there's this person.

in my head.

She is brilliant, capable.

She can do chest tubes and craniotomies.

She can run a code without freaking out.

she's a really good surgeon.

maybe even a great surgeon.

She's me.

only so much better.

this is good news.

Reflects well on Seattle grace.

Is Yang gonna have a problem with it?

I'd say so.

every time Derek walks into a room, all I can think about is his tongue.

in my mouth.

So you think about kissing Derek?

It's making surgery very difficult.

So I need some therapy tools so that I can move on.

You sure you want to move on?

Well, we have our fifth clinical trial patient today, and the first four, we've learned a lot, but we haven't saved one, and I really w so I can't be distracted by things like tongues.

So I need some tools, now.

You're having fantasies about Derek.

The only way to get rid of them is to remind yourself of the reality.

The kissing's not gonna happen now because he's with rose.

Powerful stuff ... reality.

he's with rose. He's with rose.

He's with rose. He's with rose.

sorry I'm late.

Just getting started.

Hi, I'm Dr. Grey.

Jonathan evett.

I've been treating darren over at the V. A.

I'm so glad that you were able to get him into the clinical trial.

So you're gonna inject a virus into my son's brn.

Not in the brain, dad. In the tumor.

The theory is that the virus will attack the tumor and shrink it.

Still, there's an enormous amount of risk involved.

That's okay.

He survived two tours in afghanistan.

He's used to risk.

Sir.

Mr. Covington.

Todd.

Your dad called me.

What'd you do, call my whole platoon, dad?

Well, if you're gonna beat this, you need your friends byour side.

Dr. Sloan.

Dr. Bailey.

Dr. Bailey's baby.

It appears nurse tanya is no longer available for your liposuction at 10:00.

Shall I cancel the procedure?

Get me another nurse.

Get me kate. Yeah.

Dr. Torres, Dr. Sloan would like to use nurse kate this morning.

Currently, she's scheduled for your arthroplasty, but if you're willing to move it back an hour, perhaps she could do both.

Dr. Torres, I know you're in there.

Yeah, fine.

Just an hour later, an hour earlier. Whatever.

Hey, tuck.

Don't judge me, Bailey.

Has Cristina seen it?

Let's take it down.

You can't take it down.

Take it down.

Take it down. She never has to know.

she's gonna hear about it.

Who's gonna hear about what?

Izzie.

move your hand.

oh, come on.

Move it.

Good for him.

no one wins the harper avery.

That is so weird.

We know someone who won the harper avery.

Hey, talk to Meredith, see if she'd be okay if rebecca moved in for a couple of weeks.

What?

Yeah, well, we're gonna get our own place, but it's gonna take me a while to save up for a security deposit.

Uh, she's married.

She's leaving her husband.

She's telling him right now.

Okay. What about her kid?

Uh, I don't know.

It's a mess right now, but we're figuring it all out.

Alex, wait.

She's pregnant.

She's knocked up.

Look, just talk to Meredith.

who would like to present?

Uh, kyra marshall, history of end-stage cardiomyopathy and C. O. P. D.

, Now awaiting a heart transplant, but her antibody levels were so elevated, she was in danger of rejecting any donor heart.

So how did we counteract that?

We've been giving her high levels of chemotherapy to suppress her immune system.

And what precautions have we taken to make sure that she is not exposed to infection?

Yang, am I boring you?

Because if you'd rather spend the day in the morgue, I have about 50 cadaver hearts that need to be harvested for my research.

So kyra marshall's protocols ... I would love to go to the morgue.

Thank you.

Let Yang be an example to all of you.

There is no shame in grunt work.

Now let's meet our mom in a plastic bubble.

get me outta here, lucas!

I need to get outta here!

Get them to let me outta here.

Honey, calm down.

You said I'd have a heart in three weeks, and it's been eight.

It has been eight weeks without touching anoer human being ... kyra, listen to me .

No.

kyra, you need to listen to me.

I want to leave.

