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  03x09 - Four to Tango
 Posted: 12/19/99 04:46
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Four To Tango #309

(Dawson's Bedroom - Pacey and Jen are making out on Dawson's bed.)

Jen: Nothing.

Pacey: Nothing! Ahh! You?

Jen: Nothing. God, Pacey, this is weird.

Pacey: It really is. It's the damnedest thing. I mean, how are we supposed to have some lurid, purely sexual affair if every time we get together...

Jen: There's no sexual tension.

Pacey: Nada.

Jen: Zilch.

Pacey & Jen: If its me… No, it's not you, it's me.

Jen: No, no I mean we're both… we're both two highly sexually charged people…

Pacey: Absolutely! Look at our track records.

Jen: Oh yeah.

Pacey: We're all that and then some, thank you very much.

Jen: And look at the measures that we've gone through today.

Pacey: We've come properly equipped…(pulls a condom out of his pocket)

Jen: And we've picked the perfect locale.

Pacey: Absolutely. You know, Dawson and Mr. Leery both at school for the afternoon, window's always open, this was sheer genius on your part.

Jen: Grams always said that that ladder was an invitation to sin.

(Pacey looks at her and they both attack each other momentarily. They stop.)

Pacey: This is starting to get depressing.

(Beginning to put their shoes on.)

Jen: All right, I'll tell you what, why don't we give it a week, keep trying in hopes that whatever sexual spark once flickered will burn again.

(A door is heard slamming downstairs.)

Pacey: Whoa, did you just hear somebody come into the house?

(Jen looks at him and bolts for the window, grabbing her jacket. Pacey struggles to put his jacket on, when he suddenly dives to the floor for his last shoe. Dawson walks in, as Pacey is grabbing the Playstation controller.

Dawson: Pacey.

Pacey: Hey, man, what's happening?

Dawson: What are you doing in my room in the middle of a school day?

Pacey: Just playing some Crash Bandicoot. What are you doing home?

Dawson: I had a dentist appointment. I came back to get my books.

Pacey: You, uh, have any cavities?

Dawson: No. How… how did you get in?

Pacey: Is that clock right on the VCR? Cause if it is, man, I should really be getting to school.

(Pacey goes to leave through Dawson's door.)

Dawson: Aren't you forgetting something?

Pacey: I don't think so.

Dawson: You sure?

Pacey: Pretty sure, yeah.

Dawson: Cause you're only wearing one shoe.

(Pacey looks down, seeing one shoeless foot, and smiles uncomfortable at Dawson. Capeside High - Andie sits at a picnic table outside school when Jack walks up.)

Jack: Hey.

Andie: (referring to the papers in Jack's hand) Oh my God, I hope that is not your report on Manifest Destiny, because mine is only four paragraphs.

Jack: No, no. Remember when Dawson did that story about me joining the football team on the web?

Andie: Yeah.

Jack: These are E-mails from people who saw it.

Andie: (taking some sheets from him) Oh, Jack, this is amazing. I mean look how many people you reached.

Jack: No, look, I didn't exactly reach everybody. Check this out. (reading from one of the sheets) "Dear Homo, Too bad Capeside didn't make it to regionals. Our linebackers are looking forward to playing smear the queer.

Andie: Oh my God, that's so sad. I mean, some poor dumb cheerleader is wasting all of her prime boy-chasing years on that closet case. 'Kay this one looks good. "Dear Jack, Saw the story about you on the web. Have you been deluged with letters addressed 'Dear Homo?' If not, then they'll come soon. That's what happened to me when I took another guy to the prom last year and the story got picked up by the AP wire."

Jack: Who's that from?

Andie: Um, some guy named Ben. Ben Street. "If you ever need to talk to someone who's been there and lived to tell, you can find me in the pink pages under out teens."

Jack: (taking it from her) Give me that.

Andie: Gotcha. You should write him back, he sounds like a nice guy.

Jack: Yeah, I'm gonna write him back. He… he's a total stranger. What would I say?

Andie: I don't know. Say anything. It worked for John Cusack. Ok, gotta go. Bye.

(Guidance Counselor's office - Pacey walks in.)

Pacey: All right, whatever it is, I didn't do it. But if I did do it, then I just want you to know I take full and complete responsibility for all of my actions.

Counselor: This isn't a disciplinary matter, Pacey.(offering Pacey a seat) Please. You're here because when Mr. Milo sent your file over to me, you jumped immediately to the top ten of my most in need of guidance list. And when I started talking to your teachers…

Pacey: Uh-oh.

Counselor: You're failing math, Pacey.

Pacey: I'm failing?

Counselor: I'm afraid the only other grades you've got going here are four D-pluses and one very lonely C-minus. Want to tell me why that is?

Pacey: Just lazy, I guess.

