At Cohen's

Sandy: Hey, Ryan? Ryan? I shmeared it for you.

Ryan: Thanks.

Sandy: Is everything okay?

Ryan: Yeah. I'm just gonna go see if Seth's up.

Seth: I am up, and I'm out of here.

Ryan: What? Where you going?

Sandy: I didn't know you were planning a trip.

Seth: Neither did Summer, but RISD sent my dorm info, so I figured I'd check out my new home and give her some moral support for finals. Are you gonna eat that?

Kirsten: Are you sure that's such a good idea?

Ryan: Why, did Ryan do something to it?

Kirsten: No, not the bagel,the trip.

Sandy: I thought you were gonna give Summer some more space.

Seth: Well, a little space turned into a lot of missing me. That's my cab. E-mail me a Christmukkah list. I'm gonna be shopping at the Providence Place Mall. They have carpeting, which is weird. They have a Dave & Buster's, but parking sucks.

Ryan: Listen, dude, I really need to talk to you-- it's very important.

Seth: Okay, and I want to hear all about it when I land in Providence. Just call me. Call me.

Brown's college - Dean's office

Dean: So we've had a chance to review your situation, and the board has come to a unanimous decision. Effective immediately, you are suspended from this university until next fall.

Summer: Suspended?

Dean: Breaking into that lab was very serious. If it wasn't for your excellent record,the board might have involved the police. I'm sorry, um, I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do now.

Dean: It's done. You can go to the dorm and start packing.

Summer: But I have finals, and friends.

Dean: I'm afraid you're no longer a student here.

Summer: But my dad is living in Seattle with the step-monster. And Taylor Townsend is sleeping in my old bed. And Seth was moving out here so we could be together.

Dean: Ms. Roberts, you need to go home.

Summer: This is my home.

Generic

Brown's college - Summer's bedroom

Summer: It's just you and me now.

Che: Summer Bear. So, I heard the iron fist of justice came crashing down on you swiftly, without mercy.

Summer: Yep. Sounds like your plan worked out perfectly.

Che: Oh, come on, that's not fair. Back at the reservation, they taught us, sometimes the weaker gazelle must be devoured for the good of the herd.

Summer: Oh, Che, just shut up, okay? Before I tie you up with hemp rope, set you on fire, and get high off the fumes from your burning flesh.

Che: Dark.

Summer: Mm.

Che: I think the fact that you would use hemp proved that I have made a difference in your life.

Summer: Yeah, Che, you have. You got me thrown out of school. You know, I really liked this place. I liked who I was becoming at it. I mean, this was my life.

Che: And you sacrificed it for the good of the... the-the cause. You're a martyr. You're a hero.

Summer: I just wanted to be a student. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to find my roommate and tell her that she now has a single.

Poolhouse

Kirsten: Are you dirty, Ryan? Ryan? Hello?

Ryan: Hey.

Kirsten: I-I couldn't help but notice that you wanted to talk to Seth.

Ryan: Oh, did I?

Kirsten: Well, since he's out of town and he's gonna be moving out next semester, you're gonna need a new Seth. Don't tell Sandy, but... I thought I would audition for the job.

Ryan: Oh, uh, yeah, well, that's, uh, very thoughtful.

Kirsten: So... how does it work? Do I ask you what's on your mind?

Ryan: Uh, usually you talk about yourself, and I solve my problems on my own.

Kirsten: I couldn't help but notice that you've been spending time with Taylor.

Ryan: Rea... Have I?

Kirsten: If we're gonna talk about girls, I am a far more knowledgeable resource than my son.

Ryan: Okay. But you can't repeat this, all right?Because if the real Seth found out I was telling the substitute Seth a real secret...

Kirsten: It's in the vault.

Ryan: Okay. I kissed Taylor. Or she kissed me. Anyway, there was a kiss, and, uh...

Kirsten: And now you can't stop thinking about her.

Ryan: Pretty much.

Kirsten: That is so cute.

Ryan: Okay, Seth never does that.

Kirsten: Sorry. But it is, and so is she.

Ryan: Yeah, I know, it's just... me and Taylor?

Kirsten: After everything you've been through over the last few months, if something good happens, shouldn't you embrace it? Or at least be open to the possibility?

Ryan: You're right. You're right. Thanks.

Kirsten: Okay. So do I get the job?

Ryan: You're on the short list.

At Roberts'

Kaitlin: Spencer, what brings you to Casa de Cooper?

Spencer: Your racket.