I want to hug my kids, and I want to kiss my husband.

And I w ... god, I'm going crazy in here.

Kyra, come here.

Kyra, take my hand.

No.

Kyra, take my hand.

you are gonna leave here soon.

That is what I came to tell you.

We have a heart for you.

we have heart.

you paged me, chief?

Yeah, human resources called.

As of this morning, the nurses are boycotting your surgeries.

I haven't done anything to the nurses.

Well, nothing that can get us sued.

Well, whatever you did, they felt strongly enough about it that they sent their union rep.

adele?

Wait, your wife's the union on?

Nurse mediator, Dr. Sloan.

And you know wayne sheehan from human resources.

But how ... how did you get in ... adele used to be a nurse.

Apparently, she's gotten back into the field.

I'm not just a housewife anymore.

There have been some complaints about Dr. Sloan.

Complaints that this hospital has, up until now, ignored.

Hey, everything I did was consensual.

In fact, some of 'em even begged for it.

Sloan.

no formal harassment complaints have been filed.

However, the board has decided to aggressively protect itself from possible future litigation, so as of today, if a hospital employee is having a sexual relationship with another employee, they have got to register it.

It's called "date and tell.

" This some kind of joke?

Do you want to wait until you have a

$20 million lawsuit on your hands?

Fill out the form.

Chief ... shut up and fill out the damn form.

And you, too, Richard.

Grey's Anatomy

Season 4 Episode 14

Dr. Yang, are you okay?

I mean, I-I just wanted to check because you passed up a really awesome transplant case with Dr. Hahn, and I.

is this about the thing with.

with Dr. Burke?

I-I know that y-you two were together and.

I made it through the wilderness somehow iade it through didn't know how lost I was until I found you

I was beat incomplete ... should I be doing something?

I'd been had ... can I help you in ... I was sad and blue but you made me feel yeah, you made me feel shiny and new like a virgin ... hey touched for the very first time like a vir ... I'll just go upstairs and go charting. I ... like a virgin ... look, if you needed more money, all you had to do was ... I don't need more money.

I have 50% of yours.

What I need is to be taken seriously.

I'm working.

I'm loving it.

I've changed.

Uh, I've changed, too.

How?

I'm spending more time at home.

I'm ... I'm delegating.

I've heard that before.

No, no.

I've ... I've gotten myself, uh, an intern.

The chief's intern.

Change.

feels good, doesn't it?

O'Malley.

yes, sir.

I've been watching you, O'Malley, and frankly, I'm worried.

A guy like you can't get too comfortable.

A guy like you needs a challenge, needs change.

Well, now that you mention it, I have been feeling a little unchallenged.

What would you think about being my intern?

The chief's intern.

The chief's intern?

George O'Malley.

tern to the chief.

George O'Malley, intern to the chief.

is that even a real thing?

We need to get aggressive with the virus.

If we inject the tumor in two sites, we can actually saturate it and have a real impact.

Okay, now needle number one will go into the tumor here.

Needle number two goes right here.

Now for the virus to take full effect, we need to inject it at exactly the same time.

The same time.

You're needle number two.

Don't be nervous.

We're gonna practice.

Now.

we'll use the fluorescein to help us ilate the tumor from the surrounding tissue.

Okay.

Now remember.

we have to be completely in sync.

Okay?

Let me know when you're ready.

he's with rose, he's with rose, he's with rose, he's with rose.

Do you like princesses?

um, yeah, sure.

When you take out mommy's broken heart, what happens?

Well, we're gonna put her on a heart-lung machine.

Uh, it's like with snow white, when, uh, she eats the poison apple and she dies for a while, but she's not really dead. It's like that.

My mom's gonna be dead?

snow white dies?

when they're little, you skip over the scary parts.

I'm really sorry.

It's okay. You don't have kids.

How would you know

Dr. Bailey, if I can't get a hold of my patient, is it okay to give her test results to her friend?

No!

What if her friend is a really good friend of mine, and he's changing his whole life for her because he thinks she's pregnant, and she's not.

