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"Charade"
Original Air Date on April 23rd, 2010
"Previously on Smallville ... ."
Lois: I picked out a nice little font for my exposé.
Ray: I actually, had another headline in mind, The Blur murders Lois Lane.
[Grunting and fighting, screams]
Lois: I know you're out there somewhere.
Clark: I've been keeping an eye on you.
Lois: I have to see you. How do you feel about phone booths?
[phone rings]
Lois: Hello?
Clark: This is the red-blue-blur, I received your letter.
Lois: What I've really been wondering is, what is it that you need?
Fake Blur/Zod: I need your help. But you can't tell anyone about it.
Lois: I promise.
Fake Blur/Zod: I wouldn't ask, Lois, if it weren't a matter of life or death.
Waller: Welcome to Checkmate. We've been blocked by a new player.
[music on in the background]
[Lois sighs, rips mask off]
Lois: How do you get yourself into these things, Lane?
[blows lighter out]
[water splashes]
Gentleman: Evening, sir.
Ray: Good to see you.
Guy: An honor, sir.
Ray: Hey.
Security: Guy inside brought a photo, wanted to show it to you. Wants to collect the million dollar reward.
Ray: Really?
Lady: Hi, Ray.
Ray: Ladies ... hey, dollface.
[chuckles]
Ray: Ha, Ha! My old friend. It's been too long.
Man: Hey, how you doing?
Ray: Hey.
Lady: Glad to have you back, Ray.
Ray: Oh, good to be back, darling.
Lady: Your coat, sir?
Ray: Thanks, sweetie.
Lady: Go right in.
[doors open, music continues]
[cheers, applaud and photos flashing]
Ray: Well, as your ex-district attorney, I'd like to thank you all, for joining me and celebrating the national treasure that is our American justice system. You know, they kicked me out of office, they charged me with attempted murder, they even tried to put me away for life, and yet, here I am.
[applauding and chuckling]
Ray: So uh, I understand you have something for me.
Guy: What about my million dollars?
Ray: Don't test me, son.
[drumroll]
[cake bursts and out shows Lois]
[cheering and applauding]
[Lois blows kiss to Ray]
Clark: Lois!
Lois: Clark?
[Lois punches Clark]
[Paper is put down]
Franklin: I told you to find the story, not be the story.
[Paper is set down again by Lois]
Franklin: One of you want to tell me what happened? Let me guess? You two have a lovers spat?
Lois: Clark and I don't spat. There was no spatting.
Clark: What Lois is saying, is that we try not to let our personal lives get in the way of our jobs.
Franklin: Well, you don't have to try anymore. Because you're both fired.
[Lois scoffs softly]
[Phone rings, phone beeps twice]
Lois: Chloe, can you believe it? I'm early.
[Chloe chuckles]
Chloe: Uh, no, Lois, early is when you arrive at your destination by said time, not when you can see it from 7 blocks away.
Lois: Uh-Uh, nobody's raining on this girl's parade today. Clark's taking me up to the roof tonight, to do a little star-gazing.
Chloe: Okay, that explains the 911 to the Craigslist queen.
[hands box over]
Lois: Long live the queen.
[Chloe chuckles]
Lois: I can't believe you got one so fast.
[Opens box revealing a small telescope]
Lois: I kind of noticed that Clark has this thing for telescopes. Do you think he'll like it?
Chloe: I think he'll love it, [door opens] but what is it exactly about a telescope that merits 76 trombones and a big parade?
Lois: Well, tonight's the night. In the words of the general, "It's time to drop the "L" bomb."
Chloe: What?! You mean to tell me that you guys haven't volleyed the word yet?
Lois: Among other significant relationship mile stones. I don't know, things used to be easier with Clark, back in the days when you'd wake up and the first thing you'd do is check for a text or an e-mail and it'd be there waiting for you. Anyway, things have been different ever since we decided we could keep secrets from each other. But that's all changing tonight.
Chloe: Wait a minute, secrets? Uh, changing how?
Lois: No more secrets. It's time to take our baggage out of the closet, I mean if we "L" each other then nothing should come between us. Right?
