my mother used to say that for a surgeon, a day without death is a rare gift.

time of death ... 11:53.

Every day we face death.

Every day we lose life.

time of death ... 136.

Time of death ... 15:52.

And every day we're hoping for a stay of execution.

What do you remember about it?

Uh, we were at home.

You were there?

Yes, was there.

It's okay to talk about it.

Dr. Wyatt, my mother took a scalpel and sliced her wrists in front of me.

and I sat on the kitchen floor in a pool of her blood, waiting until she passed out so I could call 9-1-1.

It's not okay to talk about it.

Why did you wait until she passed out?

She asked me not to bere she slit her wrists, so I knew I would get in trouble if I tried to save her life.

But you did save her life.

She didn't want it saved.

You must be very angry at her.

No.

Not at her.

Who are you angry at?

We're attached to death.

chained.

like prisoners.

captives.

Do you want to dance it out?

No.

Do you want to drink tequila?

No.

Do you want to call me names, mock me endlessly?

No.

I'm trying to cheer you up.

Yeah? Well, stop it.

It's annoying.

And it's not working.

I'm deep in the wilderness here.

do you want the sparkle pager?

That's not funny.

You're sad. Actually sad.

Do you know how I know it's the right thing to do to give you the sparkle pager?

Because you're so sad, you're not even asking me for it.

Shiny, shiny pager with lots of shiny, shiny surgeries.

If I were the kind of person who kissed people, I would kiss you.

I tried to change.

turn over a new leaf.

But the leaf isn't turning you weren't ready to change.

And that's okay.

Adele wanted me to change, to retire.

Well, I'm still the chief, and this weekend, I'm moving back home.

Does adele know that?

She'll be fine.

She was wrong. I was right.

And now we're ... doing it like bunnies.

I can't change. I can't change. I can't change.

Be who you are.

I am who I am.

A man.

A man.

A man who is who he is ... I have a right to be that man.

I'm not gonna say anything.

No judging.

I'm gonna miss living on the land.

It is a beautiful piece of land.

Wanna buy it?

You can't sell this land.

You have blueprints.

This is ur living room window.

The house that Derek built.

Yeah, well, that's over.

I'm thinking about getting a place in town.

But you love this land.

This land d ferry boats are who you are.

A man can change.

I'm selling the land.

And ferry boats.

crash.

Morning.

Hey.

all right.

Here we go.

Come N.

hey, can you take my cases this morning?

Check in on my post-ops?

You're not coming to work?

Nah, I'm gonna hang with rebecca, watch movies.

So if you could cover for me.

hey, take a bite.

Yeah, I'll cover for you.

Um, Alex. she's not looking very good.

She's fine.

come on. Take a bite.

Dr. Bailey, I got an answer for you from the chief about your schedule.

He said you're not spending enough hours in the O.R.

Between the clinic and your chief resident work.

You need to spend at least 15 to 20 more hours per week in surgery in order to sit for your boards.

Should I tell the chief that's possible?

Dr. Bailey?

Hush.

I'm trying to see something.

When I'm trying to see something, I can't do it if you're asking me questions.

What are you trying to see?

Dr. Bailey, listen, I am really worried about ava.

I mean rebecca. I mean Alex. Well, Alex and rebecca.

who used to be called ava, so that's why I keep ... anyway, listen, she's crazy, d I don't mean funny crazy. Okay?

Alex is home with her right now, and he's all "take a bite, take a bite."

It's weird and sad and.

I want to help, but I don't know what to do.

So I'm gonna need you to tell me what to do.

What do I do?

She's trying to see something.

When she's trying to see something, she doesn't need you in her face asking questions.

You don't see me asking her questions.

What are you trying to see?

The bigger pture.

it's just you and me and Erica.

and we're grabbing you, ripping off your clothes.

And then you're naked. You're so hot.

and naked.

and then Erica starts kissing you.

hold on a minute.

Erica's kissing you like you need to be kissed.

and then I pin your hands.

Hold on a minute.

above your head.

And then I watch as she uses one finger ... hold on a minute!

Okay, I'm sorry, 'cause that was good for me ... that was really, really good for me. Good boy.

But I have a big trauma coming in downstairs, so, um, we're gonna have to do this the fast way, okay?

every page needs to go in every set of documents.

Miss one, and you're on scut for a month.

These are the most promising set of clinical trial patients yet, and I don't want any mistakes.

hardass.

Where were you last night?

I had to stay with Cristina. She needed me.

That's so nice.

But rebecca's at the house.

I needed you.

Apparently she's crazy.

Now, George, we've had this discussion, and we decided that it's not appropriate to call Izzie crazy.

She's spirited.

Spirited.

Yeah. Not me!

I'm not crazy. Rebecca's crazy.

And ... and Alex is pretending she's not.

It's ... hello.

H ... I-I was just helping Meredith collate.

I'm on my way to check on your patients right now.

I swear.

That's fine.

Take your time.

You seem.

cheerful.

I'm gettin' my groove back.

I'm gettin' ggy with it.

I'm gettin' down with the.

get down.

Meredith gave me the sparkle pager.

what?

She needed it for her mojo.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe I needed it?

Oh, you'd waste the sparkle pager.

I need it to get out from under Hahn.

I won't have to beg her for O.R. Time if I have the pager.

You know, if she's not gonna teach me, I'm gonna teach myself.

She's just gonna use it for evil.

I.

I would use it to do good.

And besides, the pager is sacred.

Sacred sparkle.

you can't just give it away.

You can't do that. Right? She can't do that.

I think it's nontransferable.

You don't make the rules.

but I am the chief's intern.

Uh, you're the chief's bitch.

And you have no power.

because the power ... oh!

is in the pager.

Oh, look, that's the chief with something important and powerful.

No need for pagers covered with glue and glitter when you work for the chief.

