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  04x01 - Partners in Crime
 Posted: 05/11/13 06:42
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OPENING CREDITS

***

Holding a red folder, Donna walks along a crowded street.

The Doctor walks on another crowded street.

Donna looks up to a high building, then walks toward it.

The Doctor looks up to the same building from the other side.

Donna enters through the main entrance.

EMPLOYEE (VO)

Good morning, Adipose Industries.

The Doctor opens a fire exit with the sonic screwdriver and enters the building.

Donna flashes a card to the security guard.

DONNA

Donna Noble, Health and Safety.

The Doctor walks on a deserted corridor. He flashes the psychic paper to the security guard.

DOCTOR

John Smith, Health and Safety.

About three dozen people, including Donna, are sitting in a lecture room listening to Miss Foster.

MISS FOSTER

Adipose Industries. The 21st century way to lose weight. No exercise, no diet, no pain. Just lifelong freedom from fat. The Holy Grail of the modern age.

And here it is. You just take one capsule, one capsule, once a day, for three weeks. And the fat, as they say...

COMPUTER VOICE

The fat just walks away.

PENNY

Excuse me, Miss Foster, if I could? I'm Penny Carter, science correspondent for The Observer.

There are a thousand diet pills on the market, a thousand con men stealing people's money. How do we know the fat isn't going straight into your bank account?

MISS FOSTER

Oh Penny, if cynicism burnt up calories, we'd all be as thin as rakes. But if you want the science, I oblige.

COMPUTER VOICE

Adipose Industries. The Adipose capsule is composed of a synthesised mobilising lipase, bound to a large protein molecule.

The Doctor is watching the demonstration from the projector room.

COMPUTER VOICE (through the window)

The mobilising lipase breaks up the trigycerides stored in the adipose cells, which then enter...

The Doctor shows the psychic paper to the man handling the projector.

DOCTOR

Health and Safety. Film department.

MISS FOSTER

100 percent legal, 100 percent effective.

PENNY

But, can I just ask, how many people have taken the pills to date?

MISS FOSTER

We've already got one million customers within the Greater London area alone. But from next week, we start rolling out nationwide. The future starts here. And Britain will be thin.

***

In the call center of Adipose Industries, phones keep ringing.

EMPLOYEES:

# Good morning, I represent Adipose Industries.

Donna goes to an employee, Craig.

CRAIG (talking on the phone)

That's a three-week course of pills for a special price of 45 pounds.

DONNA (whispers)

Donna Noble, Health and Safety. Don't mind me.

The Doctor goes to another employee, Clare.

CLARE (on the phone)

We deliver within three working days.

DOCTOR (whispers)

John Smith, Health and Safety. Don't mind me.

CRAIG (still on phone)

The box comes with 21 days' worth of pills, a full information pack, and our special free gift, an Adipose Industries pendant.

CLARE (on the phone, but looking at the Doctor)

It is made of 18 carat gold, and it's yours for free. No, we don't give away pens, sorry. No, I can't make an exception, no.

DONNA (putting the pendant into her pocket)

I'll just need to keep this for testing. And I just need a list of your customers. Could you print it off?

CRAIG

Suppose so.

DONNA

Where's the printer?

CRAIG

Just over there, by the plant.

She stands up, looking for the printer.

DONNA

Which plant, that plant?

CRAIG

Yeah, that's the one.

DONNA

Lovely.

She sits down. The Doctor stands up.

DOCTOR

That's the printer there?

CLARE

By the plant, yeah.

DOCTOR

Brilliant.

He sits down. Donna stands up.

DONNA

Does it need a code? Last place I worked, the printer needed a code.

CRAIG

No, I can do it from here.

She sits down. The Doctor stands up.

DOCTOR

Has it got paper?

CLARE

Yeah, Jimbo keeps it stocked.

***

Miss Foster walks in, two bodyguards in tow.

MISS FOSTER

Excuse me, everyone, if I could have your attention.

Everyone stands up, except the Doctor and Donna, who look up and hide in turns as Miss Foster turns to different sides of the room.

MISS FOSTER

On average, you're each selling forty Adipose packs per day. It's not enough. I want one hundred sales per person per day. And if not, you'll be replaced. Cos if anyone is good in trimming the fat, it's me.

Now. Back to it.

She leaves.

***

DOCTOR

Anyway, if you could print that off. Thanks.

DONNA

So if you could just print off that list, I'll get out of your way.

She stands up.

DONNA

Lovely! Thanks, then. See you!

She walks to the printer.

DOCTOR

Thanks, then. Oh, what's that?

CLARE

My telephone number.

DOCTOR (confused)

What for?

CLARE

Health and Safety. You be health, I'll be safety.

DOCTOR (making up an excuse)

Aah. Aah. But. That contravenes ah, paragraph five, subsection C. Sorry.

He stands up and goes to the printer, turning his back to Donna who is already leaving. But something is wrong with the printer, so he goes back to Clare and smiles at her.

