4.05 Monster Movie

Air Date: 16 Oct 2008

Teaser

Pan down from the full moon. The impala drives down a road lined with trees and past a sign saying WELCOME TO PENSYLVANIA, lightening flashes, for an instant the sign reads WELCOME TO TRANSYLVANIA.

Dean (FIDDLING WITH THE Radio)

The radio around here sucks.

Sam: Come on man.

Dean: Jobs don't get much sweeter than this, you know?

Dean: Dead vic with a gnawed-On neck, body drained of blood, and a witness who swears up and down that it was a vampire.

Sam: No, I -- I agree. It's a hell of a case.

Dean: A little more gusto, please.

Sam: It's just...The world is coming to an end. Things are a little complicated, you know?

Dean: Yeah, well, we can't save the world, not today anyway. But what we can do is chop off some vamps' heads.Come on, man, it's like the good old days, an honest-To-Goodness monster hunt. It's about time the Winchesters got back to tackling.

A straightforward, black-And-white case.

ACT ONE

Fade out on the impala. Polka music plays. Montague of the village. Band playing in a gazebo. Man takes picture of girl in barmaid costume. Pan to sign reading OKTOBERFEST 2008. Sam and Dean adjust their suits after exiting the impala and walk forward.

Dean: We still got to see the new "Raiders" movie.

Sam: Saw it.

Dean (incredulous)

Without me?

Sam: You were in hell.

Dean: That's no excuse.

(looks off screen)

Big pretzel!

Sam (smiles and shakes head)

Dean (accepting two pretzels from vendor)

Thank you.

(Dean hands Sam pretzel)

Sam: Thank you.

(Both take a bite of their pretzels.)

JAMIE

Guten tag.

Dean (with mouth full)

"Guten tag" yourself.

Sam (chewing)

Mmm, (cut to an old man in a Sheriff uniform then back to Sam) looks like that's our man.

Sam: Sheriff Dietrich.

Sheriff DIETRICH

Are you the boys from the fed?

Sam: Angent Anges and Young.

(They show badges.)

Sam: We called ahead about your, uh, problem.

Sheriff DIETRICH

Right. Um...I'll tell you what, why don't we talk this out away from the crowd, huh?

Cut to MORGUE. Door opens and body is slide out covered with a sheet.

Sheriff DIETRICH

(drawing back sheet)

Marissa Wright, 26,just up from Lockhard for the 'fest.Terrible. Just terrible. It's the last thing is town needs at peak tourist season.

Sam: Definitely the last thing Marissa Wright needed.

(tight smile)

Dean: (turns the body's head and sees two dark puncture marks on her neck like a vampire bite)

What the hell?

Sheriff DIETRICH

Yeah, you got me -- I mean, this killer's some kind of grade-"A" wacko, right? I mean, some satan-Worshipping, Anne Rice-Reading, gothic, psycho vampire wannabe.

Dean: Sheriff, in your report, you mentioned a witness.

Sheriff DIETRICH

Yeah,I wished I didn't.

(huff)

But our witness insisted. That's Ed Brewer. Not exactly what you'd call reliable.

EXT. bar with waitresses dressed in Oktoberfest costume. Sam and Dean walk to the bar. JAMIE hands two beer glasses to LUCY another waitress.

JAMIE

I remember you.

Dean: And I remember you...

(peers at nametag)

"Jamie."

(smile)

I never forget a pretty...everything.

Sam: We're looking for Ed Brewer.

JAMIE

What do you want with Ed?

(crosses arms)

\

Dean: Well, we are, uh...federal agents

(they show her their badges)

Mr. Brewer was witness to a serious crime.

JAMIE

(disbelievingly)

You're a fed?

Wow, you don't come on

like a fed.

(frowns)

Seriously?

Dean: (grinning, leaning forward on the bar toward JAMIE)

I'm a maverick, ma'am.

A rebel with a badge.

One thing I don't play by -- The rules.

Sam: (irritated smile)

Okay, maverick.

(looking at JAMIE)

So, where can we find Mr. Brewer?

