BIG BEN CHIMES

Come on, out of the way. Move yourself, please.

Coming through.

WOMAN SCREAMS

That's it. Excuse me, sir.

CROWD SHOUTS

Madame Vastra, thank God.

I'll wager you've not seen anything like this before. Well... not since I was a little girl.

Big fella, isn't he?

Dinosaurs were mostly this size.

I do believe it's a "she".

No, they weren't, I've seen fossils.

I was there.

Well, that's all well and good, but what's this dinosaur fellow doing in the Thames?

CROWD SCREAMS

It must have time travelled.

Jenny?

Time travelled?

DINOSAUR RETCHES

Is it choking?

There seems to be something lodged in its throat.

How could it time travel?

I don't know.

Perhaps it was something it ate.

CROWD SHOUTS

Stand back. Stand back, stand back.

Well, it's just laid an egg.

It's dropped a blue box marked "Police" out of its mouth.

Your grasp of biology troubles me.

It's the TARDIS.

It would seem so.

We'll take care of this, Inspector.

But what if that thing goes on the rampage?

Place these lanterns on the shoreline and bridges, encircling the creature at 20-foot intervals.

What will they do?

They will emit a signal that will incline it to remain within their circumference.

Jenny, Strax... with me.

So it's him, then, the Doctor?

A giant dinosaur from the distant past has just vomited a blue box from outer space - this is not a day for jumping to conclusions.

Strax, if you wouldn't mind?

Hello? Exit the box, and surrender to the glory of the Sontaran empire.

Shush!

Doctor?

I was being chased by a giant dinosaur, but I think I managed to give it the slip.

Sleepy?

Sir?

Bashful? Sneezy? Dopey?

Grumpy!

Oh, you two!

The green one... and the not-green one.

Or it could be the other way round, I mustn't prejudge!

Oh, you remember, er... thingy, the, er, the not-me one, the asking-questions one?

Names - not my area.

Clara! Well, it might be Clara, might not be - it's a lottery.

It is Clara. Well, I'm not ruling it out!

DINOSAUR ROARS

Oi, big man, shut it!

Oh, you've got a dinosaur too!

Big woman, sorry.

Doctor, listen to me. You...you need to calm down.

I'm not flirting, by the way.

I think something's gone wrong.

Wrong? What's gone wrong? Have you regenerated?

I remember you.

You're Handles!

You used to be a little... a little robot head, and now you... you've really let yourself go.

DINOSAUR ROARS

Reduce the frequency.

I'm sorry? Your sonic lanterns, turn them down.

You're giving her a headache.

Giving who a headache?

My lady friend!

Just an expression, don't get any ideas. How do you know?

Come on, Clara! You know that I speak dinosaur.

He's not Clara. I'm Clara.

Well, you're very similar heights. Maybe you should wear labels.

Why...why are you all doing that? Why are you... You're all going dark... and wobbly - stop that.

I don't think we are.

Never mind! Everyone...take five.

What do we do?

I don't understand, who is he? Where's the Doctor?

Right here.

That's him.

That's the Doctor.

Well then, here we go again.

DINOSAUR ROARS

It's simply misunderstandable to me. I don't know what it is.

Who invented this room?

Doctor, please, you have to lie down.

It doesn't make sense. Look, it's only got a bed in it.

Why is there only a bed in it?

Because it's a bed-ROOM, it's for sleeping in.

OK, what do you do when you're awake?

You leave the room.

So you've got a whole room for not being awake in? But what's the point? You're just missing the room! And don't look in that mirror - it's absolutely furious.

Doctor, please, you have to lie down, you keep passing out.

Well, of course I keep passing out, there's all these beds!

Why do you keep talking like that?

What's gone wrong with your accent?

Nothing's wrong with her accent.

You sound the same. It's spreading.

You all sound all...English.

Now you've all developed a fault!

SCOTTISH ACCENT: Doctor, I need your help with something.

Finally, someone who can talk properly.

I'm having difficulty sleeping. Oh?

Oh, well, I wouldn't bother with that, I never bother with sleep, and I just do standy-up-catnaps.

Oh, really, how interesting.

And when do you do those?

Well, generally whenever anyone else starts talking.

I like to skip ahead to my bits, it saves time.

Save me time, Doctor.

Project an image of perfect sleep into the centre of my mind.

What, do you want a psychic link with me?

The size of my brain, it would be like dropping a piano on you.

Be gentle, then.

I'll try. Brace yourself!

Piano.

THWACK!

ENGLISH ACCENT: I love monkeys, they're so funny.

Oh, I see! So people are monkeys now, are they? No, dear.

People are apes.

Men are monkeys.

So what now? He needs rest.

So what do we do? How do we fix him?

Fix him? How do we change him back?

Jenny...I will be in my chamber.

