Episode 314 - Valentine's Day Massacre

[Scene: Inside Bodie's Pick up truck. Joey is in the driver's seat and Dawson in the Passenger. Pacey is in the bed of the truck. Joey is trying to learn to drive a stick shift from Dawson.]

Dawson: You just kinda want to ease into it. All right, it's a very gentle kinda give and take...Action, all right? So...You might want to do it right about now. Wait!

[She stalls out the engine.]

Dawson: Oh! Ok, remember when I said that thing about stepping on the clutch before you actually try and shift? Is that coming back to you? Um...So you re in neutral now. Put your foot on the clutch… that's it! Ok?

Joey: I don't want to learn to drive anymore. It's too hard.

Pacey: Oh, are we there yet? Look, come on, kiddies. We are barely halfway down the driveway. What on earth have you guys been doin' up ere?

Dawson: See, this is a shining example of why friends should not teach friends to drive stick.

Joey: You're not exactly Lloyd Dobler, Dawson.

Dawson: What is that supposed to mean?

Joey: Say Anything, John Cusack teaches Ione Skye how to drive.

Dawson: Yeah?

Joey: Except, if I remember correctly, he was quite the patient tutor.

Dawson: Why, as I remember, she actually listened to his tutorial.

Pacey: Ok kids, let's try and find the love up there, shall we? You know, Dawson, what say you and I invite miss Josephine Potter to step out on the town with us tonight? Unless, of course, you've got prior Valentine's Day plan with the college beau.

Joey: No, massive midterm crisis.

Pacey: Excuse me? What kinda moron would rather shove his nose in a book then take his girl out for Valentine's Day?

Joey: Pacey, I know it's a hard concept for you to grasp, but some people are actually dedicated to the pursuit of academic excellence.

Pacey: Ok, so then why don't you just come with us? It'll be fun.

Joey: Depends on what goofus and gallant are up to this evening.

Pacey: Well, as it happens, Matt Caufield is throwing, a massive anti-valentine's day party.

Joey: To go to a Matt Caufield party? After everything we've heard about him?

Dawson: Why wouldn't we?

Joey: Heh. Well, that surprises me, Dawson.

Dawson: Why?

Joey: Matt Caufield? I mean, he's not exactly of your tribe. He's a creep, and his parties are infamous for complete and utter debauchery.

Pacey: Why are you comin' down on a guy for wanting to shed his skin and have some fun for a change?

Joey: And why are you dragging him into a seedy, depraved world reserved for bottom-feeders like yourself?

Pacey: Ok, guys, this tug-of-war over my morality is entertaining and all but we gotta get going. We're gonna be late for school.

Joey: As much as the idea of watching the two of you make fools of yourselves is appealing to me, I'm gonna have to pass on the whole party thing... and make it a blockbuster night.

Pacey: You know, that sounds like a great idea, Jo. Who are you gonna get to drive ya?

[Opening Credits]

[Scene: On the sidewalk outside of school. Dawson and Pacey are walking and talking.]

Dawson: Can you imagine the life that that guy's leading?

Pacey: Urban legend has it he slept with 6 cheerleaders in one weekend. I'm tellin' you, man, we gotta go to that party.

Dawson: I don't know, man. Maybe Joey's right.

Pacey: Aw, what is this? Is this doubt I'm hearing, Young Skywalker?

Dawson: I'm not exactly cut out for a career in hedonism.

Pacey: Dawson, pick up the phone already. This is your call to action. Ok? Your hero's journey begins now, my friend.

Dawson: Pacey Witter, the poor man's Yoda.

Pacey: You know, I've actually always seen myself more as the Han Solo type. Roguish good looks. Devil-may-care attitude.

[Jack come running up to them.]

Pacey: Hey, here comes my Chewbacca.

Jack: What?

Pacey: It's not important. Anyway, have any luck?

Jack: Yeah, I talked to some of the guys on the team, and it turns out that the location is completely confidential. I guess Caufield and some of his buddies were afraid if, you know, the cops get wind of it they'll bust it up. But I did get the password.

Pacey: What is it?

[He looks to the side, giving his profile.]

Jack: I know kung fu.

[Scene: The Blood Bank. Henry is talking to one of the nurses there.]

Nurse: I told you yesterday, Henry, you can only sell plasma every 72 hours.

Henry: But I feel fine.

Nurse: I know that huge heart of yours could probably fill half the blood banks in New England, but I'm sorry.

Henry: Please? I got a date with an angel tonight. And everything is almost perfect. I spent the last 2 weeks working at her favorite restaurant to pay for the meal. I--I've got a reservation at the best table. Now, if I can just sell one more pint, I'll have enough for a gift.

