Episode 604 - Instant Karma!

In this episode: Dawson finds himself in an awkward situation when he is put between Joey and the intoxicated leading lady of his film, who also happens to be the woman he dumped over the phone after spending the night with Joey. Meanwhile, feeling like she's second fiddle to Pacey's new career and then catching him in a lie, Audrey allows herself to be taken in by another man's charm.

Original Airdate: October 16, 2002

[Scene: The Movie Set. Dawson and Todd are walking through the set, and Dawson is writing some notes into a notepad, while Todd is ranting on as usual.]

Todd: This is all wrong! The only way it could be any wronger is if I paid them to get it this wrong and they botched it up! There's a DVD player in the living room! Funny, that... given as this movie's supposed to be set in the seventies!

Dawson: I took care of it, also got rid of the CDs and the laptop.

Todd: Bloody idiots! [Grabs a cigarette] Light?

Dawson: Sorry, no.

Todd: What'd you say to me?

Dawson: Your grandfather died of lung cancer. It took you 6 months to quit. You told me under no circumstances was I to let you smoke no matter how much you begged or bribed.

Todd: I was just kidding, mate.

Dawson: Sorry, can't do it.

Todd: I'll give you $12,000.

Dawson: Uh-uh.

Todd: Wanker. This is what I get for signing on to this hillbilly circus. Could have been directing a music video in Paris right now for one of those homosexual crooner bands, you know, instep or backdoor boys or whatever. But no--I have to choose my art. So I really want to get in close on Natasha's nipples, so stick the a/c on them, make sure they really pop, ok?

Dawson: Classy.

Todd: Right. Oh, and you may or may not know, but the lovely Natasha can be a bit of a—

Dawson: Handful.

Todd: I was gonna say pain in the ass, but ok. So let's keep her happy.

Dawson: Right.

Todd: By any means necessary. It's gonna be a big night. It's an important scene... so everything has to go perfectly.

Dawson: Relax. It's the first day. Pace yourself, man. It's gonna be fun.

Todd: Yeah. Your idea of fun is my personal hell. Right. Send Natasha to my trailer. It's time for "the crazy diva actress tells the director her thoughts on the scene so we can pretend her opinion actually matters" talk.

Dawson: Uh. Natasha's not here yet.

Todd: You're telling me shooting starts in one hour, and our lead actress—

Dawson: at the airport being picked up by Phil the P.A.

Todd: No, she isn't.

Dawson: Yes, she is.

Todd: No. I fired Phil the P.A. This afternoon.

Dawson: Why would you fire Phil the P.A.?

Todd: Because Phil the P.A. Gets all huffy when people throw cell phones at his head for buying the wrong kind of batteries.

Dawson: You threw a cell phone at his head?

Todd: That's not the point. The point is... that our decidedly difficult lead actress is, as we speak, sitting on an airport curb waitin' for no one! And shooting starts in 57 minutes!

Dawson: I'll get her.

Todd: Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

[Dawson runs off]

[Opening Credits]

[Commercial Break]

[Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Joey is sitting at the bar reading a book. Eddie comes walking up from behind her from one of the tables. Eddie goes behind the bar and begins stocking it.]

Eddie: Isn't the paper on that due on Monday?

Joey: Shut up.

Eddie: Oh, wow. Page 109... you'd better get cracking.

Joey: Oh, my god. Will you please go away?

Eddie: Sorry. So...what do you think so far?

Joey: If I tell you, will you leave me alone? I think it sucks.

Eddie: Huh.

Joey: Oh, what, just because every quasi-bohemian hipster with pretensions of literary greatness worships at the altar of Kerouac, that means I should, too?

Eddie: No.

Joey: It's just boring. And it meanders. And there's no story. It's just one long run-on sentence. It's all macho posturing and misogyny.

Eddie: Hmm.

Joey: Excuse me?

Eddie: I didn't say anything.

Joey: Yes, you did. You said hmm.

Eddie: Did I?

Joey: Yes, you did. In a very loaded way, I might add.

Eddie: Well, it's nothing. I just...I'm learning about you.

Joey: And what the hell does that mean?

Eddie: Nothing. Chill.

Joey: Just because I don't like a book means I'm deficient in some way?

Eddie: No, no. I just thought that your opinion was interesting.

Joey: Look, I don't need you to patronize me.

Eddie: Oh, my god. Why are you so angry?

Joey: I'm not angry!

Eddie: Yes, you are.

Joey: No. I'm angry at no one.

Eddie: I didn't say you were angry at someone. I just said you were angry.

Joey: Well, I'm not.

Eddie: Is it a guy? Is--is it a guy? Are you angry at a guy?

Joey: Oh, right. Because that's what it always is, isn't it? I don't like you, therefore, it must be because some guy broke my heart. It just can't be because you're objectionable in any way.

Eddie: Really? You don't like me?

Joey: You know what? I need to get back to work, so can you please stop talking to me?

[Telephone rings]

Eddie: Wow. Whoever this guy was, he really must have done a number on you.

