Hi.

You look nice.

What was that? If you care then why did you fuck my best friend? Mins! When did it all get so fucking hard? That's what happens.

Guess what I just did.

With Grace? Of course with Grace! You're actually all right.

Yeah? I'm all right? I love you quite a bit, Rich.

(# STARS: Wasted Daylight) Oh-oh Oh oh-oh Oh-oh Oh oh-oh Oh-oh Oh oh-oh Oh-oh Oh oh-oh ♪ (ALARM RINGS) Heat is a heavy head Keeps me in my bed Push aside the pillow The whole room just turned yellow ♪ Morning.

Uh.

Three in the afternoon We still haven't moved Siren sighs ♪ Oh, my God! We're at my house! Why are we at my house? Er, we came here cos it was closer or something.

Rich, you can't be here - my dad! I don't mind I don't mind ♪ - Hurry up, Rich, come on! - I'm trying.

WOMAN: Grace, you're going to be late.

Stay behind me and be quiet.

Are you coming with me? - No.

Dad drives me every day.

Fine.

I'll see you in college.

Shit! It's locked.

There's only one other way.

You'll have to go out the back through the kitchen.

And Rich I trust you, OK? - OK.

(MUSIC PLAYS) Ow! (# KATRINA & THE WAVES: Walking On Sunshine) Fuck! I used to think maybe you loved me Now, baby, I'm sure ♪ What the fuck? He's your dad? Why didn't you tell me? I'll explain later, just don't let them see you.

It's the only way out.

Are you fucking crazy? Now go! I go for the mail box I gotta hold myself down Cos I just can't wait till you write me you're comin' around I'm walking on sunshine Whoa-oh! I'm walking on sunshine Whoa-oh ♪ - Morning, dear.

All right, princess? (TURNS MUSIC DOWN) You look a bit peaky.

Actually, I'm not feeling too great Maybe I'm sick or something.

Um Dad, why don't you come over here and feel my head too? Feels all right to me.

Are you sure you're getting enough iron in your diet? Maybe not.

I Um - Check her head again, David.

(BARKING AND SCREAMING) Who on earth is in the garden? - (GROWLING) - Help me! Please! Get off me! Burke! Down.

Burke! You remember Rich from college? Er Erm Hi.

Well, um I'd best be off now.

Side gate unlocked? Great.

See you later, then.

He seems nice.

(HUMS ALONG TO MUSIC) Walking on sunshine ♪ - Your drop-off point.

Dad.

I can explain.

There's no need.

I think our little experiment may be over.

It's time you returned to Mayberry's College For Young Ladies.

No! You can't send me back there! It's in the middle of nowhere and everyone's horrible and smells of horses! This place is bad for you.

These friends I see you with, they distract you from your studies.

But you don't know Rich.

Or my friends! And I get As for everything! Everything! Grace, calm down, please.

How about this? You may live your life as you want.

But the moment - the moment - you achieve a grade less than an A, starting with your AS drama examination, you will return to Mayberry's College.

O-OK.

Good.

Have a productive morning.

David bloody Blood?! - Shh.

He doesn't want people to know.

Why not? He thinks it will compromise his position if people know he has a daughter in college.

He made me promise.

So you just did what he said and didn't even tell me? He's my dad.

I didn't have a choice.

We're late for rehearsal.

Andrew Aguecheek.

Come on.

Give me my veil.

Come, throw it o'er my face! - (SNIGGERING) - We'll once more hear Orsino's embassy.

The honourable lady of the house, which is she? Speak to me GRACE: OK, hold it there.

We're going to skip down a few scenes and come back to you later.

Mini, sit down.

Matty, we'll do Act IV Scene II.

Thine eye hath Stay'd upon some favour that it loves Hath it not, boy? A little, by your favour.

Remember, Franky, you're talking about him.

You're completely in love.

What kind of woman is't? - Of - # It's been days now - And you change your mind again ♪ - Of your complexion.

It feels like years ♪ Actually, Grace, we need to talk.

Can't it wait? - No.

Matty and I have decided - we don't want to be in the play.

What? - But you're the leads! We need you.

Not really bothered.

Right? Sorry, yeah? Hey, I'm still Toby Belch, right? Cos I learnt all the fucking lines! Liv Please! You can't do this.

I need this play to work.

I've got to get an A.

It's really, really, really important.