Counselor: Has there been some trouble at home? Any- any sort of change in your family situation?

Pacey: No, it's nothing like that.

Counselor: Mr. Milo mentioned something about a girlfriend being sick.

Pacey: She's not my girlfriend anymore.

Counselor: I'm sorry to hear that.

Pacey: Yeah, you and me both, but life goes on, doesn't it? Listen, you think I could get out of here? I'm probably missing a filmstrip or something. (Pacey goes to leave.)

Counselor: You seem like a good kid, Pacey. Whatever's eating at you these days, don't let it win, okay?

Pacey: Maybe it already has.

(Computer Lab - Andie and Jack are working next to each other.)

Andie: Ok, 40,000 hits? I must be doing something wrong.

Jack: (looking at her screen) Oh, well you can't do a search on such a broad topic like democracy. You have to decide what you want, what you don't want, and then, you know, establish some restrictions.

Andie: Okay. Oh, so it would be like, if I were searching for, say, a boyfriend, then I'd want to meet a lot of people and get to know them and eliminate the incompatible ones.

Jack: You know, you really should have your own web site, http://www.annoyingsister.com.

Andie: Hahaha, Jack. Ok, I really think that you should write this guy Ben back. I mean, he seems super nice and he only lives two towns over. I mean, you guys could end up being friends or..

Jack: Or what?

Andie: Or whatever.

Jack: Please.

Andie: What? You worried that he has a boyfriend? Let me assure you, a lot can happen between May and November. I mean, prom guy could be completely out of the picture by now.

Jack: Andie, stop it.

Andie: Jack, you have to seize the day! If you don't, I'll do it for you. (Andie notices Jack isn't paying attention. He's staring at his screen where someone has instant messaged him.) Jack? What? Someone just instant messaged you. Just hit… oh my God, it's Ben Street! It's him! It's him!

Jack: Yeah, yeah I know. What do I do here? How do I make this thing go away?

Andie: You don't make it go away. He's talking to you, say something!

Jack: Now?

Andie: Yeah, he's waiting.

Jack: Yeah, but it…

Andie: Type.

Jack: I… I don't know what I'm…

Andie: Type! Go on!

Jack: All right. (types 'Hi')

Andie: Ok, well you have to hit send.

(He hits send and the message appears on his screen.)

(School hallway - Joey is walking when Pacey runs up.)

Pacey: Hey, Joey. Joey, how are you doing? My, you are looking absolutely ravishing today. Is that a new… uh, hair thing-a-ma-jig you got going there?

Joey: You need my notes from today's class that you missed.

Pacey: You missed me, huh?

Joey: Oh, how could I miss you? It's so much easier to see the board without your big fat head in the way. I need these back by tomorrow morning. (She hands him the paper.)

Pacey: (reading the notes) What's a cosine?

Joey: You don't know what a cosine is? You're never gonna catch up by midterms.

Pacey: You're absolutely right. I'm not. Not unless, of course, you…

Joey: Look, I'm not gonna help you, Pacey. I've been busting my butt all semester while you've been… ah, who knows what the hell you've been doing lately.

Pacey: I've been busy.

Joey: Busy, right. Pacey, you have a very undemanding part-time job, your only familial obligation is to feed the dog everyday, and your social life is basically a triangle consisting of you, me and Dawson.

Pacey: Ok, listen. Truth be told, I'm failing math right now. Yeah, so if you could find it in your heart to explain all this trig stuff to me, I'll do anything you want.

Joey: Anything?

(Starlight Dance Studio - Joey and Pacey are moving about the other people dancing. They seem kinda clumsy and are barely even touching each other.)

Penny: Slow quick quick. Good footwork, people!

Joey: (Pacey stepping on her toes) Ow!

Pacey: Maybe you should probably tell me what I'm doing here before the other nine suffer the same fate.

Joey: You expect me to believe that you actually have control over those lead feet of yours? (he steps on her foot again.) Ow! Pacey!

Pacey: I'm sorry!

Joey: Look, every year the Starlight school offers a $1,500 scholarship to the high school student who best exemplifies the spirit and grace of ballroom dancing. If you look around, there are about six people who wear their teeth to bed, let alone go to high school with us.

Pacey: Which would make you… what? A shoe-in?

Joey: I do have to complete at least one of the two week courses.

Pacey: Why didn't you get Dawson to do this with you? Or Jack for that matter?

Joey: Because they don't owe me like you will after I perform CPR on your math grade.

Pacey: So that's the trade-off.

Joey: Mmm-hmm.

Pacey: One study session for one dance class.

Joey: That's the trade off.

Pacey: (sarcastically) Excellent.

Penny: What did I say about ribcages touching? And refresh my memory, who's leading here?