Would you be kind enough to fetch my veil?

Why, are we expecting strangers?

It would seem... there's already one here.

What have I done wrong?

DINOSAUR MURMURS MOURNFULLY

The dinosaur doesn't seem very happy.

What's wrong with it?

I dunno. The Doctor's the one that speaks dinosaur.

Excuse me, ma'am, the wife doesn't like to be kept waiting.

Where did he get that face?

Why's it got lines on it? It's brand-new.

How can his hair be all grey? He only just got it.

It's still him, ma'am, you saw him change.

I know. I do, I... I know that. Good.

It's just... What?

Nothing.

If... If Vastra changed, if she was different, if she wasn't the person that you liked...

I don't like her, ma'am, I love her.

And as to different, well, she's a lizard.

DINOSAUR MURMURS MOURNFULLY

I am alone.

The world which...shook at my feet, and the trees... and the sky, have gone... and I am alone now... alone.

Are you translating?

The wind bites now... and the world is grey... and I am alone here.

Can't see me.

Doesn't see me.

Can't...see me.

Who can't see it? I think all of London can see it.

Boy? Madame Vastra is waiting.

OK, whatever.

I will convey you to her chamber. May I take your coat?

Not wearing a coat.

What's all that? Clothes.

May I take your clothes?

(Probably not.)

Are you wearing a hat?

It's hair.

No, I think it's a hat, would you like me to check?

DINOSAUR MURMURS MOURNFULLY

PEOPLE CHAT EXCITEDLY

It's not real, of course.

What is it, then?

The government.

The government?

Yeah, up to their usual tricks.

It's a dinosaur, Alf. A real dinosaur.

I wouldn't put it past them.

You don't half talk a lot of rubbish, Alfie.

See you don't stay out too late now.

You know me. Yes. I do!

DINOSAUR MURMURS

It's the neck, that's what's wrong with it.

Just don't look realistic.

You have good eyes.

Oh, I do, as it happens, very good eyes.

They're my greatest gift.

I accept.

What's that for?

Your gift.

I have bad eyes.

HE SCREAMS

And then?

Why are you wearing your veil?

And then?

And then we got swallowed by a big dinosaur. You probably noticed.

How did it happen?

I don't know, I don't know, we were...crashing about everywhere.

The Doctor was gone, the TARDIS went haywire.

He's not gone. He's upstairs.

OK, he changed.

He regenerated, renewed himself.

Renewed, fine.

Such a cynical smile.

I'm not smiling.

Not outwardly, but I'm accustomed to seeing through a veil.

How have I amused you?

You said renewed. He doesn't... He doesn't look renewed, he looks...older.

You thought he was young?

He looked young.

He looked like your dashing young gentleman friend, your lover, even.

Shut up!

But he is the Doctor.

He has walked this universe for centuries untold, he has seen stars fall to dust.

You might as well flirt with a mountain range.

I did not flirt with him.

He flirted with you.

How? He looked young.

Who do you think that was for?

Me?

Everyone.

I wear a veil as he wore a face - for the same reason.

What reason?

The oldest reason there is for anything... to be accepted.

HE SNIFFS

HE SNIFFS INTENSELY

HE CONTINUES TO SNIFF

HE RUMMAGES

HE SNIFFS DEEPLY

Jenny and I are married, yet for appearance's sake, we maintain a pretence, in public, that she is my maid.

Doesn't exactly explain why I'm pouring tea in private.

Hush now. Good pretence, isn't it?

I wear a veil to keep from view what many are pleased to call my disfigurement.

I do not wear it as a courtesy to such people, but as a judgment on the quality of their hearts.

Are you judging me?

The Doctor regenerated in your presence.

The young man disappeared, the veil lifted. He trusted you.

Are you judging him?

SHE GASPS

How dare you?

How dare you?

DINOSAUR MURMURS

Door. Boring. Not me.

Me!

Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor, last of the five good'uns, stoic philosopher.

Superlative bass guitarist - the Doctor really knows how to put a band together. And the only pin-up I ever had on my wall when I was 15, the only one I ever had.

I am not sure who you think you're talking to right now, Madam Vastra, but I have never had the slightest interest in pretty young men.

And for the record, if there ever was anybody who could flirt with a mountain range, she's probably standing in front of you right now!

Just because my pretty face has turned your head, do not assume that I am so easily distracted.

Whoo!

Woo-hoo!

Sorry!

Well...

SHE CHUCKLES

..goodness me!

The lake is ruffled at last.

I often wondered what you'd be like when you lost your temper.

Oi!

SHE HISSES

Married.

The Doctor needs us, you more than anyone.

He is lost in the ruin of himself, and we must bring him home.

When did you stop wearing your veil?

When you stopped seeing it.

Oi! Oi!

Oi, big, sexy woman!

Oi!