I'm just I'm not feeling the love.

From Mini, Franky or you.

I think you're all still fucked off with me for what I did.

No! We're not! It's fine! Everybody's over it.

We're all good.

Listen, come over mine tonight.

Let me prove it.

We'll do a girls' night in.

It'll be just like old times.

You'll feel the love.

I promise.

It'll be magic.

And I could tell you that I won't hurt you this time ♪ KNOCK AT DOOR Enter.

Ah.

Grace.

What can I do for you? I was wondering if I could have some friends round tonight? Out of the question.

Why? Because education is war? Education is war, against inefficiency, ignorance, idleness and chewing gum.

And our relationship must remain secret.

But you're my dad.

And you've got to meet my friends.

That's what you do.

They won't tell anyone.

And Rich already knows.

Dad, I want to have my friends round for tea, and that's that! Fine.

But they must not breathe a word of what they see or hear.

And Rich? I want him to come to dinner.

Yes.

I will meet him too.

Oh, thanks, Dad! Thanks so much! You're going to love him.

Grace Remember, to stay, we must get As.

(ALL CHATTER) Hello, everyone.

We've got two days till the exam and we're still not ready.

So can I have Mini and Franky up here to run through Act I Scene V? (ELECTRONIC MUSIC) 'Performing Shakespeare'smore than reading words from a script, 'It's about catharsis.

'The outpouring of emotion you feel as the play finishes.

'A play is a promise to deliver that.

'And the only way to make sure that happens is to always remember 'the most important thing about Shakespeare 'that he knows more about you than you do.

'You've got to let his wisdom fill your soul.

'He makes us better people.

' That is your record of academic achievement.

Plus a couple of other things.

Your father's employment record, including the results of his last appraisal.

It's not, as you can see, glowing.

How did you get this? That's unimportant.

I can tell from that information that your life, just like your father's, will add up to very little.

Very little indeed.

So what? I can make things easier for you.

I can make them easier for your father.

I know people.

And I will not be a principal forever.

What are you talking about? These drama examinations are externally moderated.

I cannot influence the result.

But if someone who I am told is very good on stage were, say, to perform very badly on purpose You want Grace to fail her examination.

Why? Because, Richard, she is too good for you.

Now.

I trust that you will you do what I ask? She's not for you, Richard.

She's my little girl.

See you tonight.

DOORBELL RINGS Um This is really good, Mrs Blood.

What do you call it again? Chicken.

Yeah, of course.

Chicken.

(DOG GROWLS) So are you enjoying performing Shakespeare, Richard? Rich is really good playing Aguecheek.

Really funny.

Reminds me of a young, not-black Sidney Poitier.

Er, yeah.

So, Richard, tell me What does your father do? Rich's dad works in the civil service.

Oh, really? How conscientious of him.

Not really.

Er, Mum.

Could you please pass the peas? Of course, dear.

Do you remember the pea song from that holiday in France? And that silly waiter? ALL SING: # We want some peas We want some peas Please, please, please give us some peas! We want some peas We want some peas Please, please, please give us some peas! We want some peas We want some peas Please, please, please give us some peas! We want some peas We want some peas Please, please, please give us some peas! ♪ Again, again! I really, really, really need a cigarette.

You did really well.

Did you see the way your dad was looking at me? That's just his way! He likes you, honestly.

We're very different, Grace.

Well, maybe our parents are.

No, I mean You're different with them.

You're not you.

DOORBELL RINGS Grace! Your friends are here! Woo! Girls' night in! Grace, I'll see you later, yeah? Ladies.

So, you've met Mum.

And now you can meet me.

Professor Blood? What are you doing at Grace's house? Because her house is also my house.

I am her father.

I asked Grace to keep this a secret, and now I ask you all to keep it a secret too.

Will you do that? Yeah.

Yeah.

Remember, please, ladies Have fun.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys.

He made me promise.

Jesus Christ.

What other secrets do you have, Grace? If that is even your real name.

Cool bird.

Are you the secret love child of Wayne Rooney and Susan Boyle? Hey are you even a girl? Do you have a little winky, Grace? Please don't hate me.

Don't worry about it.

My sister's in prison, and I don't exactly go around telling everyone about it.

Anyway let's get fucked up.

I brought you a present.

What's that? It's coke.