Pacey: I'm trying, but Janet Reno here doesn't exactly make it easy on a fella, you know what I'm saying?

Joey: Like you even know how, Pacey.

Penny: (to Pacey) You lead.

Pacey: We'll just give it the old college try, shall we?

Joey: Oh, don't get too close. Ow!

(Joey finally stands on Pacey's feet as they dance around. Pacey starts jiggling around.)

Joey: Stop!

(Dawson's Bedroom - As he cleans his books up, he finds Pacey's condom on the ground. The following day, Capeside High - Joey and Pacey are walking into campus.)

Joey: Here, this is your assignment for study hall. I want you to do all the even problems on page 107. And show your work, don't just copy the answers out of the back of the book.

Pacey: You know, if I had known the sadistic pleasure you were gonna take out of tutoring me, I never woulda let you have such free reign.

Joey: Look, we're gonna spend an hour after school doing math and then we're gonna go back to…

Pacey: I… I know, the Starlight foundation for another afternoon's torture at the hands of Miss Penny Pretty. You do realize how absolutely imperative it is that no one, and I mean no one, find out about our after school activities, because on the sliding scale of embarrassing and decidedly non-butch activities for a teenage male to be involved in, waltzing is right up there with painting your own pottery.

Joey: Pacey, do you really think I'm eager to have this information disseminated to the general public?

Pacey: Perfect, then were in agreeance.

Joey: Exactly.

Pacey: No one is to find out.

Joey: No one.

(Dawson walks up from behind.)

Dawson: Find out what?

Joey: Nothing.

Pacey: No, no we can tell him. It's Dawson, right? (Joey gives Pacey a look) We were… we were just discussing the fact that I am really awful at home improvement and decor, right? How are you with a roller?

Dawson: I can hold my own?

Pacey: Fantastic! Cauce the Pacey J. Witter Memorial addition to the Potter family home is in desperate need of painters and plasterers, all union wages.

Dawson: (having a look like that wasn't the secret) Count me in.

Pacey: That's good to hear. All right, so Joey? (He motions her to leave.)

Joey: Yeah.

Pacey: Yeah, okay let's do that. (Pacey and Joey walk away.)

Joey: See ya.

Dawson: Hold on, Pacey. I wanna talk to you for a sec.

Pacey: Yes… I, uh can't talk at all right now. I'm really trying to stay off of Mr. Milo's top ten most tardy list. Can I… can I get ya after school? Yeah, okay.

(Computer Lab - Jack is "chatting" with Ben Street while Andie sits and watches.)

Andie: Have you asked about prom guy yet?

Jack: All right, they were never really dating, okay? They just did the whole prom thing as a... as a statement.

Andie: Oh, political commitment. I like that, in moderation of course. Well, what else?

Jack: Uh, he's a saxophonist, um, huge Charlie Parker fan, all-conference track.

Andie: Hmm, sounds hot. What's he look like?

Jack: Ah, come on, that's not important.

Andie: Well, yeah but he saw you on the web in your uniform. It's only fair.

Jack: We're just writing here, it's not like we're going on a date.

Andie: Yet.

Librarian: (walking by) You know, I dated a guy from the internet once. Hideous.

Jack: I'm gonna... I'm gonna get that picture, yeah.

Andie: Two. One formal, one casual. No baseball hats, baggy sweaters or other articles of deceiving clothing.

(Screen Play Video - Jen walks in looking for Pacey. When she rings the bell, Dawson walks out.)

Dawson: Jen, hey what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be off campaigning for prom queen?

Jen: Very funny, Dawson. No, actually I'm... I'm working on a project with Pacey. It's a human growth and development thing. Is he here?

Dawson: Um, he isn't in till Tuesday.

Jen: But he told me that he was working today. I must've gotten him confused.

Dawson: That's not too surprising considering what a flake he's been lately. There aren't any especially do-able new faculty members I don't know about, are there?

Jen: Pfft. What?

Dawson: Well the last time Pacey was acting this weird, I ended up with taped outtakes of him and Miss Jacobs performing tree surgery at the ruins.

Jen: What you don't... you don't think that Pacey's older woman fetish has returned with a vengeance, do you?

Dawson: I don't know what to think.

Jen: But you're definitely thinking something.

Dawson: Yeah, I... yesterday I came back to my house in the middle of the day and I found Pacey sprawled out on my bedroom floor.

Jen: Wow. Was he alone?

Dawson: Yeah, he was playing Crash Bandicoot.

Jen: Dawson, I hope that's not one of your clever euphemisms for…

Dawson: (laughs) No, it's just a video game.

Jen: Good.

Dawson: But... here's the weird thing, all right? Later that night, I found a condom on my floor, and then when I asked Pacey about it this morning, he and Joey were huddled together like it was some sort of conspiracy.