Nurse: I can't bend the rules.

Henry: Nurse Nicole, somewhere out there there's a guy who thinks about you every day and dreams about you every night. A guy who would sell his blood just to make you happy.

Nurse: Well, he's late.

Henry: Maybe he's stuck. Maybe someone won't... bend the rules for him.

Nurse: Roll up your sleeve. And promise me you'll get some rest before your big date.

[Scene: Doug's Police Car. Doug is filling out some reports in it. Pacey comes walking up to him.]

Pacey: Hey, Dougie.

[Radio plays love song]

Doug: To what do I owe this dubious honor? `

Pacey: Just want to hang out with his brother I always have to have an ulterior motive? And what is that satanic racket you got goin' in there?

Doug: [Laughs] Oh, listen to that voice, Pacey. Is that no a cause for joy? I mean, is that not the voice of a diva?

Pacey: Dougie, if you continue in this manner, you are going to force me to unleash a salvo of gay stereotype humor that will leave you breathless and quivering. Ok?

Doug: Always a pleasure, Pacey, but I got somewhere to be.

Pacey: Well, look, maybe I could do a ride along with you tonight.

Doug: And why would you want to do that?

Pacey: Because, Doug, you're my big brother. I look up to you. And call me crazy, but I think it will be fascinating to spend a night in the life of super-cop Douglas Witter.

Doug: Not tonight, ok?

Pacey: Why not?

Doug: Because you would be bored. Tonight I have to suffer through the noble task of staking out the golf course.

Pacey: Golf course, huh?

Doug: Yeah, a concerned citizen called in a heads-up about some big party at the golf course. So, you know. Hey, you, uh, haven't heard anything about a party, have you?

Pacey: At the golf course? Ah. Nah. Nah. I did hear about this rager out on Witch Island but that's not what you're looking for. Any way, thank you, Douglas Witter.

[Scene: Inside Andie's room. She is on the phone when Jack enters.]

Andie: [On phone]Ahh. Ok, so, you take a left on Dearborn and then we're the third house on the left. So, I'll see you around 8:00? Kate, come on, you have to. Me. I mean, it'll be so much fun. Besides, you have to get your minds off things right? Ok, great. I'll see you then. Bye.

[Hangs up Phone]

Jack: Kate? Kate who?

Andie: Kate Douglas. She's coming from Rhode Island for the weekend to crash with us.

Jack: Kate Douglas, as in, my ex-girlfriend?

Andie: And as in, a very good friend of mine.

Jack: I can't believe you would actually ask her up here without asking me first.

Andie: Jack, it's Valentine's Day and she just broke up with her boyfriend, and she needs a change of scenery. So, I...

Jack: [sighs] did she mention me?

Andie: Well, yeah, I mean, it's only natural.

Jack: What'd you tell her?

Andie: That you're great.

Jack: And?

Andie: "And?"

Jack: And?

Andie: And no, I didn't tell her that. That is so your gig.

Jack: I can't believe you.

Andie: Jack, hello, it's not that big of a deal, ok? She gets here, you ask her if she wants a glass of water, and then you, you know, kinda mention that you like boys.

[Scene: Jen's Bedroom. She is getting ready for her date with Henry, and Grams is helping her.]

Jen: What do you think, red or black?

Grams: It's Valentine's Day. Red, of course.

Jen: Yeah. Yeah, I thought so, too. All right.

Grams: You know, it's perfectly natural to be nervous. Valentine's is a very exciting day.

Jen: Oh, I'm not nervous. All right? It's just another day, just another dinner.

Grams: It is not just another day. It's the day St. Valentine gave his life to the Romans rather than stop marrying young Christian lovers. Ooh, you can feel his spirit all around us.

Jen: Oh, it's called a draft, and it usually wafts through open doors around the middle of February.

Grams: Jennifer, you are far too Jaded.

Jen: Who's jaded? I think it's great that we have a day that commercializes on our emotions.

Grams: [sighs]

Jen: Not even the harsh jangle of the cash register can keep love at bay.

Grams: [sighs]

Jen: Something's missing.

Grams: You look beautiful, just beautiful.

Jen: No something is definitely missing.

[She grabs a necklace.]

Grams: Uh--an unadorned neck is proper for the first date...Change, purity…

Jen: And that's so me.

Grams: You know, I've often found that the best thing for nerves is to simply breathe deeply. In...Out...