About rebecca ... me and my world-class neurosurgeon are gonna use a brilliant, cutting-edge technique to save a life.

So I don't have time for crazy. Work it out.

A trauma.

what do we got?

It's not,"what do we got? "

It what do I got, and I don't know yet.

Well, check the sparklpager rules 'cause whatever it is, it's mine now.

Hey, what do we have?

I don't know yet.

I don't know.

no.

sparkle pager.

You can't sparkle pager it.

It's not her pager.

Uh, Yang, it's yours.

Stevens, you need to cover the pit.

And didn't you volunteer to oversee Karev's post-ops?

Yes, -t I- come on.

I don't have time for pettiness. Go

Hey, callie.

Hi.

Hello, Erica.

What's the matter with you?

Nothing.

Just ... n-nothing.

You look all hot and bothered.

NO.

It's just ... there's a trauma, and it's really big.

That's all. It's big. It's a big trauma.

You're acting weird.

she uses one finger ... really big trauma.

I swear, Torres, it's like you never seen a really big trauma before.

Oh, my.

really big trauma.

So how do you want to handle this?

help me.

Really big trauma.

Please.

help me.

Grey's Anatomy

Season Finale you dared.

him to lay in a vat of cement at a construction site.

We never thought he'd do it.

I-it's andy.

He never does anything.

He doesn't have the guts, right?

You just snuck into a construction site and dared your friend ... he's not our friend.

I mean, the four of us, we're friends.

But, uh, he's not really r friend.

Okay, you dared him to lie down in concrete.

Nobody made m do it.

You're making it sound like we did sometng wrong.

how long?

what?

How long did your not friend lay in that vat of cement unable to move before you four geniuses, you band of brothers, you future mother teresas ... how long did he lay there in that quick drying cement yelling that he couldn't move before you called the police?

Yeah.

That's what I thought.

what do you want to do first?

I don't know.

Okay. Well, what do you want us to do first?

I don't know.

All right, look, we blasted him out of the job site, but we figured, don't blast him too close.

But this is a lot of concrete, so if you're planning on treating him, we need to get started.

So what do you want to do?

I don't know!

I'm sorry.

Uh, okay, I-I know I'm not doinmy best to instill a sense of confidence in my abilities.

Um, you know, it's just that you are trapped in what I'm guessing is several tons of, ment and I've never seen a boy ... wait, how old are you?

19.

Then you're a man then.

I've never seen a man trapped in several tons of cement before.

But now that I have, I'm gonna figure this out.

Okay, I'm ... I'm gonna work with other surgeons, d we're going to figure out a plan and we're gointo save you.

okay, I never, ever promise life, but I'm promising this to you.

Do you understand?

I do.

Okay.

I-I don't know much yet, but the one thing I do know is that the cement you're encased in is slowly leeching the water from your body, and you're gonna need all the water you can get, so no crying.

You're a strong young man.

I know you can do this.

Good.

Good.

Okay, you're gonna live.

I'll make sure that you live.

here you go.

hello.

Hello.

Dr. Grey, is this him?

Him?

Oh, she has a pet name for you.

The Seattle grace brain butcher.

Beth.

I'm sorry.

Oh, no, no, that's fine. That's me.

Hi.

Dr. Shepherd.

How do you do?

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you as well.

Pleasure.

Um, that hand's just for show.

So come on, tell me. How does this work?

You're going to inject a live virus into her tumor?

Mm-hmm.

And that's safe?

Well, the virus is still in testing stages.

I've made some adjustments that I hope will destroy the tumor.

Hey, tumor destroyers.

I like that.

Has this ever worked before?

No.

so I'm your lab rat.

beth. -I'm just saying, if this works, my name will go down in the annals of some medical book.

That's kinda cool.

Not if I beat you to it.

oh, beth.

This is our other clinical trial patient.

Jeremy.

You didn't call.

They know each other?

I thought you backed out.

Oh, as if I'd break our pact?

Come here.

they know each other.

what is he doing here?

Well, his surgery is this afternoon.

I knew she didn't find this clinical trial on her own.

They met when they were both being treated at mayo last year.

They went through chemo together, radiation, joined a support group.

you don't want them to be together?

Look, we like jeremy.

He's a good enough kid.

And I feel for him that he's going through this alone, but we worry about beth.

She thinks that she's in love with him.

We just don't want her getting so attached to someone that might.

die.

If something happens, if he doesn't survive.

beth won't want to live.

She has to want to fight to stay alive.

There's a binder on occupational medicine articles in my office.

There should be a toxicology section.

See if you can find anything on cement. - Yes, sir.

And let Shepherd or Grey know I need to see th. It's important.

Will do.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

My god.

Why ... wh ... what is everybody doing standing around here?

This is what your guys told us to do.

And exactly where are my guys?

no more time.

This is what we have to do.

I am telling you, I am right.

Why is the patient in there and all of you are in here?

Dr. Torres is worried about the limbs.

Dr. Bailey is worried about abdominal crush injuries.

Dr. Sloan feels the third-degree burns should take the first look, and Dr. Uh, Hahneels the heart and lung issues are gonna kill him before, um, we get to any of this.

So in other words ... no one can agree on where to start.

No, I know where to start.

The cement's contracting, and if I don't get in there, he could lose both of his legs and his right arm.

Well, he can live without a leg.

I'd like to see him live without a liver.

So we're saying we'd prefer him to suffer a longslow painful death as the alkaline in the cement continues to burn through his skin?

You can't just start chipping away.

Once his circulation opens up, the built-up toxins will stop his heart, not to mention rhabdomyol ... -we could treat that with dialysis.

Yang, let us work.

Chief, I found an article, but it doesn't say a lot.

I can put in a swan-ganz.

People encased in cement are also usually at the bottom of a river. That's going a little overboard.

