| Forever Dreaming https://foreverdreaming.org/ |
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| 04x03 - I Heart NJ https://foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?f=177&t=11656 |
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| Author: | bunniefuu [ 10/08/08 02:05 ] |
| Post subject: | 04x03 - I Heart NJ |
Ted, Marshall, Lily and Robin are in McClaren's. Ted (2030): During the fall of 2008, I had a little problem. Barney comes dressed in a odd. Barney: Well, I must go to Stella. Tonight is the big night. I tried before, I always failed. This time I will succeed. Tonight... I am a lesbian. Robin, your lipstick. Ted: Oh, no! Take pictures, okay? Barney: Hi, Ted. Ted (2030): I lived in New York, but Stella was living across the river in New Jersey... Ted comes home and finds Stella on the couch, asleep, in undress. Ted: Oh, no! Ted (2030):... So I took the train all the time. Man: What's up, Ted? Ted: Hi, Matisse. Ted arrives at the bar. Marshall: Theodore! Barney: T-Diddy! You've missed that! Lily: Robin has had the job of presenter. Robin: And we have a free bottle of champagne. Marshall: But it's empty now. Ted: Oh, no! Ted (2030): So, it was always as if I missed any. Ted comes back with Stella where she is at table with her daughter. Stella: Sorry, we could not wait. It cooled. Ted: Oh, no! Lucy: Hey, big. Ted: What's up, G? Stella: Are you okay? Ted: Yeah, okay. It's just that... You know, I want to spend time with you, with my friends. I seem to spend my life on the train. Stella: Exactly, why not you invited your friends to come here? Ted: It's a great idea. Marshall, Lily, Barney and Ted are in the bar. Marshall: You want us to go in New Jersey? Oh, that's great. Ted: Why? Barney: First, I no longer have my gold medallions. I sold them when they are out of date, 400 years ago. Ted: Lily? Lily: I'm sorry, Ted. I am a New Yorker pure juice. I am programmed to despise and hate New Jersey and all it represents. Why I say that? You hate him more than anyone. Ted: What? I love New Jersey. Why you say that? Flashback Ted returned to the apartment. Ted: And then he walks past me. I hate you not respect the queue more than New Jersey. In fact, this is false. There's nothing I hate more than New Jersey. Then he arrives at the bar with a T-shirt indicating he did not like New Jersey. Ted: Great, huh? Marshall and Lily out of the apartment. Marshall: It's waiting for you? Ted: No, it'll take a while. I have to drop a massive New Jersey. End flashback Ted: So New Jersey is not my favorite place. But when we get married, and they have moved in with me, I will never stay there. Unless I see the Giants and I evacuated New York or I get rid of a body. Lily: Ted, if you murdered me and bury me in New Jersey, I'll haunt thee for ever. Ted: And if I assassinate and bury you somewhere else? Lily: I'll leave you alone. I'm sure you had your reasons. GENERIC Ted (2030): Children, your Aunt Robin was tired of his job, tired of lousy production... Robin: I am Robin Scherbatsky, and you look... (The Metro M falls) Etro New One to 23h. (Thus the one from 11 pm) And again at 1am. Ted (2030):... tired of the stories she had to announce. Robin: So hurry up and vote for the cutest dog in New York. Ted (2030):... and most of all, fed up with stupid puns. Robin: Four workers were electrocuted when a subway train derailed. Stay here for more... de-rail shocking. Joel, people died. Ted (2030): So, when she knew she was national presenter, she could finally say the words she longed to say for years. Lily, Marshall, Barney and Ted Metro New One look at the bar. Robin: Tonight is my last issue. I arrived in Metro New One as a small caterpillar. And for 4 years, this office was my cocoon.But tonight, I turned into a butterfly ambitious. Marshall: Why it looks silly? She had a stroke? Ted: Yeah, a stroke of genius. This speech is really good. Robin: With an eye on the horizon, a look at the truth, and an eye on you all. Lily: It's you who wrote, right? Ted: This is a modified version of one I did when I left the swim team because of an ear problem. Marshall: You wore towels. Ted: It's part of the team. Ted (2030): This Saturday, when Robin left for his first day, we crossed the river to experience the amazing nightlife of New Jersey. The band is at Stella except Robin. Ted: Stella has not found a babysitter, you're stuck. Instead, we'll all stay here and it'll be awesome. Stella: Well, there are games, there are movies. And there shall be beer in the garage. Stella goes out to the garage. Marshall: It's pathetic. It's Saturday night. We should get drunk in a bar. I know this sounds depressing, almost tragic, but it is a fact. Barney: Yeah, and I want another drink for this girl, Doris. I know I can ask this aircraft lesbian. Marshall: No snakes on that plane. Ted: Come on guys, you promised. We stay there and we try to have fun. We're all here. Being with friends. It's not that the primary? Lily: With the next train, you can be in McClaren's to 23h. Barney: You can be at 22h. Lily: No, I have to change. I'm not feeling in New Jersey. Stella came back with beers in their hands. Stella: You really hate this part. Marshall: What? No! Stella: No, I understand, you're New Yorkers, you need a bar.You could go to the coolest bar in the state, which is so close that you will not believe it. (They descend the basement) and bang, here. The coolest bar in New Jersey. Lily: Yeah, probably. Ted: That's great! We have darts. A half ping-pong. An aquarium. Look how it's getting a great night as planned. One could make the bait and watch them fight. Barney: No thank you. I play not with aquariums unless they are my two favorite animals: the pilot fish and torturlute. Did you see! Ted: For torturlute? You're right. Barney: Marshall. Marshall: You deserve better than that. Barney: Lily. Lily: Not good enough. Barney: Stella. Stella: Sorry. Barney: I fall not rest until we not make me respect for another person's knuckles brushing against mine so sweet, but manly.Small, small... Small, small... Small... Who's the baby? Know that as long as it does not have what he wants. No, deserves.This fist will not waver. It... bow... not. Stella: Who wants to play Scrabble? Lily: Yes, why not. Stella: Look, the letter "X" is a bit difficult to read because a few years ago, she walked into my dog. You know, we should get a dog when you come to live here. Ted: When I what? Stella: Super. This is Robin. She gets up and goes back to go open the door. Lily: I thought they came to live with you. Ted: Me too. My God, I moved to New Jersey? Barney: Guys, I'm sure the dog had to soaring after swallowing the tablet X. Too good! Go! Ted: I can not live here. Marshall: It's not so bad. You can put a mini fridge, there, and perhaps an air hockey. Barney: Air Hockey. Well done my fat. Ted: I speak of New Jersey in general, not the basement. She wants me moved? I do not get it. It was discussed there for months. Flashback Ted and Stella have a drink at the apartment. Ted: I thought that after marriage, Lucy and you could sit here. Stella: Yeah, it could play in the fire escape, be friend with the guy who sleeps on a couch in the driveway, biking on Broadway. Great idea, Ted. End flashback Ted: I understand why they want to live in New Jersey when you can live in Manhattan? I thought my apartment was one of his reasons for marrying me. Barney: Seriously, I thought it was the only one. Too much!(Robin arrives in the basement) You're glowing. Tape the Barnacle. Robin: Stella has already warned me. Marshall: So, your first day? Robin: It was not. All: What? Robin: It was not my first day. I arrived and there were 20 people. In fact, I have not really got the job. I just had an interview. Barney: How so? Robin: I know. He told me that I had had it. Flashback Robin is in the toilet of the bar, on the phone. Robin: I got it? I got it! Robin puts his phone and dance. Voice: Let's be clear, when I say "you", I mean the interview.You have the interview. I do not want there to be confusion.You only maintenance. Not the job. She takes her phone. Robin: Thank you! Thank you! End flashback Robin: I'll call and beg Joel for giving me my job. Marshall: No! Lily: You hate that job. Robin: It was not so bad. Lily: How they made you call the Hurricane Hector when he was pouring with rain? Robin: A cycorde. Marshall: You're in the eye of cycorde. Ted: Thank you. Barney: Naughty. Robin: That sucks, but I can do what? I will not have another job. You would have seen other women in the interview. They were all more experienced, more "ethnic". There was a black girl with blue eyes. How can I