Kaitlin: You restrung it for me. That's so sweet.

Spencer: Yeah, I went with the Pro-Flex Fiber Tour. It should, uh... it should cut down on the tension.

Kaitlin: Good, because I've been having a lot of stress lately. I could use a little bit of... relaxing.

Spencer: String tension, Kaitlin.

Kaitlin: Well, now that you and my mom are over, maybe you can help me with my stroke.

Spencer: Yeah, right. Look, you got a great backhand, but, uh, no offense, I kind of have a "no jail bait" policy.

Kaitlin: Lame.

Spencer: You know, maybe you should try, uh, try meeting guys from your school.

Kaitlin: You mean boys?

Spencer: Exactly. Yeah, because you're in high school. You know, that place with desks and chalkboards and kids. Those are people your own age.

Kaitlin: I don't know, maybe...

Spencer: ...maybe you should try hanging out with them.

Shopping center

Taylor: Hi, Ryan.

Ryan: I got to go, can't talk.

Taylor: I'm-I'm not hereto see you. I'm just covering for Seth while he's gone.

Ryan: That's nice.

Taylor: Sorry that I kissed you.

Ryan: What? No, its... it's cool.

Taylor: It's obviously not okay. You're totally uncomfortable around me now.

Ryan: No, no. Um... It's... the kiss is not a problem.

Taylor: Really? Good, because usually when I kiss a guy, it ends in tears. His, not mine, because, like,I'm a bit of a lip biter and, you know, sometimes I draw blood and...

Ryan: Taylor?

Taylor: Yeah?

Ryan: What are you doing tonight?

Taylor: Oh, I'm updating my blog. It's kind of Felicity by way of Anais Nin, the erotic memoirs of a soulful college girl.

Ryan: Taylor, tonight, are you busy?

Taylor: Oh. Blog, shmog.

Ryan: Is-is that a yes?

Taylor: Yes, it is a yes, squared. In all caps, with a exclamation mark and a smiley-faced emoticon.

Ryan: A simple yes will do.

Taylor: Yes. Great, all right, well, I'll see you tonight. Hey, do you just want to come up to the comic book store? There's a flat-screen TV, SurroundSound, a bevy of Blu-ray anime.

Ryan: All right. See you then.

Harbour

Kaitlin: Hey, Eric.

Eric: Kaitlin, hey. What are you doing here?

Kaitlin: It seems like people at this school like to watch hairless wonders in banana slings. I'm just trying to fit in.

Eric: Oh, cool.

Leah: Well, good to see you.

Olivia: Ask her.

Leah: No, you ask her.

Olivia: I'm not gonna ask her, I don't know who she is...

Kaitlin: Do you bitches have a problem?

Olivia: We saw you talking to Eric Ward.

Leah: Oh, my God, he is so hot.

Olivia: Do you know him?

Kaitlin: I know that his brother shaves his chest.

Leah: Seriously? That is so...

Kaitlin: Gayer than his dad, I know.

Olivia: You're Kaitlin Cooper, aren't you?

Kaitlin: Yes.

Olivia: I'm Olivia. This is Lea.

Leah: Hi.

Kaitlin: Cool. Do you guys think anyone would notice if I sparked a jay by the bleachers?

Leah: That is so totally illegal.

Riley: Is there a reason why you guys aren't home right now?

Leah: Riley, hey! We-we...

Olivia: Came to cheer on your boyfriend. Connor's doing awesome.

Riley: That's because he is awesome. Now, get going. Those party invites aren't gonna address themselves.

Olivia: Okay.

Kaitlin: Okay, why do you guys let her talk to you like that?

Leah: Well, she's having a pimps and ho's party for her sweet 16, and it's gonna be awesome.

Olivia: But if we don't help out, we don't go.

Kaitlin: So don't go.

Olivia: Yeah. That would be social suicide. Everyone who's anyone at this school is going to that party. No offense. Come on, Lea.

Kaitlin: 'Kay, well, if you guys change your minds, I'll be by the bleachers.

Olivia: Sure.

Leah: Gotcha.

Shopping center

Ryan: Hey, man, how's the East Coast treating you?

Seth: Too soon to tell. I had a layover in Salt Lake and then I got delayed in Poughkeepsie. It's hard to get a direct flight last minute.

Ryan: Yeah, well, at least you made it. Summer surprised to see you?

Seth: I'm headed over there right now. I got an all-night study package. I scored a brick of Dunkin' Donuts coffee and some reasonably priced meth from this homeless guy. Oh, I'm sure she'll appreciate the pick-me-up, very thoughtful. How are things with you ? I know you wanted to talk.