DOCTOR

Me again.

***

Knocking on a door, a fat woman goes to open it. It's Donna.

DONNA

Stacy Campbell?

STACY

Who wants to know?

DONNA

My name is Donna, I represent Adipose Industries (she flashes a card) and you're on the list of our valued customers.

***

Knocking on another door, this time a man answers it.

DOCTOR

Mr Roger Davey, I'm calling on behalf of Adipose Industries (he flashes the psychic paper), just need to ask you a few questions.

***

STACY

It's been fantastic. I've started the pills on Thursday. Five days later, I've lost eleven pounds!

DONNA

And no side effects or anything?

STACY

No, I feel fantastic. It's a new lease of life. Now, what d'you think of these earrings, do they work?

DONNA

Yeah, lovely.

***

ROGER

I've been on the pills two weeks now, I've lost fourteen kilos.

DOCTOR

That's the same amount every day?

ROGER

One kilo exactly. You wake up, and it's disappeared overnight. Well, technically speaking, it's gone by ten past one in the morning.

DOCTOR

What makes you say that?

ROGER

That's when I get woken up. Might as well weigh myself at the same time.

The Doctor looks suspiciously.

***

DONNA

You go on a date?

STACY

I'm doing the opposite. I'm dumping him. I can do better than him now. Right, I won't be long. If the taxi beeps, give me a shout.

***

ROGER

It is driving me mad. Ten minutes past one, every night, bang on the dot without fail, the burglar alarm goes off. I've had experts in, I've had it replaced, I've even phoned Watchdog. But no, ten past one in the morning, off it goes.

DOCTOR

But with no burglars?

ROGER

Nothing. I've given up looking.

DOCTOR

Tell me Roger, have you got a cat flap?

They knee by the cat flap.

ROGER

It was there when I bought the house. Never bothered with it. I'm not a cat person.

DOCTOR

No, I've met cat people. You are nothing like them.

ROGER

It's that what it is then? Cats getting inside the house?

DOCTOR

Well, thing about cat flaps is that they don't just let things in, they let things out as well.

ROGER

Like what?

DOCTOR

The fat just walks away.

***

STACY (shouting from the bathroom)

Won't be long!

DONNA

That's all right!

She pulls out the Adipose pendant and start playing with it, twisting it accidentally. Stacy's belly starts moving and giving out strange noises.

***

In Miss Foster's office, an alarm goes off.

MISS FOSTER

We have unscheduled parthenogenesis.

***

DOCTOR

Well, thanks for your help. Tell you what, maybe you could lay off the pills for a week or so. (a device beeps) Ooh, gotta go, sorry.

He runs away, following the signal.

***

MISS FOSTER (talking to a wrist communicator device)

Send out the collection squad. Bring them home.

***

An Adipose breaks off from Stacy's belly.

DONNA

You all right up there?

STACY

Yeah.

***

MISS FOSTER

The Adipose has been witnessed. Activating full parthenogenesis.

She twists another Adipose pendant.

***

A second Adipose appears and jumps beside the first one to the sink. Both waving at Stacy.

STACY

What? What are you? What ARE you?

Bumps appear and disappear all across her body, with more strange noise.

DONNA (walks upstairs)

I like what you've done in the hall. Stacy? Are you all right? I wouldn't mind a little visit myself. Everything all right in there? (knocking on the bathroom door) Only me. Do you mind if I pop to the loo? Stacy?

STACY

Help me! Oh my God, help me!

DONNA

What is it, what's wrong?

She tries to get inside, but the door is locked.

DONNA

Stacy!

Stacy screams and then falls apart to about twenty little Adipose. Donna finally manages to break into the room, but Stacy is gone - there's only her clothes left. And the last Adipose, waving to her before jumping out of the window.

***

The collection squad car drives along a street with sirens flashing.

The Doctor runs along street holding up the device in front of him. He stops, looks at the device, bangs it, blows on it, then holds it out in front of him again and runs off.

Collection car pulls up and two bald men in suits get out and remove a butterfly net from the trunk.

Donna runs along a street. The Doctor runs along another street. He stops, waves the device around, looking for a signal. It dings and he runs on.

The bald men close a container and put it in the trunk of the van, then they get in and drive away.

The van passes Donna, then it passes the Doctor who runs out into the street. The car honks and passes him. The device dings as the car drives away. The Doctor starts running after it, but the car turns a corner and disappears.

A taxi drives up to Donna.

TAXI DRIVER

Stacy Campbell?

DONNA

No, she's gone.

TAXI DRIVER

Gone where?

DONNA

She's just gone.

TAXI DRIVER

Aw great, thanks for nothing.

Taxi drives away. The Doctor holds up the device looking disappointed. The taxi drives past him and we see that the Doctor and Donna are just one street away from each other. They both walk away.

***

Miss Foster puts on her glasses.

