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  01x03 - Today I Am a Witch
 Posted: 10/23/13 01:22
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Please don't tell me we're witches.

We're witches.

You have an enemy, Joanna, and they're not gonna stop

until you and your girls are dead.

WENDY: The imposter... she stabbed me.

I know who killed my husband.

You are under arrest for the murder of Bill Thatcher.

Wait. Adam, what the hell?!


Ingrid, what were you thinking?

You resurrect someone you love, then someone you love has to die.

INGRID: Do you realize you were almost burned alive and drowned all in one night?

Why was Mom arrested for murder?

The shape-shifter that has it out for your mom

has taken your mom's form, killed Bill Thatcher, leaving Maura as a witness.

You have a brother?

DASH: Yeah. I told you I had a brother.

I don't think you should be here.

Definitely shouldn't be here.

You're gonna need it for when you leave town.

Think I'll stay a while.

Have you ever seen me run away from a fight?

We'll find the shifter, and we'll keep the girls alive as long as we can.

(gasps loudly) Oh.

Killian. Thank God.


Wendy? What are you doing up?


Tarot cards like to be read in the middle of the night, and I need them to cooperate.

I'm trying to find out who's gonna die because of the curse that you unleashed.

I thought you said it wasn't possible to know.

I did say that, didn't I?

But you can't always believe everything that I tell you.






This can't be right.

Who is it?

Is it Mom...?

Is it Freya?

Oh, God, is it you...?

According to these cards, the person who's going to die...

Is you.



You have no idea how to actually get to the kitchen from here, do you?

Not really. This is why I like living on a boat.

It's impossible to get lost going to the kitchen.



Mmm. (footsteps approaching)

DASH: Freya?

What the hell's going on?




Help me...

WENDY: I'm sorry, Ingrid, but the truth is, you deserve this.

This is all your fault.



(sighs, panting)

WOMAN (raspy): Joanna?

(guttural gasping)

(groans, gasping)

(guttural gasping)

(gasps loudly)






(gasps, sighs)


Season 1, Episode 3

"Today I Am a Witch"

Can't sleep?

Bad dream. You?

I'm just looking through some old spells, trying to find inspiration for our shifter problem.

Any luck?

Let me guess...

You're worried about the price for the resurrection spell.

Maybe we could find a way to reverse it so no one has to die.

Ingrid, honey, we've gone over this. There's nothing we can do.

Balance has to be restored. We can't change that.

But I can't just sit around waiting for someone I love to die because of my stupid mistake.

You don't have to just sit around.

Let me teach you. There's still so much for you to learn.

I don't want to learn anything else about magic.

Don't be so sure about that.

Magic is what you make of it.

It can be dangerous and deadly, or it can be mystical and beautiful.

It's up to you.

(door opening)


Am I missing something?


What are you doing here?

Shouldn't you be at Fair Haven with your dashing fiancé?

I can't sleep. Every night, it's the same thing.

I have the hottest, most incredible sex with Killian.



In my dreams. Only in my dreams.

In real life, I have that kind of sex with Dash.

Yes, we know. We all know.

Every time he sleeps over, like, three, four times a night.

Really? Four times? Oh...


The point is, it's not like there's a problem with me and Dash, but I can't make these Killian dreams stop.

It's like, I feel guilty, like I'm cheating, and I'm not even doing anything.

I need to get him out of my head.

I'm a witch now. How hard can it be to control my own thoughts?

Very hard.

Very hard.

Look, girls, take it easy.

You can't master the art of witchcraft in a week.

But don't worry. It'll take time, but I can teach you everything you need to know.

Let me be your Mr. Miyagi.

Just, please don't tell your mother.

Please don't tell your mother what?



Hey, I don't want the girls doing magic.

It's too dangerous.


We're not kids in pigtails anymore.

We're adults who can make our own decisions.

Ooh, I miss the pigtails.

I do, I do.

Oh, it's not about grown-up or not.

I've just... I've been alive a lot longer than you.

I know things you don't. It's for your own good.

But maybe we could help you with the shape-shifter.

There is no shape-shifter anymore.