Ryan: Things are weird. And about to get a lot weirder.

Seth: That wasn't vague or ominous at all.

Ryan: I'll explain later.

Seth Well, good luck.

Ryan: Back at you.

New Match Office

Kirsten: I know you're unhappy, but you've been out with seven different men.

Pam: You mean seven versions of the same man. Republican real estate developer hates his ex-wife, loves golf.

Julie: This is Newport. You live in a monkey cage, you have to date chimps.

Pam: Well, maybe you could throw a gorilla into the mix.

Kirsten: I appreciate the analogy, but, Pam, how do we fix this?

Pam: Find me a man who will surprise me. Someone different.

Kirsten: Her prayers have been answered.

Gordon: I tell you, the women are well-preserved in this town. If my slacks weren't so damn tight...

Julie: Bullet, what are you doing here? I thought you were going to be a silent partner.

Gordon: Oh, I ain't here to work. I came to see my girlfriend.

Julie: What? No, I am not...

Gordon: Car's waiting outside. Dinner's planned. I'd invite Blondie, but she don't look much like an eater.

Kirsten: Oh, that's a shame. I'm going to let you two figure this out. See you in the morning.

Julie: Kirs... Okay, I'm not having dinner with you. You repulse me, and I'm busy.

Gordon: Well, that's cool; busy doing what?

Julie: A client is unhappy with our man base, so I have to go on a major recruiting mission.

Gordon: Or you can just put them in the Bullet's line of fire.

Julie: Okay, while the client is looking for something out of the norm, "lunatic" probably isn't her type.

Gordon: Have dinner with me.

Julie: No.

Gordon: A cocktail?

Julie: No!

Gordon: Then let's just make out.

Julie: I can hurt you.

Gordon: Wow. Call me.

At the comics bookstore

Taylor: Isn't this just great? I mean, did you ever think that decapitation could be so beautiful?

Ryan: How many times have you seen this?

Taylor: Oh, I watch it every night. It helps relax me. Is everything okay?

Ryan: I'm sorry.

Taylor: So that's a "no."

Ryan: I can't do this.

Taylor: Okay, um... I've done my fair share of misreading signs in my life, but you asked me to hang out. You sat next to me, you leaned in with a slight tilt of your head.

Ryan: I know, I know, and I'm sorry. Uh, you're a great girl. It's just, this is too weird.

Taylor: Well, that makes me feel so much better.

Ryan: Me! Not you, me ! I'm... weird.

At Cohen's house - Seth's bedroom

Summer: Surprise! Cohen? Cohen.

Seth: Hey, where are you?

Summer: Where are you?

Seth: I'm in your room.

Summer: I'm in your room.

Seth: Summer, I was going to surprise you.

Summer: Well, I'm surprised.

Seth: Yeah, me, too. Why aren't you in school?

Summer: Because I got kicked out.

Seth: Summer, what'd you do?

Summer: I listened to stupid Che and his stupid plan, and he sold me down the stupid river.

Seth: I knew anyone that sincere was not to be trusted.

Summer: I miss it already. I don't know what to do.

Seth: Yeah, well, I do.

Summer: What?

Seth: If he hurt you, then I'm going to hurt him.

Summer: That's funny, Cohen. See, I knew you could cheer me up.

Seth: I'm serious. You can at least act like it's halfway feasible that I could avenge your honor.

Summer: What, you're serious? No, no, no.

Seth: I'm going to go so Ryan Atwood on his ass.

Summer: Come on, Cohen, I don't like this.

Seth: Neither will Che.

Summer: No, wait, don't...

Poolhouse

Sandy: So Kirsten told me she came in yesterday and applied for the job of substitute Seth.

Ryan: She may have.

Sandy: Well, you know, uh, if anyone's qualified, I think we all know it's me, and I'm thinking the only reason you didn't ask me is because no interview was necessary.

Ryan: Yeah, well, it turns out I may not have to fill the position I handled the whole Taylor thing although it may be a little awkward for a while.

Sandy: Oh. What happened?

Ryan: Nothing happened. Which was the problem for her.

Sandy: Yeah, yeah.

Ryan: But now I don't know. I mean, at first I thought I was just caught up in the whole Volchok thing. And then I thought the problem might've been Taylor. You know, because she canbe a little, uh, weird.

Sandy: She's a touch eccentric.

Ryan: But now I think the problem is me. Maybe it's too soon.