MISS FOSTER

It seems that we have a case of industrial espionage. One touch and the capsule bio-tunes itself to it's owner, but someone must have introduced a second raw capsule.

She looks at camera footage of the offices.

MISS FOSTER

Therefore, one of these people is a thief. There, oh yes, there she is. Now... what should we do with her?

***

Donna comes in the front door. Her mother's voice comes from another room.

SYLVIA (VO)

And what time is this?

DONNA (rolling the eyes)

How old am I?

Sylvia comes out into the front hall.

SYLVIA

Not old enough to use a phone.

Sylvia bustles around in the kitchen while Donna sits at a table drinking tea, lost in thoughts.

SYLVIA

I thought you were only moving back for a couple of weeks. Look at you, I mean you're never gonna find a flat, not while you're on the dole. And its no good sitting there, dressed up, looking like you're job hunting, you've got to do something! It's not like the 1980s, no one's unemployed these days except you! How long did that job with Health and Safety last? Two days, and then you walk out. 'I have other plans', well I've not seen them. And it's no good sitting there dreaming, no one's gonna come along with a magic wand and make your life all better.

DONNA (rolling her eyes at her mothers nagging)

Where is Grandad?

SYLVIA

Where do you think he is! Up the hill. He's always up the hill.

Donna walks up a big hill in to a kind of junk yard. Her grandad walks out of a tin shed.

WILF

Aye, aye here comes trouble. Ha.

DONNA

Permission to board ship, sir?

WILF

Permission granted. Was she nagging you?

DONNA

Ha ha. Big time.

Wilf sits down on a camp chair in front of a telescope.

DONNA

Brought you a thermos.

WILF

Oh, ta.

DONNA

You seen anything?

WILF

Yeah, I've got Venus, there with an apparent magnitude of minus 3.5. At least that's what it says in my little book.

Donna pulls out a tarpin and sits down.

WILF

Here, come and see, come on, here you go.

Donna looks in to the telescope.

WILF

Right? That's the only planet in the Solar System named after a woman.

DONNA

Good for her. How far away is that?

WILF

Oh, its about 26 million miles. But we'll get there one day. In a hundred years time we'll be striding out amongst the stars. Jiggling about with all them aliens. Just you wait.

DONNA

You really believe in all that stuff, don't you?

WILF

It's all over the place these days. If I wait here long enough...

DONNA

I don't suppose you've seen a little blue box?

WILF

Is that slang for something?

DONNA

No, I mean it. If you ever see a little blue box flying up there in the sky, you shout for me, Gramps. Oh, you just shout.

WILF

You know, I don't understand half the things you say these days.

DONNA

Nor me.

WILF

No, fair dos. You've had a funny old time of it lately. There was poor old what's his name, Lance, bless him... and that barmy old Christmas. I wish you would tell us what really happened.

DONNA

I know. It's just... the things I've seen. Sometimes I think I'm going mad. I mean even tonight I was in a... doesn't matter.

WILF

Well you're not yourself, I'll give you that. You just... you seem to be drifting, sweetheart.

DONNA

I'm not drifting. I'm waiting.

WILF

What for?

DONNA

The right man.

WILF

Oh,ho,ho same old story. A man! Haha.

DONNA

Ha ha, no, I don't mean like that. But, he's real. I've seen him. I've met him, just once. And then... I let him fly away.

WILF

Well there you are, go and find him!

DONNA

I've tried. He's nowhere.

WILF

Oi, not like you to give up. You know, remember when you were about six years old, your mother said no holiday this year. So off you toddled, all on your own and you got on a bus to Strathclyde! Hah! We had the police after you and everything! Ha, where's she gone then, where's that girl, hey?

DONNA

You're right. Cos he's still out there, somewhere. And I'll find him Gramps, even if I have to wait a hundred years. I'll find him.

***

The Doctor is in the TARDIS looking at the golden Adipose Industries capsule through a magnifying glass.

DOCTOR

Ohh, fascinating. Seems to be a bio-flip digital stitch, specifically for...

He looks up. No one is there in the TARDIS. He stands up, looking lonely.

***

Donna walks out to a blue car outside her house. Sylvia comes out in a dressing gown and hair curlers.

SYLVIA

It's my turn for the car. What you need it for?

Donna gets in to the car and turns it on.

DONNA

A quick getaway.

The Doctor is running around the TARDIS pulling and pushing buttons.

Donna parks the car, gets out and locks it and walks away.

The TARDIS materializes a few meters behind.

Donna goes in a revolving door.

The Doctor sonics the fire exit door and goes inside.

Donna walks through the call center, and waves at Craig.

DONNA

Morning.

The Doctor walks along a deserted corridor. He opens a storage closet and sonics the door shut.

Donna walks into a washroom. She goes into a stall, sits down and looks at her watch.

Miss Foster walks along through the office cubicles, flanked by her two bodyguards.

MISS FOSTER:

Keep an eye out . She'll come back and then she's mine.