[Super-speeding, door opens and closes]
[whoosh can be heard from Clark changing his clothes]
[door opens]
Chloe: Hey! Do you ever check your voicemail?
Clark: Looks like someone missed breakfast in bed with Oliver this morning.
Chloe: I'm not here to talk about my love life.
Clark: That makes two of us.
Chloe: I'm here to talk about yours.
Clark: Whoa, can't we just stick to a topic like aliens assimilating the earth?
Chloe: This isn't about assimilating, Clark. Zod has powers now, and you told him all of your secrets. This is not a good time to bring Lois in, too.
Clark: Lois?
Chloe: Yeah, she told me about your big date tonight, where you both are going to come clean with everything.
Clark: I'm not going to tell Lois anything. I'm making Lois dinner tonight so she shares her secret. She's been keeping something from me, and I didn't want to use my abilities to spy on her. It's been driving me crazy.
Chloe: So you're gonna seduce it out of her? Clark, you're the reason all of this is happening to begin with.
Clark: I have not called her as The Blur in months.
Chloe: That doesn't matter, Clark. The second that your back-in-black alter ego asked Lois to lie about The Blur was the day that you asked her to lie to the person she loves ... which is you! And she did.
Clark: A relationship with secrets can never work. Look at you and Oliver. Everything's out in the open.
Chloe: That is because we both understand that our relationship comes second to a higher calling. Clark, you and Lois ...
Clark: Don't have to be any different. Now if Lois was going to trust me tonight, maybe it's time I trusted her.
[Door opens, Chloe sighs, Door closes]
[Elevator dings]
Clark: Hey.
Lois: Hey.
Clark: Did you, uh, get my message?
Lois: Yup.
Clark: So we're still on for tonight?
Lois: Definitely.
Clark: What's in the box?
Lois: Surprise.
Clark: It's going to be a long day.
[awkward tension]
Lois: Yup.
[Clark scoots closer]
Clark: How about a sneak preview?
[Lois nods, Clark pulls her in for a kiss]
[Elevator dings open]
[Lois clears her throat]
Lois: Sometimes I swear you have more then two hands. Either that kiss altered my sense of time and space, or this place is busier then usual. It's a big news day.
Clark: I think it has something to do with our new editor.
Lois: Another editor? They should just install a rotating door up there. Obviously our illustrious owners just spun some wheel of fortune in disguise to see who'd be steering the ship this week.
Franklin: Well? I guess I pulled the lucky number this week. Franklin Stern, and this livewire must be the lovely and charming Miss Lane, I presume?
Clark: Miss Lane is an acquired taste. It's just that ever since Tess went away, we've gone through a lot of editors.
Franklin: Well, not for long. The board just launched a global search for the next editor-in-chief. I intend to make their decision very easy.
Lois: And you decided to start your campaign by downsizing the desk inventory.
Franklin: Miss Lane, I have been uh, reading through the personnel files to identify any red flags, and I understand you two are entangled in an inter-office relationship.
Clark: No, Sir.
Lois: No!
Franklin: Yeah, well, for whatever reason, it seems you're both spending so much time out of the office trying to reel in the big fish, you're not delivering the daily catch.
Clark: To be fair, sir, we've both turned in some pretty big stories.
Franklin: Here's a bigger one. Our fair city's disgraced D.A. Ray Sacks just had his life sentenced reversed. He gets out of prison today. Only one of these stays on the desk at the end of the day. May the best reporter win.
[Lois tries to go after him but is stopped by Clark's arm as he sighs]
[Computer beeps, keyboard clacking]
[Door opens]
Tess: Hmm, Oliver gave you keys to his office. He must trust you with just about all of his secrets.
Chloe: Tess, I thought you were supposed to be underground? You know, if you're having a hard time finding your way there, I'm sure I can help.
Tess: So we're over the temporary truce and straight back to fire at will? Okay, just remember, Chloe, that out there I might be M.I.A., but in here, I'm still CEO. Where is Oliver?
Chloe: Out of town.
Tess: I was curious how you two got into each other's orbit.
Chloe: Mutual friends. Which I understand you could use some help finding, considering the fact that you have to go to outer space to look for them.
Tess: The Kandorians? You'll see, Chloe, they're better as allies then enemies. Clark gets that. Why don't you and Oliver?