Sorry. Sorry, it's all my fault.

My time machine got stuck in your throat. It happens.

I brought you along by accident, that's mostly how I meet girls, but don't worry, I promise I will get you home.

DINOSAUR ROARS

I swear, whatever it takes,

I will keep you safe.

You will be at home again.

DINOSAUR ROARS FEROCIOUSLY

Stop that.

Who's doing that?

No, don't do that.

That came from the river!

The dinosaur!

Strax, bring the carriage, now!

Arrggh!

BRANCH CREAKS

Arrggh! Arrggh!

Arrggh!

Oh!

Halt!

Sorry, I'm going to have to relieve you of your pet!

You're what?

Shut up, I was talking to the horse!

HORSE WHINNIES

HE GROAN

What are you doing?

Forwards!

Out of the way, human scum! Hyya!

Jurassic emergency!

Hyya!

HORSE WHINNIES

Left!

No, no! Right, right, right, right!

Sorry, it's my new hands, I can't tell them apart.

What do you think's happened?

I don't know, but I fear devilment.

Should we not have told the Doctor?

He's not ready to leave his bed.

Watch it on the corners, it's a bit slippery up here!

Strax! Hyya! Come on, Strax! Hyya!

Hyya, hyya! That's better!

(Sorry, sorry.)

(I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.)

Whoa.

The Doctor! What's he doing here?

CAR ALARM CHIRPS

There is trouble - where else would he be?

She was scared.

She was scared and alone.

I brought her here and look what they did.

Who or what could have done this thing?

No.

I'm sorry?

No. That is not the question, that is not where we start.

The question is how.

The flesh itself has been combusted...

No, no, shut up!

What do you all have for brains - pudding?

Look at you.

Why can't I meet a decent species? Planet of the pudding-brains!

Doctor... I know you're upset, but you need to calm down and talk to us.

What is the question?

A dinosaur is burning in the heart of London.

Nothing left but smoke and flame.

The question is... have there been any similar murders?

Yes! Yes, by the Goddess, there have!

Look at them all - gawking!

CROWD MURMURS

Question two.

If all the pudding-brains are gawking... then what is he?

He seems remarkably unmoved by the available spectacle.

Do you think that's whoever...?

HEAVY SPLASH

What he's doing? He'll drown!

I very much doubt it.

Why? There has been a murder.

The Doctor has taken up the case.

If we are to see him again, we must do the same.

Come on, Earthling scum!

Position it here. Easy now!

That's it. Careful.

Don't get it scratched or you and all your bloodline will be obliterated from time and space. Very good, sir.

Strax!

Ah, morning, Miss Clara. You're awake at last.

You got the TARDIS, then?

Military tactics. The Doctor is still missing, but he will always come looking for his box.

By bringing it here, he will be lured from the dangers of London to this place of safety, and we will melt him with acid.

OK, that last part?

And we will not melt him with acid.

Old habits.

The Times. Shall I send it up?

Yeah, why not?

Hyya!

Jenny! Ah, good morning, Clara.

Morning.

Erm, so what are we going to do? Are we looking for the Doctor?

We've got the Paternoster Irregulars out in force.

If anyone can find him, they can.

Meanwhile, Madam Vastra is slightly occupied by the Conk-Singleton forgery case.

and is having the Camberwell child-poisoner for dinner...

For dinner?

..after she's finished interrogating him.

Probably best to stay out the larder.

It'll get a bit noisy in there later.

Erm...

Ah, Miss Clara!

You look better now you're up.

Thank you, Strax!

Oh, sorry, trick of the light.

You still look terrible.

Can I get you anything?

Er, no, thanks. Maybe just some water.

Of course.

Well, don't hold back, I've nearly finished anyway.

Um...

It's perfectly all right. I washed in it myself.

All of a sudden, I'm not very thirsty.

Really?

Perhaps it is time then...

DEVICE WHIRS

..for your mandatory medical examination.

Say, "Ah."

Ah.

You didn't move your lips.

You're looking at my eye.

Oh, yes, there we are.

Easy mistake.

Ah-h!

DEVICE BEEPS

Now that's interesting.

What? What's interesting?

Deflected narcissism, traces of passive aggressive, and a lot of muscular young men doing sport.

What are you looking at?

Your subconscious. Is that sport?

It could be sport.

Well, stop looking.

Moving onto the thorax, such as it is...

Ah, excellent.

Enviable spleen! Well done.

27 years old, with a projected lifespan of exactly...

Stop...right there.

Oh, you're going to do quite well.

But watch out for fluid retention later, it's going to be spectacular.

Well, put your clothes back on.

They are on!

Oh, yes, so they are.

Why are you doing this?

If we are to serve together, I need you in peak physical prowess.

Eh? Ow!

Why would we be serving together?

The Doctor's going to come back, isn't he? It is to be hoped.