Camera looks at clock which says 9:30. Clock changes to 6:10. Everyone is packing up to go home.

CLARE

See you tomorrow!

The Doctor sonics the door open and walks out.

Donna is stretching in her stall. She opens the door and walks out. Her phone rings and she goes back into the stall and answers it.

DONNA (whispering)

Not now!

SYLVIA

I need the car! Where are you?

DONNA

I can't. I'm busy.

SYLVIA

Why are you whispering?

DONNA

I'm in church.

SYLVIA

What are you doing in church?

DONNA

Praying!

SYLVIA

Bit late for that, madam.

WILF

What's she in church for?

SYLVIA

Hush, you. Go up the hill! (to Donna) But I need the car. I'm going out with Susette. Shes asked all the Wednesday girls, apparently shes been on those Adipose pills. She says she looks marvelous.

Miss Foster comes in to the bathroom with her bodyguards. Donna hangs up, scared.

MISS FOSTER

We know you're in here, so why don't you make this nice and easy and show yourself?

Donna pulls up her legs.

MISS FOSTER

I'm waiting. I warn you, I'm not a patient woman. Now, out you come.

MISS FOSTER

Right. We'll do it the hard way. Get her!

The bodyguards start to kick open the stall doors. But before reaching to Donna, they find Penny.

MISS FOSTER

There you are.

PENNY

I've been through the records, Foster, and all of your results have been faked. There's something about those pills you're not telling us.

MISS FOSTER

Oh, I think I'll be conducting this interview, Penny.

They leave, Donna sneaks out and follows them.

The Doctor is on the roof. He gets into a window cleaner's cradle and switches it to descend.

PENNY

You've got no right to do this. Let me go!

They arrive to Miss Foster's office. The Doctor is in the cradle outside the office. He uses a stethoscope to hear the conversation inside.

PENNY

This is ridiculous.

MISS FOSTER

Sit there.

PENNY

I'm phoning my editor.

MISS FOSTER

I said sit.

Penny is pushed down to the chair and tied to it by a bodyguard.

PENNY

You can't tie me up. What sort of a country do you think this is?

MISS FOSTER

Oh, it's a beautifully fat country. And believe me, I've travelled a long way to find obesity on this scale.

PENNY

So come on then, Miss Foster, those pills. What are they?

Donna sneaks to the door of Miss Foster's office.

MISS FOSTER

Well, you might just as well have a scoop, since you'll never see it printed. This (she lifts a capsule) is the spark of life.

PENNY

And what's that supposed to mean?

MISS FOSTER

Officially, the capsule attracts all the fat cells and flushes them away. Well, it certainly attracts them, that part's true. But it binds the fat together and galvanises it to form a body.

PENNY

Well, what d'you mean 'a body'?

MISS FOSTER

I am surprised you never asked about my name. I chose it well. Foster, as in foster mother. And these (she puts an Adipose to the table) are my children.

PENNY

You're kidding me. What the hell is that?

Donna rises to look in through the door window. The Doctor also rises to look in through the window.

MISS FOSTER

Adipose. It's called an Adipose. Made out of living fat. Stripped from ordinary human...

The Doctor and Donna look at each other. Both are stunned by surprise.

DOCTOR (mouthing through the window)

Donna?

DONNA (mouthing too)

DOCTOR!

DOCTOR

But... what? Wha... What?!

DONNA

OH MY GOD!

DOCTOR

But... how?

DONNA

It's me!

DOCTOR

Well, I can see that!

DONNA

Oh this is brilliant!

DOCTOR

But what are you doing there?

DONNA

I was looking for you!

DOCTOR

What for?!

DONNA (miming)

I, came here, trouble, read about it, internet, I thought, trouble = you! And this place is weird! Pills! So I hid. Back there. Crept along. Heard this lot. Looked. You! Cos they...

She gestures and looks toward Miss Foster. Who is staring at her. Just like Penny and the guards. Donna freezes.

MISS FOSTER (loud)

Are we interrupting you?

DOCTOR (mouthing)

Run!

MISS FOSTER

Get her!

The Doctor locks the office door with the sonic screwdriver, then uses it to elevate the cradle back to the roof.

MISS FOSTER

And him!

Donna runs up the stairs.

The Doctor enters the building and heads downstairs.

The guards shoot the office door open. Penny screams. They run after Donna, followed by Miss Foster.

PENNY

What about me?

The Doctor and Donna meet. Big hug!

DONNA

Oh my God! I don't believe it! You've even got the same suit! (aghast) Dont you ever change?

DOCTOR

Yeah thanks Donna, not right now.

He looks down and sees the guards coming.

DOCTOR

Just like old times!

They head upstairs and go out to the roof.