You are so wrong.

I'm so wrong?

you are. Wrong.

You two working together on this?

Okay, everybody stand down!

We are fighting the clock, people.

It took one hour for the kids to call 9-1-1.

It took three hours for search andeescu to get this guy cut out of the cement.

That gives us less than four to six hours to get him out of e cement and into the O.R.

Before he is dead.

Now we are figing one hell of a clock.

Every minute counts.

We work as a team or that man dies.

Do you understand?

Yes, sir. Of course.

Where do you want me, chief?

Go find Grey and be her intern for the day.

I already have too many bodies in the room.

What's the patient's name?

Andrew langston.

Okay, let's go save his life.

Hey.

You intimidate me a little.

I mean, you're not an intimidating person, but the legend. of Meredith and Derek.

it's.

intimidating.

There's no legend.

He's selling his land because of you.

There's a legend.

Derek's selling his land?

He doesn't say it's because of you, but he was making plans to build a house when the two of you were together, and now ... I'm ... I'm not trying to.

I just really like him.

And you.

intimidate me.

There's no legend.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Izzie had a question about some post-ops.

what'd I miss?

What?

The movie, what'd I miss?

hey. Hey.

I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry.

I think.

I wet my pants.

Oh, that's, uh, that's okay.

that's ... that's okay.

I'll do better.

I promise.

Don't worry about it.

You're doing fine.

come on.

I forgot to tell you.

Guess who called me.

Carrie from our support group?

Have you talked to her lately?

No, she.

oh, god.

Her husband said that they tried radiation one last time, but he said it was bad.

The last day, she didn't even recognize him.

And the pain.

hey.

At least we don't have to worry about that.

You know?

This surgery will work.

Okay?

And ... and if it doesn't, at least we'll die quick.

Dr. Grey, I thought we talked about changing beth's room.

The room is fine, and it's right down the hall from jeremy.

I'd like to move her as soon as possible.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Monroe, I checked, and there aren't any beds available.

Not in a private room.

mom, why don't you go find dad?

Uh, I-I can wait for him here.

mom, why don't you go find dad so I can kiss jeremy without you watching?

I think it's time jeremy went back to ... mom, I don't understand wh ... nurse!

I need a nurse

He's seizing!

Let's run a second set of labs before surgery.

How's beth?

Was sh ... was she scared? Or.

oh, she's fine.

Uh, the chief wants to talk to you or Shepherd.

He says it's important. I'll go.

And he put me on you today.

So what can I do? How can I help?

Oh, you can, uh, run labs for me.

Labs, that's it?

Yeah. Thanks.

Hi.

What's that?

I'm pouring vinegar on your flesh to minimize the burns inside your skin caused by the cement.

I'm burning from the inside out?

I'm dying.

I'm dying, aren't I?

Hey, hey, andrew. That word's not allowed anymore.

I'm banning that word from your vocabulary.

Can you move your fingers?

That's very good.

I'm not usually this dumb.

I make the dean's list.

I tutor.

I'm ... I'm not.

I'm not uslly the guy who's dumb enough to jump into a tub of cement for a girl.

Wait, not the girl you came in with?

You did this for her?

Lola.

The guys dared me.

She was watching.

And I.

she was wching.

And now not only is she totally unimpressed, but now after I'm gone, she'll remember me forever as the idiot who was dumb enough to jump into a tub of cement.

Hey, come on.

We all mess up.

I'm the guy who ed in a block of cement trying to impress a girl.

I'm like han solo.

In "star wars"?

He was encased in carbonite?

you wanted to see me?

I, uh, I got a call from the I. R. B ... .

The national board that oversees and reviews clinical trials.

You've had 11 deaths.

They're giving you one last patient.

You get it today under the wire, and hope for the best.

At midnight, if you lose him, they're gonna shut you down, period.

One last patient.

You're angry at him ... the chief.

But why? Why am I angry at him?

Because you have opened up your past.

It's like you're reliving it all right now.

You're angry with him.

You're angry with your mother.

You're angry with yourself.

The chief went back to his wife.

My mother didn't want to live.

I get that.

He did what he had to do.

She did what she had to do.

Meredith, I don't think your mother wanted to kill herself.

No, she did.

How can you be sure?

How can you be sure she didn't?

You weren't there.

The answer is right in front of you.

Think about it.

the I. R. B. Is saying I failed?

You haven't failed yet.

I failed Meredith.

I'll sign the discharge order for beth.

No, you can't send beth home.

This surgery is her last shot.

You have until midnight.

Jeremy's surgery's today.

So you move jeremy's surgery up.

We do beth's this afternoon.

You can fit them both in before the midnight deadline.

Damn it. If I could just get the virus dosage right.

Right. We're so close. You haven't failed.

Yeah, but are we going too far here?

These are people's lives.

is my ego too big here?

Your ego is just the right size.

We can do this.

Two patients.

Bends the rules without breaking 'em.

You'll clear it with the chief?

Yeah.

Jeremy's going into surgery soon?

In a couple of hours.

How is he?

Oh, he's stable.

Yeah? -Yeah, he's actually better than stable.

He called me the angel of death.

he's good then.

Can I see him?

Honey, no.

Oh, I'll just be gone a few minutes.

Can you get me a wheelchair, please?

If you're going to have surgery today, you need to rest.

You don't need to be ... oh ... we just want to spend some time with you.

That's all.

Please.

We're the last two.

What?

From our support group.

Jeremy and I are the last two still alive.

Hey.

Have you seen Cristina?

Because I've done everything I know to do, everything I'm supposed to do, but if she sees me doing nothing, I am not in the mood to get yelled at today.

She's in with the cement boy.

There's a cement boy? Don't bother.

They don't need interns in ... they don't want interns in there.

Interns are in the way!

I'm not complaining.