Ed BREWER uncaps beer stein and drinks.

Ed BREWER

I told the cops

everything I saw.

No one believes me.

(pointing at them)

Why should you

be any different?

Dean: Believe me, Mr. Brewer,

we're different.

BREWER

I spoke the God's honest truth.

And now, I'm the town is a joke.

Sam: Marissa Wright's murder

is no joke to us.

And we want to hear everything,

No matter how strange

it may seem.

Dean: We have a lot of experience

with strange.

BREWER uncaps beer stein and drink.

BREWER

It was just

after midnight.

I just left here,

and like I do every night,

(walks his fingers along the table)

I cut through the park

on the way home.

At first, I thought it

was a couple kissing.

(softly)

But she was...

struggling too much.

And this man,

He was -- Well,

he was biting her neck.

Sam: Can you describe

her assailant?

BREWER

Oh, he was a vampire.

Dean: Okay, right.

And by that, you mean --

BREWER

You know,

a vampire.

Dean: -Uh-Huh.

-Yeah.

(prodding)

So, he looked like --

BREWER

He looked like

a vampire,

You know, with the fangs

and the slicked-Back hair

(demonstrates with his hair) 0

And the fancy cape

And the little medallion thingy

on the ribbon.

Dean: You mean

like a dracula?

BREWER

(happily)

Exactly.

Like a dracula.

Right down

to the accent.

Sam: -The ac.

BREWER

-Yep.

Sam: What did he say?

BREWER

You know,

something like..

[Hungarian accent](arm raised over his face as if he has a cape on)

"Stay away, mortal!

The night is mine!"

(nervous)

You do believe me,

don't you?

Cut to JAMIE and LUCY at the bar.

JAMIE

They must be here following up

on that murdered woman.

LUCY

Crazy Ed

and vampire story.

JAMIE

He might be weird,

but he's not crazy.

LUCY

Look,

you're just saying that

'Cause the guy has a crush on you

and he tips you in $20s.

Voice off stage

Lucy.

(LUCY blots her lips on a napkin. She leaves it on the bar as she leaves.)

Dean: (walks up to the bar and smiles)

So, you got a beer

back there for me?

JAMIE

I don't know, agent Young.

You off duty?

Dean: And then some.

(Sam comes up and picks up the napkin with LUCY's lipstick print on it. They lean against the bar facing the room)

Dean: So, what do you think?

Goth, psycho

vampire wannabe, right?

Sam: Definitely not

our kind of case.

Dean: Agreed.

But who cares?

(they walk toward a table)

Room's paid for,

and it's oktoberfest.

Come on, brother.

Beer and bar wenches.

(they sit)

Sam: Pretty sure women today don't react well

to the whole "wench" thing, Dean.

Dean: Hey, bar wench,

where's that beer?

JAMIE

(sweetly)

Coming up,

good sir!

Dean: (gleeful)

Dude, oktoberfest.

JAMIE

There you go.

(looking at Sam)

What can I get you?

Dean: Oh, he doesn't drink.

He's a christian scientist.

Doesn't even take aspirin.

He's a real drag

on stakeouts.

(smiles at JAMIE)

JAMIE

You're funny.

Dean: I'm a lot more than that.

I'd love to get a chance

to show you the rest.

What time you

get off?

JAMIE

Ha ha.

Like I said, "funny."

(walks off)

Dean: Man, it is time

to right some wrongs.

Sam: Come again?

Dean: Look at me.

I came back from the furnace without

any of my old scars, right?

(listing off on his fingers)

You know, bullet wounds,

knife cuts,

(holds up his spread hand, wiggles the fingers)

None of the off-Angled fingers

from all the breaks.

I mean, my hide is as smooth

as a baby's bottom,

Which leads me

to conclude,

Sadly...

That my virginity is intact.

Sam: (incredulous)

What?

Dean: -I have been re-Hymenated.

(drinks)

Sam: -Re--

Please.

Dean, maybe angels

can pull you out of hell,

But no one

could do that.

Dean: Brother,

I have been re-Hymenated.