Stevens, you want to win yourself a harper avery, you need to master the basics of privacy.

The chief needs to know who you've slept with by the end of the day.

Be thorough.

The chief needs to know who you've slept with by the end of the day.

Be thorough.

The ief needs to know.

who you've slept with by the end of the day.

be thorough.

This is no one's business.

uh, it's the chief's business, so it's my business.

I'm thchief's intern.

Let me see that.

the chief said you're the only person in the whole hospital who is exempt.

congratulations.

w-what ... what do they mean by "sexual relations"?

There are levels ... of ... intimacy.

Well.

they don't need to know the.

they just want to know the.

h-highest level.

Okay, then.

Um, I won't need one of these.

s ... okay.

Sure. I just don't wanna turn this back.

freak.

I am not A.

I am the chief's intern.

Okay.

That's not a real job.

Okay, I just need your form by the end of the day.

it's because I don't have a penis, isn't it?

I publish more.

I do double the research.

I deserve this more tn burke.

It's a big men's club, and it's not fair.

I didn't even realize you were being considered.

I wasn't gonna mention it until I won.

Then I was gonna be all nonchalant, like awards don't matter to me.

Now burke's gone and ruined my whole act.

You want to meet me at joe's tonight?

We can trash-talk him.

I can't. I have this other thing.

Uh, hey, can you, uh, can you talk to the nurses?

I need someone to, uh, tell 'em to call off the boycott, tell 'em I'm a good guy.

we don't think you are a good guy

Dr. Torres thinks I'm a good guy.

don't you, callie?

on call room. Now.

So what's the recovery period for brain surgery?

It varies, but usually at least four to six weeks.

Well, looks like you'll be stuck with me for four to six weeks.

You deploy in five days, man.

That was before I knew you had a brain tumor.

No, no.

Don't screw this up for yourself.

You're a soldier. It's who you are.

Besides, I'm probably not even gonna make it through surgery.

Okay? So ... cool.

Then I'll be good to go in about five days.

dude, why did you come, man?

How could I not?

god, you're so paranoid.

Mr. Covington.

Get out.

Don't make me throw you out.

What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong, sir.

Nothing at all.

Thank you ******

no.

I haven't said anything.

I'm not talking to the nurses for you.

You're dating my best friend.

No.

Come on, rose. You're one of them.

Tellem I'm a good guy, a guy who happens to be mind-blowingly good at sex.

Yeah, see, but that, all the talk about all the sex?

It's not what I think of as good-guy behavior.

I hate women like you.

You string guys along, acting like sex is some prize, when really, you're just afraid that once you give it up, he'll lose interest.

You know, my dad's not a bad guy.

He's just.

a soldier.

We're all soldiers.

Todd's down in the lobby.

he's such an idiot.

He should just go, put me out of his mind and just ... well, that's not so easy to do.

Well, it'd be better for everyone, especially with Dr. Evett hanging around.

Todd can't risk getting outted. He ... it's crazy that you even have to worry about stuff like thaT.

"Don't ask, don't tell.

" Hey, I knew the deal when I signed on.

You keep your personal life separate from your work life.

I just never thought. I'd ... meet my personal life at work.

I can still go get todd.

No, I-I can't.

My dad ... I can't.

I know what you're thinking.

Brave soldier who can't even step up to his own father.

I was thinking, this is hard.

The gay part or the tumor part?

The whole part.

I need your form.

Lexie, I nd you to fill out a form.

what's this?

The sex police.

Meredith, I'm gonna need your form.

Don't ask, don't tell, George. Forms are stupid.

Yeah, I'm still gonna need it, though.

Pen?

I ... I, um.

think I'll need one of those after all.

What? Why?

I'll just, um.

thank you.

Oh, god. I'm so sorry.

do you want me to get Cristina?

Derek is with rose, and I'm okay that Derek is with rose.

Get Cristina.

Get her form.