Two minutes. Two minutes of complaining between me and you.

No one has to know.

I have all this power!

Supposedly.

I supposedly am imbued with the power of being the chief's intern.

But there's a cement boy, and I'm stuck in here, running labs and researching the effects of cement on the human body in the vain hopes that somebody asks me a question.

I'm not in with the cement boy because even though I have all this power, I can't use it because it's not real power.

It's fake power?

Fake power.

I can go into the chief's office whenever I want.

You know what he has in there?

Files.

Confidential files on every resident in this hospital.

And I'm just allowed in, and he's not worried because he knows and I know that I don't have any real power.

I don't have the power to look at those files.

Would it make you feel better if you could look at the files?

You know what would make me feel better?

It would make me feel better if I could feel like there was a reason for this, that there was a point.

Oh, god.

My poor, poor parents.

How would they face anyone at the funeral?

Oh, okay, andrew, you're gonna make a lot mistakes in your life, but mistakes are ... they're ... they're just pieces.

Like this is a foolish piece, but, you know, it's just a piece.

You need to be proud of the whole picture.

The whole picture defines you, not just this one piece.

I'm a loser. I'm a loser. I'm a loser. I'm a loser.

Come on. Uh, andrew.

I'm a loser.

Andrew. Hey, hey, l-listen to me.

Han solo is not a loser.

Han solo got encased in carbonite, and ... and that was a big mess, but that's not what he's remembered for.

He's remembered as the guy who made the kessel run in less than 12 parsecs and who braved the subzero temperatures of the ice planet hoth in order to save someone he cared about from the big, ugly wampa.

He is remembered as the guy who swooped down at the last minute, blasted darth vader out of the sky so that luke could use the force and ... and destroy the damn "death star," okay?

Princess leia saved him from the carbonite.

and they fell in love and they saved the universe and had twin jedi babies that went on to save the universe again.

Right? Now that's the whole picture.

The carbonite, it was just a piece, okay?

yeah.

What? So I like science fiction. Somebody got a problem with that?

no. no. It's great.

no, not at all. Cool.

Do what you doing.

so I got jeremy's labs back, and he's good to go for surgery.

Chief sign off on that?

Y-yeah.

where are you going?

Get a wheelchair.

what are you doing?

My ... my mom went to go call my grandma, and my dad went to the cafeteria.

There wasn't a wheelchair in my room.

I just want to see jeremy. Please.

I don't want the seizure to be the last time I see him.

Please. I-I just need to see him. Please let me see him.

Okay, let's go.

To getto be alone with jeremy?

I mean "alone" alone?

Alone?

We've never done it, either of us.

We've been waiting until we both were tumor free, but the surgery ... anything could happen.

We can do it, right?

It ... it ... it won't kill us or anything?

No, no.

No, it won't kill you.

I mean, you've done it, right?

With each other?

He ... I've ... he's done ... he's done it, and I've done it, yeah.

What's it like? Is it magical?

Yes.

It can be.

With the right person.

I'm gonngo get you some clothes.

You got shampoo in there?

I don't understand.

I don't understand.

I was pregnant.

I was pregnant.

I know I was.

I was pregnant. I don't know.

It's okay.

I don't.

it's okay.

I ... you just got confused. That's all.

You just got confused, okay?

okay ... .

* I was a little girl alone in my little world for me *

* I played pretend between the trees *

* and fed my houseguests bark and leaves *

* and laughed in my pretty bed of green *

* I had a dream *

* that I could fly from the highest swing I had a dream *

I have never in my life gotten a patient laid much less two patients.

It's really sweet.

We're pimps.

yentas.

they're so in love.

Oh, yeah.

It's all new and fresh and exciting.

I've never been a fan of new.

I like to know the person, their bodies, what makes them moan.

Oh, boy.

Did something happen? Beth isn't in her om.

Oh, well, that's because I had my intern take her down for a pre-op M.R.I.

Thank god.

I was afraid she was lying somewhere in pain.

No, she's noin any pain.

We should go to the conference room because there's lots of clinical trial paperwork that you haven't filled out yet.

Thank you.

You bet.

Yep, I'll be here, doing my thing.

all right, it's at 20 centimeters. Inflate the balloon, Yang.

I am.

All right. So then inflate it more.

Yes, Dr. Hahn.

Every time they loosen another piece of concrete, this leg swells even more.

His pressure is 18.

All right, does he have a pulse with that?

I always did enjoy a good game of twister.

It's finished. I'm in.

Yang, do not sew that in.

Hold it. I will check your work when I'm done.

Chief, I've gotta do a fasciotomy.

What? A what?

we've got to relieve the pressure in your leg or you could lose the entire limb.

Don't worry.

You probably won't feel a thing.

Oh, god.

Hey, Dr. Stevens.

What's going down?

What's going down?

Cristina sparkle paging me out of cement boy.

Alex not answering the phone ... Alex and his insane girlfriend.

Alex! Alex!

I'checking in. Call me back.

God. The things we do fothe people we love.

Exactly. It's ... . .

how'd it go?

Derek. - What?

How'd it go?

it was ... .

it was amazing.

Thank you.

We have to take jeremy down to the O.R. now okay.

Okay. okay.

So I-I.

I'll see you after?

Definitely.

I don't think, um.

I'm not sure you'll be conscious, uh, before we take beth, so.

so ... so I'll see you after your surgery.

All right. See you after at.

Wait, jer. Wait.

Yeah. Yeah.

What if you die?

I won't.

What if I die?

You won't.

Okay, but.

you changed my life, jeremy west.

You made it better, you made it brighter, full of joy, and if I die ... don't you dareie.

Okay?

We're not finished yet.

I'm not finished loving you.

Okay, go ahead.

Go ahead. Get your head chopped open.