DONNA (excited babbling)

Cos I thought, how do I find the Doctor? And then I just thought, look for trouble and then he'll turn up! So I looked everywhere, you name it - UFOs, sightings, crop circles, sea monsters. I looked, I found them all. Like that stuff about the bees disappearing, I thought, I bet he's connected. Cos the thing is, Doctor, I believe it all now. You opened my eyes. All those amazing things out there, I believe them all. Well, apart from that replica of the Titanic flying over Buckingham Palace on Christmas Day, I mean that's gotta be a hoax!

During this, the Doctor is busy working on the cradle controls with the sonic.

DOCTOR

What d'you mean, the bees are disappearing?

DONNA

I don't know. That's what it says on the internet.

The Doctor climbs into the cradle.

DONNA

Well on the same site, there was all the conspiracy theories about Adipose Industries, I thought let's take a look!

DOCTOR

In you get!

DONNA

Well in that thing?

DOCTOR

Yes in that thing!

DONNA

But if we go down in that, they'll just call us back up again.

DOCTOR

No no no, cos I've locked the controls with a sonic cage. I'm the only one who can control it. Not unless she's got a sonic device of her own. Which is very unlikely.

Miss Foster approaches the roof door with a sonic pen in hand.

MISS FOSTER (to the bodyguards)

Out of my way.

They go to the edge of the roof. She looks down and sees the Doctor and Donna in the cradle, still descending.

MISS FOSTER

Oh, I don't think so.

She uses her sonic pen to accelerate the cradle. The Doctor stops it with the screwdriver. He and Donna fall to the floor, then get up. He tries to open the nearest window with the sonic.

DOCTOR

Hold on. Hold on, we can get in through the window.

MISS FOSTER (talking into her wrist communicator)

Deadlock the building.

DOCTOR

Can't get it open!

DONNA (lifting a huge spanner from the cradle)

Well smash it then!

They can't break the safety glass. Miss Foster smiles and points her sonic to the cradle cable, it starts to sparkle and smoke. Donna looks up.

DONNA

Cutting the cable!

The cable breaks. The Doctor manages to hold inside the cradle, but Donna falls out.

DOCTOR

DONNA!

DONNA

Doctor!

She is clinging to the broken cable, hanging high in the air.

DOCTOR

Hold on!

DONNA

I AM!

The Doctor tries to pull her up by the cable, but he can't.

DONNA

Doctor!

MISS FOSTER

And now, for the other one.

She lifts up the sonic pen again, pointing it to the second cable. The Doctor points his screwdriver to her hand, the pen sparkles and she drops it.

MISS FOSTER

Aah.

The Doctor catches the second sonic, then climbs up the cable to another window. Now he manages to open it.

DONNA

I'm going to fall!

Her feet hang just in front of the windows of the office where Penny sits, still tied to the chair.

PENNY

What the hell is going on?

DONNA

This is all your fault. I should've stayed at home!

DOCTOR

I won't be a minute!

He climbs into the building.

MISS FOSTER (rubbing her sore hand)

Yes he's slippery, that one. Time we found out who he is.

The Doctor runs downstairs into Miss Foster's office and opens the window.

PENNY

Is anyone gonna tell me what's going on?

DOCTOR

What, you're a journalist?

PENNY

Yes.

DOCTOR

Well, make it up!

He tries to grab Donna's legs.

DONNA

Get off!

DOCTOR

I've got you! I've got you. Stop kicking!

He manages to pull her inside.

DONNA

I was right. It's always like this with you, innit?

DOCTOR (huge grin)

OH YES! And off we go!

They grin at each other and run out, leaving Penny behind.

PENNY

OI!

The Doctor pops back.

DOCTOR

Sorry!

He uses the sonic to release her and runs off again. Then pops back again.

DOCTOR

Now do yourself a favour, get out.

He and Donna run across the call center area - meeting Miss Foster and the guards.

MISS FOSTER

Well then (she takes off her glasses) at last.

DONNA

Hello.

DOCTOR

Nice to meet you, I'm the Doctor.

DONNA

And I'm Donna.

MISS FOSTER

Partners in crime. And evidently off-worlders, judging by your sonic technology.

DOCTOR

Oh yes, I've still got your sonic pen. Nice, I like it. Sleek, it's kinda sleek.

He shows it to Donna.

DONNA

Oh it's definitely sleek.

DOCTOR

Yeah, and if you were to sign your real name that would be...?

MISS FOSTER

Matron Cofelia of the Five-Straighten Classabindi Nursery Fleet. Intergalactic Class.

DOCTOR

A wet nurse, using humans as surrogates.

MISS FOSTER

I've been employed by the Adiposian First Family to foster a new generation after their breeding planet was lost.

DOCTOR

What do you mean lost? How do you lose a planet?

MISS FOSTER

Oh, politics are none of my concern. I'm just here to take care of the children on behalf of the parents.

DONNA

What, like an outer space super-nanny?

MISS FOSTER

Yes, if you like.

DONNA

So... so those little things they're, they're made out of fat yeah, but that woman, Stacy Campbell, there was nothing left of her.