Chloe: Clark optimistically thinks that Zod will be happy wearing an apron and slinging coffees. We don't. Especially now that he has powers.
Tess: "We?" As in you and Green Arrow? Chloe, I get what you see in your heroes, but what do they see in you?
Chloe: I could ask Zod the same question about you. But I guess I don't have to anymore. I've been watching you two. And it seems like Zod hasn't been home for dinner for quite a while. Be careful, Miss Mercer. At this rate you're going to run out of people to betray.
[Computer beeps]
Lois: I don't know what's worse, Clark, that they freed the D.A. that threw me off the roof, or that our editor threw us in the ring to wrestle for the same desk.
Clark: Don't worry. If we land a big enough story, we can save both our jobs. Now, in order for him to reverse the sentence, Sacks must still have power friends down at City Hall. Now, according to the underground blogs, he's having a welcome home party tonight at Maxwell's.
Lois: Crime kingpins like to keep out the outsiders. It'd be easier to crash the White House then it would be to sneak in that party. Look, we only have 'till the end of the day to get this done, and I think we'd cover more ground if we split the work.
Clark: That's a good idea.
Lois: Can't wait for tonight.
[Phone beeps]
Lois: Hey, it's me, Lois. Guess you're out. Strange to think that I can leave a message for The Blur. I mean, well, not strange, weird ...
it's just, you know what I mean. It's hard to picture The Blur screening his calls. Not that you'd be screening my calls or anything, but I ...
[phone beeps]
Lois: Me again, got cut off. You know, there's not a lot of time for someone to leave a message. That beeps comes after you pretty fast. But then again, you are The Blur, of course. I'm sure you like it fast, but I jus ...
[phone beeps once again]
Lois: Here's the deal. I'm on a story about our deadly ex-D.A. Now, normally I'd be working with my partner-in-reporting, but I want to keep him safe, secure, and as far away from Sacks and his murderous mob as I can. Clark's not bullet-proof but you are. Be my wing man?
[Clicks phone off]
Clark: Lois will find a way to see Sacks before the party tonight. Chloe, I have to find him first.
Chloe: Look, I get it, Clark. I'm spending a small fortune of Oliver's money to update the security system here at Watchtower. Plus, I have a satellite trained on your fortress at all times, now that Zod knows your zipcode. I understand the instinct to protect the ones that you love.
Clark: You know, half of being in a relationship with Lois is protecting her from herself.
Chloe: Actually, she's not the only one Sacks is gunning for right now. According to internet, he's offering a million-dollar reward for anyone who can supply him with an image of The Blur.
Clark: Again, what's with this guy and his obsession with The Blur?
Chloe: Maybe it has something to do with the fact you publically disgraced him and threw him in prison. Since he's been out, I've had a hard time tracking him down.
Clark: Sacks is all about the V.I.P treatment. Maybe he's got a favorite bar or restaurant.
Chloe: Some place that he would want to go to after being locked down for 8 months. Huh, our parole prosecutor does have a favorite haunt, but it isn't exactly 5-star.
[Car door opens]
Lois: Mr. Sacks, Lois Lane from the Daily Planet. You may remember me from the roof of the Daily Planet.
Ray: Oh yes, yes. I remember you. You have a nasty habit of always landing on your feet, don't you, Lane?
Lois: And now I need to land a story, so, who let you out of your cage? Since I'm the one that you sent sky-diving without a parachute, I figured I'm at least owed a quote.
Ray: You have too much faith in The Blur, Lane, to think you can meet with me like this alone.
Lois: My editor knows where I am. Hurt me, and you'll be back behind bars before this pizza cools off.
Ray: Oh, I won't hurt you, no. He will. And this time, they won't find me guilty because they'll never find your body.
[Gun is pointed at Lois, car engine starts]
[Whoosh of air, and guy being thrown, grunting]
Ray: It's him! Come on! Go! Go!
[Car tires screech and leaves]
Lois: Wait! Thank you, for saving my bacon, I'd be two strips of pain on the pavement, if you hadn't gotten my call.
Clark/Blur: [softly] What call?