I'm right behind you.

do not kill him.

you nervous?

I have my ego to keep me warm.

Can't you feel it?

What?

The majesty of lifesaving.

When did you become an optimist?

Selling your land.

trying to move forward.

So am I.

who's there?

George O'Malley.

I was paged to the supply closet.

Are you alone?

lexie?

Um, remember how I said I wasn't a thief?

I think maybe I am.

alexandra caroline Grey.

I couldn't help it.

I had to know. And then once I knew, I knew.

No, we have to get these back to the chief's office right now.

It doesn't matter now. I know. I read them all.

I tried to stop reading, but I couldn't, and I have a photographic memory, which is how I got through harvard med ... my photographic memory.

And I read all the files, and the information is now burned into my brain, and I read your file ... no, no, I don't wanna know.

George, you failed the intern exam by one point.

One point.

the O.R. Is booked and standing by.

Dr. Bailey, what is it?

something.

we're missing.

we're forgetting something.

Gangrene, compartment syndrome, compression, fluid balance, electrolytes.

What is it?

What is it?

Gangrene, compartment syndrome, compression, fluids, electrolytes.

Gangrene, compartment syndrome, compression, fluids, electrolytes.

Gangrene, compartment syndrome, compression, fluids, elec ... bladder. His bladder.

We've been hydrating him and hydrating him for over four hour now.

Oh, if we don't get a catheter in him quick.

his bladder's gonna explode.

Can I have mayo?

See?

You have an appetite.

That's a good sign.

hey, Iz. I'll be right back.

What's going on?

How's rebecca?

She's fine. What do you need?

Did she eat? Did you call her husband?

Iz ... Don't get mad at me because I care.

Not caring. Butting in.

I'm butting in because I care.

You know how you care?

By covering me at work, not by calling me every hour and asking ... hang on.

Rebecca?

Alex?

Rebecca?

Alex?

time of death ... 11:47.

rebecca!

You don't have to say any ... . thing. Don't say it.

Alex?

Are you still there?

Alex?

I'm so sorry.

Don't.

don't say anything.

Okay? Don't ... say ... anything.

Don't say anything.

Don't say anything.

Don't you say anything to me.

Don't say anything. Don't say anything ... ... .

what happened?

I need betadine, saline and a suture kit.

What happened?

She cut herself.

It was an accident.

I've got this.

How much blood has she lost?

Alex.

she's fine.

I've got this.

given the situation, I would understand if you didn't want to proceed with the surgery.

But we did learn from jeremy, and the formulation of the viral cocktail will be adjusted.

We have not yet had a positive outcome.

Liz?

I want to take her home.

I understand.

No. I want the surgery.

Honey.

honey, that's the grief talking.

I want the surgery today.

Well, there are no other clinical trials out there.

No one else has any answers.

Dr. Shepherd has worke very hard on this ... Meredith.

We're not letting you have the surgery because you want to die with jeremy.

If I go home, I die.

I die in a few weeks, a few days.

I don't want to lose you.

Mom.

you won't.

because I'm not finished.

Daddy.

he loved me.

Yeah, you know, jeremy really loved me.

And he'd be so mad if ... if I just gave up.

Please.

do the surgery today.

lola.

Andrew's asking for you.

So could you come with me, please?

hey, um, is, uh, is he okay?

No, he's not okay.

He's stuck in a block of cement.

actual hardening-by-the-second, concrete cement.

How could he possibly be okay?

You care about him.

He's my friend.

I, um, I know I told you he wasn't, but he'sy friend.

I think he's more than that.

And I think you're too proud to admit it to your friends and maybe even to yourself.

mommy, I have a boo-boo. Kiss it better.

hey, he is in pain, he is scared, and he needs someone he knows to hold his hand.

Lola. Hold my hand.

sew what they think.

This matters.

They don't.

I can't help him.

You're gonna hate yourself for this.

Later.

you're gonna hate yourself for this, and you'll be right.

I don't think this looks right.

Cristina is dyslexic, but she got straight a's all during med school and she has a phd.

It's pretty amazing.

Eight letters of recommendation in her file.

Does this look right?

Is this how it was when you found 'em?

Izzie went to college at night.

It took her six years to graduate, and she volunteered as a candy striper.

Patients wrote her letters of rec.

We gotta get outta here before someone catches us.

and Alex ... he wrote this essay to get in, this moving, beautiful essay about how his grades weren't that good during med school because he was suffering from testicular cancer.

What?

He said he lost a ball.

but I've seen him naked.

He has two mangerines, George, two pouch potatoes.

He lied. He's a liar.

Stop telling me information I don't wanna know.

One point. Just one point.

How can they keep you back for one point?

Just forget about it.

Photographic memory.

I can't.

We'll get it right with beth.

She just lost the love of her life.

How could you encourage her to do the surgery?

How could you encourage her not to?

You know, it's not me with the big ego, it's you.

You backed me into a corner there.

What was I supposed to do, say no?

Derek ... I can't.

She's a kid.

She's a kid who's gonna die without the surgery.

She'll die with the surgery.

That's what you and I do together, we kill things over and over and over again.

We've killed 12 people, and now because of you, I will kill a 13th.

When beth's surgery's over, we're done.

I don't want to work with you, I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you.

We're done.

okay, andy, we're ready to begin.

Oh, wait.

is she.

lola?

Uh, she ... I couldn't find her.

Uh, she went to eat or something.

we need to start the catheter.

Okay.

Now you're gonna feel some pressure.

She didn't go to eat.

She just didn't want to come, right?

Lola likes to hang out with me.

Or she did ... used to ... before I did this.

Once, she almost.

there, uh, coulda been a kiss, but I.

chickened out.

Yeah, well, maybe you don't need to be kissing her.

No, I do.

I do. I do need to be kissing her.

My whole life is about kissing her.

okay, catheter's in.