MISS FOSTER

Oh, in a crisis the Adipose can convert bone and hair and internal organs. Makes them a little bit sick, poor things.

DONNA

What about poor Stacy?

DOCTOR

Seeding a level 5 planet is against galactic law.

MISS FOSTER

Are you threatening me?

DOCTOR

I'm trying to help you, Matron. This is your one chance; cos if you don't call this off, then I'll have to stop you.

MISS FOSTER

I hardly think you can stop bullets.

The bodyguards aim.

DOCTOR

No, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, one more thing, before... dying. Do you know what happens if you hold two identical sonic devices against each other?

MISS FOSTER (after a short pause)

No.

DOCTOR

Nor me, lets find out!

The Doctor points the sonic screwdriver and the sonic pen at each other. It creates an awful noise, Miss Foster and her guards squirm in agony and a glass pane shatters. Donna pushes the Doctor so that he stops.

DONNA

Come on!

They run off. Miss Foster talks into her wrist communicator.

MISS FOSTER

I'm advancing the birth plan. We're going into premature labour.

Miss Foster and her guards hurry away. Penny is collecting binders from Miss Foster's office.

PENNY

Cellular ossification.

Miss Foster walks in with the guards.

MISS FOSTER

Tie her up.

The guards grab Penny.

PENNY

Ah, you're kidding me.

The Doctor and Donna run along a deserted corridor. They arrive at the storage cupboard and the Doctor starts throwing the supplies out.

DONNA

Well, that's one solution. Hide in a cupboard. I like it.

The Doctor opens the back of the cupboard to reveal a big green machine built into the wall.

DOCTOR

Hacking in to this thing, cos the matron's got a computer core running through the center of the building. Triple deadlocked. And now I've got this (holds up the sonic pen) I can get into it.

Miss Foster opens a wall panel to reveal another green machine.

PENNY

What does that thing do?

MISS FOSTER

It's the inducer. We had planned to seed millions, but if that man's an alien then he's alerted the Shadow Proclamation, so the first one million humans will have to do. (to the guards) Find him, and the woman. Don't waste time, just kill them.

The guards run off.

DOCTOR

She's wired up the whole building. We need a bit of privacy.

He holds two sparking plugs together and lightning comes out of the walls and stuns the guards.

DOCTOR

Just enough to stop them. Why's she wired up the tower block? What's it all for?

He starts fiddling with cables.

COMPUTER VOICE

Inducer online.

DONNA

You look older.

DOCTOR

Thanks.

DONNA

Still on your own?

DOCTOR

Yup. Well no, I had this friend, Martha she was called. Martha Jones. She was brilliant... and I destroyed half her life. But she's fine. She's good. She's gone.

DONNA

What about Rose?

DOCTOR

Still lost. (pause) I thought you were going to travel the world?

DONNA

Easier said then done. It's like I had that one day with you and I was gonna change. I was gonna do so much. Then I woke up next morning, same old life. It's like you were never there. And I tried. I did try, I went to Egypt. I was gonna go barefoot and everything. And then it's all bus trips and guidebooks and don't drink the water and two weeks later you're back home. It's nothing like being with you. I must have been mad turning down that offer.

DOCTOR

What offer?

DONNA

To come with you.

DOCTOR

You'd come with me?

DONNA

Oh yes, please!

DOCTOR

Right.

COMPUTER VOICE

Inducer activated.

DONNA

What's it doing now?

DOCTOR

She's started the program.

Miss Foster pulls a lever.

COMPUTER VOICE

Inducer transmitting.

MISS FOSTER

Mark the date, Miss Carter. Happy birthday. One million birthdays.

***

Sylvia and her friends are at a restaurant having dinner.

SUZETTE

I swear that Adipose treatment is fabulous. Just look at my chin. And it's very good for back fat. I'm down two sizes!

SYLVIA

It's like a miracle. All that from just one little pill!

SUZETTE

And I've been eating like normal.

Her back starts twitching.

SYLVIA

You all right, love?

SUZETTE

Yeah, I'm just... funny sort of feeling like a...

Other people in the restaurant start feeling strange too.

WOMAN

What's happened?

MAN

I'm not sure, seems to be...

SUZETTE

Better pop to the loo.

Suzette's back starts bulging out.

SYLVIA

Oh, my God, Suzette!

SUZETTE

What?

Roger is reading at home. He stands up and starts to feel his side.

SUZETTE (panicking)

What is it? Get it off me!

Sylvia runs and pulls down the back of her shirt to reveal an Adipose. Fat people all over the restaurant start getting bumps too.

An Adipose bursts out of Rogers belly, waves and jumps out the cat flap.

Suzette's Adipose runs along the restaurant floor, dodging people's feet. Out on the street Adipose are everywhere. Marching along in a scattered mob. They all seem to be heading in the same direction.

MISS FOSTER

Come to me children. Come to me.

FEMALE VOICE

All right, everyone get back, don't touch them, and stay away.