Uh, you ... you don't want to go near Cristina right now.

Why, is she crying?

No.

Is she staring straight ahead being super-scary quiet?

She's singing.

I still need your form.

Here, perv boy. enjoy.

This isn't complete.

It's fine.

What?

Oh, right.

Sorry. I forgot.

he forgot he had sex with me?

I just collect the forms.

he forgot he had sex with me?

You're so fine and you're mine ... stop singing.

Make me strong yeah, you make me bold

'cause your love thawed out you're gonna win your own harper avery award.

Yeah, your love burke wouldn't have a career.

thawed out if it hadn't been for you.

What was scared and cold you saved him when he had his tremor.

The harper avery board may not know it, but he does.

Like a virgin ... hey touched for the very first time

I'm in therapy.

'cause he's with rose.

I'm ... I'm way more screwed up than you are.

Thank you.

That makes me feel a little better.

You're welcome.

Chief, it ... adele.

Uh, is it true you have every member of the hospital filing out this form?

That's right.

We are taking this very seriously.

But I'm exempt from this? Me? Just me?

I don't even want to see you holding the form.

Okay, then.

What?

100. 4.

Sorry, Karev.

Oh, come on. I ... I'm fine.

Immune system protocols.

I am not putting Mrs. Marshall at risk.

Page Yang.

She's scrubbing in.

You go get Mrs. Marshall's family.

You're on babysitting duty the rest of the day.

Darren.

We can take a moment.

No.

Are you sure?

No.

let's just go.

donor heart's on its way.

Can't imagine how you must feel about burke's award.

You actually helped him with all that research.

He didn't even mention you in the article.

Well, I guess it's no surprise.

His arrogance is legendary.

Thought we finally had some common ground.

Good for you.

refusing to trash him, rising above.

That's very impressive.

I am going to follow your example, Yang.

Congratulations, preston.

I wish you well.

okay, remember what I said.

We have to be in total sync for the virus to have maximum infiltration.

Okay?

Ready?

Go.

Easy. Slow down.

Easy. Slow down. Slow down. Slow down.

Look at me.

Don't ... don't look at the machine. Look at me.

Slowly.

That's it.

That's it.

the virus is in.

we're standing on the moon, Dr. Grey.

I ju wanted to drop off the form myself.

Answer any questions you might have.

There are interns listed on this form.

I require the energy of youth.

Dr. Shepherd was just a moment of weakness, for both of us.

Dr. Sloan?

Oh, that was many moments, in on call rooms.

Very hot.

Steamy.

All right, Dr. Bailey, I get the joke, okay?

See? This is a joke to you.

I am a single woman.

I've been a single woman for some time now, but the very idea that I could have a sexual encounter ... a consensual sexual encounter ... is a joke to you?

Dr. Bailey, I never ... so much so that you would single me out of this entire hospital as the one person who couldn't interest a member of the opposite sex?

It's.

it's just ... it's harassment.

Adele.

Just shame on you, sir.

Just shame on you!

liquids for your fever. Drink this.

I'm fine.

You're run-down.

I'm fine.

You're taking on too much.

She can't just move up here.

You guys need to slow down and just ... what's your problem?

You can't pass a baby on the street without stopping.

The only friggin' baby in the world you're not happy about is mine.

It's not that I'm not happy for you.

It's just ... what?

Nothing.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

so are we on for tonight, or what?

Um, I don't know.

I mean, I told you, I have this other thing.

I don't, uh.

make friends easily.

I'm awkward and I'm bad at small talk, and I generally don't like people I don't know, but.

I made friends with you.

And now you have this "thing," and that thing is Sloan.

Are you mad that I'm sleeping with mk Sloan?

I'm not mad that you're sleeping with Sloan.

I'm mad at you didn't tell me that you're sleeping with Sloan.

I'm mad at you.

because instead of telling me and admitting that you're one of those girls who goes all poofy when she gets a boyfriend, you disappear.

with your "thing.

" I don't make friends easily.

That was great.