Want to try it? It'll be fun! Have you any idea how much this sounds like the beginning of an episode of Casualty? Liv! We should rehearse.

Aah.

Why bother? This'll be much more fun.

Grace is right.

We're still not ready.

Or at least, some elements aren't.

Really? What "elements" would those be, Mini? You know.

This and that.

OK! Let's all do cocaine! (CHEERING) The reason I know that this will be awesome is you're all so much ike your characters in the play.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Liv, you're playing Olivia, right? She's beautiful, desired by all, but she's also really vulnerable.

What's Franky's story, then? I can do this one.

Franky is Viola.

The girl dressed as a boy who can't get what she wants Whatever that is.

I know what I want.

And what's that? What's what? Well Franky, you haven't really told us whether you're a you know or a A what or a what? A lesbian.

Liv! That's so No.

It's OK, I don't mind.

And the answer is no.

I'm not anything.

So you're a bisexual? No.

I'm into people.

Who are you into at the moment? SOULJA BOY: Turn My Swag On Well Woo! I love this track! Everyone dance! Dance with me! Hopped up out of bed Turn my swag on Took a look in the mirror Said, "What's up?" Yeah, I'm getting money Oh, turn my swag on It's my time to turn it up Yeah Yeah.

♪ KNOCK AT DOOR Shit! Grace! What are you doing in there? Hide the stuff! You know I don't like locked doors in my house, Grace.

Come out! Coming, Dad.

Sorry, Professor Blood.

I'm going to walk them home, Dad.

All of them? Don't wait up.

We should do cocaine every day! It's marvellous! Where are all the fucking men!? I think you scared them away when you did the Macarena to Rustie.

There's some.

Come on, Franky.

Let's get your balls wet.

No It's OK.

You go.

Yeah.

You go, Mini.

We'll stay here and watch.

Franky likes to watch.

Don't you, Franky? OK.

Let's go.

Franky likes to watch? It is all good, baby! Let's get crunked! So, Liv.

Are you back in the play? Please say yes.

Yeah, I think so.

I knew you wouldn't let me down! Thanks, Liv.

Don't worry about it.

Guess who.

Rich! Of all the pretentious student nights in all of Bristol, you had to choose this one.

You're pissed.

How dare you! I've only had seven drinks and they were teeny tiny little dwarfy drinks.

What's going on? Mini and Franky are trying to get laid.

What - by them? I think they're considering it.

Matty, no.

They're having a good time, just leave it.

(YELLS INAUDIBLY) You are such a fucking dick Rich.

Oh, God, what do I do, Rich? Rich? Shhh! Rich! (RETCHES) Rich? Oh, Rich, no! (RICH VOMITS) Come on.

I'll take you home.

Ooh, you're heavy.

The road is long With many a winding turn ♪ Shush, Rich.

Uh I'm all right, Grace.

Cos I've got you to look after me.

It's what you do! Everyone's happy when Grace is around.

You're a shape-shifter of happiness.

What are you talking about? You're not making any sense.

I don't know who you are! Are you Grace Violet or Grace Blood? Are you daddy's girl or my girl? My girl Talkin' about my girl My girl ♪ I'm who I need to be, Rich.

We all are.

Haven't you heard the saying "all the world's a stage"? Yeah.

But it's not true, is it? I'm going home.

Rich.

Tell me why you're unhappy.

Hey.

All the world's a stage, right? So none of this matters.

Doesn't matter at all.

That's not a happy face, Gracie! What's the matter, sweetheart? Basically? All my friends have fallen out, which means the play isn't going to work, which means I won't get an A for drama, which means Dad is going to send me back to Mayberry's.

I found this when I was cleaning your room.

It's the one I used to read you.

Rapunzel was always your favourite.

But what's that Rapunzel had to let down her hair so the prince could climb up.

So what's that got to do with anything? It's got everything to do with everything, Grace.

So what do I do? You get them on that stage no matter what.

You are the director.

Take control and be creative.

Make a happy ending.

How? Let down your hair, princess.

Do not extort thy reasons from this clause For, that I woo, therefore hast no clause But rather reason thus than reason fetter Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.

By innocence I swear Hold on.

I've had an idea.

Kiss her.

Um There's nothing about kissing in the script.

You're meant to interpret Shakespeare.

Try it! Um, but Um, but rather reason thus than reason fetter Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.

Fine.

Am I doing OK? You're doing fine.