Everything is under control.

I took care of it with a banishing spell.

Whoever it is, they can't come anywhere near us.

And I don't think we want any temptation around.

Right? Now, well, just to be safe.


What are you doing?!

What the hell?!

That's an heirloom.

Now it's ash.


Good night.

What the hell happened here?

What a minute. I've seen that symbol before. Malus Amplio?

It draws in dark energy, and magnifies the power of evil.

It was in the ground where Bill Thatcher was killed, in my dream last night, and now, it's here.

And you can't think of anyone who would want to do something like this to you?

I'm immortal. I can think of too many people.

That's the problem.

So let me help you.

Would you be willing to serve as a character witness?

That's not what I meant, and you know it.

I know, but I'm not using dark magic to get out of this.

Sadly, that's the only magic that would work.

Is it possible that you've gotten more stubborn over the last hundred years?

Just because I'm not dealing with this in the way that you want me to...

You're not dealing with this at all, Jo.

And you lied to the girls last night, telling them that you banished the shape-shifter.

That's not possible. You don't know who it is.

I lied so they don't have to worry, so that they can get back to their carefree, normal lives.

Things are not going back to the way they were! That's over.

The girls know who they are.

Their powers are only going to get stronger.

We need to be able to teach them how to control their gifts, so they don't hurt someone or themselves.

You said that you would help me keep them alive.

That means keeping them away from magic.

All right, yeah. Whatever you say.

No magic.


Oh, wow. That was so cool.

That was nothing. Wait till you girls see what I can teach you.

We witches have way more talents than just spell casting.

Telekinesis, healing powers, limited weather control.

We can control the weather?!

She said "limited."

(thunder crackling, gasping)

Limited, but still pretty cool.

How did you do that?


Oh, we all work in different ways.

I'm ruled by instinct, so, my powers come from the gut.

Freya, you're ruled by emotion, so, yours come from the heart.

With practice, you're gonna be able to read people's deepest desires, mix potions to make them fall in love...

Or fall into bed...


Her specialty is sex. I wouldn't have guessed that.

Oh, really? Well, what's her specialty? Reading?

Kind of. Ingrid's powers come from up here.

Strength of mind, intellect, invention.

Watching you write a spell was like watching Mozart compose a concerto.

Wait a minute. So I can actually come up with new spells, and not just read old ones in books?

Don't get any ideas. You're still a novice.

It's gonna take years of learning before you can even think of writing a spell.

So, what's Mom's specialty?

Everything. She's the total package.

When your mom's at full strength, it's like there's nothing she can't do.

So, can she teach me the spell that'll get Killian out of my head?

Oh, my God. Between the two of you, it's like you've been given a brand-new toolbox with hundreds of tools you've never seen before, all you want to do is use a hammer.

All right, Freya, I want you to try to skip this stone on the water.


Not with your hand. With your mind.

And, girls, remember, this is just between us.

We know. We can't tell anyone we're witches.

No. That, too. But don't tell your mother that we're doing this, because she would freak if you're doing magic.

(hinges creak)

(hinges creak)


It isn't working.

Clear your mind. Concentrate.

Think of nothing else but what you're trying to do.

(exhales): Okay.

(deep burbling)

(gasps) What happened? Did it move?

Yeah. If you were trying to sink it, you did great.

I suck at this.

Freya, it takes practice; be patient. All right, Ingrid, your turn.

Same goes for you... be patient, clear your mind.

I want you to concentrate on dragging the rock up out of the lake.




I was just trying to lift the rock.

Convérterit libro isto.

Convérterit libro isto.

(hinges creak)

(takes deep breath)



(birds chirping)


"My name shall be cast out..."

(continues indistinctly)

Ingrid. Oh.

(laughs): I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to scare you.

No, I-I-I was just... doing some shelving.

But I can finish later. What's up?

Well, I wanted to come by and see if you... wanted to have dinner tonight.

Dinner? Like a-a date? Like a dinner date?

Won't that be weird... you arrested my mom.

I'm actually off the case now.

What? Why?

Because of our history.

My bosses felt there was a conflict of interest.