The guys are on their last piece of cement.

thank god.

The hard part's over. Right?

The hard part's over?

Yang, get a crash cart ready.

All right, I've got calcium.

d50 and insulin. Ready.

The hard part is over?

Okay, um, there is a chance that when the nice gentlemen take off the final piece of cement there on your abdomen, all the toxins that have been building up underneath the concrete will rush to your heart, and you'll crash.

And you ... your heart will stop and you'll stop breathing.

Um, but no, there's no need to make that face because we will restart your heart, and we will put in a tube that will breathe for you and r ... and rush you right to e O.R. , Okay?

We are good at what we do.

Just, if you see the warm, welcoming light, do not go into it.

let's go.

okay, we're gonna do this on three.

Okay, one.

all right, watch the leads.

Two.

Three.

There he goes.

clear his airway.

all right.

One, two.

three.

Easy, easy, easy.

watch his head. push the lidocaine, vec and versed.

Bailey.

got the intubation.

Go.

What do you mean?

I don't know what you mean when you say she didn't want to die.

When you were sitting on the floor with your mother, what did she say to you?

She told me to be extraordinary.

She said that she had failed, but that I should be extraordinary, that I shouldn't depend on anyone.

"Be an extraordinary woman, Meredith," is what she said.

And so you became a surgeon, just like her.

Yes.

Which means you have all the tools to figure this out for yourself.

But I just ... you need to work this through, Meredith.

I promise you, when you do, you're gonna be glad.

my head is exploding.

Make it unexplode.

Are.

are you mad at me?

no

Then why are you talking to me in that voice?

There's no voice.

There's a voice.

and I did you a favor.

But you didn't do me a favor.

You just made it clear that I'm still me ... the almost guy.

All that separates me from the rest of my class is one point, one point?

I mean, it would've been okay if it was 50 points or even ten points, but one?

That means it was right there, it was in my hand, and I let it slip away.

It ... I didn't want to know that.

Do you get that?

That knowing that if I had just, what, checked "a" instead of "b," that.

that that one point separates me from freedom.

I have been running my tail off, busting my ass to make up for one lousy point, proving.

you didn't do me a favor.

Don't kid yourself.

Well, at least.

now you know you have what it takes.

Yeah.

This arm's almost bandaged, then we're gonna move to the other one, okay?

Okay.

I've prescribed her alpralam and clonazepam.

Psych will be down within an hour, but I thought it'd be good to have something to keep her calm until they get here.

She doesn't need any drugs or any psych.

She needs a psych consult to be admitted.

Look, I'm not admitting her.

You're not taking her home.

I was watching her every minute until you called.

You shouldn't have to watch her every minute.

You're not on today, so she was admitted under my name, which means I get to decide the treatment plan.

She needs to be put on a hold so ... damn it! Would you leave us alone, you stupid bitch?

You're supposed to be sitting down.

That's what the breaks are for.

We've been on our feet over nine hours. Rest your legs.

My legs are good.

It's inappropriate, don't you think, thinng about sex during surgery?

I'm just saying what I've been witnessing all day.

This poor kid's entire body was encased in cement.

His legs are crushed, his vessels and nerves nearly cut off completely, and still.

I was turned on.

this entire time, I've been turned on because of you and your dirty talk.

It wasn't my dirty talk.

It's what I was dirty talking about.

What?

Erica.

You and Erica.

no.

That's.

no.

Callie.

what?

It's okay.

I wish I was all someone thought about.

You had 14 letters of recommendation.

Cristina had eight, Meredith had four, Izzie had 10, but you had 14.

And the words that they used to describe you ... nobody had recommendations like yours.

People said the others were smart, they said that they were hard workers, they said that they were good.

But your letters?

They said you were great.

They spoke of your kindness, your attention to detail.

They talked about how hard you try and that you never give up.

They painted a picture of the kind of doctor that I hope to become.

It was an honor to read those letters because now I know that what separates you from the others isn't one stupid point.

What separates you from the others is greatness.

So don't you dare let one point hold you back.

Okay, I'm covered in blood.

Talk fast.

Alex brought rebecca in.

She tried to hurt herself.

And now he's talking about taking rebecca home.

And?

She needs to be admitted.

She needs a psych consult.

And?

Can you just do your job?

I am doing my job.

I'm sorry.

I'm helping a 19-year-old man that I promised would get to live get to live.

That's my job as a surgeon.

I took my son to day care when I came in.

That's my job as a mother.

And I'm standingere asking you, what are you going to do about your patient?

That's my job as chief resident.

Now w about you do your job?

I can't.

I don't know what to do.

Stevens.

She's your patient.

He's.

her loved one.

Come on, you know what to do.

It's just hard to do it.

Okay, I'll try.

No, you don't have to try.

You're a doctor trained by me, with all the skills that god gave you.

You have everything you need.

Each one teach one.

Where are we?

Sloan, Hahn and Torres are done. We're up.

We just unclamped the portal vein.

Blood flow is good to the liver.

Uh, right, chief?

Absolutely right.

Good job.

good, then we're ready to ... I think I liked it better when you were saying boring science stuff.

I'm never good enough.

no matter what I say or what I do.

I never wanted to do this.

This clinical trial is making me a failure.

I fail her over.

and over.

and over.

You mean "them."

When you say,"fail her,"

you mean "fail them".

the patients.

he's gonna need an embolectomy.

Call Hahn back here.

A clot in the right pulmonary artery. It's pretty massive.

I could get to it with a thoracotomy.

Uh, Hahn will assess him when she gets here.

I can get to it.

The lung automatically retracts, leaving the area for embolectomy clear.

He's already severely compromised.

We'd waste time setting up bypass, time his brain won't be perfusing.

It'll take me seconds.

I've done it before. with burke.