And thanks for covering for Liv.

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

You're doing your best, but we need Matty and Liv.

After last night, I don't know if they're going to come back.

But they're our leads.

Without them We're fucked.

Let's take an hour's break.

Thanks, everyone.

Sorry about last night.

That's OK.

You were just drunk.

I know you didn't mean what you said.

No, I'm sorry about being drunk, but I meant what I said.

What I can remember.

What? All that stuff about me being fake - you meant it? Not fake.

I'm just saying you're always performing.

You're an actress, not a director.

You're always playing the part of whoever the person you're with needs you to be.

So, fake, then.

You always say that you're made of stories.

And you are.

I don't understand what's wrong with that.

What's really going on, Rich? Nothing.

Nothing.

Come on.

Say it.

Say what you're thinking.

I don't know what we are.

I don't know if we're right.

I know what's going on.

You've met my parents and now you're freaking out.

Yeah, I am, actually.

Yeah.

Don't be such a girl.

It's not like we're getting married! It was one dinner! Yeah, one mental dinner.

So Shall we just not bother, then? Just screw all this? No! I don't know, Grace, I just I don't know what to do.

About us.

Go away, Rich.

Go away now.

Fine.

No-one's here Nothing's new ♪ Not bad, eh? This used to be a sports hall.

Great acoustics, though.

Ave Maria! ♪ Want to try it out? Oh.

No.

It's brand-new.

It needs christening.

Say some lines.

Get a feel for it.

(MUMBLES) To be, or not to be.

Louder! Project! Fill the space! To be, or not to be, that is the question.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind, to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune Or to take arms against a sea of troubles And, by opposing, end them? To die? To sleep, no more.

No.

No.

No fucking way.

No fucking way! Grace? Are you OK? Absolutely fine.

You're back in the play.

Don't argue.

You're going to come and rehearse right now.

Fine.

Is Liv here? Can you see Liv? Where is she? I haven't seen her since last night.

She won't answer my calls, messenger, e-mails, nothing.

Have you broken up? She's not talking to me.

I don't think she trusts me.

What sort of boyfriend are you? A bad one.

OK? But I But I love her, Grace.

I really fucking love her.

Come on, we need to rehearse.

Your master quits you and, for your service done him So much against the mettle of your sex And since you've served me for so long Here is my hand.

There's no saving anything Now we're swallowing the shine of the sun ♪ You shall from this time be Your master's mistress.

There's no saving anything How we swallow the sun But I won't be no runaway Cos I won't run ♪ Matty, Franky, you need to work on that kiss.

But that's it for today, everyone.

MINI: I'd better learn the rest of Liv's part.

I'll be fine.

We've got another thing coming undone We've got another thing coming undone That's taking us over ♪ Get you to your lord! I cannot love him Let him send no more Unless perchance, you come to me again.

(SCREAMS) What's going on, sweetheart? Tell Mummy, and she'll make it better.

I can't make it work! I can't make a happy ending.

Why don't you imagine the look on your dad's face when it does work? That's a reason to try.

I'm trying so hard already.

Then try harder, darling.

DOOR CLOSES Thought I'd find you here.

You have to come back.

What for? For Matty.

For Mini.

For Franky.

For me.

For everything.

What's the point? Me and Matty.

Me and Mini.

Me and Franky.

It's all fucked, Grace.

I don't know how to be with them any more.

Yes, you do! I know you do.

Just be with them.

What do you think of me, Grace? What I did, with Nick, with Mini? What do you think? I think everything is going to be fine.

Everyone is going to get what they want.

I promise you.

I know it.

How do you know that? Because it's the only thing I believe in.

Because it's the only thing I've got left to count on.

OK, everyone.

I know it's been a difficult morning, with all the last-minute changes I've made.

I want to thank you all for everything you've put into this.

I know it's been hard for everyone.

But we're ready.

So let's show those motherfuckers how this story ends.

Positions, everyone! We need to talk.

After, OK? ALO: I'm nervous, I'm nervous.

(BREATHES HEAVILY) Rich, mate, I'm absolutely shitting myself.

But rather reason thus with reason fetter Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.

By innocence I swear, and by my youth I have one heart, one bosom and one truth.

And that no woman has, nor never none Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.

And so, adieu, good madam.

Never more will I my master's tears to you deplore.

Yet come again, for thou, perhaps mayst move That heart, which now abhors, to like his love.