Jen: All right, for the last time I'm not nervous. I have absolutely nothing to be nervous about. I…I have been on plenty of dates, with plenty of guys on plenty of days, and this is just another date. So- so, please, don't make such a big deal out of it. 'Cause not such a big deal at all. Ok?

Grams: Have fun on your date, dear.

[Scene: Inside Andie's car. Andie and Kate are in the front seats, and Jack is in the Back seat.]

Andie: [sighs] Ok, so, the plan is, is we're gonna meet our friend at the club, and we're gonna try and find this senior party. Ok?

Kate: Jackers, you're pretty darn quiet for someone I haven't seen in a year.

Jack: It's just weird to see you. That's all.

Kate: Have you missed me?

Jack: Yeah, of course.

Kate: I'm a pretty missable kinda gal.

Jack: Don't ya think? Extremely missable.

Kate: So, who's that special someone in your life these days?

Jack: Um... It's funny you should ask that. Um...Because I think there's something that you should know--

[Kate begins crying.]

Andie: Kate, what's wrong?

Kate: My boyfriend...When he broke up with me, it started just like that. When I asked him what was wrong, he said, "funny you should ask." And then he told me that he was gay.

[Jack and Andie just look at each other through the rear view mirror.]

[Scene: Out on the golf course that evening. Pacey and Dawson are waiting. Pacey is acting like he's playing golf.]

Pacey: Here we are, the 18th green, Augusta. If Pacey Witter can sink this putt, he will become youngest-ever masters champion. You can see the tension etched all over the face of his girlfriend, acting sensation, miss Heather Graham.

Dawson: [Laughs]

[Just as he's about to make the “Putt”. Andie, jack and Kate come up.]

Andie: Hey, guys!

[He acts like he loses control of the putter.]

Pacey: Puh. McPhee, you just made me drop my putter!

Andie: Whoo! Tragic. Dawson, Pacey, I want you to meet my friend, Kate Douglas.

Dawson: Nice to meet you, Kate Douglas.

Kate: Any friends of Jackers are instant friends

Pacey: "Jackers." I believe she just said "Jackers."

Jack: Yeah, well, Kate and I go way back.

Kate: [Clears throat] Way back. Jack was my first boyfriend.

Dawson: Oh, way back.

Pacey: I'd, uh, I'd just like to putt out there.

Kate: That I've recently broken up with my gay boyfriend, and I find myself in a highly-charged emotional state. Ok? Thanks for your time.

Pacey: Can we have a moment please? Thank you.

[He pulls Dawson aside.]

Pacey: Did you hear what she just said?

Dawson: I know. I feel bad for her. Add Jack, that's not one, but 2 gay boyfriends.

Pacey: Ok, I wasn't so much talking about what she said, more like what she's saying.

Dawson: And the subtext is?

Pacey: That she needs to overcome the memory of her lost love...if only for a brief time. She's lookin' to hook up, man. This night just turned to a teenage fairy tale, and you, my friend, are the big, bright, shining star.

Dawson: I wasn't quite looking at it from that angle.

Pacey: Well, that's why I'm here, little buddy, isn't it?

Dawson: Huh?

Pacey: Nuh?!

[Joey comes up to join the group.]

Joey: Hey.

All: Hi.

Pacey: Well, that's odd. I mean, this couldn't possibly be miss Josephine Buzzkill in front of me, because I'm pretty sure she was boo tonight.

Joey: Well, I came to make sure that I don't lose Dawson to the dark side.

Dawson: Joey. I appreciate your concern, But I'm really quite capable of taking care of myself.

Joey: Some day you'll thank me, Dawson. And if Pacey insists on being the devil on your shoulder, then the least I can do is be the angel on the other.

Pacey: Fine, then. Come with me, sweet little angel. Be my guest. But you are not-- and I repeat--not gonna ruin this night for us.

[Scene: Grams House. There is a knock on the door and Jen opens it to see Henry there. His face looks a little pale.]

Jen: Hi. Henry, do you feel ok? You look kinda peaked.

Henry: Uh--uh, I've been dreaming about this for so long, I'm afraid if I speak, I'll awake.

Jen: You are awake.

Henry: You're gorgeous.

Jen: [flattered] So are you.

[They begin to leave.]

Henry: We're wearing the same color.

Jen: Mmm, black. You know, my grams would probably say that it as a sign of the spirit of St. Valentine.

Henry: Of course it is. I believe that. Oh, this is-- this is for you.

[He hands her a long stem rose.]

Jen: Henry, thank you. It's perfect.

Henry: This whole night's gonna be perfect.

[Jen pricks her finger on one of the thorns.]

Jen: Ouch!

Henry: Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, no.