He's not just going to abandon me here.

You must stop worrying about him, my boy.

By now, he's almost certainly had his throat cut by the violent poor.

BINS CLANG

DOGS BARK

Oh-h!

THE DOCTOR MUMBLES

CLANGING

Bitey. Bitey?

The air... it's bitey, it's wet and bitey.

Oh, it's cold!

That's right. It's cold!

It's cold, I knew it was a thing.

I need, um... I need clothes. I need clothes, that's what I need. And a big, long scarf.

No, no, move on from that, looked stupid.

Um...

Have you seen this face before?

No.

Are you sure?

Sir, I have never seen that face.

It's funny, because... I'm sure that I have.

You know, I never know where the faces come from.

They just pop up. Zap! Faces like this one.

Come on, look at it, have a look, come on, look, look, look.

Look, it's covered in lines, but I didn't do the frowning.

Who frowned me this face?

Do you ever look in the mirror and think, "I've seen that face before"?

Yes.

Really? When?

Well, every time I look in the mirror.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, fair enough.

Good point. My face is fresh on, though.

Er...

Why this one?

Why did I choose...this face?

It's like I'm trying to tell myself something, like I'm trying to make a point. But what is so important that I can't just tell myself what I'm thinking?

Er...

I'm not just being rhetorical here, you can join in.

I don't like it.

What?

Your face.

Well, I don't like it either.

Well, it's all right up until the eyebrows. Then it just goes haywire. Look at the eyebrows!

These are attack eyebrows.

You could take bottle tops off with these!

They are mighty eyebrows indeed, sir.

They're cross! They're crosser than the rest of my face.

They're independently cross.

They probably want to cede from the rest of my face and set up their own independent state of eyebrows.

That's Scot... I am Scottish. I've gone Scottish?

Oh, yes, you are. You are definitely Scots, sir. I... I 'ear it in your voice.

Oh, no, that's good.

Oh-h! Oh-h!

It's good I'm Scottish, I'm Scottish.

I am Scottish.

I can complain about things, I can really complain about things now.

Give me your coat. No.

I'm cold.

I'm cold.

I'm cold.

Well, there's no point in us both being cold, give me your coat.

Give me your coat!

No, wait.

Shut up, shut up!

Shut up!

I missed something, It was here, it was here. It was... What was it I saw, what did I see? This is what I saw!

Spontaneous combustion!

What devilry is this, sir?

I don't know, but I probably blame the English.

Hmm! Spontaneous combustion!

Is that like love at first sight?

Huh! A little.

It is the theory that human beings can, with little or no inducement, simply explode.

You don't need to flirt with me, we're already married.

It's scientific nonsense, of course.

Marriage?

Hush!

There have been nine reported incidents of people apparently exploding in the last month.

And you think they weren't spontaneous.

I think whoever killed the dinosaur had at least nine previous victims - all of these perished in the same spectacular fashion.

I thought you were painting me!

I was working.

Well, why am I posing then?

Well, you brighten the room tremendously. Chin up a little.

Oh, I don't understand why I'm doing this!

Art?

Now, why destroy the victims so completely?

It's difficult, it draws attention - what advantage is to be gained?

Well, tell us, then.

Concealment, perhaps.

Concealment?

It's a fanciful theory, but it fits the facts.

By destroying the body so completely, you conceal what is missing from it.

Missing from the body?

CLARA: Madame Vastra!

Clara, excellent. Pop your clothes on that chair there.

Look!

Advertisements, yes - so many, it's a distressing modern trend.

No, look!

Look.

SHE GASPS

Ma'am?

The game is afoot.

We're going to need a lot of tea.

BELL RINGS

There appears to be nothing of significance in the rest of the newspaper, not even in the agony column.

We can't know it's from the Doctor.

Of course it's from the Doctor.

The Impossible Girl, that's what he calls me!

He says lunch, but not when or where?

"On the other side?"

The other side of London? Bit vague.

The other side of regeneration, perhaps, once he's recovered?

So what am I supposed to do - guess where we're meeting?

Perhaps that's the point.

Perhaps you're supposed to prove that you still know him.

Think what that must mean for a man who barely knows himself.

It doesn't makes sense.

He doesn't do puzzles.

He isn't complicated, really doesn't have the attention span.

So... keeping it dead simple... "on the other side."

CUTLERY CLINKS

CLARA SNIFFS

SHE COUGHS

What's wrong?

I don't know! Maybe the smell?

I know, it's everywhere.

Where did you get that coat?

Er... I bought it.

From where?

Er, a shop. No.

Might have been a tramp.

You don't have any money.

Er... I had a watch!

No! That watch was beautiful.

It was my favourite.

You swapped your favourite watch for that coat - that's maybe not a good deal.

Well, I was in a hurry, there was a terrible smell. OK.