Lois: You have no idea what it means that you trusted me enough to let me help you these past weeks. I've never felt such a sense of purpose in my entire life. Whatever you need, you can count on me.
[Whoosh of air, landing on the roof, and super-speeding away]
[Door opens]
Man: That million's mine. I got a picture of The Blur! [Laughs]
[Lois stops him]
Lois: What you got is two choices. You either trash that photo, or I throw you in the trash.
[Shoves her in the wall, Lois grunts in pain]
[Lois takes out her phone, starts dialing]
Clark: Lois, stop! Who're you calling?
Lois: It's not important, Clark.
Clark: No, that's The Blur, isn't it?
Lois: Why would you think that? And what are you even doing here?
Clark: Lois, you told me that you stopped talking to The Blur. All those secrets that you've been keeping from me ... it's him, isn't it?
Lois: Okay, this is between The Blur and me. That's all I can tell you.
Clark: Lois, do you even know who you're really talking to?
Lois: Okay, what's going on here? Clark, you don't need to be jealous.
Clark: No, I'm not, it's just ... Lois. I need to know who that is.
[Lois scoffs]
Lois: You did not just ask me that! Is this about the story? You want me to give up The Blur just to save our jobs?
Clark: Lois, I'm trying to save you. Don't ... Don't you think that sometimes you might have a little too much blind faith?
Lois: Why? Because if he trusted me, he'd show himself?! Is that it?
Clark: Lois ... Okay, I need you to listen to me ...
Lois: No, Clark. I am sure he is dying to tell me. But how could anyone who cares about me put me in that kind of position? I-If I knew his true identity, then every low-lifes with high hopes of hurting him would come after me. And he would never put me in that kind of danger just to get his secret off his back. That's why I trust him!
[Lois leaves, mad]
[Whoosh]
Chloe: I take it your search for Sacks didn't go so well.
Clark: I found Sacks, but I may have just lost Lois. Or at least her trust.
Chloe: Oh, no. I know that look. What happened?
Clark: I did this to myself. Chloe, I asked Lois to keep her calls with The Blur a secret, and she did, even from me. And now someone else is calling her, pretending to be The Blur.
Chloe: Why? Who would want to blur a mile in your shoes?
Clark: I don't know. Checkmate, Zod, Tess. They've all been circling my secret. I stole her phone to see who she was calling. She's already deleted the list.
Chloe: You know, as much as I don't want to, I have to say, It's pretty impressive how committed Lois is to protecting The Blur.
Clark: From me.
Chloe: Yeah, well, talk about a Kafkaesque nightmare.
Clark: I almost ended it all, told her everything. 'Till she reminded me why I can never put her in that kind of danger. Look, I need to find whoever's lying to Lois, using my identity. She said she had something to tell him.
Chloe: And you want Watchtower to trace the call. Got it.
[Computer beeps, mouse clicks]
Lois, talking on the computer: I would have called you on my cell, but I can't find it. Listen, someone photographed you on their phone, and they're about to sell it to Ray Sacks. I don't know when you'll get this, so I'll blitz his bash at Maxwell's and try to run interference, but you need to get there as soon as you can.
[Music]
Man: Hey, where's the surprise?
Other Man: I don't know. Supposed to be here about 30 minutes ago.
Lois: Piece of cake.
Ray: They kicked me out of office. They charged me with attempted murder. They even tried to put me away for life, and yet here I am.
[Clapping and cheering]
[Super hearing]
Ray: So uh, I understand you have something for me.
Man: What about my million dollars?
Ray: Don't test me, son.
[Super hearing stops]
[drum roll]
[Lois appears, applause and cheering]
Clark: Lois.
Lois: Clark!
[Lois punches Clark and smashes into the guy with the phone, smashing his phone into bits]
Lois: Oops. Sorry about your million dollars.
[Clark grabs Lois and takes her]
Ray: Oh, that's okay, kid. We don't need that picture. We just need you.
Lois: Three years of selfless service to this paper, and the new editor on the block just up and fires me.
Clark: Well, not just you, Lois.
Lois: Well, at least one of us would have kept their job, if you hadn't been so obsessed with unmasking The Blur. I don't know how you found out about that photo, but crashing Sacks' party? Just how many hurdles are you willing to jump to expose the person that I'm trying to protect?