And the dude

will not abide.

Sam: All right, dude.

(amused)

Well, you go do

whatever you got to do,

And I'm gonna go back

to the room

And get some sleep.

(leaves)

Dean: (at the bar)

So?

How about tonight?

JAMIE

Oh, sorry.

I promised Lucy

a girls' night out.

(Dean glances at LUCY)

JAMIE

Besides,

no self-Respecting bar wench

Lets herself get picked up

by a customer on the first try.

Dean: Well, I'm not a customer.

I'm a federal agent.

JAMIE

(grins)

Try again tomorrow,

g-Man.

Dean: I wish I could.

I don't think

we're staying on the case.

JAMIE

What?

Is it too weird for you?

Dean: Not weird enough.

ACT TWO

EXT. Car parked in secluded spot. It is foggy. Owl hoots.

(Couple kissing)

Anna-MARIE

Rick.

Did you hear that?

Rick: What?

Anna-MARIE

It sounded

like a wolf.

Rick: Come on, Marie,

don't change the subject.

(coaxingly)

I told you what could happen

to a man if he doesn't --

Anna-MARIE

Those stories aren't true.

Rick: They are.

Baby,

If a man doesn't get the stuff

out of his system regularly,

It can back up and cause

all kinds of...

Medical-Type problems.

(shadow of hands, then monster shadow on the car. Anna-MARIE and RICH are kissing)

Anna-MARIE

Shh,

do you hear that?

Rick: Anne marie, there aren't

any wolves in pennsylvania.

(WEREWOLF breaks window and pulls Rick out)

Anna-MARIE

(screams)

EXT. next day Sam and Dean site across from Anna-MARIE at an outside table

Anna-MARIE

(sucks on a straw in a large cup. Sam and Dean exchange a look.)

And then it just -- It just tore

Rick into little pieces.

Dean: Ma'am, we understand

how hard this is,

But can you describe

the creature?

Anna-MARIE

(sucks on straw)

Oh.

It was a werewolf.

Sam: A werewolf?

You're sure?

Oh, yeah.

Anna-MARIE

With the furry face

and the black nose

And the claws and the torn-Up

pants and shirt,

Like from

the old movies.

Sam: Um, well...

Dean: Okay, so...

Thank you for your time.

(They leave. Anna-MARIE sucks on the straw, watches them)

EXT. the Morgue

(Sam looks at label then opens a storage drawer)

Dean: First a dracula and now

a full-On movie-Time wolf man?

What the hell is going on

in this town?

Sam: (unzips body bag)

-Ohh.

-Whew.

Dean: Damn!

Sam: All right.

(po

Whatever did this wasn't a psycho wannabe.

(poking around in the corpse, lifting a piece up with a pencil)

Look at

those bite marks.

(pointing at corpse)

Right down

to the bone...

And deeper.

Dean: Strong enough to tear a healthy man

apart limb from limb.

Could be a werewolf.

Sam: Yeah,

except, look.

The heart's still there

in one piece.

They never leave

the heart behind.

Dean: (annoyed)

Thus I reiterate --

What the hell is going on?

Sheriff: Well, I was hoping you boys

could tell me.

I just got a rush job

back from the lab

On those fibers

we found on the body.

(pulls out bag from envelop)

Canine.

Wolf hairs.

Dean: (pitches the bridge of his nose)

I'm getting a headache.

EXT – the bar

(Sam AND Dean sit at a table)

Dean: I don't know, man.

Looks like we've stumbled on

To a midnight showing of

"dracula meets wolf man."

Is that it?

(drinks)

Sam: I don't know.

I mean, wolf man

seems real enough.

It makes dracula seem

a little less impossible, I guess.

(chewing)

Dean: Yeah, but werewolves

don't grow wolf hair.

-That's just a myth.

Sam: -Yeah.

Dean: So, what?

We've got a vampire

And a werewolf

monster mashing this town?

JAMIE

(brining beer)

Looked like you guys

are staying a while.

I heard

about Rick Deacon.