HE LAUGHS

No, no. Don't, don't...

Don't, don't smile.

I will smile first and then you know it's safe to smile.

Are you cross with me?

I am not cross, but if I was cross it would be your fault and... yes, I am cross.

I guessed that.

I am extremely cross. And if I hadn't changed my face, would you be cross?

I would be cross if I wasn't cross! Why?

Why?

An ordinary person wants to meet someone that they know very well for lunch, what do they do?

Well, they probably...get in touch and suggest lunch. Mm-hm.

OK, so what sort of person would put a cryptic note in... in a newspaper advert?

Well, I wouldn't like to say.

Oh, go on, do, say.

Well, I would say that that person would be an egomaniac, needy, game-player sort of person.

SHE SIGHS CONTENTEDLY

Thank you.

SHE CHUCKLES

Well, at least that hasn't changed.

And I don't suppose it ever will.

No, I don't suppose it will either.

Clara, honestly... I don't want you to change.

It was no bother, really.

I saw your advert, I figured it out - happy to play your game.

No.

No...no, I didn't place the ad.

You placed the ad.

No, I didn't. Yes, you placed the ad, I figured it out!

Impossible Girl, see, lunch?

No, look, the Impossible... That is a message FROM the Impossible Girl.

FOR the Impossible...Girl.

Oh? Oh?

Hmm.

Well, if neither of us placed that ad, who placed...that ad?

Hang on. "Egomaniac, needy, game-player"?

This could be a trap. That was me?

Never mind that.

Yes, I am minding that!

Clara....

You were talking about me?

Clara, what is happening right now in this restaurant to you and me is more important than your egomania.

Nothing is more important than my egomania!

Right, you actually said that.

You never mention that again!

It's...it's a vanity trap.

You're so busy congratulating yourself on solving the puzzle, you don't notice that you're sticking your head in a noose.

What are you doing?

And that isn't the only grey one, if you are, erm, having a cull.

What, do you have a problem with the grey ones?

If I got new hair, and it was grey, I would have a problem.

Yeah, I bet you would. Meaning?

It's too short.

Ow! Sorry, it was the only one out of place,

I'm sure that you would want it killed.

Oooh, are you trying to tell me something?

I'm trying to measure the air disturbance in the room.

Right, moments when you know you are boring.

SLIGHT WHOOSH

There is something extremely wrong with everybody else in this room.

Mmm, basically, don't you always think that? Look at them.

Don't look! You just said to look!

Look without looking!

CUTLERY CLINKS

They look fine to me. They're just eating.

Are they?

OK, no. No, they're not eating.

Something else they're not doing.

(Breathing.)

What do we do?

What, you don't want to eat, do you?

Hmm! Slightly lost my appetite.

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

How long before they notice that we're different? Not long.

Anything we can do?

How long can you hold your breath?

We could just casually stroll out of here, like we've changed our minds.

Happens all the time.

Ha! Course it does.

DINERS RATTLE

DINERS RATTLE

DINERS RATTLE

We could...take another look at the menu.

DINERS RATTLE

What are they?

I don't know. But don't worry, because that's not the question.

The question is, what is this restaurant?

OK, what is this restaurant?

I don't know.

Er...no sausages?

Do you...

And there's no pictures either.

Do you have a children's menu?

BEEPING

Any specials?

Liver.

I don't like liver.

Spleen. Brain stem. Eyes.

Mm. Is there a lot of demand for those?

I don't think that's what's on the menu.

I think we are the menu.

Lungs. Skin.

Excuse me.

OK. Robot in a mask.

It's a face.

Yeah, it's very convincing.

No, it's a face.

Oh!

Yes.

Yes, what?

Yes, we have a children's menu.

You've got to admire their efficiency.

Is it OK if I don't?

THEY SCREAM

CLARA GASPS

Hello?

Hello, are you the manager?

I demand to speak to the manager.

This is not a real restaurant, is it?

Well... it's more a sort of automated organ collection station for the unwary diner.

Sweeney Todd without the pies.

So, where are we now?

Factually, an ancient spaceship, probably buried for centuries, functionally...a larder.

So why hasn't somebody come for us?

We're alive.

We're alive in a larder.

Exactly. It's cheaper than freezing us.

OK.

Are you ready?

Go for it.

Don't let it roll away.

No.

We've got one shot at this.

Next time, make one that doesn't roll.

Go!

Got it? I can only just about reach.

Oh, it's at times like this I miss Amy. Who? Nothing.

Ready?

Don't miss!

Oh-h!

Oh.

Sorry, did I hit...something?

Oh, the symbolism!

You should make that thing voice-activated.

Oh, for God's sake, it is, isn't it? I don't want to talk about it.

Doctor?

Dormant.

How do you know?

I don't. I'm just hoping.