Jen: Has… has… has, uh he said anything to you? I mean, have you- have you talked at all with him yet?

Dawson: No, he… he took off and he's been dodging me ever since.

Jen: Hmm.

(Classroom - Pacey works while Joey watches.)

Pacey: Can we take a break, please?

Joey: We just took a break. No wonder you're so far behind. I swear, Alexander can sit still longer than you can.

Pacey: You don't understand, okay? It's just that recently, whenever I crack a book to study, it's like I automatically want to be doing something else, anything else. I mean, it seems to me that under the previous regimes in my life, every time I was studying, I was given a reward.

Joey: I offered you Chex mix. (FUNNY! Bahaha!)

Pacey: And I'm not talking about Chex mix. I'm talking about Tamara and I'm talking about Andie. Let's just say that those two ladies, they trained me to acquaint studying with…

Joey: With what?

Pacey: Sex. I acquaint studying with sex, sex with studying. Now I get studying, but no sex, you understand? So it's a little hard to get motivated these days.

Joey: So what you're saying is that you're merely the innocent victim in some behavioral psychology experiment gone horribly awry?

Pacey: Yeah.

Joey: And that you're desperately in need of some able-bodied female to help you provoke those preconditioned Pavlovian homework responses?

Pacey: Yes.

Joey: That is the worst pick-up line I have ever heard, Pacey.

Pacey: Thanks, Toots, but I wasn't hittin' on ya. I'll have you know I have my own prospects, thanks.

Joey: (laughs) Like who?

Pacey: For right now, they would prefer to remain anonymous, but let me tell you, they've made it clear to me in no uncertain terms that should the mutual desire occur, that they will be more than willing to take care of all my physical needs, you understand?

Joey: So is this a potential relationship or are we talking a free-trade agreement?

Pacey: All right, listen. If you had the opportunity to be with somebody, no questions asked, no strings attached, no awkward first dates, no waiting by the phone, no any of that. Totally on the surface. 100% casual. What would you do? Would you go for it?

Joey: A totally empty, emotionally unfulfilling sexual experience? That sounds great.

Pacey: You're not listening to me. I'm being serious, but it's kind of a limited-time offer, so I just thought I'd ask you, what do you think?

Joey: Pacey, I think that if you really wanted to be having causal sex with someone right now, you'd be doing it instead of sitting here having a hypothetical discussion about it. That's what I think.

(Computer Lab - Andie and Jack await the picture download.)

Andie: Oh, come on already.

Jack: Yeah, ok, all right. All right, it's... it's happening.

Andie: Ooh, not bad.

Jack: You're not kidding.

Andie: Jack, did you actually express attraction to a member of the male species?

Jack: What? Oh, come on this is completely empirical. I mean, anyone would be attracted to that... extremely attractive guy.

Andie: And I sense a blush.

Jack: (reads the Instant Message) "So what do you think?" He… he wants to know what I think.

Andie: Okay, so you tell him that that you think that he should travel two towns over.

Jack: No, I can't do that.

Andie: You can and you will.

Jack: Andie, come on, this is way, way too fast.

Andie: Okay, so you tell him that you want to meet for coffee. I mean I can go with you, if you want.

Jack: Yeah, that will be a lot of fun.

Andie: Ok, Jack, agree to meet at some very safe, very well-lit public place. I mean, it's not like we haven't done an extensive background check on the guy to know that he's for real.

Jack: Look, I can't, all right? Look at me, I'm shaking.

Andie: Fine, Jack. You're just nervous. Here. (Typing for Jack) Um, the picture was great. What can I say? Want to meet tonight. For coffee?

Both: (reading Ben's reply) I thought you'd never ask.

Andie: Oh!

(Screen Play Video - Dawson and Jen decorate the window display.)

Jen: Dawson, I don't know how the hell you suckered me into helping you with your centennial Hitchcock window display.

Dawson: It needed a woman's touch.

Jen: Oh, I suppose that's where Pacey usually comes in, huh?

Dawson: No, Pacey's usually in the back sleeping while I'm doing this.

Jen: All right. (Looking out the window.) Well, maybe he's rediscovered his work ethic.

Dawson: What do you mean?

Jen: Pacey, 2 o'clock. (Pointing out the window, her and Dawson notice Pacey crossing the street. Suddenly Joey is seen by his side.) Is that Joey? Dawson, do you have one of those little signs that says 'back in 5?'

Dawson: Yeah.

(Starlight Dance Studio - Pacey and Joey are dancing, somewhat having a good time. Dawson and Jen stand in the doorway looking surprised.)

Jen: Ok, so Joey and Pacey are auditioning for Capeside Dinner Theater's version of 'Strictly Ballroom.' Let's get out of here.

Dawson: Right behind you.