Dean: Yeah, this case

just got weird enough for,

Our department.

JAMIE

Well,

beers are on me.

And, just so you know,

I get off at midnight tonight.

Dean: Oh, it's not another, uh,

girls' night out?

JAMIE

Doesn't have to be.

Dean: Okay, then.

I'll see you tonight.

JAMIE

Okay, then.

(she leaves)

Dean: Hey, you think this dracula

could turn into a bat?

That would be cool.

EXT - Museum

Guard: (talking on cell phone)

That's right.

Yeah, an Egyptian kind

of deal.

No, it was just sitting there

on the loading dock.

No, Doctor,

there's no shipping invoice.

There's no nothing.

(sarcophagus lid begins to move)

I don't know when it was deliver, it was here when I clocked in tonight. I thought you'd know what to do. Think Helen has any record of it in her files?

(Guard turns and see a mummy rising from the sarcophagus, he stumbles back as the mummy leaves the sarcophagus and begins moving toward him.)

Holy mother of crap!

(Guard shoots the mummy. It grabs his throat and lifts him up against the wall. Guard choking)

No!

CUT to the museum. The police are moving around. The Sheriff is seen talking to his men. Sam and Dean investigate the sarcophagus.

Sam: This sarcophagus

isn't ancient.

(holding up tag)

It's from a prop house in philly.

Dean: Well...

It goes well with

the bucket of dry ice

(holds up bucket)

He was keeping

in it.

Sam: Is he making

his own special effects?

Dean: Yeah, a mummy with a good sense

of showmanship.

Sam: This is stupid.

Dean: Oh, damn it. Jamie.

I'm late.

You're good here

with the mummy and the... (waves hands) crazy

Sam: -Yeah.

-Yeah.

JAMIE

(standing outside bar looking at her watch)

Your loss,

g-Man.

DRACULA

[Hungarian accent ]

Good evening.

(swirls cap over his shoulder)

(JAMIE runs DRACULA follows)

DRACULA

I have watched you

many nights from afar.

My passion knows

no bounds?!

You are the reincarnation

of my beloved,

(JAMIE fumbles in her purse)

And I must have you.

(JAMIE sprays DRACULA in the face and runs away)

Mary,

son of a...

(DRACULA runs after JAMIE._

Dean: Jamie!

(JAMIE crashes into Dean)

(DRACULA appears)

Dean: Son of a bitch.

DRACULA

You should not use

such language

In the presence

of my bride.

Dean: Okay.

(punches DRACULA. They fight)

Dean: Jamie, run!

DRACULA

You have no choice

in the matter, Mr. Harker.

Mina is mine.

(tries to bite Dean)

(Dean rips off DRACULA's ear. He flees. Dean persues. DRACULA leaps over a gate and escapes on a moped. )

INTERMISSION

EXT- bar

Sam: Hey.

You guys all right?

Dean: Yeah, I think so.

And I think I know

what's going on.

(sets folded towel on the table)

Sam: Yeah?

Dean: Part of it

at least.

Sam: (opens the towel, DRACULA's ear is in the towel)

Uh, the ear part?

Dean: Ripped it off

of dracula's head.

Dean: Touch it.

Feel familiar to you?

Sam: Oh, man.

Dean: The skin

of a shapeshifter,

Just like st. Louis

and just like milwaukee.

Of course this one's all

holding buckets of crazy.

Oh, and, uh...

(Dean pulls out medallion from his jacket)

I pulled this off during the fight.

(hands it to Sam)

Look at the label

on the ribbon.

Sam: (looks)

It's a costume rental.

Dean: All three monsters - The dracula,

wolf man, and the mummy --

All the Same critter,

Which means we need to

catch this freak

Before he "creature from

the black lagoon's" somebody.

JAMIE

So, you guys are like mulder

and scully or something,

And the x files

are real?

Dean: (facetiously)

No, "the x files"

is a tv show.

This is real.

JAMIE

Oh.

(Dean drinks from a liquor glass)

Sam: Okay, so, the stagecraft,

the costuming --

Sam: It's like he's trying to reenact

his favorite monster-Movie moments,

Right down

to the bloody murders.