I promised this kid he would live.

Dr. Bailey, take over C. P. R.

Yang. I'm right here if you need me.

10-blade.

you don't have to do this.

Come on. What are you, scared?

Yes.

Me, too.

So let's just. leap.

Okay?

Okay.

what is it? What happened?

He threw a P. E.

So what, you decided Yang would be the best person to open him up?

She's a bit of a cardiac savant if you haven't noticed.

Oh, really? Is that why she went through the fourth istercoal space insteaof the fifth?

Couldn't get in through the fifth because there's gauze pushing up the diaphragm from the abdominal surgery.

This could be easier if you did it under fluoro.

Already had the T. E. E. Here.

I'm doing just fine with it.

But you could reach it better if ... all right, forget it. I'll do it myself.

Gown, please.

I've got this.

No, if you had done it ... just shut up and let me work.

Let her work, Dr. Hahn.

Shepherd scheduled two craniotomies for the clinical trial today?

Yes, we lost the first one, but the second one.

I told Meredith one patient.

Dr. Grey said she cleared it with you.

Did she?

I.

sir, I might be mistaken.

I don't think you are.

she's holding steady.

The I. C. P. 's 13.

We'll see.

Derek.

she's still alive.

We've gotten this far.

She's still alive.

For how long?

You can go.

I'll stay with her.

No, it's just.

I'll do it. You can go.

Yang flew solo, and you should be celebrating because that means you're doing your job ... teaching her how to save a life.

Residents are like.

puppies, eager d enthusiastic, and you need to learn how to teach without crushing their spirit.

Now you want to work here with my residents, then you need to do better.

You need to be a better teacher.

don't make me regret backing you up.

No, sir. Absolutely not, sir.

Thank you, sir.

Puppies.

Rebecca.

this is Dr. Shapiro from psych.

He's gonna be examining you.

Iz ... he's gonna ask you a few questions while Dr. Karev and I talk. Alex?

What did I tell you?

She's my patient.

I decide her treatment plan.

I am not releasing her without a consult.

If you try to take her out of this hospital without my okay, I will call the police and have you arrested.

You can't have me arrested.

Try me.

Look, Iz, you're worried. I

see that, and I understand.

But you're ... you're being a little unreasonable.

I've got this.

No, you don't have it. I have it.

I'm taking her home.

No. No!

What, are you gonna bodily restrain me?

I will if I have to. Are you gonna hit a woman?

I will if I have to.

Alex, she's sick.

She needs help you cannot possibly give her.

I can take care of her.

No, you can't. You have no idea what you're doing.

You could do more damage by taking her home.

Look, I can take care of her. I've done this before.

Alex ... she's just going through a bad patch.

People go through a bad patch. All right?

I. I-I-I can feed her and I can ... I can change her and I can bathe her and I can watch her.

Until the bad patch is over, I can take care of her.

Look, I took care of my mom, and I can take care of her.

You've done this before.

I've done this before.

I have done this before, Izzie.

But I was a kid then, and I'm a man now, so I'll be better at it.

I have done this before.

Stop.

You don't have to say anymore.

You're here early.

I never went home.

I knew you'd want to monitor your patient.

And I figured you were tired after surgery, so.

How is he?

His vitals are stable.

He received 16 liters over the first 24 hours.

I changed it down to 125 cc's per hour.

His urine output's good at 37 cc's per hour.

He had some anxiety at 3:00 A. M. , And then again at 5:00 A. M. , Which

I treated with diphenhydramine.

Yeah, good. Good job.

it's not a good job.

O'Malley?

It's not a good job for me.

Sitting by his bedside recording urine output and giving antianxiety meds all night.

it's not a good job for me.

Running labs for Meredith

Grey, that's not a good job for me.

It's not a good job for me because I'm better than that, and you know I'm better than that.

Maybe if I wasn't good at my job or maybe if I had struggled and was lagging behind.

my personality ... I'm not Karev, I'm not Yang, I'm not Meredith ... I'm not hardened, I get that. I get it.

I don't have the personality of a surgeon.

Maybe that's why you made the mistake of not thinking that I deserve a second chance when everyone else around here has gotten one, but, sir, it is a mistake because I'm excellent.

I'm excellent at my job.

And I did fail my test, but

I deserve a second chance.

Okay.

Ok ?

Okay, you can retake the test.

okay.

She hasn't woken up yet.

Sometimes it takes longer with brain surgery for the body to recover.

But she could not wake up?

Could she die?

That's a possibility, but I'd rather not worry about that until we have to.

When?

When what?

When will we. have to start worrying about that?

You're still here. What, did you sleep in the waiting room?

Look, I like him. All right, I do.

But he doesn't need to know that. Nobody needs to know that.

He needs you, and you're too worried about what your friends think?

What do you know about it?

Do you know what it'd be like for me, for him, if they knew?

You think it's easy?

I think it's better to be honest.

He's alive.

Barely, but.

he's alive.

I, uh, called your husband.

He says he took the baby and left you two months ago.

He says.

you have something called underlying borderline personality disorder, which means you were fragile to start with, so this.

this has probably been coming on for a while.

Probably since your ... your accident.

When they change your face.

I helped change yourace.

you couldn't.

you need help, rebecca, and

I can't give it to you.

So you're gonna stay here tonight, and tomorrow.

tomorrow, they're gonna transfer you to a psychiatric facility.

I think that's better.

I'm sorry.

I. I really tried.

I wanted to be better for you.

I know how hard it is for you to trust people, and I wanted to be someone you could depend on.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's okay. You tried.

So you convinced Shepherd to do the second surgery without my approval.

So?

So?

That's how you speak to the chief,"so"?

My mother tried to kill herself after you left.

Did you know that?

Did you know that?

I didn't know that. I'm sorry. I didn't know.

I ... she was a brilliant surgeon.

