Original Airdate: Dec 25, 2013

TASHA [OC]: Once, there was a planet, much like any other, and unimportant. This planet sent the universe a message. A bell tolling among the stars, ringing out to all the dark corners of creation. And everybody came to see.

(A huge space fleet of Judoon, Terileptils, Silurians et al is orbiting an icy ringed planet. Three tones are being repeated over and over again.)

TASHA [OC]: Although no one understood the message, everyone who heard it found themselves afraid. Except one man. The man who stayed for Christmas.

[Spaceship]

(The Doctor beams in to a large dark space, carrying a Dalek eye-stalk.)

DOCTOR: I bring proof of courage and comradeship. What is this ship and why are you here? Identify yourselves by species and planet of origin.

DALEK: Exterminate!

(The Doctor communicates with an unseen accomplice.)

DOCTOR: Handles?

DALEKS: Exterminate! Exterminate!

(The angry pepperpots start firing. Their aim is awful at such sort range.)

DOCTOR: Handles? Argh. Handles?

(The Doctor is beamed away.)

DALEKS: Exterminate!

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Every ship I go on, they just shoot at me. Handles, I said, put me on a ship. I didn't say, put me on a Dalek ship.

(The Doctor is talking to a damaged Cyberman's head attached to a stand on the console.)

DOCTOR: Don't put me on a Dalek ship when I'm holding a broken bit of Dalek!

(The Doctor hits the head with the eye-stalk.)

DOCTOR: Ow!

HANDLES: You did not indicate a preference.

DOCTOR: Use your head.

(He takes it off the stand and paces with it.)

DOCTOR: It's not like you've got a lot of alternatives. They're all here. Daleks, Sontarans, Terileptils, Slitheen. And they're not even fighting, they're just parked. Why?

HANDLES: The message was received throughout the universe.

DOCTOR: Yes, yes, the message, the message. Even I can't translate it. I mean, why is everyone here if they don't understand it?

HANDLES: You're here.

DOCTOR: Well, you know, I'm OCD. What's their excuse? What does this message mean?

(The emergency phone outside rings. He puts the head back on its stand.)

DOCTOR: Oh, no. And remind me I've got to patch the telephone back through the console unit. This is getting ridiculous.

HANDLES: Attention. Information available.

DOCTOR: Okay?

HANDLES: You must patch the telephone device back through the console unit.

DOCTOR: No, no. No, no, no, no. No, not now. Remind me later.

HANDLES: When?

DOCTOR: I don't know. Just later. Just pick a time.

HANDLES: When?

DOCTOR: I don't know. Just any old time. When you think I've forgotten.

HANDLES: When?

DOCTOR: Just pick a random number, express that number as a quantity of minutes, and when that time has elapsed, remind me to patch the telephone back through the console unit.

HANDLES: Affirmative.

DOCTOR: How those Cyber-evenings must fly.

(He opens the door, gets the telephone and brings the handset inside.)

DOCTOR: Hello, the Tardis.

[Clara's flat / Tardis]

(Clara dashing between cooking and laying a table for dinner whilst wearing the paper crown from a Christmas cracker.)

CLARA: Emergency. You're my boyfriend.

DOCTOR: Ding dong. Okay, brilliant. I may be a bit rusty in some areas, but I will glance at a manual.

CLARA: No, no, you're not actually my boyfriend.

(The turkey is nowhere near ready, although the roast potatoes look done.)

DOCTOR: Oh, that was quick. It's a roller coaster this phone call.

CLARA: But I need a boyfriend really quickly.

DOCTOR: Well, I hope you're nicer to the next one.

CLARA: No, shut up. Christmas dinner. Me cooking.

DOCTOR: So?

CLARA: So, I may have accidentally invented a boyfriend.

DOCTOR: Yeah, I did that once and there's no easy way to get rid of an android.

CLARA: No, not an android. A pretend one, an imaginary one. And I said he'd be coming to Christmas dinner.

DOCTOR: Yeah.

(The scanner has picked up an unidentified new vessel in orbit. The Doctor drops the telephone receiver.)

DOCTOR: Handles, that's a new ship. Okay, we'll take the Tardis this time.

CLARA: I just need you to come for Christmas dinner. Just do that for me. Come to Christmas dinner and be my Christmas date.

DOCTOR: Sorry, missed that last bit. Got to dash.

[New spaceship]

(The Tardis materialises, and the Doctor walks down a corridor carrying Handles.)

DOCTOR: Okay, don't be alarmed, I come in

(And sees Cybermen.)

CYBERMAN: Alert. Alert.

DOCTOR: Peace. No.

CYBERMAN: Intruder detected. The intruder will be upgraded.

(Lots of Cybermen leave their cubicles and start shooting. Really bad shots again.)

DOCTOR: Argh! Sorry.

(The Doctor makes it back to the Tardis. He gets inside and the phone rings, so he pops out to get it again.)

[Clara's flat / Tardis]

CLARA: I need you. I'm cooking Christmas dinner!

DOCTOR: I'm being shot at by Cybermen!

CLARA: Well, can't we do both?

DOCTOR: Argh! Yeah, why not?

[Clara's flat]

(Clara's little family is tucking in to starters and alcohol whilst the Strictly Come Dancing Christmas Special is on the television. That makes it 5pm. Who on Earth has the television on during a big family meal, for Zarquon's sake?)

TV: Happy Christmas!

LINDA: How's the turkey doing?

CLARA: Great. Yeah, yeah, it's doing great. Well, dead and decapitated, but that's Christmas when you're a turkey.

GRAN: Actually, maybe I will have a little more.

(Clara refills her glass.)

CLARA: There you go, Gran.

DAD: Did you put it in early enough?

CLARA: Dad, I put it in when you phoned me.

DAD: I emailed you some instructions.

CLARA: Oh, you certainly did.

[Outside the block of flats]

(The Tardis materialises noisily outside Clara's block of flats. She runs down the stairs and outside, losing her paper crown in the wind.)

CLARA: Whoops!

[Tardis]

CLARA: Doctor, I so need you.

(The Doctor is without any clothing. Clara has to turn her back.)

DOCTOR: Clara!

CLARA: No, stop, stop, don't move. Don't do anything.

DOCTOR: Why? What is it? What's wrong?

CLARA: You're naked.

DOCTOR: Yes, I am naked. I wondered if you'd notice.

CLARA: Doctor, why are you naked?

DOCTOR: Because I'm going to church.