JAMIE

Wait a second.

Who the hell is Mina?

Dean: -Mina?

-Yeah.

That's what he called Jamie.

And he called me mr. Harker.

Sam: Jonathan Harker?

They're characters from

the movies and the novels --

Mina,

dracula's intended bride,

Harker, the fiance

Seems like

he's fixating on you,

Like he sees you

as his bride.

JAMIE

Wow.

Lucky me.

Sam: But to fixate on you,

My guess is that the shifter has to

have seen you before or been around you.

Dean: Jamie, has anybody strange

come to town,

Somebody that has taken

a specific notice of you?

JAMIE

I don't know, Dean.

It's oktoberfest.

I'm a bartender.

There's lots of people.

I...

Wait a second.

There is Ed.

Sam: "Ed Brewer" Ed?

JAMIE

Yeah.

He moved here

about a month ago.

Lucy swears

he has a crush on me.

He comes in

almost every night.

But, you know, I don't think

he's the type of guy --

Dean: Where does Ed live?

JAMIE

I don't know.

But he works

at the old movie theater.

I think

he's a projectionist there.

Sam: -Take care of Mina?

Dean: -Yep.

(Sam leaves.)

JAMIE

(pacing in front of the booth Dean is sitting in)

So, monsters are real.

Dean: Some of them, yeah.

JAMIE

And the shapeshifter,

He can turn

into different people.

Dean: Yeah.

Yeah,except this one's turning into

the great monsters of screenland,

Which is a new one

for me.

JAMIE

You're not really fbi,

are you?

Dean: Not so much.

JAMIE

So,

this is what you do?

You and your partner

just tramp across the country

On your own dime

Until you find some

horrible nightmare to fight?

Dean: Some people paint.

JAMIE

Wow

Dean: What?

JAMIE

That must suck.

I mean, you're giving up

your life for this terrible...

I don't know, responsibility

Dean: Last few years,

I started thinking that way,

And, uh, it started

sort of weighing on me.

Of course,

that was before...

(shifts uncomfortably)

A little while ago,

I had this --

It's called

a near-Death experience.

Very near.

(JAMIE sits next to Dean)

And, uh...

...when came to...

Things were different.

My life's

been different.

I realize

that I help people.

Not just help them,

though. I save them.

I guess it's --

It's awesome.

It's kind of like

gift...

Like a mission.

Kind of like a...

a mission from god.

JAMIE

So, does that make you...

Some kind of monk

or something?

You know, celibate?

Dean: Man, I hope not.

(They kiss)

(Lights come up, they break apart)

LUCY

Holy crap.

Oh, my god. Jamie.

Guys,

I'm -- I'm sorry.

I thought you guys

were going out.

JAMIE

Lucy,

it's -- It's okay.

-Uh, listen --

-You know what?

LUCY

I just -- I came to

borrow a bottle.

(holds bottle)

I kind of got something

going back at my...

Anyway, uh,

you guys look really busy,

So I'm just gonna get out

of your hair.

JAMIE

Seriously, Lucy,

it's been a crazy night.

Stay for a drink.

Dean: Yeah.

Stay for a drink.

(JAMIE and Dean smile)

Ext – movie theathe. (Phantom of the Opera is showing. Organ music swells as Sam walks in. Sam checks the clip in his gun then walks towards a shadow of a man playing an organ. Ed BREWER switches the music to something happy)

BREWER

Whoa!

(Sam pushes him against the organ and holds him at gun point)

You, fbi man --

What did I --

Sam: Shut up, okay,

you know what you did.

BREWER

What?

Sam: I know what you are.

BREWER

I'm not anything.

I just like to play the casio.

Sam: Had time to grow

the ear back, huh?

(grabs BREWER's ear and pulls)

BREWER

What?!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Sam: It's supposed to come off.

BREWER

No, it's not!

EXT. - bar

LUCY

Oh, that sounds awful.

Jamie, honey, are you okay?