So...is it these guys that killed the dinosaur?

Well, if they're harvesting organs, a dinosaur would have some great stuff.

Why would robots need organs?

Burke and Hare from space?

No, but that's a good theory.

Droids harvesting spare parts.

That rings a bell.

Captain, my Captain.

Can he see us?

Dormant. Hoping?

Yep. Oh, look!

He's recharging. He's asleep.

Doesn't even know we're here.

Are you sure?

Sure, not sure - one or the other.

OK, so half-man, half-robot.

A cyborg, yeah?

Oh. Oh?

Oh-h. Oh?

Look at the hands.

What about them?

Look at them. I'm looking.

They don't match. These hands don't belong to the same body.

I don't understand.

I don't blame you.

See, this... this is not your normal cyborg. This isn't a man turning himself into a robot. This is a robot turning himself... into a man, piece by piece.

That's what the restaurant's for.

Well, it would need a constant supply of spare parts.

You can tan skin, but organs rot.

Some of that metalwork looks Roman.

Wonder how long it's been around, how much of the original is even left.

The eyeballs look very fresh, though. Eugh!

ARM CLICKS

Aggh!

WHIRRING

(Is it awake?)

It's waking up...I think.

OK, let's go.

HE PANTS

I've seen this before.

I'm missing something!

Doctor! It's the brand-new head, rebooting!

Come on!

I've seen this before!

Oh, hurry up, get out.

DOOR CLANGS

Doctor!

Quickly!

Sorry, too slow. There's no point in them catching us both.

Well, give me the screwdriver!

I might need it.

SHE GASPS

Doctor?

FOOTSTEPS

Oh!

SHE SOBS

HE RATTLES

'Something else they're not doing.'

Breathing.

How long can you hold your breath?

HE WHIRS MECHANICALLY

CLANGING

SHE EXHALES DEEPLY

Bring her.

DREAMY ECHOING

CHILDREN LAUGH

All right, stop. Stop it, all of you, now.

Ha-ha! It's her first day.

CHILDREN CONTINUE TO LAUGH

If you don't stop it, I'm going to have each and every single one of you kicked out of this school!

Go on, then. Do it!

SPEECH ECHOES

Where is the other one?

There was another. Where is he?

Where is the other?

You will tell us... or you will be destroyed.

(What did you say?)

You will tell us.

Yeah, I know, or what?

You will die.

'Go on, then.'

Do it.

Go on, then.

Do it.

I'm not going to answer any of your questions, so you have to do it. You have to kill me.

Threats don't work unless you deliver.

You will tell us where the other one is.

Nope.

You will be destroyed.

Destroy me, then. And if you don't, then... I not going to believe a single threat you make from now on. Of course, if I'm dead, then... I can't tell you where the other one went, then... You need to keep this place down here a secret, don't you?

Never start with your final sanction. You've got nowhere to go but backwards.

Humans feel pain.

Bigger threat to smaller threat - see what I mean? Backwards.

The information can be extracted by means of your suffering.

Are you trying to scare me? Well, cos I'm already bloody terrified of dying... and I'll endure a lot of pain for a very long time before I give up the information that's keeping me alive. How long have you got?

MECHANICAL WHIRRING

All you can offer me is my life - what you can't do is threaten it. You can negotiate.

OK, OK, OK! OK, yes, yes, yes, I'm crying and it's just because I am very frightened of you.

If you know anything about human beings, that means you... you're in a lot trouble.

We will not negotiate.

You don't have a choice.

I tell you what, I'll answer your questions if you answer mine.

We will not answer questions.

We'll take turns, I'll go first. Why did you kill the dinosaur?

We will not answer questions.

Why did you kill the dinosaur?

We will not answer questions!

Then you might as well kill me, because I'm not talking again till you do.

SHE EXHALES

Within the optic nerve of the dinosaur is material of use to our computer systems.

You burned a whole dinosaur for a spare part?

No, no, hang on.

You know what's in a dinosaur's optic nerve, which means you've seen them before.

Where is the other one?

How long have you been rebuilding yourselves?

Look at the state of you! Is there any real you left? What's the point?

We will reach the promised land.

The what, the promised land? What's that?

Where is the other one?

I don't know.

But I know where he will be... where he will always be.

If the Doctor is still the Doctor... he will have my back.

SHE GASPS

I'm right, aren't I? Go on. Please, please, God, say I'm right.

Hello, hello, rubbish robots from the dawn of time, thank you for all the gratuitous information.

Five foot one and crying - you never stood a chance.

Stop it!

This is your power source, and feeble though it is,

I can use it to blow this whole room if I see one thing that I don't like, and that includes karaoke and mime, so take no chances.

See, Clara?

That's how you disguise yourself as a Droid.

Yeah, well, I didn't have a lot of time, I'd been suddenly abandoned.