Joey: You know what, Eddie? You've now crossed--

[Telephone rings]

Eddie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Ahem. Hell's kitchen. Yeah, we do deliveries. Yeah, well, yeah... that's, uh... that's a pretty big order. Let me check. All right.

[Eddie puts the phone down and walks off to the back room. Joey tries to go back to reading]

[Scene: The Stock brokerage. Pacey is sitting at a desk in the empty office reading some material. He is studying hard when his phone rings. He reaches up and answers it.]

[Telephone rings]

Pacey: Audrey.

Audrey: How did you know it was me?

Pacey: Well, I'm psychotic.

Audrey: You're late.

Pacey: Yeah, I know. Look... I don't think I'm gonna make it.

Audrey: No! No, no, no, no. Pacey, you cannot bail out on me! I haven't seen you in days--like actual days. Plus, we have this monster bash to attend this evening, and the festivities have already begun over here, so you better get your butt in gear pronto, and I don't wanna hear any of your lame excuses.

Pacey: I gotta study.

Audrey: No, Pacey, you gotta be with your girlfriend tonight. I'm beginning to forget what sex is like. I may be forced to shag a stranger to remember.

Pacey: Ok, look, tomorrow night... I promise you an all-night Witter-Liddell shag fest of epic proportions. Plus...I'll do that thing that you like... you know, with the, uh...

Audrey: with the thing?

Pacey: Yes. The thing.

Audrey: Deal. But you know, this stupid series 17 thing—

Pacey: 7.

Audrey: Whatever. It better be over with soon, because mature, responsible Pacey... he's kind of a big, fat drag.

Pacey: Duly noted.

Audrey: All right. You're absolved. Go be studious and boring, my love.

Pacey: And you go be debaucherous and silly, and I will talk to you in the morning. I love you.

Audrey: Yeah, yeah.

[Scene: Hell's Kitchen. The other side of the conversation. Audrey is there with Jen and Jack who are playing darts while she is on the phone.]

Audrey: Hey, you guys? I think I'm gonna go home.

Jen: What? Are you insane? You can't go home! Tonight is only like the biggest and best party of the year. You can't leave! You can't not come! Jack, back me up on this.

Jack: Eh. You know...

Jen: What are you saying?

Jack: Well, I'm saying, you know, I'm a little tired and Kate and Leopold's on cable tonight.

Audrey: Really?

Jen: Kate and Leopold?

Jack: Yeah. Hugh Jackman's a hottie.

Jen: No! No, you guys, I worked really hard all week long. I have earned this night of debauchery and hedonism. I wanna get drunk at a party, I wanna make out with a stranger, and it's all for naught if you guys aren't there to witness it and make fun of me in the morning.

Jack: Ok!

Jen: Really? Audrey?

Audrey: I'm in. I'm in.

Jen: Yay! Ok, all right. Let's make a pact. Tonight we are going toe fun. We are going to dance on table tops. We are going to scream "whoo hoo." In short, we're gonna party like it's 1999. Now, come on... [She puts her hand out and the others put their hands on hers] whoo-hoo!

Audrey: Whoo-hoo!

Jack: Whoo.

[Scene: The Airport. Dawson goes running through the airport, looking for Natasha, and finally finds her sitting on a set of benches waiting impatiently.]

Dawson: Natasha.

Natasha: Nonsense. I totally don't mind sitting here waiting for an hour. My ass is not the least bit numb.

Dawson: [Exhales]

[Scene: Dawson's Car. Dawson is Driving Natasha back to the movie set, and Natasha is sitting very stubbornly in the passenger seat.]

Dawson: So... listen...

Natasha: I need Evian water and Altoids.

Dawson: I got 'em. Glove compartment. [She looks at him with a smirk] So...big scene tonight, huh? You nervous?

Natasha: No. See, uh... that other actor... he's not really gonna strangle me, Dawson. It's... it's just pretend.

[She takes a drink out of one of the tiny airport bottles of alcohol.]

Dawson: Are you...drinking?

Natasha: You're smart.

Dawson: Do you really think you should—

Natasha: I'm fine. Stop off if you see a florist. I want to get Todd some lilies.

Dawson: I don't think there's one on the way.

[They drive past a florist]

Natasha: Right there, right there! Pull over.

Dawson: We're really late—

Natasha: You wanna get me mad? 'Cause if I show up on set mad...

[Scene: The stock brokerage. Pacey is still studying when Rich comes walking in with several other guys, and he goes over to Pacey's desk.]

Rich: Come on. We're gonna hit some clubs. You're comin' with let's go.

Pacey: I can't do it, m. I gotta study.

Rich: Sorry. Did I say that like it was a question?

Pacey: What?

Rich: We're gonna hit some clubs. You're comin' with. Let's go.

Pacey: No. I'm serious. I really gotta study.

Rich: Do you see those guys? Do you notice that not one of them works out here with you grunts? That's because they're your bosses. Not your co-workers, not your colleagues. They hold the future of your career in their hands, so think hard, Pacey, before you say no.