Jen: It's ok.

Henry: It's not ok. You're bleeding.

Jen: No. No, that's fine, really. Just a flesh wound.

[Scene: The Golf Course. There are 3 golf carts driving on the course. Pacey and Joey are in the first one, Andie and Jack are in one, and Dawson and Kate are in the last one.]

Joey: Well, that was about as subtle as an Oliver Stone film.

Pacey: What was?

Joey: Shoving Dawson on that girl.

Pacey: What, are you jealous?

Joey: No, I'm worried about him, Pacey.

Pacey: Why?

Joey: Because he's lost. I mean, can't you see that?

Pacey: I wholeheartedly concur with you. Dawson is lost right now. That's why he needs to acquire as much life experience as possible

Joey: Pacey, why does life experience need to translate into these wild parties and random hook-ups?

Pacey: What would you have the man do? Join a book-of-the-month club?

[Jack and Andie's car.]

Jack: I'm screwed. I can't tell her now.

Andie: You have to tell her.

Jack: I can't tell her now.

Andie: Well, you can't keep avoiding her all night either

Jack: Well, if I tell her, I'm just gonna end up hurting her all over again.

Andie: Ha ha. Ok, get over yourself, Jack.

[Dawson and Kate's Car.]

Dawson: What?

Kate: Is there something hideously wrong with me?

Dawson: Not that I can tell.

Kate: Dave, the guy I just broke up with...The guy that turned out to be oh so very much a homosexual...He used to tell me I was an acquired taste. Is that just a nice way of saying I'm a filthy eyesore? I'm not a filthy eyesore, am I?

Dawson: No, you're beautiful...In a way beautiful used to actually mean something.

Kate: What w s your name again?

[Scene: The Party. There is a large group of people at the party around a huge bonfire.]

[Rock music plays]

Kate: Rock on.

Joey: You know, Scream 3 is playing at the Rialto. We could still catch it.

Pacey: Easy, Potter.

Joey: How do you think these guys are gonna respond when they find out we're crashing their party without an invite?

Andie: Uh, good question and one we probably should have considered before we got here. So, who wants to go get ice cream?

Jack: We made it this far, party people, we might as well.

Caufield: This is my party, and I don't recall inviting any of you.

Pacey: Well, you didn't. Heh then.

Andie: Our mistake. So we'll be going now.

Caufield: Do you know the password?

Dawson: I know kung fu.

Pacey: Ok, the .

Jack: Well, ok.

Kate: Ok.

Caufield: Not so fast, kids. You do know about the entrance fee, don't ya?

Pacey: Oh, yeah. Of course. It's, uh, what? $5.00 cover this, right?

[Caufield grabs a tray of Jell-o Shots.]

Caufield: If you'd like to join us, I need each of you to down one of these bad boys. Go on. All the cool kids are doing it.

Pacey: Well, thank you, Mr. Cosby.

Kate: Red. Pretty.

Jack: Yummy. Novocain for the soul.

Caufield: Betty, Veronica?

Andie: Actually, I'm the designated driver tonight.

Caufield: Well, what about you, doll?

Joey: It's an attractive offer. Although I'm sure you're dying for the chance to hold back my hair when I inevitably vomit up that nasty keg beer, I'm gonna have to take a rain check.

[Dawson takes one of the cups.]

Joey: You're actually considering participating in this nonsense?

Pacey: Why can't you just let the man make his own decisions?

Joey: Dawson, this isn't you.

Pacey: You know, your concern for Dawson is starting to border on pathological, Potter.

Dawson: Guys, we're not at the gates of hell, and you're not arguing over my soul.

[He down's the Jell-o shot.]

Pacey: All right, heh heh.

[Scene: At the restaurant. Henry and Jen are sitting at the table talking.]

Jen: Thank you, Henry.

Henry: You're just saying that.

Jen: All right, well, maybe I had my doubts at first, but everything's turned out really, really nicely. We've got a fun place to eat, and what's more important is that we can spend some time doing what I was hoping that we could do on Valentine's Day, which is just...Get to know each other, you know what I mean?

[Henry is just staring out into nothingness.]

Jen: Henry…Henry...Henry…

Henry: Uh-huh?

Jen: Am I boring you?

Henry: No, no, I was…I was just resting my eyes.

Jen: Oh. Well, feel free to put your head down and take a nap if you like.

Henry: Oh, ok.

[He collapses out of his chair onto the floor.]

Jen: Oh, my god. Henry!

[Scene: The Golf Course. Joey and Andie riding back to their car in the golf cart.]

Joey: How does he do it?

Andie: Who, Dawson?