(Zap! and he is fully clothed again.)

DOCTOR: Better?

CLARA: Oh, that was quick.

DOCTOR: Hologram clothes, projected directly onto your visual cortex.

CLARA: So you're still naked underneath?

DOCTOR: Everybody's naked underneath.

CLARA: Urgh, don't say things like that. It's Christmas. Come and meet my family.

[Clara's flat]

CLARA: Hello, so, er, here he is.

DOCTOR: Hello, the Oswalds. Hello! Merry Christmas. Hello, hello.

(Handshakes for Linda and Dad, air kisses for Gran, who is the only one to look directly at him.)

DOCTOR: Hello, handsome. Anyone for Twister?

CLARA: So, this is the Doctor. My boyfriend. Isn't anyone going to say hello?

GRAN: Hello.

(Her glass is empty again.)

DOCTOR: Excuse me a moment. Listen, I've got an idea to break the ice. Why don't I project my clothes hologram onto their visual cortexes too?

CLARA: So, to be clear, no one except me can see your clothes?

DOCTOR: Yes, and I'm starting to think it may be causing tension.

GRAN: Are we playing Twister now?

CLARA: Get in the kitchen.

DOCTOR: Eh? Sorry.

CLARA: Sorry. He's Swedish.

[Kitchen]

CLARA: Doctor, please.

(He looks at the anaemic fowl in the over.)

DOCTOR: Oh, that's never going to work, is it?

CLARA: What's wrong? Do you think it's not done yet?

DOCTOR: I think a decent vet would give it an even chance.

CLARA: Okay. Well, use an app.

DOCTOR: An app?

CLARA: On your screwdriver. App it.

DOCTOR: Most certainly not. It doesn't do turkey. Nothing does turkey. You'd need a time machine. What?

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: You can't keep using the Tardis like this.

CLARA: Like what?

(She is carrying the poor uncooked bird.)

DOCTOR: Missed birthdays, restaurant bookings. And please, just learn how to use iPlayer.

CLARA: Ooo, vortex cooking?

(She lays the carcass in the workings below the console.)

DOCTOR: Yep, exposure to the time winds. It'll either come up a treat, or just possibly lay some eggs.

HANDLES: Information available.

CLARA: What's that?

DOCTOR: Oh, just a bit of a Cyberman. He'll get us to the church on time.

HANDLES: I have developed a fault.

DOCTOR: The organics are all gone, but there's still a full set of data banks. Found it at the Maldovar market.

(They zoom back to the snow planet.)

HANDLES: Planet identified from analysis of message.

DOCTOR: Right, cool. Go on then. Okay, tell us, what is the planet? Go on.

HANDLES: Processing official designation. Processing.

DOCTOR: Okay, in your own time, dear. Don't rush.

CLARA: So why haven't you just gone down there and had a look?

DOCTOR: It's shielded. Even the Tardis can't break through it.

HANDLES: Gallifrey.

DOCTOR: What did you say?

HANDLES: Gallifrey.

DOCTOR: What are you talking about? Gallifrey? What do you mean?

HANDLES: Confirmed. Planet designation, Gallifrey.

(The Doctor grabs Handles and takes it to the scanner.)

DOCTOR: You see that? Gallifrey is my home. I know it when I see it. That is not Gallifrey.

CLARA: Doctor, are you okay.

DOCTOR: It's not Gallifrey. Gallifrey is gone.

CLARA: Unless, unless you saved it. You thought you might have.

(They look out of the Tardis doors down at the white planet.)

DOCTOR: Even if it survived, it's gone from this universe. That is not my home.

(They go back inside.)

DOCTOR: It can't be.

(There is a big fog horn blast outside.)

CLARA: What's that?

(They look out of the door again, at a big square Borg-style spaceship.)

DOCTOR: Papal Mainframe. It's like a great big flying church. The first ship to arrive. They are the ones who shielded the planet. They can get us down there.

(The Doctor bows to a large holographic face.)

CLARA: A friend of yours?

DOCTOR: Tasha Lem, the Mother Superious.

(The hologram beckons to them.)

DOCTOR: Oh, she's inviting us aboard.

CLARA: Why?

DOCTOR: Because I asked her. Swallow this.

CLARA: What is it?

DOCTOR: Your hologram projector. You can't go to church with your clothes on.

(The Tardis flies inside the mainframe.)

[Papal Mainframe]

CLARA: I don't feel like I'm wearing anything.

DOCTOR: I know. Relaxing, isn't it?

CLARA: What is this place?

(They walk between two rows of military personnel.)

DOCTOR: The Church of the Papal Mainframe, security hub of the known universe.

CLARA: A security church?

DOCTOR: Yep. Keeping you safe in this world and the next. I venerate the exaltation of the Mother Superious.

(The Doctor bows low. Clara curtseys. A male Colonel standing near the Mother Superious greets them.)

ALBERO: Welcome to the Church of the Papal Mainframe. Your nudity is appreciated.

TASHA: Hey, babes.

DOCTOR: Loving the frock.

TASHA: Is that a new body? Give us a twirl.

DOCTOR: Tash, this old thing? Please, I've been rocking it for centuries.

TASHA: Nice though. Tight.

CLARA: So, er, hello. Also here.

DOCTOR: Clara, this is Tasha Lem, the Head of the Church of the Papal Mainframe. Tash, ho, ho, ho, ho. This is my, my associate, Clara Oswald. Miss Clara Oswald.

TASHA: We'll go to my chapel. All honours in place, no sacrifices required.

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: It was Tasha who shielded the planet. But you could sneak me down there, couldn't you, Tash?

TASHA: I would have conditions. (to Clara) I have confidential matters to discuss with the Doctor. Would you excuse us?

DOCTOR: Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of Clara. Well, quite a lot of it. Probably about half. Maybe a smidge under. Actually, Clara, would you mind waiting out here, please?

CLARA: No worries. You two get yourselves a room.

DOCTOR: Yes, quite. No, stop it.

CLARA: Boss of the psycho space nuns. So you.

(Tasha and the Doctor go into the private chapel.)

DOCTOR: Well.

(Then she sees a mouthless creature in a suit, with three long fingers, approaching her.)

CLARA: Doctor?

[Chapel]

DOCTOR: That altar looks like a bed.

TASHA: That bed looks like an altar.

DOCTOR: Yep.

(He sits on it. Tasha offers him a goblet of blue liquid. He doesn't like it. She reaches across and touches a panel on the headrest, or is it footrest, and the three tone message plays. They get inside each others personal space.)