Penny: (stopping Jen and Dawson) Excellent! Two more young people eager to learn the sophisticated art of ballroom dancing. And people say kids these days have no appreciation for the finer things in life.

Jen: Actually we're not here to dance.

Dawson: We're looking for some friends.

Penny: Okay, good. Well, while you look, you dance, okay? Attention, everybody! Looks like we have yet another set of delightful young people joining our class. Must be something in the air.

(Pacey and Joey have a "caught" look on their face. After the commercial, the two couples dance next to each other.)

Pacey: And what, pray tell, are you two doing here?

Jen: Just enjoying the fine art of ballroom dancing.

Penny: (to Dawson and Jen.) Didn't I say you two would be naturals? (referring to Pacey and Joey) Much better than these two and they've been here all week. But you used to date, didn't you?

Jen: Uh, not right now, okay?

Penny: I'm right, aren't I? You dated, it didn't work out, but then you got past all your issues and now you actually trust each other, right? See, you can see that in the dancing. You can see that the trust is there. (referring to Pacey and Joey) Now these two, on the other hand, a whole different story. I mean, look at them. Look at their form. Look at the tension in their arms.

Pacey: Okay, is there some sort of problem here?

Penny: Well, what did I say about rib cages touching?

Joey: No, sorry.

Penny: Can we do that?

Pacey: It's just not gonna happen, all right?

Penny: Right, see what I mean? See the hostility, the way they're wary with each other, not to mention the constant bickering and name calling. Now these two clearly are in the early stages of some screwball mating ritual.

Pacey: What?

Joey: Ok, you've got it wrong, Lady.

Penny: Really, I do?

Pacey: Oh, completely.

Joey: Actually, you could not be more wrong.

Penny: There's enough sexual tension here to power a Kiss reunion tour. I can't remember the last time I saw dancing this bad. True.

Dawson: Wait a minute, just because they can't dance you think that they're...

Penny: Well, it's this theory that I've developed based on years of experience. If people dance that badly, then they're usually hot for each other. The dancing doesn't lie. (To the class) All right, people. Let's take it from the top!

(Gram's House - Andie enters Jack's room where he is pacing nervously.)

Andie: Hey, Mrs. Ryan let me in. Is that what you're wearing?

Jack: Good night, Andie.

Andie: No, I just like you better in blue. I mean, you look fine, better than fine, you always look fine, I mean Marky Mark fine...

Jack: Yeah, all right, I sense a pep talk coming on.

Andie: Ok, Jack. Look, I'm your sister and I love you and your romantic future is vitally important to me, because if I wind up an embittered old maid I'm coming to live with you and your boyfriend.

Jack: So you're fairly certain that I'm actually gonna have a boyfriend?

Andie: Sure.

Jack: It hasn't occurred to you that this whole online thing could be a complete disaster?

Andie: Okay, Jack. Worst case scenario, you show up, you meet each other, you hate each other, you drink your mochachinos and you go your separate ways. I mean, that's not gonna happen, Jack. I have a really good feeling about this.

Jack: I'm glad someone does.

Andie: Jack, there's no need to be nervous, I mean, Ben obviously likes you.

Jack: I don't even know Ben. You know, Ben doesn't know me.

Andie: Thus the reason for having coffee.

Jack: Andie, this is different. This is a whole new level of my life that I don't know if I'm ready for. When I walk through that door and I say hello to this guy, my entire life is gonna be different. I'm not just gonna be telling the world that I'm gay. I'm actually gonna be gay.

Andie: Jack, you'll be gay anyway. I mean, if you don't go you'll be gay and without a boyfriend.

Jack: Yeah.

Andie: Ok.

(Starlight Dance Studio - Penny is speaking to the class.)

Penny: Ok, people, we're gonna play a little game. I want you to consider this musical partners instead of musical chairs. (pairing people together to dance) I want you two, you two, you two, you two, you two Thank you, you two. (She pairs Dawson with Pacey.)

Pacey: What? No, I think you must've made some sort of mistake here...

Penny: Come on, children. Play nice. (to the class) Ok, we are going to dance happily, joyously, enthusiastically because we love to dance! Now when you hear the music stop and I yell switch, I want you to stop dancing and reach for the nearest available partner, all right?

(Jen and Joey are paired together also. The scene cuts back and forth between Joey and Jen and Pacey and Dawson.)

Jen: So, when did you and Pacey discover your mutual love of ballroom dancing.

Joey: Obviously just moments before you and Dawson did.

Dawson: I can't get over how weird it was to see you in my room the other day. What's going on?

Pacey: What? Not everybody's got the dazzling array of electronics available to them in their bedroom that you do.

Dawson: And that's the only reason that you were in my house when I wasn't there.