Joey: No, Pacey. How does he always manage to get us into these situations?

Andie: It's his cocky charm.

Joey: Cocky, yes, but I don't t think the village idiot routine equals charm.

Andie: Well, he means well.

Joey: Why is he so irritating?

Andie: If you think about it, I mean, he is just this big, dopey dog.

Joey: You re right. , It's like he runs through the house destroying everything in his path, and then he looks up at you like, what did you expect? I'm just a dog.

Andie: Mm-hmm. Heh. You know who you sound like?

Joey: Who?

Andie: Me...Right before I started dating him.

[siren]

Doug over car P.A.: You in the golf cart, pull over.

[Doug exits the Cop car and walks up to the Golf Cart with a flash light.]

Doug: Evening, ladies.

[Scene: At the Party. Dawson is going over to talk to Kate.]

[Rock music plays]

Dawson: Hey, Kate.

Kate: Hey, Dawson.

Dawson: I was wondering…

Kate: You were wondering?

Dawson: Heh. Are you gonna repeat everything I say?

Kate: Are you gonna repeat everything I say? Isn't that annoying? I'm sorry. You were wondering?

Dawson: Uh, I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk?

Kate: With you?

Dawson: With me.

Kate: Yeah. A walk sounds neat. Let's go.

Dawson: Ok.

[Scene: Outside the restaurant. Henry is on a gurney being rolled over to the ambulance.]

Paramedic: He'll be at St. Matthew's Lawler. He'll be fine.

Jen: God, Henry, I cannot believe that you sold your blood.

Henry: Twice in a 48-hour period.

Jen: What were you thinking?

Henry: I wanted to make sure I did everything possible to make tonight unforgettable.

Jen: Well, you did. Ha. And wanted to buy you this.

[He takes a box out of his pocket and gives it to her.]

Jen: Henry. It's a ring. And--and-- and it's orange.

Henry: It's Hungarian red. Try it on.

[She tries it on but it is too small.]

Henry: Oh. No!

Jen: Henry, Henry, please don't worry about this.

Henry: I ruined it. I ruined everything.

Jen: It's--it's-- Henry, it's fine. Please don't worry about it.

Henry: I wanted-- I wanted everything to be so perfect.

Jen: It is. This is perfect. It--it's perfect.

[Scene: at the golf course. Kate and Dawson are walking and talking.]

Kate: I know what you're doing.

Dawson: Really? And, uh...and what's that?

Kate: You're the resident caretaker.

Dawson: [chuckles] The what?

Kate: The gang's nice guy. Freddie friendly. The one who volunteers to take highly emotional and processively wasted types off of everybody's hands so the other boys can go and have fun. Don't worry about little ol' me, Dawson. I will present you with no burden whatsoever. This place is hilly.

Dawson: Oh, wait…wait a minute. Why would you assume that?

Kate: Assume what?

Dawson: That I'm a nice guy. I mean, maybe I could be trying to take advantage of your situation.

Kate: [laughs]

Dawson: And you find that humorous.

Kate: I may be drunk, and I may hardly know you, but that's not you.

Dawson: It isn't?

Kate: No. It isn't. I mean, first of all, who in a million years that was trying to take advantage of my situation. Would use the expression, "I'm trying to take advantage of your situation"?

Dawson: [laughs] [sighs] [To the sky] Is it really too much, huh, to ask the universe that…that once, just once, just one single, solitary time can you conspire with my desire to have a good time?

Kate: Quit whining. There are people dying in the Balkans.

Dawson: You be quiet, ok? This is between me and the fates.

Kate: Call me loco, but maybe if you just acted instead of hemming and hawing and debating and conversing, then maybe you'd actually see some results.

Dawson: [sighs] What is that supposed to mean?

Kate: Simply put... If you don't want to be a nice guy, Dawson, when you take a girl into the woods, don't talk to her about kissing her. Kiss her. Especially after you've told her that she was beautiful in the way that beautiful used to actually mean something.

Dawson: It's that simple?

Kate: It's that simple.

[Dawson goes into kiss her, but just as he's about to kiss her she stops him.]

Kate: Hold that impulse.

[Coughing and vomiting]

Dawson: Perfect…Perfect.

[Scene: Inside Grams. Kitchen. Grams is sitting at the table drinking some coffee, when Jen enters from her date.]

Grams: You're home early.

Jen: Unfortunately not early enough. The haggard girl that you're looking at now is straight from the date from hell.

Grams: Something for you and Henry to laugh about on your second date.

Jen: Sadly enough, I don't think there's gonna be a second date, Grams.

