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Watch with Wanda
E! Online!
4-5-02
Direct link:
www.eonline.com/Gossip/Wa...20405.html

"The Top Five Reasons Why Bad Things Happen to Good Shows"

Want to know how my week's been? Here's a recap:

Monday: Noooooooooo!
Tuesday: That's not fair!
Wednesday: But it's miiiiiine!

Yes, I've reverted to the immaturity of a two-year-old, and it's all
the fault of those big bad network execs.

With the official axing of Once and Again and American Embassy and
the unofficial--but concrete--news that Roswell is no more, it was a
particularly heartwrenching week for us TV fans.

And it's only just begun. In the next month, the networks will be
deciding which existing shows and new pilots to bring forward to the
2002-03 season--and that means even more of our faves are sure to
fall.

Although I can't play network god and save every show we want (unless
my pact with the devil comes through and you start calling me Mrs.
Visnjic), I can try to help you understand the method behind the
madness.

Believe it or not, even when you're convinced network execs have a
personal vendetta against you and your favorite shows, they most
likely do have a valid reason, whether we like it or not, for
canceling them. You can usually attribute a show's demise to one of
five things:

1. A Show's Ratings Are Low: This is the single most common
explanation--and the case with American Embassy and Once and Again.
If a show can't pull in enough viewers to pay the bills, it's not
long for this world. Little known fact: Networks set a "guarantee
level" with advertisers, assuring them that their commercial will
reach a certain level rating during a show.

If a show falls short, the network has to pay back the difference.
So, you see how if the big bosses are losing money, the issue of
creative quality is pretty much thrown out the window.

Now, I know some of you contend that the whole Nielsens system is
bunk, because the shows you love aren't even in the top 50. But the
sad truth is that the Nielsen reports are pretty accurate--and have a
1 percent margin of error. So, really, we have no one to blame but
the knuckleheads in Backwoods, USA, who simply can't get enough of
Baby Bob. (By the way, if that show returns and Undeclared does not,
mark it as the first sign of Armageddon.)

It also should be noted that "good" ratings mean different things to
each network: NBC has far more viewers, and reaches more homes, than
the WB, so it expects higher numbers. A ratings "hit" to the WB
wouldn't even reach the second week if it got the same share on NBC.

2. A Show Is Losing the Lead-In Audience: This explains why a series
can be in the top 10 and still face cancellation. A prime example is
the post-Friends time slot on Thursday nights. Inside Schwartz and
The Single Guy actually pulled in big numbers, but they still lost a
chunk of Friends' massive audience. Once viewers are gone, they're
gone for good. And the networks no likey.

Lead-in loss is why Roswell won't be coming back to UPN. (If you
haven't heard, the set at Paramount has been torn down and the actors
released from their contracts.) Although Roswell's numbers were
actually decent by UPN standards, the show simply couldn't keep
enough of the Buffy audience to appease the powers-that-be.

3. A Show Is Too Expensive: Many of our faves bite it because of
steep production costs. Here's the general hierarchy: Reality shows
and newsmagazines are dirt cheap. Live-audience comedies (Everybody
Love Raymond) are a little more expensive, single-camera comedies
(Malcolm in the Middle) even more. At the top, we have one-hour
dramas, which require a budget the size of some small nations' GNP.

Take the season's most seemingly unwarranted cancellation: Felicity.
>From a ratings standpoint, Feli is an average WB show--at times, even
above average--but it still got the boot. Here's why: A friend close
to the WB went to a network party right before Felicity was axed and
chatted up head Frog Jordan Levin. When asked if our girl would
return, he shook his head, saying, "Do you know how much it costs me
to make that show? More than a million dollars an episode!"

And when I take over the world, I'll pay 'em twice that.

4. A Show Is in Its First Three Seasons: Execs have been known to
keep struggling shows around if they are close to reaching the
critical 100th-episode mark (generally in the fifth season). Even if
a series is a waste of TiVo space, the big 100 means syndication--and
a nice cha-ching for the network's coffers. This is why we see so
many blink-and-they're-gone series.

5. A Show Has No Big-Name Hype: Here's where it gets a little less
numbers-crunchy. Some lower-rated shows manage to stick around
because they create buzz for the network. So really, they are
spending the lost money on PR.

James Cameron's Dark Angel will probably be back next season despite
low ratings, because it is "From the genius behind Titanic and
Terminator." Plus, Jessica Alba, has become somewhat of a household
name--and it doesn't hurt that the very sight of her can make grown
men cry.

On the flip side, if you are Joe No Name on Bob No Name's show, you
need significantly higher ratings. (And if your name is synonymous
with "Seinfeld washout," you need a direct line to God.)

There you have it, my friends. Despite our innate desire to despise
the very ground execs walk all over, usually they really are simply
doing their jobs. Unfortunately, that job is to make moolah for their
network.

But I'm telling you, when that pact with the underworld comes
through, it'll all be different. In fact, I think I'll give every one
of you a time slot to do with as you wish. And those Baby Bob fans
will just have to find a good picture book to read.

Concerned about a specific show's fate? Join me in our next chat this
Monday at 6 p.m. ET, and get the lowdown on how likely it is to
return.

I'll also have some surprising Will & Grace news, more Felicity
goodies and scoop on the ultimate champs of Real World/Road Rules:
Battle of the Seasons.

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Rebel...I thought of that, but JB would probably be making me so happy in LaLaLand...I wouldn't much care about anything else!

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