Oh. We have a history?

(laughs): Well, I thought we were friends. (laughs)

Of course. We are...




I like you.


How many times do I have to tell you that before you start to believe me?

(laughs): Just one more would probably do it.

I'm kidding.

Have dinner with me.

Now, I won't mention anything about the case, so we can just talk about...


And voodoo spells. Yeah, I'm a detective; I notice things. It's...

It's just an academic study for my dissertation.

Finally gonna finish. Yay!


Good for you.

So, um... what do you say?

Look, I know you could use a night out, and you have to eat, right?

Okay. Yes.




Bye. (laughs)

Enjoy. Hey, can I get a drink?

Get in line, buddy... I'm kind of in the weeds here.

Who had a margarita?

I ordered a beer, Freya, like, ten minutes ago.

And I ordered a mojito.

Just give me a minute.

Okay, who had the beer?

What are you doing? You don't work here.

You obviously need help, so... I'm helping.

You really shouldn't be back here.

Can I get a dirty martini?

Not a problem.

He's not a bartender.

Relax, I can handle this. I'm very experienced.

WOMAN: I'm still waiting for my mojito.

Can everyone just relax!

What the hell was that?

Uh, stupid shelves.

They do that sometimes.

(crickets chirping)


(gasps): Oh! Wendy!

What are you doing in here?!

Sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I just...


I thought if I recreated your dream, then inspiration would strike.

Well... you scared the crap out of me.

So, I made a list of your enemies, and the list is really, really long, and I still need your help to finish it.

Do you remember anything in particular about your dream?

Like, did the shifter have a weapon, or...?

Yeah, she had this strange little doll made out of hair.

What? Wait.

I can't believe you ruined my headboard.

Did it look like this?

Yeah. What is that?

It's called an energy talisman.

I knew a guy in New Orleans who used to make these.

Oh, you mean it's one of those low-rent voodoo things that's supposed to...

Suck away your powers?

No, not supposed to, it does.

It only works on the witch whose hair it's made of.

Don't underestimate this, Joanna... I've seen it work.

I put a protection spell around the house.

You put a protection spell around the entire town, and somebody broke through.

I think you're into major denial about how serious this is.

I get it. But you've been gone a long time, Wendy, and the girls and I have been doing just fine.

Really? Just fine? You're on trial for murder, the shifter has already killed me once, tried to kill Freya... it's time to go on the offensive.

You're not a parent, Wendy.

You don't understand what it is to be responsible for another person.

Well, I may not be a parent, Joanna, but I have a family... a family that I love and I care about. I'm trying to protect you, and you're sitting here doing laundry!

Your laundry!

Oh, I'm sorry, let me help you with that!

Uh, very mature.

You know what, you can't bury your head in the sand forever, Joanna.

If you don't do something soon, things are gonna get worse.

A lot worse!

(door slams) (groans)

Okay, concentrate.

Come on, Freya, Ingrid can empty a freaking lake.

You can do this.

(bottle shatters)

Wow. You really are a klutz.

It's kind of adorable.


What are you doing here?

I work here.

No, you don't.

Roger was very impressed with my skills behind the bar.

He offered me a job, and I took it.

You took it?

Why would you do that?

I need the money.

You need money? Please.

My family's rich, I'm not.

I don't believe that for a second.

Well, it's the truth... I haven't taken a penny off them.

I've spent the last five years teaching English in Thailand, surfed in Australia, tended bar on three continents.

(sighs) I'm just scraping by now to get to the next destination.

Well, it sounds incredible.

I've always wanted to do something like that.

Never been out of East End.

Not even once?

Well, when I was a teenager, I used to sneak out and go to New York with my fake I.D.

And I think I went on a field trip to DC once.

But basically, no.

I was raised by a single mother. Schoolteacher.

We weren't exactly jetting off to Paris every week.

Oh, jetting off to Paris is overrated anyway.

The one thing I learned in my travels is you can be miserable pretty much anywhere.

And happy anywhere, too.

It's about where you are inside.

Did a monk teach you that in Nepal or something?

I think I read it in a fortune cookie.

(laughs): Right.