Sandy: So keep it casual. You know, just tell her you... you need to be friends for now.

Ryan: Yeah, that's a line every girl loves to hear.

Sandy: No, if it's the truth, she'll understand.

Ryan: Well, I don't have any other choice. All right, I'll give it a shot.

Sandy: Great, okay, listen, if there's anything else I can do for you, I'll be in my room reading comics and listening to indie rock.

Ryan: All right. That was a good Seth.

At Brown's college

Summer: Were you a good Ryan?

Seth: I was actually going to borrow one from the Julie Cooper playbook, and wait till Che was asleep, then smother him with a pillow.

Summer: Oh, my hero.

Seth: But the guy was at some all-night candlelight vigil. Still, he's got to sleep sometime. This place reeks of incense and righteousness.

Summer: Oh, that's Che's musk. Look, be careful.

Seth: He's not in his room. Neither was your roommate last night.

Summer: Yeah, that's because she's a huge slut.

Seth: Wait a minute, what's this?

Summer: What, I don't know. I'm on the phone, I can't see. Hello, Seth.

Che: News of your vendetta has reached my ears.

Summer: Is that Che? What's happening?

Che: I'm a pacifist. Until cooler heads prevail... I will be underground. Peace.

Summer: Peace ? He's going to run? That coward!

Seth: I'm going to watch it again for background noise, visual cues, anything that might tip me off to his whereabouts.

Summer: No, Cohen, Che has had survival training, okay. He's probably hiding in a cave somewhere with Osama Bin Laden. Look, forget about him. I need you, and I'm here.

Seth: All right, but for the record, I did not back down.

Summer: And I love you for it. Come home.

Seth: Okay.

At Roberts'

Julie: Summer? What are you doing here?

Summer: Oh, I slept out here. Turns out I like nature. And Taylor's in my bed.

Julie: No, I mean, what are you doing here in Newport?

Summer: Oh. Long story.

Julie: Oh. Well, then if you need anything or just want to talk, I'm here for you.

Summer: Thanks, Julie.

Julie: And you should go reclaim your bedroom. Taylor has boundary issues.

Summer: Mm.

Julie: Is that a bunny?

Harbour

Riley: Okay, so if I don't call your name, that means you're not coming. All the hot senior guys already got their invites. Jeanie.

Jeanie: Kristen. Sarah.

Leah: She's got to invite us, right?

Olivia: She'd better. We stayed up all night licking envelopes.

Riley: Alexis. Michelle. Shana. And lastly, me, duh.

Olivia: Wait, what about us?

Riley: Sorry, but I didn't know you'd ruin the envelopes with your heinous saliva stains. The whole school could get gonorrhea of the throat.

Olivia: But you promised!

Riley: I'm afraid it'd be unsanitary.

Kaitlin: You guys can all come to my party. It's tonight, my house.

Riley: Well, I rented out Hide, and did you know that Chef Hu yells at people? He's making sushi, and Danity Kane is playing a 25-minute set.

Kailtin: Well, sushi's high in mercury, and Danity Kane sucks. I've got five kegs, a quarter ounce and absolutely no parents.

Leah: Sweet!

Kaitlin: Bring whoever you guys want. And don't worry about any lame costumes.

Olivia: Thanks.

Leah: Yeah, that was really nice inviting us to your party. It sounds like fun.

Kaitlin: Oh, it will be.

New Match office

Julie: You want to join New Match? I don't understand.

Kirsten: The application fee is rather steep, and most of our female clients are over 35.

Spencer: Look, you need new recruits, right? So sign us up. Here's a check to cover it. And I believe this is for you.

Julie: Uh-huh, and I think I know who it is.

Gordon: Bang! Am I good or am I good?

Julie: What do you think you're doing?

Gordon: Well, money may not buy love or happiness, but it'll buy a whole lot of bachelors. I think you owe me a weekend as a thanks.

Julie: No, I can't. I already have plans.

Gordon: Cancel them.

Julie: I'm going away for the weekend with Kirsten and Sandy. To the Montage, it's their anniversary.

Gordon: You're celebrating their anniversary?

Julie: They're having a recommitment ceremony and, uh... I am their witness.

Gordon: Well, that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. See you there.

Kirsten: The Bullet?

At the bookshop

Ryan: Taylor.

Taylor: Ryan. Boo! Didn't run away that time, so you must not be that scared of me.

Ryan: All right, look, I just wanted to come by and apologize about last night, and... And I didn't know you had company.