Clark: Well, you jumped out of a cake, Lois, and you slugged me.
Lois: It was just a distraction. I had to do something extreme to destroy that extremely dangerous picture, no thanks to you.
Clark: Lois ...
Lois: No, save it. I don't know why you suddenly have it in for The Blur, but whatever you're going to tell me right now isn't going to make a difference. I'm seeing a whole other side of you, Clark, and for the first time, I'm not a fan of the view.
[leaves mad]
[Lois breathing hard, heartbroken about Clark. Someone grabs her, grunting]
Ray: I take it this is the official invitation to join you? The black king.
Maxwell: Your work on this operation has proven to be surprisingly invaluable. They have all witnessed The Blur. Pieces of his identity have been locked within their minds. They simply need to be assembled.
Ray: Your extracting their memories with this whole Jedi mind control thing. Very impressive interrogation skills. Listen, Mr. Lord, I am no friend of The Blur, but why are you after him?
Maxwell: You are aware, Sacks that, Meta-Humans exist on the planet.
Ray: I assumed this Checkmate agency wants to use them to protect and serve.
Maxwell: That's the white queens plan. Waller barks orders from behind the desk. I work in the real world. A world that needs the rule of law. Anything outside the natural order is unpredictable.
Ray: Now, correct me if I'm wrong. You have powers? You're one of them.
Maxwell: Which is exactly why I know how dangerous they can be, and why I plan on eliminating them.
[Computer beeps]
Clark: Chloe, when did you find this? Can't you get a clearer picture?
Chloe: Whoa, Clark. Okay, one at a time. I was following Lois just in case she found Sacks before you did, and I got this security footage from a camera sixty floors up. Now, unfortunately, technology isn't exactly on par with X-ray vision.
Clark: Where was Lois taken?
Chloe: I don't know. I lost the car right after it went into Rombauer Tunnel.
Clark: This has to be Sacks.
Chloe: I did some digging, right around the time that our devious D.A.
walked. All his new little prison friends who were sent up the river were transferred off the grid.
Clark: Chloe, I know these guys. I've put every one of them behind bars. They're all violent offenders, and the only person who can authorize their transfers is the governor.
Chloe: Who did you say threw Sacks' little welcome mobster ball?
Clark: Some tycoon named Maxwell Lord.
Chloe: Three guesses who the largest contributor to the governors re-election fund was?
[keyboard clacks]
Chloe: With that kind of influence, Lord has some serious strings he can pull.
Clark: Well, if Maxwell Lord wants The Blur, then that's exactly who he'll get.
[Whoosh of air]
Ray: You should see Lord's set-up downstairs. This guy is a major player, and he has just given me the key to the city.
[Whoosh, Clark knocks Ray out, grabbing the chess piece and crushing it angrily]
Clark: Checkmate.
[Maxwell does the mind control to Lois; Lois grunts as if she were in pain]
Maxwell: You're fighting it. You know him, don't you?
Clark: Get away from her!
Maxwell: Ah, I see we're past formal introductions. Stop! One wrong step, and I'll eviscerate every last thought in her head.
Clark: You're using their memories to learn my identity. Let them go! They don't know who I am.
Maxwell: True, they've only seen glimpses of your face, nothing more. You've been careful. Except for this one. Even unconscious, her mind protects memories of you.
Clark: Maybe she doesn't have any.
Maxwell: Or maybe the connection between you two is stronger. Stronger then the fear that binds you with the others. Stronger ... because of love.
[continues doing the mind control]
[Clark super-speeds and crashes into the glass, knocking Maxwell down]
[Lois wakes up, confused and groggy]
[Lois notices the "S" Symbol]
Lois: You're here. I-I can't know who you are. I'd give anything to see your face, to know your name, but you can't protect us if we know who you are. I understand that now.
[Clark places a hand on her shoulder. She touches his hand and sighs]
Lois: Go.
[Clark super-speeds away, leaving a tearful Lois behind]
[Door opens, footsteps]
Man: Sorry, Max. A little change of itinerary.