Pacey: No, no, no, there's always the lure of the Leery kitchen which, I have to say, has kind of lost its luster in Mitch's reign of terror.

Dawson: So what was the condom for?

Pacey: What?

Dawson: The condom I found in my room.

Penny: Switch!

Pacey: Excuse me for a second... (he trades partners. Now Pacey is dancing with Jen and Joey with Dawson.)

Pacey: We're dead. He found the condom.

Jen: I know, I've already talked to him about it. I wouldn't worry.

Pacey: Really? You don't think Dawson's gonna mind that we've been mapping out each other's erogenous zones between his sheets?

Jen: The question's mute. He's not on to us.

Pacey: He's not?

Jen: No. Well, at least he's not on to me. He's cast somebody else as the female lead.

Dawson: So when did you discover your love for ballroom dancing?

Joey: I read about some scholarship that they were having.

Dawson: Scholarship?

Joey: And I needed a partner, so...

Dawson: So, why'd you ask Pacey? Why didn't you just ask me?

Joey: Pacey came to me first. He needed help with math, I needed help with this. That's what friends do, Dawson. They help each other.

Dawson: That's all you guys are is friends? (Joey nods)

Penny: And switch!

Pacey: Excuse me, just for a second. I need to talk to you.

(Pacey is now with Joey, Dawson back with Jen.)

Joey: What is wrong with him?

Pacey: Uh, nothing really. It's just, um, Dawson seems to think that we're doing it.

Joey: What?

Pacey: Well, you know, having sex. Getting to know each other in the biblical sense, uh...

Joey: Pacey, that's impossible. And he would never think that.

Pacey: No, not under normal circumstances, but in this case, I think certain events were perhaps misconstrued...

Joey: What events?

Penny: Switch!

Pacey: Well, I just...

(Dawson pulls Pacey away and the two dance.)

Dawson: Ok, so do you wanna just tell me what's going on?

Pacey: It's not what you think, Dawson, not even close.

Dawson: How do you know what I think?

Pacey: Well because, man, it's written all over your face, ok? Yes, me and Joey have been spending a lot of time together recently because we've been here trying to learn how to ballroom dance and then she's teaching me a little trigonometry. You know what's much more interesting to me is that of all the possible blonde and brunette combinations of women that you and I both know, the first one that popped into your mind is Joey. Now why is that, do you think?

Dawson: Pacey, you're not going to get out of this by attempting to psycho-analyze me.

Pacey: I'm just asking a simple question, Dawson. You and Joey... she's not your girlfriend anymore.

Dawson: You're right, she's not.

Pacey: Right, so then why are we having this conversation? You see where I'm going with this? I mean, you're the same guy who told me a couple weeks ago that the two of you just needed to go your separate ways.

Dawson: Yeah, we do need to go our separate ways. It just never occurred to me…

Pacey: That what? That she would actually go her separate way, too? Or perhaps it didn't occur to you that her separate way would include a stopover at me, is that what it is? God, man! This is the way it always is with you! You talk and talk, but you don't listen to yourself. You say you're over her, but you're not. They're just words, they don't mean anything to you.

Dawson: You don't know what you're talking about.

Pacey: Look at that girl, Dawson. (he motions to Joey who is dancing with some older man) Just take a good look. She's a freaking goddess, man. How long did you think it was gonna be before some guy comes along and is interested in her? I mean, really, dude! And when that happens, what are you gonna do?

Dawson: I'm just gonna take it all as it comes.

Pacey: You're gonna take it as it comes. Oh great, well perhaps you should start figuring out right now because the guy that comes along is not gonna be your best friend and he's not gonna ask for your permission. The guy that comes along is gonna take one look at that woman and then just cut right in on ya.

Dawson: What are you hiding, Pacey?

Pacey: What?

Dawson: All this analysis of my love life doesn't change the fact that you haven't answered my original question. Why did I find that condom?

Pacey: (turns away from Dawson) Why do I bother?

Penny: Switch!

(Pacey walks away. Jen follows. Coatroom - Jen and Pacey search the coats for their own.)

Pacey: God, I don't believe that guy!

Jen: Pacey, chill out.

Pacey: Here we are again, though I have to say the story line is starting to stretch the limits of believability.

Jen: Meaning what?

Pacey: Meaning that we're two red-blooded American teenagers who, weeks ago, made the enlightened decisions not to keep our bodies to ourselves and what do we have to show for it? Nothing. Nothing, how is that possible? I mean, I've spent a lot of time trying to figure this out and frankly, I'm just drawing a blank.

Jen: Pacey, it's for about a million different reasons.

Pacey: Really? Do you think you could hit me with a couple so it would make me feel better?