The street is swarming with Adipose. Police are trying to help but with no avail.

DOCTOR

So far they're just losing weight, but the Matron has gone up to emergency pathogenesis.

DONNA

That's when they convert...

DOCTOR

Skeletons, organs, everything. A million people are gonna die!

Suzette is on the ground, moving about.

DOCTOR

Gotta cancel the signal!

He pulls out the golden capsule and takes off one end to reveal a chip.

DOCTOR

This contains the primary signal. If I can switch it off the fat goes back to being just fat.

He hooks the capsule up to the machine.

MISS FOSTER

A nice try. Double strength.

She pushes the lever completely down.

COMPUTER VOICE

Inducer increasing.

DOCTOR (tense)

No no no no no, she's doubled it, I need... Haven't got time! It's too far, I can't override it! They're all gonna die!

Fat people still wriggling in pain.

DONNA

Is there anything I can do?

DOCTOR (near panic)

Sorry, Donna, this is way beyond you! Gotta double the base pulse, I can't...

DONNA (sternly)

Doctor, tell me what do you need.

DOCTOR

I need a second capsule to boost the override, but I've only got the one. I can't save them!

He fiddles with the switches. Donna holds up her gold capsule. The Doctor looks at her in shock. They both burst out laughing. He takes it and plugs it in and the green lights go off.

SUSETTE

It's stopped! They've gone.

Miss Foster flicks the switches. Her lights are off too. Nothing works.

PENNY

What's happened?

MISS FOSTER

I think the Doctor happened. But we've still given birth to ten thousand Adipose. And the nursery is coming.

A loud horn sounds.

DONNA

What the hell was that?

MISS FOSTER

It's my lift home!

Miss Foster leaves.

PENNY

You can't just leave me here!

SUZETTE

It just stopped.

They all hear the big horn.

SYLVIA

What on earth this is now? Oh my god!

Everyone looks up as a big circular spaceship flies over London. People are screaming. But Wilf is listening to music while looking through his telescope, oblivious of the spaceship flying past behind him. It flies over the Adipose Industries building and thousands of Adipose cheer.

DONNA

Fine. When you say nursery you don't mean a creche in Notting Hill.

DOCTOR

Nursery ship.

The computer unit lights up.

COMPUTER VOICE

Incoming signal.

It starts to talk in an alien language.

DONNA

Hadn't we better go and stop them?

DOCTOR

Hang on, instructions from the Adiposian First Family.

Miss Foster is on the street, talking to the Adipose babies with Eva Peron-style gestures.

MISS FOSTER

Children! Oh my children, behold. I am taking you home.

The Adipose cheer.

MISS FOSTER

Far across the galaxy, your new mummies and daddies are waiting. And you will fly!

Blue levitation beams reach out from the nursery ship.

MISS FOSTER

Up you go, babies. Up you go!

The Adipose babies step into the beams and start elevating.

MISS FOSTER

That's it, fly away home!

DOCTOR

She's wired up the tower block to convert it into a levitation post. (listens to the computer instructions) Oh. Ooh. We're not the ones in trouble now. SHE is!

He runs up to the roof, followed by Donna.

MISS FOSTER

Take me! The children need me!

The Doctor and Donna reach the roof and watch the Adipose babies flying toward the nursery ship.

DONNA

What you gonna do then? Blow them up?

DOCTOR

They're just children. They can't help where they come from.

DONNA

Oh, that makes a change from last time. That Martha must've done you good.

DOCTOR

Ah, she did, yeah. Yeah, she did. She fancied me.

DONNA (smiling)

Mad Martha, that one. Blind Martha. Charity Martha.

An Adipose waves at them and they wave back.

DONNA

I'm waving at fat.

DOCTOR

Actually, as a diet plan, it sort of works. There she is!

They run to the edge. Miss Foster is now soaring in the air, the same height as they are.

DOCTOR

Matron Cofelia, listen to me!

MISS FOSTER

Oh, I don't think so, Doctor. And if I never see you again, it will be too soon.

DOCTOR

Oh, why does no one ever listen? I'm trying to help! Just get across to the roof. Can you shift the levitation beam?

MISS FOSTER

What, so that you can arrest me?

DOCTOR

Just listen. I saw the Adiposian instructions - they know it's a crime, breeding on Earth. So what's the one thing they want to get rid of? Their accomplice!

MISS FOSTER

I'm far more than that. I'm nanny to all these children.

In the meantime, the baby Adipose have all reached the ship, now it's only Miss Foster who is still in the air.

DOCTOR

Exactly! Mum and Dad have got the kids now, they don't need the nanny anymore!

Suddenly, the blue light vanishes. Bewildered, Miss Foster looks down - and she falls with a scream. Donna hides her face to the Doctor's shoulder. Then they look up again and see the Adipose waving goodbye through the windows of the leaving ship.

***

Down on the street there's sirens, an ambulance, police tapes. The Doctor, lost in thoughts, throws the sonic pen into a bin.