Pacey: Well, I should call my girlfriend.

Rich: That's adorable. Do it later. Grab your coat. Let's go.

[he heads towards the others]

Rich: Ready, gentlemen.

[Scene: The Movie Set. Natasha and Dawson are just arriving at the set. Natasha is carrying a very large bundle of lilies. They head over to Todd who is sitting in a director's chair impatiently waiting their arrival.]

Natasha: Oh, my god! Look at all the lights!

Dawson: How much did you actually drink?

Natasha: Oh, Donald. Don't be such a Spongebob Squarepants. I only had a little nip.

Dawson: Why you keep calling me Donald?

Natasha: Well, I think we can both agree Dawson's a stupid name. Plus, you look like a Donald. Or if you prefer--Ronald.

[They walk up to Todd]

Natasha: Todd!

Todd: Welcome to Boston! You're radiant, darling! You're late!

Natasha: Donald got lost.

[She hands him the lilies]

Todd: They're lovely. Are you ready for the scene?

Natasha: Got it all up here!

Todd: Great. We're running a wee bit behind schedule, so why don't you pop off to wardrobe?

Natasha: Sure!

[She starts walking away]

Todd: Wrong way, love.

Natasha: Right.

[She goes the other way]

Todd: What the hell's wrong with her?

Dawson: She's tired.

Todd: Well, get her to wardrobe and get her some coffee!

Dawson: Right.

[Scene: Outside wardrobe room. Dawson and Natasha come outside. And Natasha almost falls down, and Dawson grabs her to help her stay up, and she pushes his hands away.]

Natasha: Stop pawing at me, busy hands! I can't believe I actually let those hands touch me naked! Thank god nobody here knows I actually dated you!

Dawson: Natasha, listen—

Natasha: So how's that old friend you dumped me for a couple of weeks ago? Didn't quite catch her name. Wait, it is a girl, isn't it?

Dawson: She's fine. I Think.

Natasha: Don't tell me she dumped you already. That is...so sad.

Dawson: Natasha, listen, I'm sorry... about what I did to you. I don't blame you if you hate me.

Natasha: I don't hate you. I pity you.

Dawson: Well, let me help you. How 'bout I get you coffee or a bagel or something?

Natasha: You wanna help me? You wanna help me. That is so sweet! Ok...I'll tell you how you can help me. Go to hell, Dawson!

[She goes into her Dressing room and closes the door behind her.]

[Commercial Break]

[Scene: The Movie set. They are starting the first shooting of the movie. Natasha comes running down the side street screaming, while a man in a mask is chasing after her.]

Natasha: [Sobbing] No! Please, somebody, help me! No! Somebody please help me! Somebody please help me! No! [Choking] Aarrrhhh... [she breaks into laughter as the guy is faking choking her]ha ha ha ha ha! I'm gonna pee in my pants!

Todd: And cut!

Natasha: I--I'm sorry, Todd.

Todd: That's all right, love. Go again. This time, remember... terror.

Natasha: Uh-huh.

[They start shooting again]

Natasha: No! No! Please... somebody help me! Somebody help me-- whoa—[They turn the corner and she trips and falls] ow, my boobs!

Todd: And...cut.

[Natasha laughing]

[After many additional attempts]

Natasha: No...no, please! No! No. God—

[She stops and accidentally nails the guy in the groin]

Actor: Ow!

Natasha: Oh! Oh, I got you in the whoo-hoo!

Actor: Todd! I can't work like this!

Todd: Cut. Is she drunk?

[The actor storms off]

Dawson: No.

Todd: Dawson?

Dawson: Maybe a little.

[Dawson just looks at Natasha as the make-up people work on her. With disappointment across his face]

[Scene: Outside a club. Rich and Pacey are walking out with the rest of the guys from work, and Rich is laughing at Pacey.]

Rich: I must admit, I am impressed, Witter.

Pacey: With what, exactly?

Rich: Fully 3 hot women tried to hit on you in that last club, and you turned down every one. I don't think I could be that faithful to any girl. I don't care how hot she is. You're a better man than I.

Pacey: You're right, but I think that one of those girls was a guy.

Rich: Yeah, but I thought that was your thing.

[Scene: Outside Hell's Kitchen. Jen, Jack and Audrey are all walking down the sidewalk after leaving, and are headed off to their party.]

Audrey: [Audrey laughing] Ok, so...where the hell are we going again?

Jack: House party.

Audrey: Right. Right. And...where exactly is that?

Jen: You don't know?

Jack: I don't know.

Audrey: I certainly don't know.

Jen: Well, it's somewhere in Boston.

Jack: Oh, yeah. Yeah, that helps.

Audrey: Nice!

[They continue walking some more]

Audrey: Oh, you guys, you guys, I just remembered! It's down on Waverly road next to that giant supermarket that has the free aisle!

Jack: Cool. Let's go. I'm cold!