TASHA: That message is transmitting through all of space and time. What did it make you feel?

DOCTOR: Feel?

TASHA: Every sentient being in the universe who detected that signal felt something. Something overpowering.

DOCTOR: What?

TASHA: Fear. Pure, unadulterated dread.

[Corridor]

(The Silent passes behind a screen then reappears again.)

CLARA: I saw you and then I forgot you. How does that work?

(He goes behind another screen and she forgets it.)

[Chapel]

DOCTOR: Right. What's the signal? Where's it coming from?

TASHA: It's a settlement. Human colony, level two. A farm, basically.

DOCTOR: Right. Anyone been for a look?

TASHA: Any one ship lands, the rest will follow. There will be bloodshed. Fortunately we got here first, shielded the planet. We maintain the truce by blocking all of them.

DOCTOR: Daleks, Cybermen, one of that lot, could break through your defences.

TASHA: Perhaps. But they're afraid, remember? Nobody wants to go first.

DOCTOR: I do.

TASHA: I was counting on it.

[Corridor]

SILENT: Confess.

(It comes up behind Clara, startling her.)

SILENT: Confess.

CLARA: What are you? Why do I keep forgetting you?

(There are now more of them. She backs up to the chapel door.)

SILENT: Confess. Confess.

CLARA: What?

(And runs into -)

[Chapel]

DOCTOR: Are you okay?

CLARA: Fine. Yeah, fine. Sorry.

TASHA: Right. This is my personal teleport. I can put you down just outside the town. Find the source of the message and report back to me in one hour. And on your life, Doctor, you will cause no trouble down there.

(The Doctor enters the 'confessional' style teleport box.)

DOCTOR: When do I? Don't answer that.

(He draws the curtain. Tasha pulls it back and holds out her hand.)

DOCTOR: What?

TASHA: I'm not an idiot. Everyone in this church is trained to see straight through holograms.

CLARA: Ah. Great.

TASHA: Give now. You are taking no technology of any kind down there.

DOCTOR: What can I do with a key? You, in, now.

TASHA: You could summon your Tardis.

DOCTOR: The Tardis doesn't work by remote. Fine. If it makes you feel any better, there we are.

(The Doctor gives the Tardis key to Tasha as Clara goes into the other cubicle. Tasha works the teleport controls.)

TASHA: Remember. I want you back in one hour.

[Forest]

(Snow is falling all around as the Doctor and Clara beam in.)

CLARA: Oh, cold. Very cold.

DOCTOR: Okay, don't worry. There's a heat loss filter in your hologram shell. It'll kick in, just give it a moment. So, sweet little town covered in snow, half the universe in terror. Why? Why?

CLARA: Oh, my God!

DOCTOR: What?

(Clara has spotted an arm sticking out of the snow.)

CLARA: There's something under the snow. It's

DOCTOR: What is it?

CLARA: It's cold.

DOCTOR: Okay, just stand back please, Clara.

CLARA: It's stone. It's just stone. It's only a statue.

DOCTOR: Clara, step away from it!

(The hand grabs her ankle.)

DOCTOR: Clara, keep looking at it. Don't look away. Don't even blink!

CLARA: What is it?

DOCTOR: There is a Weeping Angel under the snow. It looks like a statue, isn't a statue. Can you get your foot out?

CLARA: Only if I get it out of my shoe.

DOCTOR: You're not wearing a shoe.

CLARA: Good point.

DOCTOR: Okay, pull hard. One, two, three!

(She comes free and they tumble backwards. Lots of Angels are starting to emerge from the snowdrifts.)

CLARA: They're climbing out of the snow. Oh, God!

DOCTOR: Keep looking at the. At all of them.

CLARA: Why?

DOCTOR: Quantum locked lifeform. It can only move if it's unobserved.

CLARA: What is it doing here?

DOCTOR: Same as everybody else. Must've got past Tasha's shield.

(They are surrounded, and cannot look at every Angel all of the time.)

DOCTOR: Keep looking!

(The Angels advance.)

CLARA: I can't. I can't see. The snow's in my eyes.

DOCTOR: I just need to bring the Tardis down.

CLARA: You can't fly it remotely.

DOCTOR: No, but it can home in on the key.

CLARA: But she took your key!

DOCTOR: She took one of them.

(The Doctor pulls off his wig to reveal a spare glowing Tardis key.)

[Tardis]

HANDLES: Engines activating.

(The Tardis materialises around them.)

DOCTOR: The old key in the quiff routine. Classic.

(He puts his wig on Handles.)

DOCTOR: Okay, homing in on the mysterious message. Ooo yes, I like that. The mysterious message.

CLARA: You've shaved your head?

DOCTOR: Yep. Clever plan to get us past the shield.

CLARA: You got bored one night, didn't you?

DOCTOR: Yeah, tiny bit bored.

CLARA: Is that what happened to your eyebrows?

DOCTOR: No, they're just delicate. Right, setting us down near the signal source. I'm going to turn the engines on silent. Don't want to make a fuss.

CLARA: Put it back on.

DOCTOR: Why?

CLARA: Your ears are like rocket fins.

DOCTOR: I know.

[Town]

CLARA: Oh, it's good to be wearing clothes again. That's so much better, don't you think?

(They are dressed for the weather. The Doctor scans everything with his screwdriver. The trees are decorated with lights so the village has electricity at least.)

DOCTOR: Now, what do we make of this place? It's two o'clock in the afternoon. Must be very short days here. The message is coming from that tower.

(Two residents walk towards them.)

DOCTOR: Hello! Hello, there. Right, we're a couple from the next town. My name's probably Hank or Rock, something like that.

CLARA: Or Daisy?

DOCTOR: Shut up. Hello, good to meet you. Nice snow.

ABRAMAL: Most pleasant to meet you too.

MARTA: Most pleasant. Most pleasant.

DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey. I stole a time machine and ran away and I've been flouting the principal law of my own people every since. That wasn't quite what I was meant to say!

(Everyone laughs.)

CLARA: I'm an English teacher from planet Earth, and I've run off with a man from space because I really fancy

MARTA: I think, perhaps, you should stop talking till you get used to it.

DOCTOR: Used to what?

MARTA: What did you say your name was?

CLARA: Bubbly personality masking bossy control freak.

DOCTOR: I'm wearing a wig! No, ah, I see. Yes, of course. It's a truth field. Oh, that is so quaint. I haven't seen a truth field in years. I'm wearing a wig.

