Note: Please tell me how it was

Cursed Love

I am here to tell you we can never meet again

“This isn't working Max.”

It hurt me to say that but that was the truth. It took a lot out of me to finally admit what others had been telling me for so long. Max and I were not meant to be together.

Simple really, isn't it, a word or two and then
A lifetime of not knowing where or how or why or when

“We'll make it work!” Max replied but I just shook my head.

You think of me or speak of me or wonder what befell

It was not going to work out. I knew it and so did he.

The someone you once loved so long ago somewhere

The past two years had been delusions, our expectations magnified into what could be but would never be.

Never wonder what I'll feel as living shuffles by
You don't have to ask me and I need not reply

We thought it could be like before, we thought if we did what we were told then maybe we could find some semblance of what was once ours. Of course that was not so.

Every moment of my life from now until I die
I will think or dream of you and fail to understand
How a perfect love can be confounded out of hand

I should have gotten the hint back in High school when I was told that Max would never -- could never -- be mine for he had a destiny. The destiny that he had created for himself. But I refused to let go of what I remembered and longed to have again.

Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime

And now Max was mine but at what price? Max wasn't the Max Evans I grew to love all over again. Neither was he the Zan that I remembered and loved from my past life.

Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time

He was cold and distant. In his own world where he was with her.

“Max I want a divorce.” I told him.

The pain ripped through my heart as I saw the slightest glimmer of hope in his eyes, hope of finally being with his love. I had to remind myself why I was doing this.

Is this God's experiment
In which we have no say

“Tess…” he began trying to understand where this was coming from but I was not listening. I had to shut out my heart to do this.

In which we're given paradise
But only for a day

“You were right. Destiny is what you make it to be. I was too blind to see.” I told him sadly.

Nothing can be altered, there is nothing to decide

“You aren't the Zan I remember and you will never be. You're Max Evans and nothing I believe or do will change that. Not even following destiny.”

No escape, no change of heart, no anyplace to hide

As I saw the relief in his eyes, I had to keep myself from crying. I had let him go.

You are all I'll ever want, but this I am denied

But I would never love anyone else like I did him. How could I? I loved him when he was my husband on Antar and I loved him from the day I saw him here. My love for him had remained in both lifetimes.

Sometimes in my darkest thoughts, I wish I'd never learned
What it is to be in love and have that love returned

As Max turned to leave I wondered at the cruelty I had suffered.

Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime

To have love given to me and snatched away--twice. Once to death and the other time to Liz Parker. I didn't know which one I hated more.

Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time

I felt cursed at being the only one to remember what it was like before. When it was just the four of us. When we both were in love and life was so easy.

Is this God's experiment
In which we have no say

I would never forget either Zan or Max Evans. I would die loving him—again. As night fell and I sat there crying, I wondered whether it was always so painful to love someone. Because I knew that I would never know what it would be like to love and be loved in return.

In which we're given paradise
But only for a day…

THE END