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Post by DestinySky » 01/26/08 14:51

yeah i did to once upon a time, but the system wore me down. and since no one gives a fltying frak about your grades after you leave school I've taken a much more relaxed stance.

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Post by UMgirl » 01/28/08 13:58

I can't! I have this thing with my ego... I like having it stroked and I don't handle failure very well. I have massive meltdowns which are nasty and ugly and usually resort in things being destroyed and thrown.

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Post by DestinySky » 01/30/08 12:10

Yeah, that used to be me. Therepy helped lol

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Post by UMgirl » 02/01/08 13:06

LOL I'm not too good with sharing my feelings. Which explains why my eating disorders have lasted forever and I"ve gone through about 5 different counselors who specialize in eating disorders. LOL I'm just naturally like that and I am passionate. LOL

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Post by DestinySky » 02/11/08 21:48

Iwas like that too. i had trouble opening up (and even telling the truth) at first but one day I had a moment of clarity. I had to go to my therpists office at the hospital one day instead of the one at semi-private I normally went too because she had some meeting or something that day so I got to sit in the waiting room with all sorts of people I hadn't seen before. People with problems a lot bigger than mine. I relaized that nothing I could say about myself to my thepists could possible be any crazier than what some of these people must have told her (and the other theripist in the office). She has heard it all before and she will hear it all again. And if I suck it up, tell the whole honest truth, I'll get better faster and never see her again and it will be like I never told anybody to begin with.

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Post by UMgirl » 02/13/08 07:11

Not even that helps me... I go to group counseling at a hospital for eating disorders and I still have a hard time... there are some other stuff that I have been trying to get over since my sophmore year in college... I just have a hard time sharing my feelings... But I am so glad you figured it out though.

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Post by DestinySky » 02/14/08 14:14

I hope you work it all out Everyone is different. I have a friend who goes to group therpy too. It took her a while to really open up too, Eventually she said it got easier, and she's feeling better. Not all better yet, but getting there.

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Post by UMgirl » 02/15/08 11:27

Me too. I was always told that emotions are a weakness and if you tell people, they'll use it against you. That was so engrained into me, it's just hard to get beyond that.

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Post by DestinySky » 02/17/08 16:04

I hear you. That was one of the things that held me back. I had a little easier cause i was in one to one thepry so I only had to deal with the therpist.

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Post by UMgirl » 02/18/08 09:19

That's good. I have yet to really get a good one. The fun one was the eating coach that I had. She went shopping with me, she went to every resturant I went to, everything. Ick.

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Post by DestinySky » 02/18/08 19:28

That sounds kind of annoying. I'm sure it has some practical purpose, but spending that much forced time with someone has to get irritating

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Post by UMgirl » 02/21/08 09:01

Oh, it was. She even unhinged my bathroom doors. It was annoying. The one I have now is okay.

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Post by DestinySky » 03/08/08 08:25

seriously? ok that's a big line. There are some things you need to do in peace like you peeing, and showering and dealing with unruley hair.

I get that some people with eating disorders will go to extreme lengths, but everyone deserves a little bit of faith! My friend who was in group therpy, they just took the lock off the door. She got to keep her privacy, but if you had a relapse, she couldn't keep her family out. All around good. Except that one time her brother forgot to knock and walked in on her. I had to hear about that one for a week lol

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Post by UMgirl » 03/09/08 11:46

I've had several relapses over the years. I'm still around 20 pounds under weight but I used to be around 45. My weight has gotten more stable but the doctors and everyone else have always tended to be extreme with me. I guess because they don't trust me and I've given them no reason to. Or so they say. I eat now though and I don't force myself to get sick anymore, but they think once they hinge the door again, that'll change. My current eating coach just stays in the other room and doesn't follow me and she doesn't follow me to the bathroom at public places like my other one did. Once she paid someone to check up on me. It was a bit much.

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Post by DestinySky » 03/09/08 20:24

It's a process, relapses are almost expected. Not a positive thing, but not uncommon. When I was treated for anxitey my therpist told me at our first meeting that it's not about simply getting rid of the problem complety, it's not possible. It's about reconizing when thoughts and actions have reached a level where its interfering with life or causing harm and seeking help.

But hey, 20 pounds it a lot better than 45! I'm sure evetually you and your doctors will reach a happy place with your weight. It just might take a bit longer. and yeah, paying someone is a bit much, but at least she didn't follow you in, and trusts you to use the restroom.

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Post by UMgirl » 03/10/08 13:17

That's my thinking too. I've gotten better but not good enough... It's very much in phases now. When I get stressed or upset, I tend to overexercise and lose ten pounds, so we're working on triggers. Which is hard because once something becomes expected for me, I change. I'm very weird.

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Post by DestinySky » 03/10/08 19:55

I'm the same. I have relapses of the panic attacks every few months. It's taken me years to figure out that its sandwich effect of triggers that set me off instead of the obvious things like school stress or money issues. For my fighting is a huge trigger. If I have a fight with my mom or sister or close friends, I'll start having panic attacks over things that a week before I could have handled just fine. But then every once and a while, just to mix thing up, I'll have a panic attack for no reason.

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Post by UMgirl » 03/11/08 12:59

Yikes. You take something for it right?

The other day when I was upset, I went into my gym(I have a gym in my basement) and I just went to down for like 3 hours and then I obsessively vacuumed my house and then went back to exericising again. They're always telling me that's not normal but when I get upset or stressed or whatever I'm feeling, I either eat and make myself throw up simply because it's a control thing and I have a need to control things or I just exercise until I drop. My boyfriend has had to come over and literally carry me out of the gym and my house several times because of that.

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Post by DestinySky » 03/19/08 07:02

i used to take meds but i stopped last year when I had progressed enough to talk myself out of a panic attack. I didn't like the side effects. At first it was worth feeling slightly robotic to not have the attacks and socialize at a normal level, but as i got bettr at controlling the attacks and learned to not left my anxitey get the best of me (after years of threpy and quite a few panic attacks I couldn't stop anyway) I reached a ponint where the negative effects out weighed the benifiets. I've been doing pretty good. Aside from a meltdown in December over finals and papers (which was totaly warrented by the way) I haven't had any panic attacks since about a month after i stopped the meds last spring.

and my friend did the same thing (im going to keep calling her my friend since I{m only like 4 people she's ever actually told outside her family and it seems wrong to use her name o nthe net). She was a runner though, She's run around the track at the high school when she was upset for hours and hours. more than once before she got help she's have to call for someone to pick her up because she was so weak she couldn't walk home. One of her doctors reccomended she learn something else to calm her down instead of running. I tried to teach her how to knit, but that didn't work lol. I think she does water colours now. it's hard to use watercolours when you're over-emotional apparently. I've never tried, they are too finicky for me.

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Post by UMgirl » 03/19/08 14:33

I'm glad it's gotten better and you've been doing good. That's good. Is your friend doing as well as you? Painting is my cure to everything. I just sit and paint. I painted for almost 6 hours straight over the weekend. It's such a good help for me.

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