Totally sync, like we were one person.

Yeah, it was great.

You did great.

Thanks.

Uh, obviously, his intracranial pressure is going to need to be monitored overnight, so.

If you just tell me the parameters.

I'll stay.

I mean, we could ... I-I.

we can stay together.

how'd it go?

Great.

It went really.

really well.

Dr. Grey had one of the, um.

she had one of the, uh, one of the injections.

I was just.

I was heading home. And I didn't know if you.

yeah, right.

Um, I need to stay here tonight.

Okay?

Okay?

I'll ... I'll just.

okay.

Rose.

Wait.

I can page you if there's any problems.

I'll stay.

If you want me to stay, I'll.

I'll stay.

No. You should go be with rose.

Sex. Let's go.

Are you coming?

I'm just.

not in the mood.

What?

You're always in the mood.

I know.

But I'm just.

all my surgeries got canceled today.

You're useless.

the donor heart just arrived. And I'll take you down to the waiting room.

I think something's wrong.

she's having trouble breathing.

Decreased breath sounds on the right side. I think her lung has dropped.

Page Hahn.

right away, Dr. Karev.

She's not moving!

what are you doing?

You can't go in there.

You can't break the isolation barrier.

Mr. Marshall, you need to get your kids outta here.

Is she dying?

Mr. Marshall, your kids.

Don't let her die. Please don't let her die.

Okay, uh, jessie, zoe, this is the scary part, so I need you guys to turn around. I know what I'm doing.

I'll tell you when it's over.

okay, zoe, jessie, it's okay.

You can look at your mommy now.

Mommy's okay. oh, god.

It's okay. It's okay.

here are the rest of the forms, sir, alphabetized and broken down by department.

See that, adele?

Didn't have to lift a finger. I'm delegating.

Well, I've seen some progress today.

Well, thank you.

Dr. Webber, may I have a word with you privately?

I'll be right outside.

I gave up a major surgery today, and all my friends think I'm a brownnosing perv.

But I.

it was worth it because I thought that.

that you saw me, but.

all due respect, sir, you're using me to get back together with your wife.

O'Malley ... I don't know if it's possible to quit a thing that isn't even a real thing, but I do.

I-I quit.

O'Malley, wait.

The truth is, I do see you, O'Malley.

I see how hard you're working.

The chief's intern is not a real job, but I'd like it to be.

Let's give him acetaminophen, add a 500 of vancomycin and, uh, blood and urine cultures also.

If you want to take a break, I'll sit with him.

No, I'm okay.

ok v-fib.

Charge the paddles to 300.

They are charged.

Clear.

I know my being here makes you feel uncomfortable, but I was trained not to leave a man when he's down.

Our man is down.

Todd ... we both love him.

Todd ... no!

All I want to know is how he's doing.

Oh, god.

Dr. Karev saved your life, but the chance that you were exposed to infection is too great.

can she get another heart?

You'll be at the top of the list.

But m gonna have to stay in isolation, right?

the spinal tap showed encephalitis.

The virus reverted.

There's no way we could've predicted this.

On the way here, I stopped and I got this.

for when we get it right.

Because we will.

We will succeed.

We will save someone.

And when we do, we're gonna open this bottle of champagne, and we're gonna drink to Phillip robinson and darren covington.

and all the other patients who helped us change the face of medicine, and we're gonna celebratE.

We're gonna use this as our victory dance.

Meredith, we will.

we will open this bottle of champagne.

Going through all the forms, I noticed you didn't turn yours in.

No, no, sir.

Well, I ed you to.

The hospital is still liable even though Dr. Burke isn't here.

There.

My sexual relationship ... preston burke ... on paper.

Satisfied?

I know this is difficult for you.

No, it's not difficult, sir.

It is simple.

Burke is not here. He's gone.

And he's the better for it.

He's winning the harper avery award and being celebrated all over the world.

That is not difficult.

He's out there.

And I'm here.

where everything is the same.