Grams: Because of just one sour evening?

Jen: This was our first real date, and to call it sour would be a kind review.

Grams: Jennifer, you have got to get over your preconceptions, about what a date is supposed to be. A date is, eh - even if it's a bad one, is just another moment. It's just another… another pearl in a… in a great wondrous necklace.

Jen: Ok, before you wax geriatric let me just cut to the chase. Henry is right now in the hospital because he oversold his blood in order to buy me a Hungarian red ring which, by the way, is too small. [sighs] Sweet, yes. Adorable, sure. Grammar school, definitely.

Grams: Henry never claimed to be the sophisticated sort.

Jen: Which is exactly my point. I mean, why go for all this trouble? Why…why plan a dinner? Why by me jewelry, if it's not who you are?

Grams: Maybe he thinks that's who you want him to be.

[Scene: The Party. Pacey is lying down on a section of tree and doing a beer bong, when there are sirens in the background. Everyone starts to run away.]

Pacey: Whoa, guys. Yo, guys! What, did I do it wrong?

[He sees some feet walking towards him. And then notices Deputy Doug.]

Pacey: Hello?

[Scene: Inside a jail cell. Everyone is in there. Kate is up walking around, while everyone else is sitting on the benches.]

Kate: Do you guys party like this every weekend? 'cause I gotta say this has been the most fun I've had in a really long time. I mean, I am just so over my ex-boyfriend right now.

Jack: I am really glad to hear you say that, Kate, 'cause I think there's something you really need to know.

Andie: [Whispering to Jack] You are not gonna tell her in an enclosed space.

Kate: Hey, I heard that. Tell me what in an enclosed space?

Jack: Hey look, I know this isn't the optimum time to do this, all right? But I...All right, look. I…

Kate: Oohh…I know what this is. You're not over me, are you, Jack?

Jack: No, no, th-th-that's not it. Not to suggest that you're easily get-overable or an thing, but...The thing is...I...

Kate: Oh, my god. You're gay, aren't you? [Laughs] Oh, god! But we had...

Jack: Ah. Yeah, we did.

Kate: And you were good.

Jack: Thanks. But that doesn't really have any bearing on our current situation. I'm still gay.

Kate: [To Dawson.] Are you gay, too?

Dawson: Me? No.

Kate: Are you sure? Because apparently only gay guys will kiss me.

Joey: You kissed her

Kate: I... [Sighs] he started to, but…my less-than-iron stomach napalmed the moment.

Joey: Dawson, what were you thinking?

Dawson: I wasn't. Ha ha, for a fleeting moment I actually wasn't thinking, and it felt good.

Kate: To take advantage of a girl who was drunk, vulnerable, and clearly on the rebound? I mean, is it just me, Dawson, or is this jaw-droppingly out of character?

Dawson: What character, Joey? The little sketch in your head that you have labeled "Dawson" Look, this might not be the me that you're used to, and I might make a complete fool out of myself, but you have to start letting me make some mistakes.

Pacey: [In a DJ Voice.] Here we go again kiddies. For the 476th time this hour, our number one billboard chart topper, "The ballad of Dawson and Joey." Will those 2 cry kids ever get back together again? Boy, I sure hope so.

Joey: Look, Pacey, would you stay out of it?

Pacey: Oh, of course. Far be it from me, lowly creature that I am, to ever tread on the sanctity of the Dawson and Joey dynamic. I'm sorry, it's just that I find the way at you treat him so fascinating, Potter.

Joey: And how is that, Dr. Witter?

Pacey: Like he's some weird, neutered, little virginal creature.

Joey: What's your problem?

Pacey: Huh. I don't have a problem. I am but a Greek chorus, here to observe and interpret.

Dawson: Pacey...

Joey: When did you adopt this mean streak?

Pacey: Come on, Joey, you and I... We've always been known foe the snap, crackle, and pop of our repartee.

Joey: Right. The good-natured but to my recollection, I don't remember it ever being pointed, and it's never been hurtful.

Pacey: Or even being taken so seriously.

Joey: But how could I not take it seriously, Pacey? And you've said one harsh, nasty thing after another to me tonight. What did I really do to deserve all that?

Pacey: You didn't do anything to deserve this. The drunken lout in the corner just pleads sheer frustration. I mean, honestly, do you have any idea how exhausting it is to exist on your periphery to witness this perpetual dance that you two have? One week you're soul mates, the next week you're giving each other up for the greater good. I mean, do you think it's possible at sometime soon you could make up your mind, please? Yeah, and the reverence that you two treat this little saga of yours with, it's enough to make a guy wanna puke.