Jen: Drey, what's a free aisle?

Audrey: The aisle with the little plastic bins filled with the food that you can snack on while you shop.

Jen: No. Those are bulk bins. You're supposed to put the food in little plastic baggies and then pay for it.

Audrey: Really?

Jen: Yeah.

[They round a corner and run into Rich, Pacey and the other guys]

Rich: Hey, who's up for going to that strip club in Waltham?

Audrey: Oh, my god.

Pacey: Ok, Audrey, I tried to call you from wo—

[She storms past him and he grabs her arm.]

Audrey: Don't touch me.

Pacey: Can we just discuss this calmly, please?

Audrey: What discuss? There's nothing to discuss. You lied.

Pacey: I didn't lie. I was studying, and then this work thing just came up.

Audrey: Since when does a bunch of jerks in suits stuffing dollars down a g-string count as work?

Pacey: You can't possibly understand how important it is that these men invited me to come out with them. I couldn't say no.

Audrey: I don't even know who you are anymore, Pacey. You're like some smarmy stockbroker guy. All you care about is your stupid job.

Pacey: Because... I don't wanna live off mac and cheese and ramen noodles for the rest of my life, and that's how it will be for me if I don't bust my ass and play by their rules. I wish that I could continue ignoring reality, but I can't, because we don't all live in Audrey land.

Audrey: Right. And I'm just some dumb, rich airhead who doesn't get it.

Pacey: That's not what I'm saying.

Audrey: Actually, I think it's exactly what you're saying.

Pacey: Then I'm sorry...ok? I'm sorry. It's just that this job is important to me, and I like it and I'm good at it, and honestly, I wish you could be a little bit more understanding. I think I understand perfectly.

Audrey: And I hope you have fun, Pacey. Come on, you guys. Let's go.

Pacey: Audrey, come on!

Audrey: Don't follow me!

[She takes Jen and Jack and they all leave Pacey watching at they go. Rich comes up to Pacey.]

Pacey: Shake it off, man.

[Scene: Outside Hell's Kitchen. Joey and Eddie are loading up a ton of food into the back of a station wagon parked out front. Joey is just trying to load the car, and ignore Eddie in the process]

Eddie: Big delivery, huh? [no answer] A lotta food. [No answer again]So...how's on the road?

Joey: Fine.

Eddie: What page are you on?

Joey: Can we not talk? Do you mind?

Eddie: All right. But I think I figured out why you hate it so much.

Joey: Joy.

Eddie: Yeah, I was thinking, how could anybody in their right mind hate such a beautiful book? And then I realized... it's because it makes you nervous.

Joey: Really?

Eddie: Yeah. Yeah, 'cause it's about people who don't follow the dominant path. You know, people who kinda just live on their impulses, and that makes a lot of people uncomfortable.

Joey: Boring people? People who don't follow their impulses?

Eddie: I didn't say boring, just, uh... safe.

Joey: You don't know anything about me.

Eddie: Except for the way people feel about books or movies or music. It says a lot.

Joey: I'll let you know I follow plenty of my impulses. In fact, this summer on a whim, with almost no money to my name, I bought a ticket to Paris.

Eddie: Really? You went to Paris. How was it?

Joey: Well, no, I-- the point is that I could have gone.

Eddie: So you didn't go.

Joey: No. But the point is I could have.

Eddie: Oh. And here I thought life was about the things you do, not the things you could have done. That's my mistake.

[Joey turns to go back into the bar.]

Eddie: Ho. Where you going?

Joey: Uh, back to work. That's all of it.

Eddie: Yeah, but you're comin' with me.

Joey: No, I'm not.

Eddie: How do you expect me to get all the food out of this car?

Joey: Wendy can go with you.

Eddie: No. Wendy is in the bar covering for me, which you're not qualified to do. Sorry. Let's go.

[Scene: The Party. Jen and Jack are sitting at a couch and chair, listening to Audrey rant on, and you can see that obviously neither one of them are interested, but they continue to listen]

Audrey: I mean, it's bad enough that he lied, but the fact that he would rather hang out with those guys than with me, I mean... oh, my god. I am sorry, you guys. Do I keep talking about this?

Jack: No, it's fine. It's fine.

Jen: Just a little bit.

Audrey: Sorry! I forgot about our pact. We are supposed to be having fun.

Jen: It's fine.

Audrey: [Exhales] It's just... you know. You used to make fun of guys like that, you know? He never wants to have sex anymore.

[They both cringe at the thought]

Audrey: We're literally down to 3 times a week.

[The cringe again, and en gets up]

Jen: Oh, gosh, um, I need a beer. Be right back.

[She walks up to the bar]

Jen: Ok. Can I get a beer?

Guy: You bet. There You go.

Jen: Thank you.

[She turns around and bumps into the guy from the help center and spills her beer on him]

Jen: Oh! Oh, my god! Look what I did!

C.J.: That's ok. It was my fault.