But you got to admit it's true.

If you're not being honest about who you are and what you really want, you could be living in a mansion and it wouldn't really matter.

You still wouldn't feel quite right.

I still don't think you working here is a good idea.

Why? Still having dreams about me?


How come I don't believe you?

Are you freakin' kidding me?

Hey, where are you going?

You work here now, you can clean it up.

Hey, are you okay?

I'm fine.

She can be a little dramatic.

Yeah, I noticed.

Well, thank you for making me do this tonight.

I actually really needed a night out.

I'm glad I could help take your mind off the...

Thing that we're not talking about.

Mm-mm. (laughs)

It's probably a little overwhelming for you.

No, I'm actually okay. I guess I'm not that freaked out, because I know my mom didn't do it.


I know we said we wouldn't talk about the case, but I give you permission... dinner is technically over.

Look, I'm just concerned that you're not taking this very seriously.

Maura Thatcher claims that she saw your mother murder her husband in cold blood.

But people make mistakes.

Especially in traumatic situations.

And I've read studies where eyewitnesses claim to see a short woman that was really a six-foot-two man.

I know, I know, and maybe you're right.

I hope you're right. I just think that...

You need to prepare yourself for the...

The worst-case scenario. That's all.

Your mother could... go to jail...

For a long time.

I should probably be getting home.

Ingrid... uh, Ingrid, no, let me pay, and I can walk you.

No. I'm fine. I could use some fresh air.

But thank you so much for dinner.

It was really nice.

(heavy breathing)

Hello, Joanna.

(coughing and gasping)



(muffled screaming)

Joanna, stop... Do you hear me?

I will kill you. Do you hear me?

This is not over.

(muffled shouting)

I will find you, I'll kill you!

I will haunt you...


The stories I could tell about your mother.

You would not believe the stories that I could tell.

But do I? No, uh-uh.

Because I'm a good sister... and I'm a good aunt, maybe not in this lifetime but in other ones.

I'm sure you were, and I actually need to talk to my good aunt about something.

Ingrid, you're a natural.

You always have been. I don't want you to forget that.

Um, that's actually what I want to talk to you about.

I've been thinking about what you said...


And about how I can write spells.

No, n-n-no, it is not possible.

Why not?

Because there are some spells that just can't be written.

But you said I was a spell-writing genius.

Okay, Ingrid from a hundred years ago, who had been practicing magic her entire life, yes, spell-writing genius.

Ingrid today, who's been practicing witchcraft for about five minutes, not so much.

Okay, but what you may not know about me is that I've actually been studying witchcraft my whole life...


...Academically, historically.

I even wrote a dissertation.


And I have books, lots of books.

You have books?

And in one of them, I think I may have found a spell that could be tweaked.

No, no, no, please, oh, you don't know what you're talking about.

Please do not tweak any spells.

Okay, in fact, do not cast any spells without my supervision.

It's dangerous.



Do you promise?

I promise.


We'll have another lesson tomorrow, but if we're done here, there's a really cute guy over by the pool table that I want to go play with.


(Freya and Dash moaning)

So, tell me, what was more fun... this or fixing that guy's heart today?

Yeah, well, it's technically called an aortic resection, but...

I'm gonna go with this.

Hey, do you mind if I go home tonight? I know we talked about me staying over.

Wow, I feel so used.


I'm sorry, I just... I feel like my family needs me.

No, you know what? You're right.

You, uh, you should be with your mom right now.

I understand.

Ugh, stop being so sweet.

I know I'm being an ass, not sharing my problems with you.

Hey, you are not being an ass.

I get it if you need some space.

No, I don't need any space; that's not it.

I just... things are complicated.

What's complicated?

(sighs) My family, my life, everything.


I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

No, it's okay.

Let's, uh, let's talk about something else.

So, how was work?


Your brother got a job at the bar today.


What is the deal with you guys?

(sighing): Oh, God.

It's a... it's a long story.

I like long stories.




Look, I... I was engaged once before.

Okay, I know I should have told you a long time ago, but I just didn't feel like getting into it.

Freya, say something.