I still live in his apartment, I walk the same halls of this hospital, I wear the same scrubs, and even that is not difficult.

This is where I am.

This is where I choo to be.

But, sir.

when his hand was shaking, I performed his surgeries, I kept his secrets, I nursed his pride.

You know it, and I know it, and he knows it.

He knows it.

And yet, nowhere in the newspaper article does my name appear.

I am the unseen hand to his brilliance.

Excuse me.

and yet, while everything is.

the same, it's very, very different.

Now I'm lucky if I get to hold a clamp.

Hahn treats me like.

I was his hand, and now I'm a ghost.

That's not difficult.

It's unbearable.

I know everybody is proud of him, but I'm not.

And I do not wish him well.

********

Now, okay, I have no authority here, but I would like to offer my thoughts on Dr. Sloan.

You're doing great.

Uh, this man is a whore, has always been a whore, will probably always be a whore.

But, I mean, that's not a secret.

He's not keeping it hidden.

You all knew who he was before you got involved with him.

And now you want to be all "woe is me, he doesn't call me back, he's dating other women.

" He's nasty, but he's a doctor here and a pretty good one.

So let us all close our knees and get back to our jobs so he can get back to his job and help the people that really need it.

disperse.

oh, my god.

Hi, my baby.

I heard. Y did great.

Alex.

Look, you think I'm scum.

You think I can't do this.

But it's my kid, Izzie, my kid, and what you think doesn't matter.

I want him to have a military burial.

It was a good day.

heading home.

Heading home early.

Maybe you have changed.

That's a nice blouse.

Maybe even a great day.

Good night.

Did you ever get in touch with that patient?

No.

Did you tell her friend?

No.

even though it killed me, I didn't tell.

You're growing, Stevens.

Yeah, well, I wish it would stop.

My husband is out on a date.

right now.

On a date.

I was a good doctor.

even when it was hard.

I was the me in my head.

I just called three of my ex-boyfriends to find out how unforgettable I am.

I left messages. I'm sure they'll call me back.

So you made a mistake and you slept with Alex?

No one has made more mistakes or slept with more inappropriate people or been more publicly humiliated than me.

Let me be an inspiration.

look at me ... I am the chief's intern.

I am the man at the right hand.

of the man.

okay, I've been avoiding you.

But.

when she was here, Addison said ... well, she implied that ... that, well, we ... that I ... that I was.

that.

you and I might be lesbians.

there was a moment when I thought.

I can't do this.

Well, I'm glad some things haven't changed.

I can't do this alone.

The most refined, professional, ladylike doctor in this hospital came to my defense tonight.

The best she could come up with was "he's a whore.

" I'm a whore.

I slept with her.

The whole time, I was thinking about Meredith.

Who's the bigger whore?

But I closed my eyes.

and imagined myself doing it.

And I did.

I blocked out the fear.

and I did it.

It was a really good day.

Look, I'm just gonna say this because your insurance only covers 20 sessions, and I feel we should get right to the point.

That was a load of crap.

It was not a good day.

Your patient died alone, unable to tell the love of his life how he felt.

Yeah, but he did it for his boyfriend.

I mean, I actually think it was kind of heroic.

It's a load of crap.

Stop saying that.

Look, let me draw the parallels for you.

The tragic patient dies alone while the love of his life is literally in the next room.

That's you.

What ... what ... what are you talking about?

I'm not dying alone.

Oh, but I think you are.

And you're ... you're telling yourself you're a hero, when in reality, all you are is alone.

That is a load of crap.

He's with rose.

you know what? I'm.

not gonna do this. - He's with rose.

Why do you keep saying that?

Because if you can't see what's wrong with that sentence ... "he's with rose" ... we're never gonna get anywhere.

He's with rose.

Okay! So he's with rose. So what?

And if he's with rose, that means he's not with you.

And do you know why he's not with you?

You're scared.

Are you calling me a coward?

I think you're very frightened, Dr. Grey.

Are you calling me a coward?

What do you think?