LAUGHTER No, faith, I'll not stay a jot longer.

Thy reason, dear venom.

Give thy reason.

You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.

Marry, I saw your niece do more favours You're a sick bastard, do you know that? What do you mean? Me and her! It turned you on! Have you any idea how weird that is? You were kissing another girl.

Of course it turned me on.

Guys! Shh! The play! Do you love her? What's going on? I love you.

But do you love her? I'm sure you'll be very happy together.

Whatever's going on you can't go now.

You can't leave me.

You told me it would all be OK.

It will be! It will.

We just have to finish.

We just have to finish the play.

You forget her.

Now.

OK? You're on in two.

Come on.

We need to finish.

Just finish.

Now heaven walks on earth.

Three months hath this youth tended upon me But more of that anon.

Take him a aside What do you say, Cesario? Good, my lord? If it be aught to be to the old tune, my lord It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear As howling after music.

A long while ago the world began With hey-ho, the wind and the rain But all is done, the play is won And we'll strive to please you again every day.

♪ THE PAINS OF BEING PURE A HEART: Heart In Your Heartbreak Take a look around when you're going down Cos you'll never feel so high As when you hid in her arms in the sky and the world slept And there's no use to say just how much it kills When it still kills all the same Every thought of her name like a hand to an open flame ♪ Woo-woo! She was the heart in your heartbreak She was the miss in your mistake And no matter what you take You're never going to forget She was the tear in the rainstorm ♪ They're just through there.

That really was excellent, Grace.

Really good, darling.

But I have decided that you will be returning to Mayberry's after all.

What? What?! Fuck! Have some decorum, young lady.

You're not in Scotland! I did what you asked! I did everything! I worked so hard! Mum, say something! We wanted you to finish your school year in a good place.

Thanks so much! That makes it all fine! The deal was never a deal, was it? You were always going to send me back.

I'm doing this because I love you.

I just want better for you.

No, David.

You just want a different daughter.

Grace Grace! I'm going away, Rich.

For good.

But what about us? You were right, Rich.

You were totally right.

I'm not real.

Yes, you are.

You're real to me.

I was a twat for saying I'm a story.

A character.

A fucking fiction.

But you're not.

The others aren't.

My parents aren't.

And I don't belong here.

Where are you going? To a fucking castle in the clouds.

Trees fall down Testing sound For the death of the forest cold Trees in clouds testing doubt Will make you see ♪ I've brought you some supper.

Please fall down ♪ It kills me to see you like this, Grace.

Everything will work out OK.

You know, you've spent my whole life filling me with stories, things that aren't true, were never true.

You told me everything was going to be OK as long as I tried.

All these stories, all these lies I believed.

Great Expectations - lies.

Sense And Sensibility - lies.

I believed it all and now I'm miserable.

And it's your fault.

And you can't fix it.

I PATTER ON GLASS PATTER ON GLASS (RICH) Her eyes in heaven Would through the airy region stream so bright that birds would sing and think it were not night.

But, soft! What light from yonder window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the sun! RADICAL FACE: Welcome Home See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O, that I were a glove upon that hand That I might touch that cheek! Rich? What are you doing? She speaks! Speak again, bright angel.

Be careful! For thou art as glorious to this night being Fuck me! as is a winged messenger of heaven.

The days blur into one And the backs of my eyes Burn with things I've never done Sheets are swaying ♪ It is my lady, o, 'tis my love, O, that she knew she were Be quiet.

My parents will hear.

Alack, there lies more peril in thine eyes Than twenty of their swords! Very sweet, but this can't happen, Rich.

There's nothing we can do, it's over.

Oh, would'st thou leave me so unsatisfied? Tell me.

Tell me what to do, what's left to do? The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.

What do people in Shakespeare's plays do when it's all fucked, when they're trapped? How do they work it all out? Maybe stories are just stories, or maybe we can makeourlife a story.

So marry me, Grace Violet Blood.

Oh, wonder How many goodly creatures are there here! How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world That has such people in it.

All my nightmares escaped my head ♪ I do.

Put it on, then.

I do.

Beautiful.

Shit, my balls! I do, I do, I do! Matty? He just wants to fuck you and then fuck you up! Good.

You're a bit of a prick, but peel away that prick, there's a good man in there.

David fucking Blood! Press into my skin again Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