ABRAMAL: No one can lie in this town. Especially this close to the tower.

(The couple walk on.)

DOCTOR: Doesn't that make life a bit difficult?

MARTA: Not at all.

ABRAMAL: Yes.

DOCTOR: This town, what's it called?

MARTA: It's Christmas.

DOCTOR: It's July.

MARTA: No, the town. The town is Christmas. That's what it's called.

ABRAMAL: Be happy here. Be well.

CLARA: How can a town be called Christmas?

DOCTOR: I don't know. How can an island be called Easter? Maybe it's just nice here. I almost hate to find out what's wrong.

(The three tones sing out across the roof tops.)

[Tower]

DOCTOR: There you are. What took you so long?

CLARA: What's wrong? It's only a crack in the wall.

(It is The Crack, the time field caused by the exploding Tardis in the Pandorica Opens / Big Bang stories, that haunted the first season with Amy Pond.)

DOCTOR: I knew. I always knew it wasn't over.

CLARA: What is it?

DOCTOR: A split in the skin of reality.

(As he touches it, he is remembers other times the crack was there.)

DOCTOR: A tiny sliver of the 26th of June, 2010. The day the universe blew up.

CLARA: Missed that.

DOCTOR: I rebooted it, put it all back together.

CLARA: That's good.

DOCTOR: Well, it was my Tardis that blew it up in the first place. I felt a degree of responsibility. But the scar tissue remains. A structural weakness in the whole universe. Whoa! And someone's trying to get through it from outside our universe, from somewhere else. Of course. Of course. It makes sense.

CLARA: It does?

DOCTOR: Yes. If you were trying to break through a wall, you'd choose the weakest spot. If you were trying to break into this universe, you'd choose this crack, because. No. If you were trying to break back into this universe. (to Handles) You said Gallifrey. Why did you say Gallifrey?

HANDLES: Analysis of message composition indicates Gallifreyan origin, according to Tardis databanks.

CLARA: You said Gallifrey was gone.

DOCTOR: No. I said it was in another universe. The message is coming through here. The truth field is too, at a guess. If it's the Time Lords. If it's the Time Lords.

(He takes a large round item from his trouser pocket.)

DOCTOR: Seal of the High Council of Gallifrey. Nicked it off the Master in the Death Zone. (Five Doctors) There is an algorithm imprinted in the atomic structure. Use it to decode the message.

(He puts the Seal on Handle's forehead.)

HANDLES: Message decoding. Message analysis proceeding. Information available. The message is a request for information.

DOCTOR: It's a question. Why can't you just say it's a question?

HANDLES: It is being projected through all of time and space on a repeating cycle.

DOCTOR: The oldest question in the universe, hidden in plain sight.

HANDLES: Warning. Translation will be available to all lifeforms in range. Translation follows. Doctor who? (slightly different voice each time.) Doctor who? Doctor who? Doctor who? Doctor who? Doctor who? Doctor who?

(The Daleks hear it, and the Cybermen, and -)

[Papal Mainframe]

VOICE [OC]: Doctor who? Doctor who?

TASHA: Patch me through to the Doctor. Now!

[Tower]

DOCTOR: A question only I could answer. A truth field to make sure I'm not lying. If I give my name, they'll know they've found the right place and that it's safe to come through.

CLARA: The Time Lords? Okay, so what then? If you answer the question and they come back, what happens?

(The Doctor gives Clara a short round device.)

DOCTOR: Er, you need to take this to the Tardis and put it in the charger slot for the sonic.

CLARA: Why?

DOCTOR: Hell. All hell, that's what happens if the Time Lords come back. There's half a universe up there already, waiting to open fire. Now please, go to the Tardis and just do as I say.

(Clara runs.)

TASHA [OC]: Doctor.

[Town]

TASHA: Speak with me.

(Tasha's holographic face hangs large in the sky.)

TASHA: Doctor! Face me now!

(Clara runs into the Tardis and puts the device into the charger.)

[Bell chamber]

TASHA [OC]: Doctor!

(The Doctor goes up to the bell chamber above the clock face, which is very open to the elements and appears to house just the one bell.)

DOCTOR: Mother Superious, there is only one thing I need from you. This planet, what's it called?

TASHA: Trenzalore.

[Tardis]

CLARA: Okay, is that it? Are you doing a clever thing?

(The Tardis engines are running.)

[Bell chamber]

TASHA: If you speak your name, the Time Lords will return.

DOCTOR: If they return, they will come in peace.

TASHA: It doesn't matter. They will be met with a war that will never end. The Time War will begin anew. You know that, Doctor.

[Tardis]

(The engines stop.)

CLARA: Done.

(And runs outside to -)

[Outside the block of flats]

CLARA: No. Don't you dare. No, no!

(The Tardis is starting to dematerialise as she puts her key into the lock.)

[Bell chamber]

DOCTOR: They're asking for my help!

TASHA: And if you give it, war will be the consequence. I will not let that happen, at any cost. Speak your name and this world will burn.

DOCTOR: No, this planet is protected.

(He rings the bell.)

[Town]

(The residents gather. The Doctor comes out of the Tower.)

DOCTOR: So, you lot, a quick word, thank you. Spot of news. Christmas has a new sheriff. Hello, everyone. I'm the Doctor.

[Papal Mainframe]

TASHA: Attention. Attention all Chapels and Choirs of the Papal Mainframe. The siege of Trenzalore is now begun. There will now be an unscheduled faith change. From this moment on, I dedicate this church to one cause. Silence. The Doctor will not speak his name, and war will not begin. Silence will fall!

ALL: Silence will fall! Silence will fall.

TASHA [OC]: In the time that followed, the Papal Mainframe strove to maintain the peace between the Doctor and his enemies.

[Town]

(A set of vehicle tracks is appearing in the snow on the road into town.)

SKARR: We remain undetectable to the Papal Mainframe.

(The Doctor uses his screwdriver and we see the upper halves of two Sontarans. Clearly, they are clones of the same cell line as Strax.)

SONTARAN: Commander Skarr. That's the detection warning. Our invisibility cloak is compromised.

SKARR: What's wrong with it?

SONTARAN: I don't know. I can't see it.

SKARR: Well, it looks invisible to me.

(He hits the side of the semi-visible vehicle. Whoosh, kaBOOM!)

ALBERO [OC]: The Church of the Papal Mainframe apologises for your death. The relevant afterlives have been notified.