Taylor: Roger, Ryan. Ryan, Roger.

Ryan: Roger.

Taylor: Ryan. I've been helping Roger track down this obscure Kinji Fukasaku biography. And it turns out he watches Blood Bath IV every night before he goes to bed, too.

Ryan: Well, that's...

Taylor: Kismet? I know. Maybe it's too soon to talk about fate, but...

Ryan: Yeah, well, anyway, I just wanted, you know, to see if you need a ride home or anything.

Roger: Oh, I got my bike, thanks.

Ryan: Not you.

Taylor: Well, that is very friendly of you, Ryan, since I'm assuming that's what you want us to be, just friends?

Ryan: Well, if you're cool with that.

Taylor: Ryan Atwood, "mon ami" sounds terrif. But Roger and I were just gonna hang out and, uh, order some takeout, so if you don't mind.

Ryan: All right, well, uh, you know, I'll see you, then.

Taylor: Bye, friend.

Roger: Bye, Ryan. Nice to meet you, man.

Ryan: Bye, Roger.

Taylor: Let's come look at this. I wanted to show you this. I really think you guys should work at this one.

Roger: This's probably why you work here?

At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom

Summer: Yeah, I talked to my dad today. He was pretty disappointed in me.

Seth: Well, I'm leaving the Antelope Valley Airport now, so there's just the $100 cab ride home.

Summer: Just get here soon, okay?

Seth: Okay, I love you.

Summer: That was fast.

Che: I've come to atone for my sins.

At Roberts'

Kaitlin: What, or convince her to let me throw a huge party with underage drinking? Yeah, I have to get her out of the house. Are you going somewhere?

Julie: yeah, I'm go to the Montage with Sandy and Kirsten, just for the weekend.

Kaitlin: Going to a hotel with Sandy and Kirsten? They're not spicing their relationship up, are they?

Julie: Please, Sandy and Kirsten?

Kaitlin: Yeah, they don't exactly scream threesome.

Julie: Just how old are you? So I guess I can assume you'll be fine without me this weekend?

Kaitlin: Oh, I think I can survive.

Julie: Now, if you need anything, Summer and Taylor are in charge.

Kaitlin: Wait, Summer's here?

Summer: Fine, Che, you're really going to dehydrate, camp out on the front lawn, I'll get you some water. Hi.

Che: So you don't believe that I'm thirsty huh? Now you think I'm a liar.

Summer: And a chicken and a snake and a rat

Che: Well, those are all God's creatures. And they are all fallible. I made a mistake.

Summer: It wasn't a mistake. You deliberately used me.

Che: Summer, I cannot go on with my life with this issue unresolved. So let's go out on the lawn and have a truth circle. This will be your opportunity to tell me how you're really feeling. I have.

Summer: I hate you. Now leave. This can't be fixed by some candlelight vigil or petition, okay? And I'm not some tree that you can just chain yourself to.

Che: We'll see about that.

Summer: What? What did you do? This isn't that funny. Give me the key.

Che: I cannot unlock us until we are done healing.

Summer: Hmm. Okay, then be prepared to stay here for the rest of your life, 'cause that's never going to happen.

At the restaurant

Sandy: A weekend away at the Montage, honey you've outdone yourself.

Kirsten: I don't know about that.

Sandy: Oh, no, listen, I'm going to be paying you back later tonight. Guess who packed Scrabble?

Kirsten: There's just one small wrinkle in this otherwise romantic holiday that I forgot to share.

Sandy: Not to worry. I TiVoed the Australian Open. Tiger's going to take it any. Just one more thing. Tell me at least he's got a separate room.

Gordon: Sandy Cohen, you're looking lovely tonight. If my date didn't look so hot, I might scope you out.

Sandy: I'm jealous. Now, who is the lucky date?

Julie Hi! Sorry I'm late. I owe you both big time.

Kirsten: I'll make this up to you tonight.

Gordon: I am so damn honored to be here with you and Kirsten for your recommitment ceremony. I am crying already. Come on, let's eat.

At Roberts'

Taylor: Wait until you see the Takeshi Kitano in my cat(alog)

Roger: Battle Royale. Can't top it.

Taylor: It's packed in its original packaging, so no gro...ping Summer. Che.

Summer: Ta. Taylor.

Taylor: Roger, Summer. Che.

Che: Roger.

Taylor: Summer. Che.What are you doing?

Summer: Well, I live here again, so I moved some of your stuff to the guest room

Taylor: ahuh. Are you two handcuffed to each other?