[at that he gets up and runs to the sink. And vomits into it.]

[Scene: Later at the jail cell. Everyone is sitting there quietly when, Doug and Mitch show up at the door.]

Doug: All right. Everyone out.

[They begin to file out of the door past Doug and Mitch who is eyeing Dawson with disappointment.]

Doug: Everyone,

[Door slams]

Doug: Except you, little brother. Dad thinks it might be a good idea if you spend the night.

[Scene: Henry's hospital room. Henry is there eating from a Jell-o Cup, when Jen comes into the room.]

Henry: Jell-o?

Jen: [giggles] What is it about hospitals always serving jell-o? Do they think it has some sort of miraculous healing power?

Henry: [sniffs] I'm sorry I can't offer you more.

Jen: No, I'm sorry. Henry, I think that I may have been, um...Just a…a bit more anxious than I…I let on about this whole thing.

Henry: You? Anxious, really?

Jen: Yeah. Um...See, when…at the Chapin school, um, Valentine's was the day when the guy that I was dating would take out the girl that he really liked, give her presents, and chocolates…

Henry: I…I don't believe that for…

Jen: Yeah. Well, it's true. All right, I've never had a date on Valentine's day...Let alone a first date, so...I think that my… my need to fulfill that experience is what got the better of both of us.

Henry: That's one way to put it. [chuckles]

Jen: If we're gonna continue dating, and…and I… I'd like that, um, what do you say that we start acting more like ourselves and less like a couple in our thirties?

Henry: Does this mean you want me to return the ring?

Jen: Not on your life! This is the best-looking Hungarian red pinky-ring I've ever gotten. [sighs] and besides, it reminds me of you, which makes it pretty invaluable.

[She grabs one of the jell-o cups.]

Jen: [Clicks tongue] mind if I do?

Henry: Do you realize what we're doing? We're having a date. No floods, no earthquakes, no locusts…

Jen: Shh shh shh! Let's just not think about what could go wrong. Let's just eat the jell-o.

Henry: There's always room for jell-o.

[Scene: Spare room at Jack and Andie's house. Jack and Kate are there folding up some clothes and talking.]

Jack: So you ok?

Kate: Yeah. Ya know, I'm starting to realize that there's something kinda cool about a relationship not working 'cause the guy turns out to be gay. I mean, sure, it's heartbreaking in its own way, but... It's not my fault. There's nothing I can do about it.

Jack: Of course it's now your fault.

Kate: It's not your fault, either.

Jack: [exhales] I know.

Kate: Do you? Why were you so afraid to tell me?

Jack: I didn't want to upset you.

Kate: Mm-mmm. Nope. Not buying it. You're gonna have to do better than that, Jackers.

Jack: Uh, heh. Ok, um. When you and I were seeing each other, I always thought there was something a little...Off. I mean, I…I've come a long way, but when I saw you, it brought me back to a time when I thought that the feelings that I was having were…were wrong, and I guess I thought that if I told you, I'd be somehow disappointing you.

Kate: In a million years you could never disappoint me, Jack. Gay or straight you're a world-class human being. That's why I wanted to see you. You take me back to this nice, safe place where crushes never end and hearts can't be broken...Needed that this weekend.

Jack: Good. Well, I…I hope you found it somehow.

Kate: I did. And I'm glad I get to go home knowing the real you.

Jack: Come here.

[He gives her a big hug.]

[Scene: Dawson's Kitchen. Mitch and Dawson have just gotten home, and Mitch goes into the freezer and grabs some ice cream and then a spoon.]

Dawson: I thought the silent treatment was a tactic typically employed by kids.

Mitch: I'm not giving you the silent treatment.

Dawson: You're not talkin' to me, either.

Mitch: I was thinking.

Dawson: About what?

Mitch: My son. It's been quite a year for ya.

Dawson: What do you mean?

Mitch: Well, it all started out with a wrecked boat and a wild party. And I was angry.

Dawson: Dad…What I'm trying to do is get back the thought of being a kid. I mean…I'm 16, and it was a party, and those things are inextricably linked.

Mitch: I have no problem with you going to parties. I have zero problem with you being 16. I do, I admit, have a problem with, oh, wrecked boats, strippers on the kitchen table, and fishing you out of the drunk tank a Friday night.

Dawson: Fair enough. But can you, uh...Chalk it up to youthful exuberance?

Mitch: Yes I can.

Dawson: Dad...Thank you. I really appreciate it.

Mitch: I'm not finished. Since you' suddenly decided to start acting like a kid, I guess I'm left with no choice but to start acting... Like a parent. And until you decide on a path for yourself, I've chosen one for ya.