Jen: Oh, no, jeez, you don't even-- you're—[She begins trying to mop up the beer on his belly with some napkins] you don't even drink, and I'm sure it's cold and smelly and I'm touching you, and I'm gonna stop.

C.J.: Hi.

Jen: Ok. You caught me. I'm drunk. Yep, I'm a drunkard, escaping reality. That's me. But you know what? This is a party, and at parties, people drink, and maybe that bothers you, maybe you think it's weak, but you shouldn't go to a party where there's gonna be drunk people, because that's what's gonna happen at a party. There's drinking. It's just a party fact.

[He just sits there letting her go on]

C.J.: You think I'm the lamest, most square person on the earth, don't you?

Jen: No! No, not at all. I'm sure you're, like... tons of fun. I'm gonna go.

[Cut back to Jack and Audrey. Audrey is still ranting on to Jack, who is trying to act like he is listing, while secretly trying to figure a way to get away from her.]

Audrey: It's not like I don't have a phone, you know? It's right here in my purse with me at all times, but has he even tried to call me? No.

[Jack notices Professor Freeman come walking into the party. He sits strangely looking at him for a minute then decides to go over to him]

Jack: Oh, my god! Uh...a yeah. Uh-- yeah. Yeah.

[He gets up out of the chair and leaves Audrey and heads over to meet Freeman]

Jack: Hey.

Freeman: Hey. I'm so relieved to see a familiar face.

Jack: What are you doing here? My god... I mean, not that I'm not glad to see you. I think it's cool that you showed up, but I didn't expect—

Freeman: You know, seeing as I teach what's generally considered to be a cool, non-stodgy topic, every once in a while, a student sees fit to extend an invitation. Usually in jest, I'm sure. Never thinking I'd actually show up.

Jack: Hey, as long as you're here, why don't we get a beer?

Freeman: Well that. Sounds like a plan.

Jack: Cool.

[Scene: The Movie Set. Joey and Eddie pull up to the set and stop. Joey suddenly realizes where they are delivering the food to.]

Joey: Are we delivering the food to a movie set by any chance?

Eddie: Yeah. It's some slasher movie, I think.

Joey: Great.

[Commercial Break]

[Scene: The Party. Jen and Audrey are sitting at the couches with a couple of guys, and are playing Quarters. Audrey is clearly already drunk by this time. Jen just watches as Audrey takes her turn]

[Coins clatter]

[Giggling]

Jen: Yeah! Whoa! I wanna go next.

Guy1: Nice.

Guy2: Now you gotta drink.

Audrey: Ok, ok, ok.

[Cell phone rings]

Audrey: Ooh! It's me, it's me! Hello! Yeah, whoa-- will you just hold on a second, please? [Exhales] Deep cleansing breaths. Pacey... I--no. I just-- let me just say this. I wanna let you know that I am...so rich, I am such... a dumb... rich airhead that I am entirely capable of doing this!

[She drops her cell phone in a glass full of beer]

Jen: Oh, my god! Ha ha ha! You just totally drowned your phone!

Audrey: I know, I totally did.

Jen: Oh my god.

[Laughing]

[Audrey starts chugging her beer and the guy on the couch is moving a little closer to her and drinking with her.]

Jen: Slow down. Audrey, seriously.

Audrey: Ok. Whose turn is it?

[Dropping coins]

Audrey: Did you do that? You think they can fix that? Ha ha ha!

[Scene: Movie Set. Joey and Eddie are just finishing setting up all the food. Joey is obviously impatient to leave.]

Joey: Wanna go now?

Eddie: No.

Joey: Why not?

Eddie: Because we have to be paid first.

Joey: Fine.

[Joey goes over to one of the people working on the set.]

Joey: Excuse me. Hi. We brought the food.

Woman: Oh, awesome! I'm starving.

Joey: Actually, I was wondering... where do we get paid?

Woman: Oh, talk to Dawson. He is... right... over there.

Joey: Great.

[She goes over to Dawson, who looks up surprised to see her]

Dawson: Hey.

Joey: Hey.

Dawson: What are you doing here?

Joey: Nice to see you, too.

Dawson: Oh, I'm just surprised is all.

Joey: I was... delivering some food, and I didn't know it was here until we got here. Believe me, had I known, I wouldn't have—

Dawson: all right. All right. It's ok.

Joey: I wasn't exactly apologizing.

Dawson: No, why would you?

Joey: What does that mean?

[Natasha walks up to join them. Todd comes walking up with her.]

Natasha: Dawson, what are we doing?

Todd: Grab a bite quick. I need you in makeup for the next shot. Hello, love. Nice to see you again.

Joey: Hi, Todd.

Todd: Uh, Natasha, have you met Dawson's friend-- Joey, isn't it?

Natasha: Oh, my god. This is her, isn't it?

Dawson: Natasha—

Natasha: You have the nerve to bring her here tonight, the girl you dumped me for after I gave you the best sex of your life?