Che: As a matter of fact, we are.

taylor: Summer Roberts, you've learned a few things from that college roommate of yours. When'd Seth arrive?

Summer: Ill, no, it's not like that. In fact, don't talk to him He's not here.

Che: Ignoring me is not gonna make me away.

Summer: How about killing you?

Taylor: Okay, to which guest room did you move my things?

Summer: I'll show u !

Taylor: what was that?

Summer: Get...

***

Brad: These things weigh a ton.

Kaitlin: That's why you're pushing, not me.

Summer: Kaitlin, what is going on?

Kaitlin: Just having a few friends over to my house.

Summer: It's my house.

Taylor: I think you cannot have a party. Your mother left me in charge.

Summer: Actually, she left me in charge.

Che: If you want, Kaitlin, is it? I'd be more than happy to entertain your guests with some festiv tribal music. The didgerid used in the car. You'll love the didge. We're friends again ? Okay, freak.

Kaitlin: Summer, why is this guy handcuffed to your wrist?

Summer: No, there's no one handcuffed to my wrist. He doesn't exist.

Kaitlin: Also kind of feaky. Okay. You guys hurry up. I got to tap these kegs because we're running out of time.

Summer: What?

Kaitlin: This way

Taylor: Kaitlin! Roger?!

Poolhouse

Seth: You won't believe your eyes. Ride with me, Ryan. So the good news is, my frequent-flier miles just reached platinum. The bad news is, they don't change the in-flight movie, and Failure to Launch does not hold up on the third viewing.

Ryan: What are you doing here?

Seth: Summer got kicked out of school and I'm about to head over there.

Ryan: Can I come with you?

Seth: I appreciate your interest in Summer's future, but I think this is a conversation that's just for the two of us.

Ryan: Is Taylor going to be there?

Seth: I assume so.

Ryan: I like her.

Seth: Say what now? Why would you even think that?

Ryan: Because I keep imagining her on roller skates and washing windows with a big bucket of soapy water.

Seth: Dude, your fantasies are so pedestrian. A sudsy girl? That's... so average.

Ryan: Doesn't mean it's not hot.

Seth: I guess they call them classics for a reason.

Ryan: Do you want to drive or sh-should I?

At Roberts'

Brad: Again!

Taylor: Okay, game night! Who wants to play Pictionary, huh? Come on, guys, get high on life! Hey! Hey! Cut it out! I tan on this chair.

Che: Hey, if you are going to consummate your union, be safe.

Summer: Out of my way, wasteoid.

Che: Hey, stay alive. Don't drink and drive.

Summer: Che, shut up!

Taylor: Where's Kaitlin?

Brad: Again!

Kaitlin: You guys, your seven minutes is up. And I'm next. It's Connor.

Olivia: Oh, Riley's gonna die. I mean, it's bad enough you didn't go to her party.

Connor: She doesn't have to know. Come on, Kaitlin.

Olivia: Oh... Oh, my gosh.

Connor: Whoo!You're so hot. Why don't I ever see you around school?

Kaitlin: 'Cause I don't really like school.

Connor: Huh.

Kaitlin: So are we going to make out or what? 'Cause the clock is kind of ticking.

Connor: Or we could talk more. I mean... Yeah, you seem really interesting.

Kaitlin: I'm not. Let's make out. Are you afraid to cheat on Riley?

Connor: No. I don't even like her.

Kaitlin: So what's the problem? Are you... gay?

Connor: What? No! I don't, I don't, I don't think so.

Kaitlin: Sweetheart, you're so gay.

At the restaurant

Gordon: I know the Jews are good with numbers and lending stuff.

Sandy: Now, there's a generalization that's not even remotely offensive.

Gordon: Well, hold on there, He-bro. It's just, if you all control the media, why does everyone know? Why not use the media to say someone else controls it? It would cause a lot less resentment that way.

Kirsten: You know, we should talk about something else. Dinner was delicious.

Gordon: Like you ate! Oh, I know what they say "Eat light on Saturday night." Less food in the stomach for the booze.

Julie: Bullet, Kirsten doesn't drink.

Kirsten: Time for bed. I have a headache.

Gordon: Uh-oh! I guess she doesn't do that either.

Sandy: Thank you, Gordon. Your point of view regarding the Middle East is something I will treasure forever.

Gordon: It was Iran-Iraq war. Whoever loses, we win.

Sandy: Honey, let's see if we can cancel our room.

Kirsten: Sounds like a plan. Good night, Julie.