Jen: Ok, how about the fact that our mothers teach us to be embarrassed about sex... or that we live in a country that thinks violence is cool but gets squeamish whenever two people under legal voting age start using the correct terms for each others body parts. (Pacey puts his arm around Jen and brings his head close to hers.) Pacey, is this your not-so-subtle way of telling me that you're ready for a return to Witch Island?

Pacey: Maybe it was the dancing, or perhaps it's just the romantic setting of this coatroom, but I am definitely getting that witchy feeling.

(Coffee Shop - Jack walks up and sees Ben through the window. He hesitates, then grabs for the door. Starlight Dance Studio - Joey and Dawson are walking into the coat closet.)

Dawson: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to accuse you of anything, but something really strange is going on here. If Pacey's not sleeping with you, he's definitely sleeping with somebody.

(As they enter the closet they find Pacey and Jen sitting in the corner making out. Joey looks shocked. Dawson chuckles.)

Dawson: Whoa, what do we have here?

(Jen and Pacey quickly stop.)

Pacey: It's... nothing, right?

Jen: Yeah, nothing.

Dawson: Doesn't look like nothing.

Pacey: Believe me, man, we've done exhaustive research in this area. It's nothing.

Jen: Pacey and I are just friends.

Joey: Is that what the kids are calling it these days? You guys are so stupid. You're both gonna get hurt by this.

Pacey: Nobody is gonna get hurt by this.

Jen: We both agreed that neither of us have our emotions in it.

Joey: And you're proud of that fact?

Jen: Joey, we were just messing around.

Joey: Dawson...

Dawson: They lost me at nothing.

Joey: Pacey, this isn't you, I mean, Jen maybe you're trying to prove something to somebody about...

Pacey: What? Hey, slow down, this was as much my decision as it was hers, okay?

Joey: So is that why you named your boat 'True Love?' Because you think it's okay for casual acquaintances or even friends to just, you know, use each other as scratching posts.

Pacey: I knew you weren't gonna understand.

Joey: You know what? I understand. I understand just fine. (She walks out. Dawson just smiles at Pacey and Jen and follows Joey out.)

Jen: I've never in my life seen somebody so worked up over just a kiss.

Pacey: I don't think it was just the kiss.

Jen: What do you mean?

Pacey: I mean that Joey knows about our arrangement.

Jen: How could she possibly know, Pacey?

Pacey: Because I went to her for some hypothetical advice, but when she saw us kissing, I'm pretty sure she figured out that it wasn't so hypothetical.

Jen: You went to Joey for advice about us?

Pacey: Yeah I know, not so smart, huh?

Jen: Smart or not smart, it's just funny you went to her.

Pacey: Well, I wouldn't say that I went to her. I mean, she just kind of happened to be there. We were studying...

Jen: Can I ask you something, Pacey? What is it about her?

Pacey: What?

Jen: She's obviously got something that makes boys in emotional turmoil just flock to her.

Pacey: Come again?

Jen: Come on, Dawson's the same way. Whatever small problem got to him, he went straight to Joey.

Pacey: So who else would you have me talk to? I can't exactly go to Andie with something like this, so I guess I'm supposed to commune with Deputy Doug, then?

Jen: Dawson. Why couldn't you just go to Dawson? Unless, of course, you don't feel comfortable talking to him about your sex life, considering...

Pacey: Considering what?

Jen: That your current girl Friday used to be his.

Pacey: Ok, now correct me if I'm wrong, but Dawson Leery didn't actually know about you and I until, what, two minutes ago.

Jen: I'm not talking about us.

Pacey: What, Joey? This has nothing to do with Joey!

Jen: Pacey, I saw the way that you overreacted to Dawson. I saw the way that Joey overreacted to us. I know that you're having trouble in math these days, but it doesn't take Einstein to get the sum total of these two overreactions.

Pacey: You're gonna have to explain this one to me because I gotta be missing something here. You're talking about Joey Potter, right? The one who can't walk into the same room with me without gagging, huh? That Joey Potter? There's nothing going on between us.

Jen: No, Pacey. There's nothing between us. No matter what we do, it's not gonna work out between us.

Pacey: No, it's not, is it?

Jen: No. Are you disappointed?

Pacey: Yeah, I'm disappointed. And at the same time...I think I'm also a little relieved.

Jen: Me too. I'm gonna go.

Pacey: Okay.

Jen: See ya, Pacey. (She walks out, but immediately walks back in.) You know what, Pacey? Thanks for nothing. (She kisses him on the cheek.)

Gram's Kitchen - Jack enters and finds Andie sitting a the table.)

Jack: What are you still doing here?

Andie: Anxiously awaiting to be regaled with first date stories.

Jack: Well they tell me in order to have first date stories you actually have to have a first date.

Andie: What happened?

Jack: I can't get into this with you. You're just gonna get on me about how I handled it.