Sorry. Well, no, actually I'm not, you're brilliant on adrenaline.

And you were out of your depth, sir.

Never try and control a control freak.

I am not a control freak!

Yes, ma'am.

Oh!

Why are you here?

Why did you invite us?

The message, in the paper... that was you, wasn't it?

Oh. I hate being wrong in public. Everybody forget that happened.

Clara, say the word.

What word? They never sent you in here without a word.

I don't want to say it.

I've guessed already.

BOTH: Geronimo!

Remain still and lay down your weapons, in the name of the British Empire!

Argh!

Strax! Sorry.

I've told you before - take the stairs.

Oh, look. The cavalry.

I burned an ancient, beautiful creature for one inch of optic nerve.

What do you think you can accomplish, little man?

What do you? Vastra?

The establishment upstairs has been disabled with maximum prejudice, and the authorities summoned.

Hang on, she called the police?

We never do that, we should start.

You see?

Destroy us if you will, they're still going to close your restaurant.

That was going to sound better.

Then we will destroy you.

No, you won't.

You're logical. You have restraint.

You kill to survive - you're not a murderer.

He's not a what? This is a slaughterhouse.

And how does that make it different from any other restaurant?

You weren't vegetarian the last time I checked. This is over.

Killing us won't change that.

What would be the point?

To find the promised land.

You're millions of years old, it's time you knew - there isn't one.

I am in search of paradise.

Yeah, well, me too.

I'm not going to make it either.

Doctor!

I will leave in the escape capsule. Destroy where necessary.

Escape capsule?

This ship is millions of years old, it'll never fly.

It has been repaired.

What with?

You.

Defensive positions everyone.

Doctor! He's getting away!

Your friend is intelligent.

He'll know better than to follow me.

HE GROANS

Right, here we are, this is the place, come with me.

It is our intent to leave.

If it is your intent to stop us, perhaps we should get down to business.

Dear Lord, what has she landed us with this time?

MECHANICAL WHIRRING

The restaurant is closed.

Keep everyone out. No-one goes in there!

What are you doing?

I've got the horrible feeling I'm going to have to kill you.

I thought you might appreciate a drink first.

I know I would.

RUMBLING

Watch out!

51st century, right? Time travelling spaceship, crashed in the past.

You're trying to get home the long way round.

I go to the promised land.

So you keep saying.

OK, so your restaurant is made out of your old ship, but you're wasting your time, it can't ever fly.

The escape pod is viable.

How? You can't patch up a spaceship with human remains.

You know, this really is ringing a bell.

OK, that's clever. How are you powering it?

Skin.

Get to the station!

We need more men!

What shall I tell them is happening?

Go!

How many do you estimate, my dear?

More than upstairs, about 20, 30?

The ones upstairs were mere decoys.

These are battle-ready.

I anticipate a challenge.

Don't worry, my boy, we shall die in glory!

OK. Good-o!

"SS Marie Antoinette."

Out-of-control repair Droids, cannibalising human beings.

I know that this is familiar, but I just can't seem to place it.

How would you kill me?

"Sister ship of the Madame De Pompadour."

Nope, not getting it.

How would you kill me?

Why don't you have a drink first? It's only human.

I am not human.

Neither am I.

Why can't you stay dead, coward!

SWORDS CLASH

What do you think of the view?

I do not think of it. I don't think of it. I don't.

Droids and apostrophes, I could write a book, except you are...barely a Droid any more.

There's more human in you than machine.

So tell me... what do you think of the view?

It is beautiful.

No, it isn't. It's just far away.

Everything looks too small.

I prefer it down there. Everything is huge. Everything is so important.

Every detail, every moment, every life clung to.

How could you kill me? For the same reason that you're asking me that question - because you don't really want to carry on.

What'll happen to the other Droids when you die?

You're the control node, aren't you?

Presumably they'll deactivate.

I will not die. I will reach the promised land.

There isn't any promised land.

This is just... It's a superstition that you have picked up from all the humanity you've stuffed inside yourself.

I am not dead.

You are a broom.

Question - you take a broom, you replace the handle, and then later you replace the brush and you do that over and over again. Is it still the same broom?

Answer - no, of course it isn't. But you can still sweep the floor.

Which is not strictly relevant, skip that last part.

You have replaced every piece of yourself, mechanical and organic, time and time again -

there's not a trace of the original you left.

You probably can't even remember where you got that face from.

It cannot end.

It has to. You know it does. And there's only one way out.

Self-destruction is against my basic program.

And murder is against mine!

Jenny!

Hold your breath! They're stupid. Everybody hold their breath.

'I can't do it. I can't.'

'Be brave, my love. I can store oxygen in my lungs.'

'Share with me!'

You are stronger than you look. And I'm hoping you are too.

This...is over.

Are you capable of admitting that?