TASHA [OC]: As the days passed, and the years, the Doctor stayed true to his word. On the fields of Trenzalore, he stood as protector both of his own people and his new home.

(The Weeping Angels have mirrors placed in front of them, with With Love from the Doctor written on them.)

[Town]

TASHA [OC]: Over the years, his foes would find new, stranger ways to enter the town called Christmas.

(The children are playing a game of blind man's bluff. The blindfolded boy wanders around a little, then hears timbers creaking.)

BARNABLE: Are you there? Hello? Am I getting warm?

(The lad removes his blindfold to look up at a dull brown creaking Cyberman. He runs away.)

BARNABLE: There's another one!

(The Cyberman's flame thrower misses him.)

BARNABLE: There's another one! There's another one!

(He rings alarm bells and the townspeople come out.)

BARNABLE: There's another one! Doctor, Doctor! There's another one!

CYBERMAN: Incinerate. Incinerate.

(An older Doctor, leaning on a cane, comes out of his Tower home.)

CYBERMAN: The Doctor is required.

(The Doctor throws a wooden rifle to Barbable.)

DOCTOR: There you go, Barnable.

BARNABLE: Thanks.

DOCTOR: Working fine. Nice action. Don't leave it out in the rain again.

(A wheeled toy is tossed to another child.)

DOCTOR: Fixed the wheels and the antigrav.

GIRL: The anti what?

DOCTOR: Yeah, may have gone a bit far. Now then, what do we have today? Don't you move one step further. Wooden Cyberman. Nice. Like it.

(He limps over to his foe.)

DOCTOR: Low tech, doesn't set off the alarms upstairs.

(There is a brief High Noon moment between the town sheriff and the newcomer, then the Doctor zaps it with his screwdriver before it manages to raise its creaky arm.)

DOCTOR: Only bit of tech allowed in. Got in before the truce. Now, I just sent an instruction to your firearm to reverse the polarity and fire out the back end. Now, as we're standing in a truth field, you will understand I cannot be lying. If you like, you can scan my screwdriver, verify that's the signal I sent.

CYBERMAN: Signal verified.

(The Cyberman's arm weapon turns around and fires its flamethrower through its chest.)

DOCTOR: Yes. I probably should have mentioned this doesn't work on wood. You send your friends up there a message from the Doctor. You tell them the Doctor stays.

(He prods the Cyberman with his cane and it falls backwards.)

DOCTOR: Next.

(The village has a party to celebrate this triumph.)

TASHA [OC]: With every victory, the town celebrated.

DOCTOR: And there's me arm-wrestling a Draconian. I remember that.

TASHA [OC]: In time, the Doctor seemed to forget he'd lived any other life.

DOCTOR: Christmas is defended.

(He pins up children's drawings of their defeated enemies in the Tower.)

TASHA [OC]: And the people of the town came to love the man who stayed for Christmas.

DOCTOR: You've got to be the drunk giraffe. You've got to commit! Don't be cool, guys. Cool is not cool.

CHILDREN: Cool is not cool!

DOCTOR: And what's the dance we're doing?

CHILDREN: The drunk giraffe!

DOCTOR: The drunk giraffe. Yeah, it is. Merry Christmas. Give me a hug. Bring it in.

CHILDREN: Yeah!

(The Doctor mingles.)

DOCTOR: How's your father's barn?

BARNABLE: You've fixed the leak all right, but he says it's bigger on the inside now.

DOCTOR: Shush, they'll all want one.

(There is the sound of a wheezing time rotor.)

BARNABLE: What is it? What's that noise.

(The Tardis is trying to materialise.)

DOCTOR: Well. Where have you been for three hundred years? Ha!

BARNABLE: What's that?

DOCTOR: It's my ship.

BARNABLE: Your what?

DOCTOR: It's my Tardis. That's how I got here in the first place.

BARNABLE: Does this mean you're leaving?

(The Tardis fully materialises, with Clara still on the outside holding her key in the lock. He taps her on the back with his cane.)

DOCTOR: What are you doing here?

CLARA: I was in space.

DOCTOR: Well, you were in the time vortex. She must have extended the force field. No wonder. No wonder she's late, dragging you around.

(They walk away from the Tardis.)

CLARA: You tricked me.

DOCTOR: I saved you.

CLARA: You didn't even say goodbye!

DOCTOR: I'm furious with you!

CLARA: Well, I am not even talking to you!

(They laugh and hug.)

[Tower]

CLARA: Ha.

(She looks at the drawings and his workbench.)

CLARA: Oh, Doctor. Fixing toys and fighting monsters.

DOCTOR: The turkey isn't done yet.

CLARA: Is it still asking the question?

DOCTOR: Oh, never stops. Come upstairs. It's almost time.

CLARA: What for?

DOCTOR: Dawn. The light here lasts only a few minutes. You don't want to miss it.

[Bell chamber]

(He carries Handles up the stairs. A small fire is burning in the chamber.)

DOCTOR: Well, it's a standoff. They can't attack in case I unleash the Time Lords, and I can't run away, because they'll burn this planet to stop the Time Lords. Hey, after all these years, I've finally found somewhere that needs me to stick around. A town called Christmas. Could've been worse. Right, there you go, buddy. Comfy?

HANDLES: Comfort is irrelevant.

DOCTOR: How's that, is that better?

HANDLES: Affirmative.

DOCTOR: You just take it easy, buddy. He's getting old. I do my best for him, but I just can't get the parts, you know. Hey, I know the feeling.

(He is roasting marshmallows on the open fire.)

CLARA: Where did you get those?

DOCTOR: I have a supplier. The pink ones are best.

HANDLES: I have developed a fault.

DOCTOR: Hey, don't you worry, Handles. you're just dreaming. The sun's coming up very soon. You just hang on in there.

HANDLES: I have developed a fault. I, I have developed a fault.

DOCTOR: Hey, Handles. Come on. Come on. One more dawn, you can do it. You've got it in you. Come on, just hang on in there.

HANDLES: Attention. Emergency. Attention.

DOCTOR: Handles, what is it? What's wrong?

HANDLES: Urgent action required. You must patch the telephone device back through the console unit.

(Handles' lights go out.)

DOCTOR: Come back. Handles? Handles. Oh. Thank you, Handles, and well done. Well done, mate.

(The sun rises between the mountains, and birds sing to greet it.)

DOCTOR: What do you think of my new place? I come up here once a day for a few minutes, to remind myself of what it is I'm protecting.