[a gun is placed on Maxwell, and car engine starts]
[door opens and he is shoved in, tires screeching]
Maxwell: So it's true. The red queen does exist.
[Tractor is put down]
Chloe: I guess the upside to unemployment is you don't have to pick out a tie every morning.
[Clark scoffs]
Chloe: You're beating yourself up, aren't you?
Clark: Oh, which me? The Blur that Lois would die to protect, or the boyfriend that Lois was protecting him from?
Chloe: Don't be so hard on yourself, Clark. Not everyone with a press pass is also moonlighting as the city's greatest superhero. And the whole phone-rooftop Blur thing, at least give yourself creative points for trying to be as honest as you could with Lois.
Clark: I guess if half of me has Lois's trust, and the other half gets the rest of her, it all works out in some weird way.
Chloe: There's only one problem with that,. One of those halves has to say goodbye. I finished tracing a number of our rogue Blur, to RAO
Industries. It was Zod.
Clark: Everything he said, about brotherhood? It was all a lie. Of course he's the one using Lois.
Chloe: I know you wanna go take your anger out on Zod right now, but you and I both know that there's something else you have to take care of first. Until you can tell Lois that you are the one and only Blur, anyone with a voice modulator and a calling plan can pretend to be you.
Clark: I know what I have to do.
[Phone rings, Lois picks up]
Lois: Hello?
Clark/Blur: Lois, thank you for coming.
Lois: Well, when The Blur leaves a hand-written message, you better believe I'm there. Chalk it up to the curiosity of a recently unemployed reporter, but since we've been doing the cell-to-cell, why are we back to doing this old school?
Clark/Blur: I wanted to have this conversation in a place that meant something to both of us.
Lois: Wow, sounds awfully official. But hey, you're the boss. So, what's my next impossible mission?
Clark/Blur: There won't be one, Lois. I'm sorry, this is our last conversation.
Lois: Last conversation today, or for a while? If you have to go back on another hiatus, I understand. I'll be there.
Clark/Blur: As in our last talk ... .forever.
Lois: No. [Chuckles nervously]
Clark/Blur: Our relationship put you at risk. I know that we would do anything to protect each other. What if one day I'm too late?
Lois: But you don't understand. I don't care about the risk. When I'm working with you, I'm doing something good, something right.
Clark/Blur: You don't need me for that.
Lois: But I do need you, and maybe I didn't realize it until it was too late. But this is the most important part of my life.
Clark/Blur: There must be some other part that means more to you.
Lois: When I'm with you, it's about more than what I want, who I want. It is something that is bigger then me.
Clark/Blur: I wish things could be different, Lois. This is the only way I can protect you. I won't call again. If anyone calls claiming to-to be me, don't believe them. No matter what they say, or what happens, you can't trust them.
Lois: No, please.
Clark/Blur: I will be watching over you. I promise. Goodbye, Lois.
[Phone clicks off]
[Lois hangs the phone up]
Lois: Goodbye.
[Lois looks really hurt]
[Music playing]
Clark: Glad you still came up after what we talked about on the street.
Lois: It's beautiful, Clark. Thank you.
Clark: What is it, Lois? You know you can tell me anything.
Lois: Can I? Then why did I lie to you?
Clark: We both agreed we would keep some things to ourselves.
Lois: I've been talking to The Blur, Clark. Doing things for him. Sharing things with him that I couldn't share with you.
Clark: It's probably just the reporter blood in you, right?
Lois: It was more then that, but we ... .I talked to him, and it's over. He doesn't want me in his life anymore.
Clark: Well, there's someone standing right here, who still does. It's okay.
Lois: You don't have to be okay with it. Clark ... .[sighs, and walks to the top] It's not right for me to ask that of you, Clark.
Clark: He meant a lot to you, didn't he?
Lois: It's not like this, with you. I wish you could understand what it felt like to have this ... a calling, a duty, to people, and the world. That made my feelings for you and everything else seem ...
Clark: Selfish? Like there's a whole world out there that needs you, but if you take anything from it for yourself, it's at someone else's expense.
[Lois nods]
Clark: Lois, I do understand.
Lois: How?
Clark: I guess with him gone, the question is ... am I enough?
[Lois looks as if questioning]
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