Do you have it in you to murder me?

Those people down there. They're never small to me.

Don't make assumptions about how far I will go to protect them, because I've already come a very long way.

And unlike you, I don't expect to reach the promised land.

You realise, of course, one of us is lying about our basic programming.

Yes.

And I think we both know who that is.

Stop!

THEY EXHALE

Whoa.

You're sure he'd come back here?

There was no trace of him in the wreckage, they searched all Parliament Hill.

Where else would he go?

I fear we have missed him.

Please come in.

I'm not interrupting?

I should be glad of your company.

What can I do for you?

Ah, well, that's exactly what I was going to ask you.

Seems like I'm stuck here now.

Got a vacancy?

You would be very welcome to join our little household, but I have it on the highest authority that the Doctor will be returning for you very soon.

Whose authority?

Well, the person who knows him best in all the universe.

And who's that?

Miss Clara Oswald... who perhaps has, by instinct, already dressed to leave.

I just wanted a change of clothes.

I don't think I know who the Doctor is any more.

METALLIC THRUMMING

It would seem, my dear, you are very wrong about that.

Clara!

Give him hell.

He'll always need it.

You've redecorated.

Yes.

I don't like it.

Not completely entirely convinced myself.

I think there should be more round things on the walls.

I used to have lots of round things. I wonder where I put them.

I'm the Doctor.

I've lived for over 2,000 years and not all of them were good.

I've made many mistakes, and it's about time that I did something about that.

Clara, I'm not your boyfriend.

I never thought you were.

I never said it was your mistake.

METALLIC THRUMMING

What do you think?

Who put that advert in the paper? Who gave you my number?

A long time ago, remember?

You were given the number of a computer helpline, and you ended up phoning the TARDIS. Who gave you that number?

The woman. The woman in the shop.

Then there's a woman out there who's very keen that we stay together.

How do you feel on the subject?

Am I home?

If you want to be.

I'm sorry.

I'm... I'm so, so sorry... but I don't think I know who you are any more.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

You'd better get that. It might be your boyfriend.

Shut up.

I don't have a boyfriend.

Hello!

Hello?

'It's me.'

Yes, it's you, who's this?

'It's me, Clara.

'The Doctor.'

What do you mean, the Doctor?

I'm phoning you from Trenzalore...

I don't...

'..from before I changed.
'I mean it's all still to happen for me, it's coming.
'Oh, it's a-coming...'

DIALLING TONE

'Not long now.'

I can...feel it.

Why? Why would you do this?

'Because I think it's going to be a whopper...'

..and I think you might be scared.

'And however scared you are, Clara, the man you are with right now...'

the man I hope you are with, believe me, he is more scared than anything you can imagine right now

'and he...

'he needs you.'

So who is it?

'Is that the Doctor?'

Is that the Doctor?

Yes.

'He sounds old.'

Please tell me I didn't get old. Anything but old!

'I was young.'

Oh... Is he grey?

Yes.

Clara, please, eh, for me, help him.

'Go on...'

..and don't be afraid.

Goodbye, Clara.

Miss you.

Well?

Well, what?

He asked you a question.

Will you help me?

You shouldn't have been listening.

I wasn't. I didn't need to.

That was me talking.

You can't see me, can you?

You look at me, and you can't see me.

Have you any idea what that's like?

I'm not on the phone, I'm right here... standing in front of you.

Please, just... just see me.

Thank you.

For what?

Phoning.

I... I don't think that I'm a hugging person now.

I'm not sure you get a vote.

Whatever you say.

This isn't my home, by the way.

Sorry, I'm sorry about that, I missed.

Where are we?

Glasgow, I think.

Ah! You'll fit right in.

SCOTTISH ACCENT: Scottish.

Right, shall we, er...

Do you want to go and get some coffee or... chips or...something, or chips and coffee?

Coffee. Coffee would be great.

You're buying!

I don't have any money.

You're fetching, then.

I'm not sure that I'm the fetching sort...

Yeah, still not sure you get a vote.

MECHANICAL WHIRRING

Hello!

I'm Missy. You made it.

I hope my boyfriend wasn't too mean to you.

Boy...friend?

Now did he push you out of that thing, or did you fall?

Couldn't really tell.

He can be very mean sometimes, except to me, of course, because he...loves me so much.

I do like his new accent, though.

Think I might keep it.

Where am I?

Well, where do you think you are?

Look around you, you made it.

The promised land.

Paradise!

Welcome... to heaven.

SHE CRUNCHES

Where the hell have you been?

It's not my fault, I got distracted.

By what?

You can always find something.

Come on!

Where are we going?

Into darkness.

Welcome to the most dangerous place in the universe.

They're coming! They're coming!

Aristotle!

The enemy are right on top of us!

I'm sorry.

Exterminate...Doctor!