PENNY

Oi, you two!

They turn to look at Penny. She crept out of the building, still tied to the chair.

PENNY

You're just mad. Do you hear me? Mad! And I'm gonna report you... for madness!

She creeps away.

DONNA

You see, some people just can't take it.

DOCTOR

No.

DONNA

But some people can. So, then - TARDIS! Come on!

She grabs his hand and pulls him away. They walk to the alley where the TARDIS and Donna's car are left.

DONNA

That's my car! That is like destiny! And I've been ready for this.

She opens the boot: it's full of suitcases.

DONNA

I packed ages ago, just in case. Cos I thought, hot weather, cold weather, no weather...

She starts to load her luggage to the arms of the stunned Doctor.

DONNA

...he goes anywhere, I've gotta be prepared.

She throws a striped hatbox on top of the rest.

DOCTOR

You've got a... a... hatbox?!

DONNA

Planet of the Hats, I'm ready!

The Doctor stands in front of the TARDIS surrounded by suitcases, quite serious. Donna is babbling in the door, beaming, oblivious of his mood.

DONNA

Do I need injections though, do I? Like when you go to Cambodia, is there any of that? Cos my friend Veena went to Bahrain, and...

She suddenly notices that he doesn't look happy.

DONNA

You're not saying much.

DOCTOR

No, it's just... It's a funny old life, in the TARDIS.

DONNA (quiet, and very sad)

You don't want me.

DOCTOR

I'm not saying that.

DONNA

But you asked me.

The Doctor just stares at her, so sad.

DONNA

Would you rather be on your own?

DOCTOR

No. Actually, no. But...

He throws the bags to the ground.

DOCTOR

The last time, with Martha, like I said it... it got complicated. And that was all my fault. I just want a mate.

DONNA (shocked disgust)

You just want TO MATE?

DOCTOR

I just want a mate!

DONNA

You're not mating with me, sunshine!

DOCTOR

A mate, I want a mate!

DONNA

Well just as well, because I'm not having any of that nonsense. I mean you're just a long streak of... nothing. You know, alien nothing.

DOCTOR

There we are, then. OK.

DONNA

I can come?

DOCTOR

Yeah. Course you can, yeah.

They smile at each other.

DOCTOR

I'd love it.

DONNA

Ohh, that's just...

She runs to hug him, but then stops, remembering the previous conversation. But she is so happy!

DONNA

Car keys!

DOCTOR

What?

DONNA

I've still got my mum's car keys! I won't be a minute!

She runs away. The Doctor looks after her, then starts to carry her luggage to the TARDIS.

***

Donna is back to the crowded street with police cars and co, talking on the phone.

DONNA

I know, Mum, I saw it, little fat people. Listen, I've got to go. I'm going to stay with Veena for a bit.

SYLVIA (VO)

...it was in the sky!

DONNA

Yeah. I know. Spaceship. But, I've still got the car keys. Look. There is a bin on Brook Street, about thirty feet from the corner, I'm going to leave them in there.

She throws the keys into the bin.

SYLVIA (VO)

What? A bin?

DONNA

Yes, that's it, a bin.

SYLVIA (VO)

You can't do that.

DONNA

Oh, stop complaining, the car's just down the road a bit. Got to go, really got to go. Bye.

SYLVIA (VO)

But Donna, you can't...

She hangs up. Several people are standing by a fence, she starts talking to one of them, a blond woman.

DONNA

Listen, there is this woman that's going to come along, a tall blond woman called Sylvia, tell her that bin there. Right, it'll all make sense. That bin there.

She heads back to the TARDIS, happiest woman in the world. The blonde she was talking to turns back towards the camera - she is ROSE TYLER. Looking worn, depressed. She walks away several steps and then simply vanishes into thin air...

***

Donna enters to the TARDIS.

DONNA

Off we go, then!

DOCTOR

Here it is, the TARDIS. It's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside...

DONNA

Oh, I know that bit. Although frankly, you could turn the heat up.

DOCTOR

So, whole wide universe, where do you want to go?

DONNA

Oh, I know exactly the place.

DOCTOR

Which is?

DONNA

Two and a half miles, that way.

Wilf is on the hill again. Suddenly he freezes, as he sees the TARDIS flying above his head.

WILF

There! Donna! It's... it's the flying blue box!

He looks into the telescope and sees his granddaughter waving from the open TARDIS door!

WILF

Huh - what?! That's Donna! Yeah, that's Donna.

Standing behind Donna, the Doctor is waving too.

WILF

And that's him! That's him! Hey! That's him! Ha-ha-ha! Go on girl! Go on, get up there! Hey!

He does a merry little dance as he watches the TARDIS zooming away.

=== DOCTOR WHO (2005) ===

TRANSCRIPT PROVIDED BY WWW.TWIZTV.COM

ORIGINALLY TRANSCRIBED FOR DISCIPLES OF DONNA


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