JAMIE

Oh, I am fine.

He didn't even touch me.

Dean, he just blew right in

and fought him off.

Dean: Well,

I didn't actually fly,

But I'm sure it seemed

that way at the time.

(LUCY blots her lipstick)

JAMIE

(sounding sleepy)

It was really,

really something.

Dean: Jamie?

LUCY

So, Dean, are you like

a black belt or what?

(Dean looks at his glass, it swims before his eyes)

LUCY

Well,I guess they train you to fight

at the academy or whatever.

(Dean leans across to punch LUCY. He pushes JAMIE out of the booth. They both stagger.)

JAMIE

Dean,

what are you doing?

(She passes out, falling back into the booth)

Dean: It's you, isn't it?

(LUCY pushes her jaw back into place. Dean kicks her again.)

Dean: Oh, damn it!

What did you put in the drinks?!

(smashes bottle on the edge of table)

That's all right.

I'll skin you myself.

(Dean passes out)

LUCY

And...scene.

EXT – dungeon

(Dean wearing an Oktoberfest costume is tied to an upright table)

Dean: Oh, come on.

(Dean looks at a portrait of a woman's face)

DRACULA

She is beautiful,

No?

Bride number three

(he crosses to the woman's portrait)

from the first film.

She never got the acclaim

that she deserved.

(he caresses her face)

Which is why

I chose her shape,

Her form to move

among the mortals unnoticed,

To listen to the cricket songs

of the living.

That is when I discovered

my bride had been reborn

In this century.

Dean: I can't get over

what a pumpkin-Pie-Eyed,

Crazy son of a bitch

you really are.

You're not dracula.

You get that, right?

Or even if you think

you are dracula,

What the hell's up

with the mummy?!

DRACULA

(punches Dean in the face)

I am all monsters!

Dean: Life ain't a movie,

you sorry sack of –

(DRACULA punches Dean in the face)

Dean: Aah.

DRACULA

(pacing)

Life is small.

Meager messy

The movies are grand,simple,elegant.

I have chosen (he flings out his cape) elegance.

Dean: You think "elegance" is really the word

For what you did to Marissa or Rick Deacon

Or any of the others?!

DRACULA

But of course.

It is a monster movie, after all.

Dean: You do realize what happens

At the end of every monster movie?

DRACULA

Ah. But this movie is mine.

And in it, the monster wins.

The monster gets the girl.

And the hero, he's...electrocuted.

(DRACULA crosses to a large lever)

And tonight, Jonathan Harker,

(he grips the lever)

You will be my hero.

(Doorbell rings)

Wait, wait, wait, wait. [ Chuckles nervously ]

Please, excuse me.

(DRACULA walks through a modern looking hallway)

DRACULA

Good evening.

DELIVERY Boy

Uh...pizza delivery.

DRACULA

Ah, you've brought a repast.

Excellent.

Continue to be of such service

And your life will be spared.

DELIVERY Boy

Uh-Huh.

(pulls out pizza from insulated bag and holds it out)

That'll be $15.50.

DRACULA

Tell me... yeah?

...is there garlic on this pizza?

DELIVERY Boy

I don't know. Did you order garlic?

DRACULA

No!

DELIVERY Boy

Then no.

(impatiently)

Look, mister, I got four other deliveries to make.

You want to just pay me the money so I can go?

DRACULA

Of course, yes, but I have a coupon.

EXT – bar

(Sam walks around)

Sam: (on cell phone)

Dean, hey, listen,uh,Ed is not our guy.

Um, I'm guessing you're at home with Jamie,

So just give me a call, okay?

(Sam sees bottle on floor and napkin with lipstick print)

Lucy.

EXT – bedroom

(JAMIE is laying on the bed)

DRACULA

You wake.

(gestures to a white satin dress hanging by the bed)

The gown -- It suits your beauty.

Please, put it on.

JAMIE

Where am I?

What have you done with Dean?

DRACULA

Harker is resting elsewhere.

Please, put on the gown and you may dine.

We are having pizza.

JAMIE

What?

What is wrong with you?