Dawson: What does that mean?

Mitch: Your mother's planning on buying a restaurant.

Dawson: Really?

Mitch: And you're gonna work there, doing whatever she needs you to do, after school, evenings, weekends, whatever, and you're gonna do this until you begin to understand that suddenly deciding to be a kid doesn't give you license to be reckless...And irresponsible. Good night, son.

[Scene: Jail Cell. Doug has opened the door and is carrying 2 cups of coffee.]

Doug: Ahem. You were in rare form tonight.

Pacey: How bad do I suck, huh?

Doug: So what seems to be the problem?

Pacey: There's no problem, Dougie.

Doug: Oh, come on, Pacey, I found you hanging from a tree getting completely wasted. Huh? So what is it, a girl or something?

Pacey: What?

Doug: Ok. So it's a girl. Who is she?

Pacey: [Sighs] You know what, Dougie? It s really not that important, ok?

Doug: Ok.

Pacey: Tell you something, though. She's really, really annoying.

Doug: Yeah?

Pacey: Yeah. I mean, this girl is amazing. There is not a single subject on the face of the planet she doesn't have an opinion about. It's mind-boggling.

Doug: Well, that certainly sounds like a nightmare.

Pacey: Not me…It's not quite like that. I mean, you gotta understand that the girl's really smart, so she's usually right, and when she argues, it comes from this really beautiful, pure place, how can you fight against that? Especially if you're a smart-ass like me.

Doug: Is she pretty?

Pacey: Ah. She is...Pretty. She is very, very pretty. She's actually the... That kinda pretty that gives you butterflies, you know what I mean?

Doug: Uh...Yeah. Never lose the butterflies.

Pacey: What?

Doug: You know, that's maybe what sucks most about getting older. Somewhere along the line you just...lose the butterflies. So the question is, little brother, what are you gonna do about it?

Pacey: Do?

Doug: Yeah, do, as in do something. Take action.

Pacey: No, I don't think you're really...Properly grasping the gravity of the situation, Dougie. You see, if I was actually to do something about this, there is the strong possibility that the sun would cease to shine. The tides would cease to rise. In fact, I'm betting there's a pretty good chance that the very earth would crack open and Capeside would become home to a huge hell mouth that would spew forth endless hordes of monsters and demon that would choke the denizens of the city, making them fall to their knees and pray for a return to the days before I took action. That's really what we're talking about here.

Doug: Huh. Yeah, maybe...Look, Pacey, uh... in my experience, you don't come across that many people with the ability to give you butterflies. You just don't. And if you don't tell this girl how you feel, well, it'll be like spending the rest of your life in your own personal prison.

[He opens the door for Pacey.]

Pacey: Hey, Doug? Ah. Thank you.

[Scene: outside Joey's house. It's morning and Pacey is running up to the door. He knocks on it and Joey opens the door to see him, and begins to shut the door in his face.]

Pacey: Wait, hold on, please? Just…what I said last night was way outta line. And…Yes, I was drunk, but...more to the point, I was just plain wrong. And I want you to know that I'm really sorry.

Joey: Well... I was worried about you, too, Pacey.

Pacey: Me? Why?

Joey: Well... Because, I mean, Satan himself could lead Dawson into the fiery pits of hell, and he would still emerge with his moral code firmly intact. But you...maybe I think that...Nobody's worrying about you right now.

Pacey: So, then...Ahem. What you're really saying, then, is that...given the highly dysfunctional nature of our relationship, this is actually how you press concern for me.

Joey: You gotta learn to read between the banter, Pacey.

Pacey: Right.

Joey: So... So are we all finished here?

Pacey: No. Actually. Um... There's something else.

Joey: Something else?

Pacey: Yeah. It's…it's just something I've been meaning to tell you…Uh...look, Joey...You're lingering on your clutch, ok? I know you think you're into the gear, but...It's not a good idea. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but soon you're gonna do a lotta damage to your transmission, so what I was thinking if that if you wanted to, I could show ya.

Joey: Now?

Pacey: Ah. Yeah. Ha.

Joey: Ok, Pacey.

[Scene: They are in the pickup truck. Joey is trying to drive it while Pacey is in the Passenger seat.]

Pacey: Ok.

Joey: Now?

Pacey: Not now.

Joey: Now?

Pacey: Now! Shift!

[She changes gears.]

Pacey: Huh?

Joey: Huh?! I did it!

Pacey: Yes, you did! Ha ha! Congratulations, potter. We are finally gettin' somewhere.