Dawson: Can we—

Natasha: I'm just quoting you, Dawson. Sorry...you embarrassed? 'Cause I wouldn't want to embarrass Dawson leery, what with his chivalrous nature and oh-so-quiet dignity. See, Dawson's the kinda guy who'll walk a girl home, you know, help her over a rain puddle? Real gentleman. Then he'll sleep with her, tell her she's the best he ever had, and break up with her answering machine. So nice to meet you. I'll be in my trailer if you need me.

[She storms off, and Dawson is left there with Todd and Joey, all looking at one another not knowing what to say. Joey leaves, and Todd just looks back and forth from the two women, then looks at Dawson with a smirk on his face.]

[Scene: Outside the party. Jack and Professor Freeman are walking along the porch and come to the steps and sit down.]

Freeman: I think my favorite is the one where they legalize gambling and Marge gets addicted. Although, the one where homer becomes a monorail conductor is awesome, too.

Jack: Yeah. My favorite is when Selma...she marries troy McClure.

Freeman: Ha ha ha! A classic. Classic.

Jack: I can't even believe I'm having a conversation like this with my professor. Last year, I don't even think I knew who my professors were!

Freeman: Really?

Jack: Naw, it's... I was kinda... messed up. Academically speaking, anyway.

Freeman: Well, I'm surprised to hear that. I think your work is excellent. I really enjoyed that last paper you wrote.

Jack: Ah, well—

Freeman: it was great, jack. It was great. You have a natural gift for looking beneath the surface and seeing what's really going on. I don't find that in a lot of students. You should be proud.

Jack: Thanks. But... I really, uh... enjoy your class.

Freeman: Thanks. [Chuckles] You know, I met my wife at a party like this when I was in grad school. She had purple hair all the way down to her waist. Seems like a million years ago. She's pregnant. She just told me yesterday. She's at this conference in Philadelphia. I just couldn't sit in that apartment by myself. I'm just so... I don't know. Everything just... feels a little too real. Maybe that's why I came here tonight. Hey, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be telling you all this.

Jack: No, no, it--it's ok. It's all right. I don't mind.

Freeman: I just feel ridiculous being here.

Jack: What? Ridiculous? It's ridiculous that you feel... ridiculous.

Both: [Laughing]

[Scene: The Strip Club. Pacey is try to call Audrey on his cell phone, but he isn't getting through. He eventually hangs up and turns to see Rich walking towards him]

[Busy signal]

Rich: All right. Am I gonna have to take that cell phone away now? Look, it's a bummer of a situation, but there are naked girls over there, Pacey, gyrating on stage for our hard-earned dollar bills. Many of them, perhaps, are single mothers or struggling co-eds. Don't you wanna help them earn a living?

Pacey: Sure. But I just really messed up with my girl—

Rich: I know. I was there. Look, can we talk for real for a minute... without all that macho, competitive co-worker banter stuff?

Pacey: Sure.

Rich: All right. Here the thing. I can see you love her. Everything about you practically screams, "I am an idiot in love," and I recognize that because I was an idiot in love once, too. And I hurt her, just like you did. No. Worse than you did. And afterwards, I spent a whole night just trying to call her, crying my eyes out like a baby. She wouldn't take my call, so you know at I did?

Pacey: What?

Rich: Showed up at her house, knocked on her door. I didn't have any flowers, didn't hold a boom box over my head. It was just me and her. And I looked at her, and she looked at me, and I didn't need to say anything because we both knew that I loved her and I was sorry. That's why I don't think you need to sweat this. If you love her and you're sorry, she'll know, man.

Pacey: Rich... you are... full of such unbelievable crap!

Rich: Come on, that was gold!

Pacey: You call yourself a salesman seriously?

Rich: Fine. But I am right about one thing. There's nothing more you can do now, and you both need time to cool off, and you're here, so you might as well have some fun, don't ya think?

Pacey: Yeah, sure.

Rich: All right! So let's go see some strippers!

Pacey: You look her in the eyes and you'll just know?

Rich: You just know. You look at her...

[Scene: The Party. Audrey is alone on the couch with the guy from earlier, and Audrey is really drunk at this point. Almost to the point of passing out. The guy is start to brush the hair from her eyes, and moving closer to her].

Jason: You're really cute, you know that?

Audrey: Ha. Yes. I'm also... very dumb, though. And don't forget rich.

Jason: I don't mind.

Audrey: You're sweet, I think. Wha—

[They kiss, and then Audrey stops]

Audrey: Sorry.

Jason: Hey, hey!

Audrey: Yup?

Jason: Why don't we go find a place where we can be alone?

Audrey: Ok. That sounds fine.

[At the stairs of the party. Jen is talking to the guys friend by the banister on the stairs.]

Jen: Yeah, um... I think they're ok, but I kinda prefer the white stripes.

[She sees Audrey being led by the guy from the couch.

[Jason laughing, Audrey whooping]

Jen: Audrey.

[She tries to get Audrey's attention as they walks past them up the stairs]

Jen: Audrey! Hey, Audrey. 'Scuse us. What are you doing?