Julie: Good night.

Sandy: Good night.

Gordon: What about their wedding vows?

Julie: That was a lie, Bullet. Told to avoid you, because you are an ignorant buffoon. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to try and salvage my friendship with Sandy and Kirsten.

Gordon: You want some more coffee?

At Roberts'

Ryan: Let's split up.

Seth: All right, good luck.

Ryan: You, too. Taylor? Taylor?

Taylor: Ryan?

Ryan: Roger, hey. Uh, keep doing what you're doing. I was looking for Taylor, but clearly she's...

Connor: Who's Taylor? Is this your boyfriend?

Ryan: Uh, Taylor isn't in there with you guys, is she?

Roger: No.

Ryan: Okay. What are you doing, man? Um, I mean, I think Taylor really likes you, and you're kindof leading her on.

Roger: I barely even know her. She told me if I pretended to like her, she'd give me her Kitano action figure. It's extremely rare.

Ryan: Wait, she paid you to pretend to like her? That sounds like Taylor. All right, well, uh... carry on.

***

Che: Well, well, well. Looks like you finally crawled out of your cave. Seth, perhaps with your presence, we could broker some peace.

Seth: What are you doing here, Sandals? Ruining Summer's life at Brown wasn't enough?

Summer: Cohen, you're here!

Seth: Yeah. Now I want to see what this guy's got to say for himself.

Summer: Please, Seth.

Che: Summer and I are on a journey together.

Seth: Huh?

Che: A journey towards the truth. You're on a journey...

Seth: ...to the pool.

Summer: What? What? No! Cohen!

***

Riley: No one came to my party.

Kaitlin: So you dress like a ho for no reason?

Riley: I changed before I came here.

Kaitlin: Oh.

Riley: Look, you win, okay? I'll... I'll serve your command. The school is yours.

Kaitlin: Except that I don't want it. Just be nicer to your friends.

Riley: Oh.

Kaitlin: Connor's totally gay. Hi, 911? Yeah, I'd like to report a totally lame partyer.

***

Che: I'm a worthless coward, and you're a glorious martyr.

Seth: Sorry, I didn't realize about the hand cuffs.

Summer: Well, you know, it's all Che's fault.

Che: It's my fault. Just know I hate myself more than you could ever hate me.

Summer: I'm capable of a lot of hate.

Seth: It's true.

Che: You're my best friend, Summer. All those other kids, they only joined the cause so it'd look good on their grad school applications. But you, but you really believed in the good we were doing.

Summer: We did a lot of good.

Che: I let you down, I know. I'm sorry.

Summer: I liberated those bunnies because I believed that they should be set free. I knew the consequences if I got caught. Look, I can't spend my whole life blaming you, so I accept your apology.

Seth: With an asterisk next to it. And there's a footnote at the bottom. And it says you don't deserve it.

Che: Yeah. You're so much more enlightened than I could ever hope to be. I think I need to blow my nose.

Summer: No, you... Could you unlock us first?

Che: Okay. I guess now we are free to take our own paths.

Seth: Yours leads toward the airport.

Che: Yeah, okay, yeah. I should be going. You ready, Dalton?

Dalton: Your bags are packed, Winchester.

Summer: Winchester? Winchester?

Che: Why do they think they call me Che?

Dalton: Your father's G-4 is waiting on the tarmac.

Summer: I thought you grew up on a reservation.

Che: It was a reservation-- a beautiful reservation-- Before it became a family compound that's all gated. My dad owns a pharmaceutical company and some factories in Mexico.

Summer: Well, I guess every kid finds a way to rebel against their parents.

Che: Good-bye, Caterpillar. And defender of Caterpillar's honor. Not much staying, brother.

Seth: So he was a liar, a coward and a hypocrite. At least he had depth.

Summer: I guess I am really back home again.

Seth: Which is great, except now I have to leave.

***

Ryan: Taylor?

Taylor: Ryan.

Ryan: What are you doing?

Taylor: Someone wrote I love poop on this poor boy's face. You know, that kind of thing can scar you for life.

Ryan: No, what are you doing paying your gay friend Roger to pretend he's in love with you?

Taylor: Well, what if I did, hmm? What if I did rent a homosexual for the evening? And pay him with rare collectibles from Asian cinema? What difference does it make to you?

Ryan: Well, it's a little strange.

Taylor: Well, so am I. Which is why you ran away from me last night.

Ryan: No, it wasn't 'cause you're strange.

Taylor: You don't find me strange?