Andie: Jack, that's not fair. You're always the one who's scraping me off the concrete. Can't I return the favor?

Jack: I didn't even go in, okay? I panicked. I got there, looked through the window and I saw him sitting there, waiting for me. Then I saw this couple, this girl and this guy, and when I saw them it... when I saw them, at that moment, I didn't wanna be me. I wanted to be them, and I got so upset that I just left. So I guess when it comes right down to it, I'm just not brave enough to walk through the door.

Andie: Jack, you are so brave. I mean, your entire life you have been nothing but brave.

Jack: Not this time. I mean, I keep taking these baby steps, but I'm not getting anywhere, you know? I'm not getting any braver.

Andie: Don't be so hard on yourself. I mean, that's what fear is for. It's- it's life's way of telling us that we're not ready for certain things.

Jack: Aren't you the same girl who spent the past week dragging me kicking and screaming towards my romantic destiny?

Andie: Yeah, but I know when to push and when not to. It's a little something I picked up from annoyingsister.com. Anyway Jack, when it's right, you'll know it. And that's when you'll walk through that door. When you're ready.

(Capeside - Dawson and Joey are walking down the street.)

Dawson: If it makes you feel any better, what happened was inevitable.

Joey: What was?

Dawson: What we just saw. All right, look at it from a storytelling perspective. Pacey's brooding, disillusioned, tough guy persona was destined to collide with Jen's fake sexual bravado. It was inevitable.

Joey: Dawson, you're the ultimate romantic! How could you not be more upset about this?

Dawson: If Jen and Pacey want to mess around in a coatroom, that's their business.

Joey: But Dawson, you don't understand what's going on. They made some sort of casual sex pact. They're just using each other.

Dawson: Joey, we're all guilty of that. At least they're being up front about it.

Joey: So you buy into this whole raging hormones theory? So you think it's okay for two people who aren't in love to just let their sexual impulses run wild?

Dawson: No, what I'm saying is if Jen and Pacey made some sort of agreement, I don't think they made it because they wanted sex. I think they wanted comfort.

Joey: I'm sure that's all they were doing in your bed, Dawson. Providing each other with comfort.

Dawson: It's not impossible. It's all you and I ever did. Aw, give 'em a break, Jo. They're just lonely.

Joey: Dawson, being lonely is no excuse to just throw yourself at the first available warm body. I mean, could you sleep with someone that you didn't love?

Dawson: No. And neither could you. But I do understand the impulse.

Joey: What impulse?

Dawson: The impulse to... to put you hand out and want someone there at the end of your reach, to… to want someone to be close to, to want to kiss or touch, even if it's wrong.

Joey: That's just it, Dawson. It's wrong. If a kiss is just some purely physical thing, and if there's nothing else behind it, what's the point?

Dawson: The point is that you can't control those feelings, Jo, even if they're wrong, they're there. They're always there. You can understand that, can't you?

Joey: You know, I forgot my coat. I… I better go inside and get it.

Dawson: Okay.

Joey: Good night.

Dawson: Good night, Joey.

(Starlight Dance Studio - Joey is walking out with her coat when she notices Pacey sitting at a table. She goes to leave, but then turns back and goes to him.)

Joey: I forgot my coat.

Pacey: Well yeah, you ran out of there in a bit of a hurry, didn't ya? Look, if it makes you feel any better, we never actually slept together. I mean, not even close.

Joey: It's none of my business what you guys did or didn't do. I'm sorry I overreacted.

Pacey: Yeah, you did overreact, didn't you?

Joey: Don't act so smug. I'm not saying you're right, or that I approve of what you guys are doing.

Pacey: Were doing. I'd say the time limit on the limited time offer has probably run out now.

Joey: Oh.

Pacey: So, you got your coat. What made you come in here?

Joey: Dawson. He convinced me to take pity on your poor, misguided, testosterone-impaired self.

Pacey: He did that, did he?

Joey: 'Fraid so.

Pacey: Man, guess I owe him another one, huh?

Joey: You do. Come on, let's go.

Penny: Hey, not so fast, you two. There's a class about to start.

Joey: I think we've done enough dancing for a lifetime.

Pacey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's not get too hasty here. We've still got a scholarship to work for, right?

Penny: Oh, about that scholarship. Things have been kind of tight here at the Starlight.

Joey: There's no scholarship?

Penny: No, but what I can offer you is 6 months of free dance lessons.

Joey: And what would we do with those?

Penny: The cha-cha, the rumba, the merengue, when you're ready, the tango. It's the dance of love.

Joey: Thanks, but no thanks.

Pacey: Come on, think about this for a second, don't be too hasty. We may have found our calling in this dance studio.

Joey: Give it up, Pacey. You definitely were not that good.

(They leave, laughing. The End.)


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