CLARA: It's beautiful. Why did you send me away?

DOCTOR: Because if I hadn't, I'd have buried you a long time ago.

CLARA: No, you wouldn't. I would never have let you get stuck here.

DOCTOR: Ha! Everyone gets stuck somewhere eventually, Clara. Everything ends.

CLARA: Except you.

DOCTOR: Have you been paying attention? I'm an old man now.

CLARA: But you don't die. You change. You pop right back up with a new face.

DOCTOR: No, not for ever. I can change twelve times. Thirteen versions of me. Thirteen silly Doctors.

CLARA: Okay, so you're number eleven, so

DOCTOR: Ha. Are we forgetting Captain Grumpy, eh? I didn't call myself the Doctor during the Time War, but it was still a regeneration.

CLARA: Okay, so you're number twelve.

DOCTOR: Well, number ten once regenerated and kept the same face. I had vanity issues at the time. Twelve regenerations, Clara. I can't ever do it again. This is where I end up. This face, this version of me. We saw this planet in the future, remember? All those graves, one of them mine.

(The sun is setting.)

CLARA: Change the future.

DOCTOR: I can't.

CLARA: You've got your Tardis back.

DOCTOR: Ha! You think I'm just going to fly away, abandon everyone?

CLARA: Of course not. But you've been protecting this town for over three hundred years. Do you not think it's anybody else's go yet?

DOCTOR: There is no one else to protect it.

CLARA: It's not going to be you for ever. It'll end the same way, whatever you do.

DOCTOR: Every life I save is a victory. Every single one.

CLARA: What about your life? Just for once, after all this time, have you not earned the right to think about that? Sorry. Wrong thing to say. We shouldn't be having an argument.

DOCTOR: Clara, I've been having that argument for the last three hundred years, all by myself.

CLARA: But you didn't have your Tardis.

DOCTOR: Ah. Yes, well, that made it easier to stay. True.

(Thunder in the darkening sky.)

TASHA [OC]: Doctor!

DOCTOR: Ah. Look who's woken up.

(The holographic face is in the sky.)

TASHA: The Church of the Silence requests parlay. Your rights and safety are sanctified.

DOCTOR: I'll be right up.

TASHA: I'm sending a transporter.

DOCTOR: Nah, don't bother. I've got me motor back.

CLARA: It's gone dark.

DOCTOR: Yeah, well, the sun's gone down.

CLARA: Already?

DOCTOR: Everything ends, Clara. And sooner than you think.

[Town]

(The Doctor spots a tiny hand behind the Tardis.)

DOCTOR: Hmm. Are you guarding my Tardis, Barnable?

BARNABLE: Are you coming back?

DOCTOR: Oh, come on. You know me.

BARNABLE: I'll wait.

[Papal Mainframe]

CLARA: She hasn't aged much.

DOCTOR: No, she's against ageing.

TASHA: Approach.

SILENT: Confess.

CLARA: What are those things?

SILENT: Confess.

DOCTOR: Confessional priests. Very popular. Genetically engineered so you forget everything you told them.

CLARA: Told who?

DOCTOR: There you go.

[Chapel]

(The bed has been replaced by a large table. Tasha places a big box in front of the Doctor. He looks inside.)

TASHA: Satisfactory?

DOCTOR: Where are the pink ones?

TASHA: E numbers. You're hyper enough as it is.

CLARA: So, this is sweet. Middle of a siege and you two have little chats?

TASHA: She's right. This situation cannot continue.

DOCTOR: It can't end, either.

[Papal Mainframe]

DALEK: Report.

(A Papal Mainframe colonel raises her head. She and her companions have short eye-stalks on their foreheads.)

MEME: The Time Lord has entered the trap.

(The rest of the Papal troops and Silents have eyestalks pop out of their heads.)

[Chapel]

TASHA: Why did you ever come to Trenzalore?

DOCTOR: Well, I did come to Trenzalore, and nothing can change that now. Didn't stop you trying though, did it?

TASHA: Not me. The Kovarian Chapter broke away. They travelled back along your timeline and tried to prevent you ever reaching Trenzalore.

DOCTOR: So that's who blew up my Tardis. I thought I'd left the bath running.

TASHA: They blew up your time capsule, created the very cracks in the universe through which the Time Lords are now calling.

DOCTOR: The destiny trap. You can't change history if you're part of it.

TASHA: They engineered a psychopath to kill you.

DOCTOR: Totally married her. I'd never have made it here alive without River Song.

TASHA: I'm not interested in changing history, Doctor. I want to change the future. The Daleks send for reinforcements daily. They are massing for war. Three days ago, they attacked the Mainframe itself.

DOCTOR: They attacked here?

CLARA: How did you stop them?

TASHA: Stop them? It was slaughter.

DOCTOR: Why didn't you call me? I could have helped.

TASHA: I tried. I died in this room, screaming your name.

DOCTOR: No.

TASHA: Oh. I died. It's funny the things that slip your mind. Ah!

DOCTOR: No! No, no, no. Tasha, no, please, not Tasha. No. Fight it. Tash, fight it!

(A Dalek eyestalk comes out of her forehead, then real Daleks enters.)

DALEK: Step away from the Dalek unit, Doctor.

DOCTOR: You shouldn't even know who I am.

DALEK: Information concerning the Doctor was harvested from the cadaver of Tasha Lem.

DOCTOR: Bet she never told you how to break through the Trenzalore forcefield, though. She'd have died first.

DALEK 2: Several times.

DOCTOR: Well, you'd better kill me, then. Go on. But before you do

(He sonicks the message into the room.)

VOICE [OC]: Doctor who? Doctor who? Doctor who?

DOCTOR: I'm a tough old bird. I'll be ages dying. Way enough time to answer a question. And, oh dear, what happens then, boys?

(Tasha grabs Clara's neck from behind, and energy plays over her hands.)

DALEK: You will die in silence, Doctor, or your associate will die.

DOCTOR: Fine, go on, kill her. Kill her! See if I care. But tell me, what you are going to do next?

DALEK: See how the Time Lord betrays.

CLARA: You'll kill me anyway. What difference does it make? I'm not afraid. I'll leave that to you.

DOCTOR: You see, Tasha, that's what I'm talking about. That is a woman! I always knew you were a bit spineless, you and your pointless church. Why did I ever rely on you? Never trust a nun to do a Doctor's work.