Ryan: No, I do, but that's not why I took off. Look, I'm not really ready for a relationship right now or a girlfriend.

Taylor: Uh... girlfriend? Cart, horse? Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself there? Well, I mean, just because I want to use your body as a jungle gym, doesn't mean that we have to get married.

Ryan: I see.

Taylor: I mean, my divorce papers aren't even dry yet. Look, you're a sweet, smart, great guy, Ryan Atwood. And hot. Did I mention hot? So whatever happens, happens.

Ryan: Taylor, that's...

Taylor: Normal?

Ryan: Yeah.

Taylor: Yeah, I have my moments. You know, this is my first high school bash. Have you ever played Seven Minutes in Heaven?

At the restaurant

Julie: Thanks to you, Sandy and Kirsten are packed and on the road.

Gordon: I'm sorry, Julie. When God was handing out brains, I guess I was sitting on the toilet. I swear you make me all nervous inside.

Julie: So you only act like a bigot and a sexist pig around me?

Gordon: No, I just feel worse about it when you're around. You're such a classy and elegant dame.

Julie: Well, that is true.

Gordon: Look, I was trying so hard to make you laugh, and I know what a hard time you've been through, and I... it just came out all wrong.

Julie: I appreciate that, Gordon.

Gordon: I guess you're heading on home now, too, huh?

Julie: Are you kidding? I put the room on the company card. I've got a mud bath in the morning.

Gordon: So, since I ruined dinner, how about breakfast?

Julie: Breakfast? Okay.

Gordon: So, uh, should I call you or nudge you? Bang. That was funny. You have a pretty smile. My job is to get you to use it more.

Julie: Then you're going to need better material.

Gordon: Well, I am working on it. 'Night, Julie.

At Cohen's

Sandy: Can't we be left alone?

Kirsten: It's probably Julie. She felt terrible.

Sandy: Well, I bet she did. She spent the night with the Bullet.

Man: Hello, I was told you two are renewing your vows? I'm a justice of the peace, here to preside over the ceremony.

Kirsten: Oh, I'm sorry, that was an excuse.

Sandy: Yeah, we didn't call for anyone.

Man: I was hired by a Gordon Bullet.

At the restaurant

Julie: Hello.

Spencer: Julie. Hey, it's Spencer. I just wanted to, uh, call and say thanks. I had a great night.

Julie: I would assume so, it's pretty late.

Spencer: I'll, uh, give you your cut when you get back into town.

Julie: My cut? Spencer, you pay to join the service. Your date doesn't pay you. That... that's illegal. You're not a gigolo.

Spencer: Right. Open phone line. Got it, my bed. Anyway, you got yourself one satisfied customer. See ya.

Julie: Spencer, wait... Spencer?

Pam: I wish. But it's probably for the best. I am tin roof rusted.

Julie: Pam ! So you had a good night?

Pam: Worth every penny. And I'll be telling all my friends.

Julie: And what will you be telling them exactly?

At Roberts'

Taylor: Okay, seven minutes are up. You said you wanted to take it slow.

Ryan: Yeah, well, I don't think eight minutes would be rushing. Nine seems like a good pace. And ten is a nice, round number.

At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom

Seth: Just let try long-distance thing again. I've got a lotof frequent-flier miles, and we survived one semester apart.

Summer: Yeah, barely.

Seth: Why don't you move to Providence with me and get a job.

Summer: Oh, right. You'll be in school and I'll be slinging baba ganoush on Third Street, while all the kids are living the life that I should be having.

Seth: Well, you know, I've really been enjoying home lately. Ryan's back and I've been bonding with the Newpsies. Maybe, uh, I could put off RISD for a semester. We could both go back together in the fall.

Summer: You'd really put off college for me?

Seth: Rhode Island is a big place. Better we tackle it together.

Summer: Cohen, Rhode Island's the smallest state in the country.

Seth: I was kidding.

Summer: Right. There's just one more thing. This is Pancakes. Pancakes is very important to me.

Seth: Then you can hold it. I'm not really an animal person.

Summer: Cohen, Pancakes is my daughter, or my son, I'm not really sure.

Seth: Oh... Oh, he's your son.

Summer: He kind of looks like you, Cohen. Feel how soft he is.

Seth: Yeah. He's beautiful.

Summer: Take a look around, Pancakes. This is your new home.

Seth: What's the life span of one of these things?

Summer: Hey !

Seth: I'm just curious.I'm asking.

Summer: Infinity.

End of the episode.