORY: Got any more honeymoon ideas?

DOCTOR: Well, there's a moon that's made of actual honey. Well, not actual honey, and it's not actually a moon, and technically it's alive, and a bit carnivorous, but there are some lovely views.

RORY: Yeah. Great. Thanks.

(Rory goes inside the Tardis.)

AMY: Are you, are you okay?

DOCTOR: Of course I'm okay. You?

AMY: Of course. It'll be their last day together, won't it?

DOCTOR: Everything has got to end some time, otherwise nothing would ever get started.

RORY: Your phone was ringing. Someone called Marilyn. Actually sounds like the Marilyn.

AMY: Doctor?

DOCTOR: Tell her I'll phone her back. And that was never a real chapel.

AMY: Where are they? Kazran and Abigail.

DOCTOR: Off on a little trip, I should think.

AMY: Where?

DOCTOR: Christmas.

AMY: Christmas?

DOCTOR: Yeah, Christmas.

(Amy joins Rory in the Tardis.)

DOCTOR: Halfway out of the dark.

(Sardick and Abigail fly past in their carriage pulled by the shark.)

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