Jason: We're going to the bedroom.

Jen: Don't you think she's a little drunk?

Jason: Don't you think you should mind your own business?

Audrey: Hi. I'll be fine.

Jen: Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. Hang on. Wait--whoa.

[The guy's friend that she was talking to steps in the way of Jen and prevents her from following Audrey up the stairs]

Jen: What are you doing?

Friend: Don't worry about them. Come on, we were talking about music.

Jen: I'm gonna go talk to my friend.

Friend: Your friend's fine. She's with my friend. He's a good guy.

Jen: Why don't you get out of my way?

Friend: Just chill out. We're having a good time here.

Jen: If you don't get out of my way in the next 5 seconds, I will separate you from your genitalia.

[C.J. comes walking up from behind Jen, hearing that she is upset about something]

C.J: Hey, what's the problem?

Jen: This guy won't let me through. His friend just took Audrey up to a bedroom, and she's about to pass out.

Friend: Ok. That's not what's happening. Your psycho chick friend here is just freakin' out.

Then it won't be a problem if we go check it out, will it?

[C.J. Grabs him and shoves him out of the way, as he and Jen make their way upstairs.]

[Scene: Upstairs bedroom. Jason opens the door and leads Audrey into the bedroom, and Audrey is having trouble just standing up. Jen comes running into the room and grabs Audrey by the arm.]

Jen: Come on. We're going.

Jason: Come on, leave her alone!

[Jason tries to stop Jen, but C.J walks into the room and pushes him out of the way, and makes room for Jen to lead Audrey out while making sure that Jason can't interfere.]

Jason: Hey, hey, hey, easy!

C.J: Girls, why don't you get out of here?

Jen: Oh, my god. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. It's ok. It's ok.

[Scene: The movie set. Todd comes walking up to Dawson with a rather upset look on his face.]

Todd: We need to talk.

Dawson: Ok.

Todd: I've just come from Natasha's trailer.

Dawson: Yeah.

Todd: Look, I don't know how else to say this. You screwed up, mate. She won't come out until you're gone. Which gives me no choice but to do something I really don't want to do, because you're the best assistant I've ever had and the only one on set I actually don't wanna fire. But for the sake of the film, it's exactly what I have to do.

Dawson: I understand.

Todd: Look, it's got me so upset, I'm smokin' again.

Dawson: You shouldn't.

Todd: Yeah, you're right.

[Takes a big puff of the cigarette]

Todd: We've got a bit of time before the next set-up. Why don't you say your good-byes, gather your things? And I want you to keep in touch. Maybe on my next film—

Dawson: Yeah, yeah.

Todd: I'm gonna miss you, mate.

[Todd walks away from him, and Dawson just looks around the set, taking in everything]

[Commercial Break]

[Scene: Joey and Audrey's dorm room. Jen and C.J. are leading Audrey back to her room. Audrey is clearly drunk and upset. They arrive at the room and open the door. Jen leads her in, and then turns back to C.J.]

Jen: You can go. I think I'm gonna stay here tonight.

C.J: You sure?

Jen: Yeah.

C.J: Ok.

[She closes the door, and Audrey has climbed into bed, and is there with tears in her eyes.]

Jen: Hey... can I get you something like a glass of water maybe?

Audrey: Will you just go?

Jen: Audrey...

Audrey: seriously, Jen... leave.

Jen: I'll call you in the morning.

[Jen leaves the dorm room and finds that C.J has just walks a little ways down the hall.]

Jen: You're still here.

C.J: Yeah, I was just... uh...gonna leave in a minute.

Jen: I'm sorry. I guess I was kind of mean to you tonight at first, huh?

C.J: No, not really.

Jen: You know... what happened to Audrey tonight... it's happened to me before... more than once, and... to watch it... to watch her go through it was... just weird. Now you know what a mess I am.

C.J: I don't think you're a mess.

Jen: Well, then you haven't been paying very close attention tonight.

C.J: No. You know... Jen, you didn't do anything wrong tonight. And whatever mistakes you have in your past, they're over, and they've obviously made you a more empathetic and more compassionate person, and I don't think that's such a bad thing.

Jen: Well, that's a very nice spin, even if it's not true.

C.J: It is true. You just have to learn to believe it.

[Scene: The Movie Set. Dawson comes walking up to Joey carrying a Check. Natasha is sitting in a chair as the make-up person is working on her face and her hair, and she is close enough that she can see and hear everything that goes on between Dawson and Joey.]

Dawson: Joey.

Jen: Hi.

Dawson: I was supposed to pay you for the food. I never did, so... [Paper crinkles] Here you go.

Jen: Thanks.

Dawson: So, listen, I...think I'm going back to California. 'Cause I don't really work here anymore.

Jen: I'm sorry, Dawson.

Dawson: Things happen.

[Eddie is in the car waiting for Joey]

Jen: I should probably... go.

Dawson: Can I ask you a question?

Jen: Sure.

Dawson: Do you think it would have worked out between us if I--if we hadn't-- if things had been different?