(Tasha turns on the Doctor, releasing Clara, and slaps him. Then she blasts the Daleks into flames.)

DOCTOR: And she's back!

(The Doctor kisses Tasha. The eyestalk goes back into her forehead leaving a scar.)

DOCTOR: You never could resist a row.

TASHA: Kiss me when I ask.

DOCTOR: Well, you'd better ask nicely.

TASHA: In your dreams.

DOCTOR: Right, get us back to the Tardis. Can you do that?

TASHA: Yeah, but quickly, the Dalek inside me is waking.

DOCTOR: Fight it.

TASHA: I can't.

DOCTOR: Listen to me. You have been fighting the psychopath inside you all your life. Shut up and win. That is an order, Tasha Lem.

(The Doctor and Clara get into the confessional teleport booths.)

TASHA: The forcefield will hold for a while, but it will decay, and there are breaches already.

DOCTOR: Then this isn't a siege any more, it's a war. It's all up to you now. Fight the Daleks, inside and out. You can do it, I know you can.

TASHA: Oh, I see. You've got your Tardis back, haven't you? Time to fly away.

DOCTOR: Tasha, please. Please. Thank you.

TASHA: None of this was for you, you fatuous egotist. It was for the peace. Fly away, Doctor!

[Tardis]

(The Tardis lands. A bell goes ting!)

DOCTOR: It's done.

CLARA: What is?

DOCTOR: Your turkey. Either that or its woken up.

CLARA: Do you want some?

DOCTOR: Go on, then.

CLARA: Got any plates?

DOCTOR: Do you know, I've even got Christmas crackers.

CLARA: One thing. Give me those big sad eyes, look at me so I know you're not lying, and tell me you will never send me away ever again.

DOCTOR: Clara Oswald, I will never send you away again.

(Clara kisses his cheek and goes down to get the turkey.)

CLARA: Turkey smells good!

DOCTOR: Yeah, smells great.

(The Doctor looks at young Barnable on the scanner.)

CLARA: Perfect.

(He puts the device into the charger as Clara removes the well done turkey from the vortex cooker.)

CLARA: Merry Christmas.

(When she comes back up the stairs -)

CLARA: Doctor?

(And goes outside to her block of flats. The Tardis dematerialises behind her.)

[Town]

BARNABLE: If you're not leaving, why did you bring it back?

DOCTOR: It's a reminder. Besides, I might leave tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the day after that.

(Time passes. Metal Cybermen beam in and start shooting. The villagers scream and run as the Papal troops and Silents fight back.)

TASHA [OC]: And so, to the fields of Trenzalore came all the Time Lord's enemies. For this was the winter of the Doctor. In time, when all other races had retreated or burned, only the Church of the Mainframe remained in the path of the Daleks. And so those ancient enemies, the Doctor and the Silence, stood back to back on the fields of Trenzalore.

[Clara's flat]

(It was not a happy meal.)

TOY PENGUIN: Merry Christmas, everyone. Merry Christmas, everyone.

LINDA: Other fish in the sea, that's what I'm saying.

DAD: Linda, I don't think Clara wants to talk about it.

LINDA: I've got a suggestion, that's all. I've got a list of suggestions.

DAD: Linda.

LINDA: You could make a boy band out of my list.

CLARA: I hate boy bands.

LINDA: Of course you don't, not at your age.

GRAN: These crackers are rubbish.

LINDA: I bought them.

GRAN: I know.

LINDA: They're classy.

GRAN: They don't have jokes.

LINDA: Exactly.

GRAN: They've got poems.

LINDA: They're more dramatic crackers.

GRAN: I like the jokes.

CLARA: Tell us a joke, Gran. You know loads of jokes.

LINDA: I think we're probably talking about my list now.

CLARA: Probably not.

DAD: Tell us how you met Dad. The thing about the pigeon.

GRAN: I saw him on a pier on a rainy day.

DAD: No, no, not that one. The one about the pigeon.

GRAN: I'd seen him before, lots of times, but he just looked so beautiful standing there.

DAD: The pigeon in the restaurant. You remember?

GRAN: I wanted everything to stop. I wanted nothing to change ever again.

(Clara starts crying.)

GRAN: If he could just keep standing there, so beautiful. A long time ago. Don't hug me so tight, dear. You'll break something.

LINDA: Oh, that's nice. Crying at Christmas.

CLARA: Sorry.

GRAN: I hope you made a wish.

(The sound of a time rotor is heard. Clara gets up and runs out to the kitchen window to see the Tardis appearing.)

DAD: Clara? What's wrong, Clara.

CLARA: Everybody just stay put.

(She grabs a cracker from the table and leaves.)

[Tardis]

(The Doctor is not inside. A woman is.)

CLARA: You can fly the Tardis?

TASHA: Flying the Tardis was always easy. It was flying the Doctor I never quite mastered.

CLARA: What's happened to him?

[Town]

(Everything is in flames as people run to and fro.)

CLARA: What am I supposed to do?

TASHA: He shouldn't die alone. Go to him.

[Tower]

(The Doctor is working on a wooden dog.)

DOCTOR: Barnable?

CLARA: Clara.

(A venerable Doctor with thin grey hair drops the toy and looks around in his chair.)

CLARA: Hello, Doctor.

DOCTOR: Were you always so young?

CLARA: Nah, that was you.

DOCTOR: Ah.

(He kisses her hand.)

[Town]

DALEK: Seek the Doctor.

[Tower]

CLARA: Merry Christmas.

DOCTOR: Merry Christmas.

(They try to pull the cracker, but his hand isn't strong enough.)

CLARA: Hey, it's okay. It's all right, don't worry.

(She helps him make the cracker go bang.)

DOCTOR: Ah! Is there a joke? Ha?

(Clara reads the slip of paper.)

CLARA: Extract from Thoughts on a Clock by Eric Ritchie junior.

DOCTOR: Is it a knock knock one? Those are best.

CLARA: I don't think so.

DOCTOR: Well, read it. Go on.

CLARA: And now it's time for one last bow, like all your other selves. Eleven's hour is over now. The clock is striking twelve's.

DOCTOR: I don't get it.

DALEK [OC]: Doctor! The Doctor will be brought!

(A huge Dalek Mothership hovers over the village.)

DALEK [OC]: The Daleks demand the Doctor.

(A young man runs in.)

YOUNG MAN: They're here. The Daleks, we can't stop them. They want you.

DOCTOR: Oh, all right, Barnable. Are you Barnable?