compete? Barney: You can not. Lily: You can compete with anyone. You're Robin Scherbatsky. Confident, strong, great. With super long legs that look great in shorts. Robin: I called Joel. Barney: If you call now, you'll regret it. I slept with me full of women who were then sent to graze and then decamped. And sometimes they take the phone and they call me and do it again. And when we finished, I see that look on their faces, that look that says they hate themselves and they would never have known. But if you could see this look... In fact, you can see that look, there is a video, www... Robin: Come on. I will not call. Stella (descending): not Drink Beer! I remember when I bought it. That was before she became pregnant with Lucy. You can go pick on PriceCo? While you will be there, get yourself a map. You surely will go there all the time. Barney: This is the look. Ted and Marshall are at the supermarket. Ted: I can not live here. I hate being here. I would kill myself. Marshall: New Jersey is not so bad. Stella has a lawn. You can have a lawn mower. They sell there. I've seen with a cup holder. I saw a deck chair with a cup holder. I even saw a hammock with a cup holder. You live in New Jersey, you will not have to hold a cup. Ted: It asks me no problem holding a cup, unlike you. Stella... Barney: I'll give you $ 100 for hitting my fist. $ 200. Lily: Drop it, Barney. Your arm should make you suffer. Barney: $ 10 000. At the supermarket... Marshall: You'll be on the other side of the river. You'll be in New York all the time. Ted: I'm sorry. You are in New York? Woman: We lived in Manhattan. Ted: Are you in town? Woman: All the time. Marshall: You see? All the time. Ted: When was the last time? Man: We dined with O'Rourke. Ted: It's been closed for six years. Woman: It's been a while. Funny, not that we lack. Man: I guess is the New Jersey-vegans, now. Honey, look, T-shirt with dogs. Ted: I can not do that. I'll tell Stella she and Lucy are coming to town and that's it. Marshall: What do you think guys? Beagle, or Boston terrier? Stella... Lily: It's the tears? Barney: They are magnificent... manly tears of pain. They are not emotional. They are a little emotional. Lily: Where is Robin? They date back to the lounge where Robin phone. Robin: Shirley, this is Robin. I called Joel. Barney: Robin, hangs up. Do not do that. Robin: Sorry, I know, OK? Lily: If you hang up no... Robin: Stop! Joel, this is Robin. Joel: So, Ms. Papillon wants to return to his cocoon. Robin: I'm sorry for saying all this stuff. Joel: You can put your socks with your apology, for you have already been replaced. Brian is the makeup and it could not be more excited. Biran: I can not do that. I can not do that. Joel: Look, although I want to see what college is over for the camera, if you can be here for the 23h, you can get your job. Robin hangs up. Robin: Ok, I have half an hour to arrive at the studio. Lily: You can never be in town in 30 minutes. Barney: Do not do it. It's scary to bet on itself, if you do not, nobody will. I'm not saying that to pat my fist. Even if a punch would be great. I mean it. Robin: I bet on me. I bet I can be there for 23h. She leaves home and takes Stella the bike that is on the porch. It is 10:31 p.m.. Marshall and Ted back. Stella: You got the beer? Ted: Yeah, I took a pack of 144. The rest is in the trunk. Stella: And you registered? Ted: No. Stella: Why? Ted: Was in line for the pictures, my hair is in the air... I want to live in New Jersey. Stella: What? Ted: I can not. And I see no reason that you did not come to New York. Stella: My daughter goes to school here. All his friends are here. I have lived here all my life. My whole family is here. This is my house. I'm at the EPA. And since June 1, I am the deputy mayor. Ted: Yes, but my apartment is close to the Metro. Stella: It moves not, end of discussion. Ted: How does it "end of discussion"? It never was. Stella: That's what being a parent. I want to uproot Lucy. Ted: People with kids are moving all the time. It would be great for Lucy to grow up in the largest city in the world. Stella: It is. New York is the largest city in the world. Where the dream come true and of pigeon shit tastes like tapioca. Want a little secret? New Jersey... is better than New York. Ted: Better than...? You think...? I... The Empire State Buil...H and H Bage... The center Linco... Zabar's... Papaya King.New York is the cultural and intellectual center of the planet. Stella: New York is full of crazies, snobs and bad people. You know that once an old woman called me a slut and gave me a cat in his face? And you want to know if it's the same in New Jersey? 