You made up Lucy, right? Pretended to be my friend.

DRACULA

I needed to know if you were the one.

JAMIE

You could try talking to people!

But instead you become this?

DRACULA

Put on the gown.

JAMIE

I don't want to play your stupid game, okay?

I just --I just want to go home.

DRACULA

(yelling)

Put on the gown!

EXT – front door of DrACULA's residence(lock is picked and Sam enters. He holds his gun out at the ready)

EXT – bedroom (JAMIE smooths the gown down her hips)

DRACULA

[ Normal voice ]I-I scared you.

You were the only one I don't want to scare.

(he turns so he can see JAMIE)

I used to love the movies.

JAMIE

They aren't real.

You can't make them real.

DRACULA

"Real" is being born this way.

Different.

"Real" is having your dad call you "monster" --

It's the first time you hear the word –

(he turns away from JAMIE)

And he tries to beat you to death with a shovel.

Everywhere I ran, everywhere I tried to hide,

People found me, dagged me

Called me "freak," called me "monster."

Then I found them.

(he turns back to JAMIE)

The great monsters.

In their movies,they were strong.

They were feared.

They were beautiful.

And now I am like them.

Commanding.

[ Hungarian accent ]terrifying.

JAMIE

Lonely.

DRACULA

[ Normal voice ]was lonely.

Now I --

I have you.

JAMIE

Ever think that maybe you're lonely

Because you kill people?

DRACULA

Or I kill people because I'm lonely.

(sound of something being knocked over)

Did you hear that?

JAMIE

What?

Dean?

(yelling)

Dean!

(DRACULA hits her, knocking her out)

EXT – dungeon. (Sam enters)

Dean: Oh,thank god. Just in the nick of time.

That guy was about to Frankenstein me.

(Sam unties Dean)

Sam: Hey there, Hansel.

Dean: (points finger at Sam)

Shut up!

(Dean gestures for Sam to kick down the door. Sam puts his foot through the door)

Sam: Let's go.

EXT – bedroom

(Sam opens the door and crosses to JAMIE lying on the bed.)

DRACULA

Aah!

[ Hungarian accent ]you will never be van helsing!

(DRACULA throws Sam through the wall.)

(Dean attacks him. They fight)

DRACULA

And you, Harker, now you die.

Dean: How 'bout now you shut the hell up?

(Dean is thrown to the ground, DRACULA raises his arms, about to go in for the kill. GUN SHOOTS.)

DRACULA

Silver?

(he turns to see JAMIE holding the gun)

It was beauty that killed the beast.

(he staggers)

No, Mina, do not weep.

(falls into a chair)

Perhaps this is how

The movie should end.

(Fade in on DRACULA's slumped form in the chair)

EXT – town square.

(Dean and JAMIE kissing)

JAMIE

Well, thank you, g-Man.

You have been a great service (kiss) to your country (kiss)

Dean: Oh, yes, (kiss) I'm very, very patriotic.

(Sam standing behind Dean. Dean looks over his shoulder at him. Sam smiles tensely. Dean turns back to JAMIE)

Dean: Bye.

JAMIE

Bye.

(Dean and Sam begin to walk away)

JAMIE

You guys (they pause and turn back to her)

saved my life, you know?

So, thanks.

(she leaves)

Sam: I like her.

Dean: Feels good to be back on the job, doesn't it?

Sam: Yeah, it does.

Dean: The hero gets the girl,

Monster gets the gets all in all, happy ending --

With a happy ending, no less.

Sam: [ Chuckles ]real classy, Dean.

Dean: Hey, all I'm saying is

The shifter man had a point, you know?

It would be nice if life was movie simple.

Although, if I was turning life into a movie,

I wouldn't do this "Abbott and Costello meet the monster" crap.

Sam: Yeah. No, I know what you'd pick.

Dean: [ Chuckles ]No, you don't.

Sam: Yeah, I do.

Dean: No. You don't. You don't!

Sam: "Porky's II."

Dean

What?

Sam: You heard me.

Dean: Lucky guess.