You didn't tell me this before because you "didn't feel like getting into it"?

I don't even think about her anymore.

All right, our, our relationship is not like you and me.

So what was it like, then?

It doesn't matter, okay, we never should have been engaged.

All you need to know is that Killian slept with her three months before our wedding, and that was pretty much the last time I saw my brother, so that's the deal with us.

Why, why would he...?

Because that's what he does.

Killian's always been the black sheep of our family.

I mean, he got kicked out of every prep school on the East Coast, he...

God, he can't hold a job for more than a few months, he's never had a real relationship with a woman, and for some reason he blames me.

Maybe it's because I didn't screw up my life or because I take responsibility for things, so going after my girlfriends... it's always been like this little game to him.

See what kind of damage he can cause.

I don't know, I-I guess it's his revenge or something.

So, he's done this more than once?

Not successfully, but yeah, he always tries. It's pathetic.

I wouldn't be surprised if he's gearing up to hit on you.


Babe, I am, I am so sorry.

Okay, you know I love you.

I know, I just... I think I need to be alone right now.

I'll call you tomorrow.

"The price shall not be paid, my soul is free from bondage."

Shit, what's the Latin word for "bondage"?



That sounds right.


Here goes nothing.


Pretium non solvatur, libera animam meam a servitute.

Quia illud velle ita.

Quia illud velle...


(screaming, cries)

(screaming): Help...!


(footfalls approaching)


Vade, daemonia.

Animas vestras ad infernum remittitur.

Dimittam... dimittam.

Aunt Wendy.

Dimittam, dimittam.

What are you doing here?

I knew you wouldn't listen to me. You're a lot like your mother that way.

You're gonna be okay.

Sana glacies.

(Ingrid whimpering)

Sana glacies.

Sana glacies.

Stay with me.

Thank you.

Sana glacies. Sana glacies.

What are you doing back here?

Forgot my jacket.

Okay, that's bullshit.

I mean, I did forget my jacket, but that is not why I'm here.

I just wanted to look you in your face when I told you this: I'm on to you.

Would it shock you to know I have no idea what you're talking about?

I know why you've been pretending you have all these feelings for me and that we have this deep connection, but you can cut the crap.

You and Dash need to work out your problems yourselves.

Or don't... I don't really care. Just leave me out of it.

You may have slept with one fiancée, but you are never going to sleep with this one.

Are you done now?

I notice you're not denying anything.

Look, I did sleep with Elyse.

Oh, why would you tell me her name?

But that was a long time ago, and for the record, things in their relationship were pretty screwed up to begin with.

Oh, whatever... I know you have tried to sleep with every woman Dash has ever dated.

Is that what he told you?

Is it the truth?

Would you believe me if I said it wasn't?

Why should I believe anything you say?


I haven't been pretending, Freya.

I don't know how much clearer I can be.

Do you really expect me to fall for that?

No, I don't expect anything except for you to admit that there is a connection here and we both know it.

No, the only connection we have is that we work together in this bar and I'm marrying your brother.

That's all.

Good night.





Who the hell are you?!




Freya... use your powers.

Freya, use your powers.

Freya Eilif Beauchamp, you have permission to use your powers!

(Freya gasps, Joanna sighs)

Oh, my God, Mom, are you okay?

Oh, God. Are you all right?

Yeah. Oh, what the hell!

I thought you took care of her.

I sort of lied.

FREYA: Why? Why do you always lie?

Why does everyone always lie?

Who else is lying?

Me. I'm lying to Dash every single day.

I'm hiding this huge thing from him for the rest of our lives.

How do I do that?

How do I marry someone when I have this giant secret about who I am?

Because you're so much more than just a witch, Freya.

You're still the same smart, talented, caring and beautiful woman that you've always been.

And that's who Dash fell in love with, and that hasn't changed.


I love you, Freya.

I know how strong you are, and I know you can do this.

That knife throw...

That was pretty impressive.

I know. I can't believe it actually worked.

That was the first time I've done something like that on purpose.


I'm proud of you, baby.


You did good.

With a little practice, you'll gain greater control of your gifts.