86th and Lex, right in front of your dear little Papaya King. The people of New Jersey are nice. This is the kind of place where you know your neighbors. Ted: Hey, I know my neighbors! Stella: Yes, that kind? Ted: At the other end of the hall, there is... Clax... pa... I. Stella: Claxpamon? Lily: It is called Paxton. Ted: I love this guy. 10:47 p.m., Robin is the bike on the train. Robin: Sorry, I'm in a hurry. I go to before I go down first. Matisse: Do not spill Matisse. Basement of Stella... Lily: Ok, this is crazy. You can not believe that New Jersey is better than New York. In New York, there was Broadway. No need to say more. Barney: Oh, yes. Tape for safety. Stella: It was Atlantic City. Barney: You can not beat A.C. Pity! Nobody needs to know. Ted: New York has Greenwich Village. Stella: New Jersey coast. Barney: Chronicles of the Oscar-winning on urban neurotic.Tape! Stella: Bruce Springsteen. Ted: Sinatra. Stella: It's in Hoboken... New Jersey. Ted: But that city he sings? This is not "Secaucus, Secaucus." 10:56 p.m., Robin slalom between the cars. Ted (2030): Children, believe it or not, but Aunt Robin swears it happened like this... Robin takes flight and goes over the cars creating a traffic jam. Stella... Lily: Look, Stella, I understand that coming from New Jersey, you think not to like New York, but believe me, Marshall did not believe it either, and now he would move for anything. Marshall: I hate New York! Sorry, but it's true. Today, I passed PriceCo. You've already been? It's huge. The New York stores are cramped. When I turn, I spill something. I'm like a big monster out of the ocean to destroy bodegas. Lily: but, Marshall, you love New York. Marshall: Yes, except I hate it. I'm too big for New York! I try to hold seats in the cramped subway or stoop under doors over 150 years. People are taller, have larger doors. What is your problem? Barney: Small town, big men, then tope. Marshall: It is too noisy, all the time. Yes, it is the city that never sleeps. Well, I would sleep well. I'm tired for 8 years. Tired and scared, with black and blue marks on my elbows to try to keep between the gateway for elves. New Jersey's great. There are department stores, and lawn and you do not have to wear a cup. For the rest of your life. I'm not afraid to say so. I love New Jersey. Just kidding. Ted: I understand, OK? I see what you mean. I guess... we could live in Brooklyn. Stella: You know what, Ted... Live wherever you want. I do not care. Stella back. Barney: Silence embarrassed. Tope then. Ted goes upstairs to see Stella. Ted: Hey, Lucy. What are you doing up? Lucy: There was noise in the cellar. Ted: Sorry. Go back to sleep. Lucy: I can not sleep without a story. Ted: Ok, I'll get your mom... Lucy: Why do you not read me one? Ted: Let's go. Ted reads a story to Lucy while Stella is sitting on the stairs.Lucy falls asleep and Ted goes down to the lounge where he hugged from behind Stella. Ted: I moved here. Stella: Really? Ted: Really. New Jersey wins. 10:59 p.m., Robin arrives at the studio of Metro New One. Robin: Oh, thank you! Wait. Good evening, New York. Barney: Look, it did. Robin: Our story tonight, the baby panda at the zoo in Central Park made his first tooth today. I think that makes him a... Bear molar. Bear molar. Bear molar. You know what? It's really over for me. Good night, New York. Lily: It really stops. Barney: You think you're there for something? Lily: I think so. Good job, Barney. Barney: Oh, my God! Thank you! Oh, I killed my arm. My arm has never been so sore since I was 13 the day I knew how to close the bathroom. Cool! Stella, Ted, Barney, Lily and Marshall are at the bar and joined Robin. Barney again the bars in the air. Lily: What's the matter? Robin: I have not officially got the job. Lily: I'm sorry. Robin: It's OK. They offer me another. Ted: It's great. This is for what? Robin: Foreign Correspondent. I... moved to Japan. Barney lowers his arm. The End |
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