Jen: I don't know. I mean, that's the thing with us. They never are, are they?

Dawson: No. I guess not.

Jen: I think... in a way, that... it's good, you know? I mean, maybe it's the only way that we could finally stand on our own. You know, to... hurt each other so much that we have no choice but to let go. Maybe otherwise we never would.

Dawson: Yeah. Maybe.

Jen: I should go.

Dawson: Me, too.

[Natasha just watches as they part ways, and a sad look comes over her face]

[Scene: Outside Jack's Apartment. Freeman and Jack pull up to his apartment. Freeman is giving him a ride home from the party.]

Freeman: That one?

Jack: Yeah, yeah. Well, thanks for the ride.

Freeman: Sure. Thanks for taking pity and hanging out with me all night.

Jack: I wasn't taking pity on you.

Freeman: I know. It was just a joke.

Jack: Oh. Ha ha.

Freeman: I had fun, though, tonight.

Jack: Yeah, I did, too.

Freeman: And I needed it. I don't think I've felt so confused in my whole life. Here I am, I'm a married man, my wife is pregnant, and, uh... I'm showing up at a party just 'cause I'm hoping to run into, uh... a certain student. [Jack suddenly realizes that he meant him] I just shocked you, didn't I? You're shocked.

Jack: Yeah, you did.

Freeman: Well, you know, you can just, um... think about it... if you want, and... I'll, uh... I'll just keep teaching class, and I'll see you in the class.

Jack: Yeah, uh... I--I'll see you later.

Freeman: Right.

Jack: Ok. I'll see you.

Freeman: Ok.

Jack: Bye.

Freeman: Bye.

[Jack gets out of the car and Freeman pulls away.]

Jack: Oh, my god.

[Scene: Joey and Audrey's dorm room. Pacey comes up to the door and knocks on it. There is a slight delay before Audrey comes and opens the door and stands in the opening.]

[Knock on door]

Pacey: Hi there.

Audrey: Hey.

Pacey: So...can we talk? Ok, well... ah...[Sighs] Can I just give you a call in the morning? [She doesn't answer] Audrey, I don't know what it is that you want me to say. I mean, I'm really sorry, but—

Audrey: Maybe... maybe you can just come inside and hold me.

Pacey: Yeah, I can do that.

[They go into the room and cling into bed, Audrey curls up in Pacey's arms]

[Scene: The Movie set. Dawson is taking one final look around the set before leaving. He has a sad look on his face and we can all tell that this is killing him. Not to be able to live his dream. He turns to leave, when Natasha comes running up to him.]

Natasha: Ok. Dawson, wait. Don't go. I, uh... I got you your job back. See, I was, uh... a bit crazy before. I, um... I saw that girl, and I freaked. Maybe partly because I was drunk... and, see, I was drunk because... I knew I was going to see you tonight. And I was afraid of that... because... well, uh... you really hurt me, Dawson. I mean really. I liked you a lot, and then you broke up with me on my answering machine—

Dawson: I know. I'm so sorry.

Natasha: Yeah. But that's not why I got you your job back.

Dawson: Ok...then why?

Natasha: Because... I saw you out there talking to her. I saw your face when you were watching her leave, and I realized that... she hurt you way more than you ever hurt me. But you still hurt me. A lot.

Dawson: I know.

Natasha: I know you know.

[There is a moment of awkward silence]

Natasha: Come on. Todd says if you're not back on set in 5 minutes, you're fired again.

[Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Joey and Eddie are cleaning up the bar at the end of the day.]

Eddie: So, uh, that guy from the movie set... Dawson?

Joey: Yeah.

Eddie: So, he's, uh...

Joey: He's no one. He's just an old friend.

Eddie: Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to pry. I just...

Joey: Can I ask you a question?

Eddie: Sure.

Joey: Why do you like that book? It can't just be because it's about people who follow their impulses, because it still has no story, it meanders, and it's kind of misogynistic.

Eddie: Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It is all those things. But I don't know, I mean... the first time I read it, it--it blew my mind. I mean, it's like this--this celebration of madness about people who aren't afraid, who take chances, people who really live. And I guess that I've always... wanted to be one of those people, you know?

[Joey kisses him]

Eddie: What was that?

Joey: Just following an impulse.

Eddie: No, you weren't.

Joey: I'm sorry?

Eddie: It's that guy. From the movie set. You're angry at him, and he hurt you, and that's how you chose to deal with it.

Joey: Oh, thank you, Dr. Freud.

Eddie: Tell me I'm wrong.

Joey: You're wrong.

Eddie: No. No, I'm not. Look...I don't mind you kissing me if it's because you want to kiss me, not for revenge or to help you forget someone else. Whatever happened between you guys, you're gonna have to deal with it. Yourself. Just--just you.

[Moment of awkward silence]

Eddie: Look, uh... I'll give you a ride home, ok? I'm just gonna... get my coat.

[He leaves her alone to get his coast, and she just sits there thinking]