Ooh, does that mean you're actually gonna let me practice?

Ooh, does that mean I could have stopped you?

It's time, and you're ready.

I'm not, but I wasn't ready for you to start dating...

In any century.

And I couldn't stop you then, either Come...

I love you, Mom.



Hey, didn't you burn that?

I did.

You're not the only one in this house with cool powers.



You missed last call.

For the record, I know exactly what you're up to.

Oh, well, maybe you do, maybe you don't.

Either way, it has no effect on me or my plans.

Yeah, well, look, I'm thinking maybe you should change your plans.

'Cause you won't win this one, Killian, I promise.

I don't want you getting hurt.

Appreciate the concern. I'll take it under advisement.

Fine. You know, you just do your thing.

Play it as cool as you want, pretend nothing bothers you.

But the real Killian always shows himself eventually.

And that's when it all goes wrong.

Oh, yeah? What about the real you?

You told Freya what I did five years ago, but did you tell her the rest of the story?

(motorcycle engine revving)


Didn't think so.

(engine revving)

They still feel really cold.


It's gonna take a few more minutes before they're normal again.

Don't worry. You're gonna be okay.

That was just so awful, scary.

Did you really feel that you could just pull something like this off after knowing you're a witch for a week?

I guess I wasn't thinking. I just wanted to do something.

I don't want someone to die.

I know, but putting yourself in danger is not the answer.

I really can't change this curse, can I?

What's destined to happen will happen. It's already in motion.

And you can't spend every day worrying about it, or you're gonna drive yourself crazy.

I know.

You have to live your life.

(door opening)

ADAM: Hello?


(door closes)

Oh, I, uh... I saw your car, so I figured you might still be here.

I will see you at home.


Before you say anything, I just...

I just want to apologize.

You don't have to do that.

It's not like we can pretend this stuff with my mom isn't happening.

I could have been more sensitive.

You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells.

I just think...

Maybe we missed our window.

You know, maybe we should have done this a long time ago when things were simpler.

Maybe it's too late now.

Or... maybe you know your mom better than me, and I should have just shut up about it.

Adam, it's just, my life is so complicated right now, and I don't think you should subject yourself to that.

I'm a big boy.

And I know my timing's not the best, but I have waited too long to have our first date, and I don't want to wait any more for our second.

If that even counts as a first date. It...

I think it does now.

WENDY: So Freya really sent the knife across the kitchen?

Mm-hmm, mm.

That's great!

I mean, it's not great that the shifter broke through your protection spell.

I was just so out of practice, I was overwhelmed.

And you couldn't tell anything about the shifter? About who it was?

No, not a thing.

Only that they were good and fast and looked like me, only, I think I have better hair.

You do have really great hair.


Okay, this is really hard for me to say, but I think you were right.

Don't say anything! Don't.

I do have trouble letting people help me.

It's like I'm a little bit set in my ways.

Okay, I'm a lot set in my ways.

So maybe I need to loosen up, enjoy it all more.

I can certainly help you with that.


And maybe I need to grow up just-just a little bit.


But not too much, so, maybe we can just meet in the middle?

Works for me.

So you can keep teaching them, and I will, too.

I didn't...

Oh, please!

You think Freya could have pulled that off without a few lessons from you?

I think I know my sister pretty well.

INGRID: Hey, Mom. Are you okay?

I am. I am.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about you girls being witches.

It is who you are.

It's who you've always been, and there is no shoving that cat back in the bag.

(gasps) Oh.

I'm sorry. No offense, Wendy.


Your aunt and I are gonna teach you girls everything we know, and we are gonna get through all of this...

As a family.

This is not the first time that we've had to pull together to protect ourselves, and it won't be the last.

INGRID: Actually, I would like to stay away from magic for a while.

JOANNA: Well, we can...

We can talk about that tomorrow, honey, because, right now, I need all of your help.

So, what's the spell for?

We are fighting dark with light, utilizing our life force.

WENDY: It's basically an invisible wall of protection around the entire house, and hopefully, each of us.

Oh, can I make the potions from now on?




WENDY: Servo.



JOANNA: Contego.





































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