How could you do that to her?

She was a talented, gifted, extraordinary surgeon.

Meredith?

Tell me.

She was a surgeon.

She was an excellent surgeon.

If she was really trying to kill herself, she wouldn't have slit her wrists.

She knew better. She would've taken the scalpel and cut her carotid artery.

It would've taken seconds to die.

She didn't really want to die.

She was an excellent, gifted, extraordinary surgeon.

She didn't want to die.

What did she want?

She wanted Richard to come back to her.

And why didn't he come back?

Well, because. he never knew about it, and she was too stubborn to ask.

What does that mean?

Well. that part I don't know. Could you just tell me that part for once?

I can.

It means that you are a gifted, talented, extraordinary surgeon, exactly like your mother, but the difference is, you get to learn from her mistakes.

Be extraordinary.

She wasn't talking about surgery.

No, she wasn't.

She wasn't talking about surgery at all.

Well, do I or do I not keep my promises?

You do.

And remember what I said about the bigger picture?

yeah.

he's been waiting his whole life for that, huh?

Yes, he has.

I know you have two balls.

And you better hope I

never tell the chief.

Alex?

Hey.

Are you okay?

are those beth's films?

Yes.

These are from two days ago, and these are from today.

Would you hand me the calipers, please?

This one is smaller than that one.

The tumor's shrinking.

The virus is working.

Oh, my god.

you have to go tell Derek.

No.

You have to tell Derek.

It's the kind of news he'd want to hear from you.

Rose.

congratulations on your major medical breakthrough.

It's the stuff of legends.

Oh, you gotta take this sparkle pager back.

I am drunk on the power.

Where is it?

I think it might actually be mystical.

Have you seen Derek?

Nope.

um, you paged, Dr. Yang?

Grab that banana from my cubby.

You ... you want me to. peel it for you?

No, I want you to learn the running whip stitch.

I'm gonna teach it to you. Take the needle.

Chart, please.

Thank you.

hi.

Hey.

You're alive.

Yeah. I'm alive.

Not just for show anymore.

No.

that's not sanitary.

Uh, a little closer together. Try again.

Dr. Yang, thank you for ... uh-huh.

How'd it go?

Awful.

yeah.

Okay, um.

th ... uh, these are for you.

Why are you giving me your keys to the clinic?

I'm not giving you my keys to the clinic. I'm giving you the clinic.

What?

I've seen the bigger picture.

I love the clinic. I love what it means, I love what it is.

But I don't love it as much as I love surgery.

I don't love it as mh as I

love being chief resident.

I don't love it as much as I

love. my husband and my child.

I have seen the bigger picture, and I can't do everything and still have everything.

So I have to, uh.

let some pieces go.

This piece.

This is your piece.

I've watched you earn this piece the hard way, the awful way.

Knowing.

that I can give the clinic to someone like you.

you have grown.

into a fine doctor, Izzie Stevens.

Thank you.

The denny duquette memorial clinic is in your hands.

You make me proud.

Derek!

He's not there.

I'm not a bad man.

I know I'm the villain in your story, but I'm not a bad man.

So you want to finish what we started yesterday?

Or you can finish what you started.

I'm growing.

Go. Get outta here.

Hey.

I wanted to see if you wanted to grab a drink.

I find my keys.

Maybe we could, um.

I had something I wanted to talk to you about.

I had the damn keys this morning.

I put them in this bag, but I can't remember ... this whole thing with Yang has got me so messed up.

Erica.

What?

I'm saying something.

I just ... I wanted to say.

I just wanted to say.

Meredith!

Richard?

I want to come home.

Richard ... look, I am a good man.

I'm a good man.

Look, I spend my days being a good man for the hospital, for my residents, for my patients.

I'm a good man who made one mistake with a woman 20 years ago.

I am a good man for everybody but you. I know that.

Don't you think I know that?

But I am a good man.

and I am your husband.

and I love you.

Now I am not asking you to come home.

I'm telling you.

I am your husband, and I

want to come home to my wife.

well.

it's about time.

Meredith.

I'm retaking my intern test.

Oh, my god.

I talked to the chief and made my case, and I'm taking the test.

Lexie, I know I was mad before, but thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you.

Get out the liquor, 'cause we are celebrating.

I'm sorry.

Whatever.

Not whatever.

I'm sorry.

about rebecca and your mom.

I'm sorry.

Alex.

please.

Just this once.

Just for this one night, please.

please.

please.

Please.

hey, we goin' home.

Oh, home to daddy.

Yeah. Yeah.

Meredith?

brain ma. corny. idiotic.

I cannot believe I did this.

stupid loser.

son of A.

I could be at home instead of.

Stupid.

Meredith.

Where have you been?

I've been waiting and waiting for you, and I did this stupid, embarrassing, humiliating, corny thing, and I was just gonna tell you that this over here is our kitchen and this is our living room, and over there, that's the room where our kids could play.

I had this whole thing about

"I was gonna build us a house,"

but I don't build houses because I'm a surgeon.

And now I'm here feeling like a lame-ass loser.

I got all whole and healed, and you don't show up.

And now it's all ruined because you took so long to come home.

And I couldn't even find that bottle of champagne.

This is the kitchen?

Living room?

Little small.

I think the view is much better from here.

And that's the room where the kids are gonna play?

Where's our bedroom?

I'm still mad at you, and i don't know if I trust you.

I want to trust you, but

I don't know if I do.

So I'm just gonna try.

I'm gonna try and trust you because I believe that we can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart and I wanna be.

I have to go.

What?

In order to kiss you the way I want to kiss you, in order to do more than kiss you, I need to speak to rose.

I want my conscience clear so that I can do more than kiss you.

Stay here.

Don't move.

Wait for me.

Grey's

Anatomy Season 4 Episode 17