YOUNG MAN: No, Doctor.

DOCTOR: It's okay, Barnable, don't worry. I have got a plan. Off you pop.

(The young man leaves to the sounds of explosions outside.)

DOCTOR: I haven't got a plan, but people love it when I say that.

CLARA: Doctor, what are you going to do?

DOCTOR: Oh, I don't know. Talk very fast, hope something good happens, take the credit. That's generally how it works.

CLARA: Doctor

DOCTOR: Not this time, though. This is it.

CLARA: No!

DOCTOR: Yes. We saw the future, Clara. This is how it ends.

CLARA: Change it.

DOCTOR: Ha.

CLARA: Like Tasha said, change the future.

DOCTOR: I could have once, when there were Time Lords. Not any more.

[Town]

(The Daleks are by the Tardis.)

DALEK: Locate the Doctor.

[Tower]

DOCTOR: No. You're going to stay here. Promise me you will.

CLARA: Why?

DOCTOR: I'll be keeping you safe. One last victory. Allow me that. Give me that, my impossible girl. Thank you. And goodbye.

(He wipes away her tears and totters off up the stairs.)

DOCTOR: The trouble with Daleks is, they take so long to say anything. Probably die of boredom before they shoot me.

DALEK [OC]: The Doctor is required!

(Clara goes to the crack in the wall.)

CLARA: Listen to me, you lot. Listen! Help him. Help him change the future. Do it. Do something.

DALEK [OC]: Doctor!

CLARA: You've been asking a question, and it's time someone told you you've been getting it wrong. His name, his name is the Doctor. All the name he needs. Everything you need to know about him. And if you love him, and you should, help him. Help him.

(Clara finally turns away, then the crack snaps shut. She runs outside to join the villagers and the Daleks, who are looking up at the Doctor in the bell chamber.)

[Bell chamber]

DOCTOR: Sorry I'm a bit slow. I may not be at my best right now.

DALEK [OC]: You are dying, Doctor.

DOCTOR: Yes, I'm dying. You've been trying to kill me for centuries, and here I am, dying of old age. If you want something done, do it yourself.

DALEK [OC]: You will die, and the Time Lords will never return.

DOCTOR: You still can't work up the courage to shoot me, can you? You're still worried I've got something up my sleeve. Well, you knock yourselves out, boys. I've got nothing this time.

(Flying Daleks fire at the troops on the ground, making the townsfolk scream. Then the crack opens in the sky and golden regeneration energy enters the Doctor's mouth. His eyes widen in surprise and his hands begin to glow.)

DALEK [OC]: You will die now, Doctor. This is the end of you.

(The crack disappears.)

DALEK [OC]: The rules of regeneration are known. You have expended all your lives.

DOCTOR: Sorry, what did you say? Did you mention the rules? Now, listen. Bit of advice. Tell me the truth if you think you know it. Lay down the law if you're feeling brave. But, Daleks, never, ever tell me the rules!

DALEK [OC]: Emergency! Emergency! The Doctor is regenerating!

(The Tower clock strikes twelve. The Doctor is feeling more youthful already, although he doesn't look it.)

DALEK [OC]: The Doctor is regenerating!

DOCTOR: Oh, look at this. Regeneration number thirteen. We're breaking some serious science here, boys. I tell you what, it's going to be a whopper!

DALEK [OC]: Exterminate! Exterminate the Doctor.

DOCTOR: You think you can stop me now, Daleks? If you want my life, ha, ha, come and get it!

(The Doctor winds up his arm and fires a big stream of energy out from his hand.)

[Town]

CLARA: Get inside! Come on, quickly. Get inside, quick.

(The Doctor fires of more energy from the other hand as Clara gets the survivors into the Tower. The burning remains of flying Daleks tumble to the ground.)

[Bell chamber]

DOCTOR: Love from Gallifrey, boys!

(Then a final blast from his head up to the Dalek Mothership. Mega KaBOOM! and the shockwave rips open the remaining Daleks on the ground. It even rocks the Tardis as it travels out of the town and through the countryside. Then silence falls.)

[Town]

(Later, Clara leads the people out to survey the wreckage.)

CLARA: Doctor?

(She sees the Tardis' external emergency telephone hanging off its hook and replaces it, then goes inside.)

[Tardis]

(The Doctor's village clothes are scattered on the floor, and a nearly empty bowl of fish fingers and custard is on the console. There are footsteps on the stairs. Her bow-tied young Doctor smiles at her.)

CLARA: Doctor!

DOCTOR: Hello.

CLARA: You're young again. You're okay. You didn't even change your face.

DOCTOR: Ha! It's started. I can't stop it now. This is just the reset. A whole new regeneration cycle. Ooo.

(He finishes his custard.)

DOCTOR: Taking a bit longer. Just breaking it in. Oh. Oh. Gah.

(He starts the Tardis' engines.)

DOCTOR: It all just disappears, doesn't it? Everything you are, gone in a moment, like breath on a mirror. Any moment now, he's a-coming.

CLARA: Who's coming?

DOCTOR: The Doctor.

CLARA: But you, you are the Doctor.

DOCTOR: Yep, and I always will be.

(His hands are glowing.)

DOCTOR: But times change, and so must I.

(The Doctor sees a young Amy Pond run up the stairs, laughing.)

DOCTOR: Amelia?

CLARA: Who's Amelia?

DOCTOR: The first face this face saw. We all change, when you think about it. We're all different people all through our lives. And that's okay, that's good, you've got to keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be. I will not forget one line of this. Not one day. I swear. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.

(Then he sees a vision of a red-haired woman with black painted fingernails walk down the stairs to him.)

AMY: Raggedy man. Good night.

(They touch each others cheeks, and she disappears. The Doctor removes his bow tie and drops it on the floor. His face is in pain.)

CLARA: No, no.

DOCTOR: Hey

CLARA: Please don't change.

(The Doctor jerks backwards as Matt Smith and then forwards as Peter Capaldi. Tall, grey haired, piercing blue eyes and a Scottish burr. My kind of man. The new Doctor and Clara stare into each others eyes, then he jerks back and forward again.)

DOCTOR: Kidneys! I've got new kidneys. I don't like the colour.

CLARA: Of your kidneys?

(The Tardis starts lurching from side to side.)

CLARA: What's happening?

DOCTOR: We're probably crashing. Oh!

CLARA: Into what?

DOCTOR: Stay calm. Just one question. Do you happen to know how to fly this thing?